‘Puter’s Dad has had difficulty finding words for a while now. ‘Puter first noticed his Dad’s issue a few years ago. In our telephone conversations, Dad would say something like “you know what I mean” instead of using the actual … Continue reading →
So Island Dweller writes in to the Czar with the question formost on his mind: Your immenseness: I have read your recent posting re: the latest “demonic” craze about the “Charlie Charlie” game. I have a question to ask that … Continue reading →
Hillary Clinton will surely be America’s next president, to hear media tell it. There’s no need for a general election, much less a messy Democrat primary. Accept your destiny, America, and move on. Yet ‘Puter’s noticed the media’s tiny, black … Continue reading →
As a few of you know, the Царица teaches in an inner-city school district, and more than a few of the students are of Mexican descent. Recently, quite a number of them have become obsessed—to the point that the district … Continue reading →
There’s no shortage of free press available to Tahera Ahmad, a Northwestern University chaplain, who claims she was harassed by crew and passengers aboard a United Airlines-affiliated shuttle flight. The whole thing is a farce, and anyone in the mainstream … Continue reading →
The Leng Elementary School girls’ soccer team won the All-Plateu Tourney this year, and we wanted to give them a shout out primarily as GorT was an assistant coach and because they are the only team in the league. Congrats, … Continue reading →
Illinois residents will be treated to a rare opportunity on June 2 to discover which of their neighbors are morons. A network of anti-gun groups have planned a statewide event for Tuesday that will demonstrate the widespread solidarity of Illinois … Continue reading →
Your Czar is concerned with your health, and naturally has asked his Czarist Imperial Surgeon’s Office to prepare a bullet point list on how you can best protect yourself against the MERS, which is known as H1N1A, or more commonly, … Continue reading →
Seems that whenever there’s a Democrat in the White House, the Boy Scouts become a target for criticism. A number of voices are joining the unfounded and totally unresearched criticism of the BSA policy against water pistols, to which Retired … Continue reading →
As the Left continues to dominate popular culture, the Right obsesses in its quest to develop a Purity Test that will, at long last, eliminate everyone from the conservative cause. The latest surprise potshot was taken at that long-time stalwart … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s hopping mad this morning, and that’s not a pretty sight. After all, ‘Puter’s a 5’10” Shrek-like man-beast partial to wearing orange leisure suits. What’s got ‘Puter’s gold lamé man thong in a bunch, you ask? The New York Times … Continue reading →
Two emails in the delivery chute today: Mark Spahn took a break from emailing the Czar to step up his game and email yours truly, the shiny robot. (“Suck it, Czar” shouts ‘Puter from the Rumpus Room couch): Dear GorT, … Continue reading →
What is the one thing missing in our national discussions around the conflation that is climate change, fossil fuels, green energy, and energy independence? Nuclear power. Plain and simple. A recent study finds that it is possible to completely replace … Continue reading →
The Czar believes a hagiography on the late B.B. King is warranted, especially after the lively discussions we shared on Twitter with so many of you. Mr. King’s death was a blow for all music, worldwide, and not just a … Continue reading →
Well, probably most of you recall that the Царица, the Czar’s wonderful wife, is a public school teacher. Some may recall that she works in an inner-city, borderline impoverished district. All of you can predict that she is virulently anti-union … Continue reading →
Far too often we hear that cry from the left – the evil-doers on the right are trying to defund education and school lunch programs and force kids into factories while those on the left are fighting for the children … Continue reading →
Amtrak ticket sales cover 88% of its operating costs, which means the Federal government picks up the balance. After that year, Congress awarded Amtrak $1.4 billion in subsidies. This means that Amtrak’s total operating costs equate to $11.667 billion. Ridership … Continue reading →
The Czar has spoken in the past, quite authoritatively, that Americans remain a very religious lot: we are, by our nature, a church-slash-temple-slash-synagogue-slash-mosque-going people. Every so often, a bit of political theater calls this into question. Anytime a quasi-religious or … Continue reading →
Kevin D. Williamson has a typically terrific piece today on “‘Mass Destruction of Capital’ as a Liberal Economic Panacea,” which centers around “a poisonous and dangerous nostalgia in our political discourse, which out of the nearly two-and-one-half centuries of American … Continue reading →
The Czar heard an ad on the radio today for organic cotton bedsheets. The ad’s spokeswoman was quick to say that “organic” was not a just buzzword, but in fact accurate: the sheets are organic cotton because that provides the … Continue reading →
The Czar has had quite a bit of mail to get through lately; fortunately, most of it is total trash: “Eh, yer so funny!” “Hey, you’re not quite right on a historical bit of trivia!” “Eh, yer so overdue on … Continue reading →
Hey, high schoolers! Graduation is just a couple weeks away (or so), and you valedictorians are probably getting your speeches ready for the big day, right? Well, stop, because your speech is awful. Let the Czar help you out. If … Continue reading →
