“Do you see that smudge on the x-ray that looks suspiciously like my thumbprint? That’s complex trauma.” Dr. Nick Riviera, lead witness for the SJW windmill-tilt at America’s public education system.

Do-gooder social justice warriors filed a lawsuit accusing the Compton Unified School District of violating the rights of its students. You, like ‘Puter, may be thinking “What in the name of Sweet Baby Jesus in the Manger can Compton’s schools do to those kids that their ‘families’ and neighborhood hasn’t already done?” Exactly.

See, it’s the school’s fault for not addressing the “complex trauma” Compton’s kids experience simply by virtue of existing in that admittedly crappy, dangerous neighborhood. The SJW lawyers filing suit allege “complex trauma” is a disability within the meaning of the Individuals with Disabilities in Education Act.

Bullshit.

If “complex trauma” is a cognizable disability, then every kid’s disabled. Are your parents getting divorced? Disabled. Did your mom lose her job? Disabled. Have you ever been in a violent car accident? Disabled. Hell, we’re all disabled under the SJWs’ expansive definition of disability.

You want complex trauma? Try making that argument in a courtroom when ‘Puter’s on the bench. “The court takes judicial notice that Judge ‘Puter shoving his gavel up your ass sideways for bringing such a moronic, overreaching theory before this court is complex trauma.”

Want to know the real problem with American education? America spends no time or money pushing its gifted students to the edge of their abilities. In fact, the Wall Street Journal has an opinion piece on the topic just today.

American education sucks compared to the rest of the world because it pretends children with mental disabilities can achieve at the same level as students without disabilities. It’s the equivalent of insisting my paraplegic, asthmatic, morbidly obese 10 year old has the capacity to be the starting point guard for the Duke Blue Devils. Never. Going. To. Happen.

American education sucks compared to the rest of the world because we not only tolerate but excuse violent, dysfunctional and aberrant behavior from both students and teachers. Violent students should go to schools equipped to handle a population comprised of violent students. If you don’t want to end up in the psycho killer kids’ school, don’t be a psycho killer kid. And teachers who bang their students like a screen door in a hurricane should be summarily terminated with full loss of pension.

American education sucks compared to the rest of the world because we let parents have far too much sway over curriculum and policy, down to insisting completely unqualified kids be seated in honors and AP classes. “MAH PRECIOUS Q. SNOWFLAKE IS TOTES REDDY 4 AYPEE CHEMUSTREE EVEN THO SHE GAWT TEH 46 ON HUR ALJIBRA REGENTS EXAM!!1!” No. Your kid’s a wonderful person, but dumb as a box of rocks. If you push her to do more than she’s capable of doing, she’ll end up working a pole to support her heroin habit down at the Klassy Kat after school.

American education spends more money per student than any system in the world, and gets little to no return on its investment. Good students succeed in spite of the system, and bad students still fail in spite of the system.

Yes, reformers are correct that much of education’s outcomes are preordained, dependent on a student’s home life. But it’s not the job of schools to make up for a student’s crappy home life. It’s the job of Child Protective Services.

If the kid’s home life sucks so bad he’s completely unable to participate in his education, maybe the answer is to remove the kid from that environment entirely. It’s far more honest than pretending the schools can effect meaningful change for children living in toxic environments.

Pretending public education can undo years of parental and societal neglect is horse shit. Likewise, bleeding our best and brightest dry in a quixotic attempt to solve poverty’s destructive legacy is pure applesauce.

Here’s your take away. SJWs are awful people who ruin everything they touch, including America’s once great public schools.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.