‘Puter’s had it with the effete, gelded liberals currently running the country, whether in the Obama Administration, in the media, or on college campuses. Not content to have destroyed America’s universities, these self-important know nothings have set out to ruin America itself.

Here’s a newsflash, Lefties. America has done nothing – nothing – to justify Islamic terrorists’ attacks on its allies or itself. Islamic terrorists attack America because they’re evil, not because we are.

Despite President Obama’s whiny lectures to the contrary, it is a fact that while not all Muslims are terrorists, most terrorists are Muslims.* It is not a Constitutional violation to focus on Muslims as suspects after terrorism any more than it’s a Constitutional violation to focus on white people when a reported crime is overwhelmingly committed by whites. It’s what’s known to sane Americans as common sense.

Despite the collective pearl clutching of People Who Know Better Than You™, it is rational to make sure Middle Eastern refugees are thoroughly vetted before being admitted to the United States. It is not religious discrimination, or racist, or even mean to do so. It’s what’s known to sane Americans as self-defense.**

Despite the lies of the Black Lives Matter racists, Blacks in this country today are better off in America than in any other country on Earth.*** ‘Puter doesn’t want to hear idiotic claims about how Black on Black slaughter is caused by poverty or America’s “inherent racism.” ‘Puter wants the Black community to take a little darned responsibility for its own plight instead of going full Obama and blaming anyone and everyone else for its self-inflicted damage.

But back to ‘Puter’s main point. There’s a theme running through liberalism’s rampant dipshittery: America is evil.

Well, excuse ‘Puter’s French, but liberals can go eat a bag of d*cks. America is the greatest country in the world despite the concerted efforts of the drug-addled, STD-afflicted, reality denying Boomers and their doppelganger, the coddled Precious Q. Snowflake Millennials to ruin it.

‘Puter’s sick of liberals bashing America. ‘Puter’s even sicker of liberals’ harebrained, big government schemes making life in America worse. Here’s a few things The Smart Liberals™ need to know about America and the regular folks residing therein:

• We’re fiercely proud of our nation, and we have little patience with those bent on bashing it.
• We know our country’s made mistakes in the past, and continues to make them today. We’re just done with apologizing for events we had nothing to do with and which ended decades or centuries ago.
• We know our politics are corrupt, as is our media. We don’t trust any of you, of either party. Not that there’s any conservative Republicans in the media.
• We’re not racists, anti-this or that. We simply observe events and say, “Boy, that doesn’t seem right. There’s a better way to do that.” This applies equally to welfare, or refugees, or defense, or abortion, or any other government program or societal ill you can name.
• We’re smart. Really smart. We’re just not necessarily as credentialed as you’d have us be, though lots of us are. How many of you inside the Beltway can drive a tractor? How about break down and clean a rifle? Can you snake out a drain? Can you install a doorbell?
• We don’t aspire to a life in politics, or to a life sucking up to politicians. We want to live our lives mostly free of overweening government, not in thrall to it. Most Americans are nothing like you, and don’t particularly want to be like you. We don’t understand you, and we find your hubris and lecturing off-putting.
• We don’t think religion is a punch line. We think the DC-NYC-Boston corridor, Los Angeles, and San Francisco would be a Hell of a lot better places if they had a bit more religion. We don’t even care which religion you pick, despite your thinking we’re all religious bigots.
• We’re mostly live and let live. We don’t care if a gay couple and their kids move in next door to us so long as they keep up their yard, keep the noise down, and help out when we need a hand. We’ll return the favor, too.
• We know evil when we see it, and no amount of telling us “not all Muslims” will convince us that Islam and Islamic terrorism are completely and utterly unrelated. The Muslim terrorists themselves admit they’re committing terrorism in the name of Islam because Islam commands them to do so. Don’t lie to us. We hate that.
• We are aghast at the mess six decades of hippie bullsh*t has made of our universities. We want you to knock that crap off, crack some heads, restore order among the students, and get rid of useless Fill in the Blank studies programs. We don’t give two figs for your made up morality. We expect results, and cost-effective results, from you.

Here’s a final truth for ‘Puter’s deluded liberal friends. Evil exists, and evil will do evil. You cannot reason evil out of being evil. You cannot fix evil people. You have two choices with evil: destroy it or submit to it.

Not coincidentally, the word “Islam” means “submission” in English, and ‘Puter’s beginning to think “liberalism” is a synonym as well.

* If you think white Christian men are the greatest terrorist threat to the world today as some have alleged, you need to go f*ck yourself. You are a colossal moron who likely majored in some branch of Fill in the Blank Studies. Go check your privilege while the grownups fix the mess your fellow travelers have wrought. And after that, f*ck yourself again.

** Maybe ‘Puter ought to reconsider. After all, there’s been no recent incident where a Muslim terrorist entered a country posing as a refugee and slaughtered unarmed citizens going about their daily business.

*** ‘Puter doesn’t want to hear your horsecrap pseudo-philosophical justifications for rioting (e.g., Critical Race Theory, Grave Historical Injustices, We Just Like Rioting Because We’re Unserious Dumbasses, etc.) because Whitey T. Mann admitted you to your university and paid your way. Oh, the horror! Why, you’re practically Jews being marched to Auschwitz! Wait, no. Black Lives Matter asshats would never make that comparison, since they’re pro-Palestinian annihilation of Israel.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.