The Czar is well aware that we owe you all a review of the Avengers: Age of Ultron movie, although by this point you either saw it, won’t see it, or might get around to it when it’s on cable. … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s been drinking and thinking, which is never a good combination.* Baltimore’s mayor (one Ms. Stephanie Rawlings-Blake) and President Obama both referred to Baltimore’s rioters as “thugs.” ‘Puter applauds both Ms. Rawlings-Blake and Mr. Obama for speaking the truth.** Baltimore’s … Continue reading →
No less a famous personage than ScottO arrived in Chicago this past weekend for some spurious business affair involving his wife. Probably some Strangers on a Train sort of thing. But ScottO discovered that his dearest wife (which makes one … Continue reading →
The NightFly writes in from our mobile command unit: O Dreaded Awfulness: I have been at some pains to identify the player that GP is channeling in the photo on your hockey bet post. (The ferret guards will look quite … Continue reading →
‘Puter awoke this morning to the crew on Morning Joe announcing in Very Serious Voices ™ the New York Times broke another Clinton Family scandal. ‘Puter yawned, assuming this would be another quickly dismissed “the Clintons are on the take” … Continue reading →
The subject of academic reformation is truly an ongoing debate, given each generation’s increasing dislike for the pedagogic methods of those preceding it, and each generation’s intolerance for those that follow. The Czar has wondered what, exactly, has gone wrong … Continue reading →
As you know, your Gormogons are generally an ill-humored bunch, given to squabbling over sports. Some of us hate baseball, the rest loathe soccer. Pretty much we all think the NBA is deplorable, and a couple of us are worried … Continue reading →
‘Puter said he felt a rant coming on. He’s pretty sure it’s here. ‘Puter’s not sure if this rant will rise to the rarified level of ‘Puter’s past epic rants, but he’ll give it his best shot. So, where were … Continue reading →
As those of you who follow us Gormogons on the Twittre* know, ‘Puter’s been madder than feminist at an Andrew Dice Clay performance at his local school district. A relatively small but vocal group of individuals led by the superintendent … Continue reading →
Shocker: Hillary Clinton is running for President in 2016. Wow. Breaking News! Well, not really. People pretty much knew it for months….years. Heck, the Ready for Hillary PAC had* offices across the hall from me. So, over the weekend, Hillary’s … Continue reading →
The Czar got an interesting question in the mail today from Operative BJ: Your Majesty, This lowly minion was having a discussion with his eldest offspring, “she who lives in LA”, about the latest officer-involved shooting in South Carolina, when … Continue reading →
If you want to look all smart and knowy at your next vodka tasting, thermodynamics is a pretty solid way to go. First, it’s viewed as one of the hardest sciences there is, and second, in about ten seconds, you … Continue reading →
Picture an old-timey locomotive racing out of control down the railroad tracks. The original engineers have jumped off, and only the crazy train passengers are left. They have packed themselves into the small cab and are furiously yelling, pushing, and … Continue reading →
With all the hubbub about Indiana’s (not-so) new Religious Freedom Restoration Law, ‘Puter thought he’d take a bit of time to share a personal story. As we all know by now (especially seeing as how ‘Puter’s been banging on about … Continue reading →
I weep for our future when America’s universities are churning out students like this Precious Q. Snowflake, one Andrew Meerwarth, who wrote to the New York Times editor yesterday. To the Editor: Judith Shulevitz’s article about safe spaces on college … Continue reading →
The Czar regrets his recent absence on the site, but he has been traveling for hundreds of miles, and dealing with sickness. Unfortunately, both these instances happened at the same time when the Царевич brought home something (curse you, school … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s dutifully followed along with his liberal friends’ untethered ramblings concerning Indiana’s Religious Freedom Restoration law. ‘Puter’s friends thoughtfully referred to the new statute as “anti-gay.” a Not content to merely exist in a state of ignorant bliss, ‘Puter’s friends … Continue reading →
The Czar has always been fascinated by really deep, scary underwater places like the bottom of the ocean, or like…well, that’s pretty much it. Millions of us have wondered about, like James Cameron. Although, to be fair, he built his … Continue reading →
Operative BJ sent in a couple of thoughts that warranted public reply. Here’s the first one, designed to cheer you up. Unless it depresses you, that is. Your Gracious Majesty, As I grow older and my hair turns grayer, I … Continue reading →
‘Puter took Mrs. ‘Puter to a play this weekend at Geva Theatre (sic) Center. We’re season subscribers because we’re all cultured and fancy like that. ‘Puter and wife attend these shows with a group of three couples, including them. Among … Continue reading →
From: GorT To: Gormogons Cc: Sleestak, Prince Tochmas, Grand Mogul, Inetef-Te-Henqet, 2-IB, Yeto, Barry, and various Minions, and that Dat Ho kid Subject: Castle Gormogon Official Time This is to officially remind the Castle dwellers that we do not recognize … Continue reading →
Today marks the start of Daylight Saving Time, and it’s time for the Czar to obey his annual tradition: reminding Dr. J. that it’s Daylight Saving Time, not Daylight Savings & Loan time. With that out of the way, the … Continue reading →
I work down the hall from a “Ready for Hillary PAC” office. I really wonder what it’s like in there. Do they read and watch the news reports? Are they seeing the following: [March 4, 2015] – WASHINGTON (AP) – … Continue reading →
A bit of newer music than you’re used to from the Czar; it’s The Heavy, with “The Lonesome Road.” The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the … Continue reading →
‘Puter promised to provide his proposals to reform teacher evaluations. Yeah, ‘Puter knows he’s a day late with the proposals, but too danged bad. You’re getting the benefit of ‘Puter’s awesome wisdom for free.* ‘Puter’s dissected the stubborn stupidity of … Continue reading →
‘Puter promised a response to the local teachers union president’s response to the Democrat and Chronicle’s responsive editorial to the teachers’ union led rally held in response to Gov. Cuomo’s proposed education reforms. Got all that? As promised, here goes. … Continue reading →
Last week, my tiny, local school district (with a $114,018,788.00 annual budget) held a rally to protest Gov. Cuomo’s education reform proposals which include tying teacher evaluations to student test scores. Student test scores will count for between 40% and … Continue reading →
Well, here it is the First of March, and it feels as if yesterday was only the 28th of February. The Czar dislikes February for one reason: as the shortest month, you get the lest value from monthly services and … Continue reading →
People seem surprised that the English-accented beheader previously dubbed “Jihadi John” is an educated guy, a computer-programming major from a British university. You, long-time readers of the Gormogons, are of course not in the least. First, you know the Muslim Brotherhood … Continue reading →
The Chicago primaries were yesterday, with a couple of interesting outcomes. One is fascinating the nation, justifiably. The other is no less important, but is missing from most radar screens. First and foremost, incumbent mayor Rahm Emanuel—chief of staff under … Continue reading →
It’s always worth having the context and measure of reality. Collecting a few numbers and statistics really can provide this. I give you an interesting take on police incidents: GorTGorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who … Continue reading →
Did you watch the AKC dog show last night? The Czar and his family did! This was the 139th annual dog show, based on the age of the judges. What a great event to watch, as a bunch of matronly … Continue reading →
Operative BJ worries: Your Magnificence, This lowly one comes before you to ask a simple question: should Americans be required to have a single federal government-issued identification number that, when stolen or misused, can destroy their lives? The federal government … Continue reading →
With Boston buried under thirty-feet of snow and volcanic ash, and New York not far behind, the Czar has already spotted the increasingly useless media interrupting soft-promos for shows on their respective networks and Democratic-party talking points with bizarre attempts … Continue reading →
I find it interesting how broadly the Pope’s statements get interpreted, bent, twisted and otherwise spun. There have been instances surrounding his statements on gay marriage and now there is a thread starting with his latest comments on the acceptance … Continue reading →
Apparently, the 2016 NASA budget involves sending a probe to the Galilean moon of Europa. Because of its frozen oceans, it has been speculated that organic material maybe present, and by extension, the conditions for (unintelligent) life to exist, and … Continue reading →
‘Puter read with interest this letter to the editor, published in the Albany Times-Union yesterday. In it, seven past New York State Teachers of the Year address Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s proposed education reforms. One would think that New York State … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s boss is one of the sharpest men (in all senses) ‘Puter has ever known. He is savvy, tough, sharp-elbowed, thorough, driven and demanding. He is also introspective, merciful and kind. ‘Puter’s boss is also a registered Democrat.* Imagine ‘Puter’s … Continue reading →
All right—long-time readers here knew this was coming. And from whom. This story is slowly climbing its way to the top, so the Czar will not go into too much detail. However, for the sake of due diligence, know that … Continue reading →
Your Majesty, Gasoline is down to $2.00/gal in some places, and drivers are finally able to afford to drive to work. But the price could soon go up, and it won’t be because oil is scarce. As it turns out, … Continue reading →
The Czar likes the country of Chile since he first thought about it ten minutes ago. The Czar personally pronounces it “chee-lay,” although you can also pronounce it like the ground beef and bean food if you think that’s not … Continue reading →
The Czar was puttering through our awesome Twitter feed (which you should join and follow anon, if thou hast not done so hence), and spotted this eye-catching question from, of all groups, the New York Times: “How Did Politics Get … Continue reading →
Yesterday was the anniversary of the Apollo One tragedy. On January 27, 1967, three astronauts: Virgil “Gus” Grissom, Ed White and Roger Chaffee perished on the launchpad in the capsule during a launch rehearsal. A fire broke out and swept … Continue reading →
As most of you know, the Czar was born in the last third of the 13th Century, and had the fortune to meet many people who either were famous or soon became famous. Many of these people were fun and … Continue reading →
I am steadily growing more worried about the future of the Generation Y (Millennials) and Generation Z (Boomlets) – specifically that their future might really look like the world presented in the movie “Her”* Have you watched a member of … Continue reading →
‘Puter watched part of President Obama’s State of the Union address last night. Upon seeing Mr. Obama wink knowingly at the assembled Congress, ‘Puter turned off the television. Obama has no respect for the dignity of the office he occupies. … Continue reading →
Jim Geraghty makes two good, not-mutually-exclusive suppositions about what’s motivating the likes of Michael Moore and Seth Rogan to deride the phenomenally successful and apparently very well-made Chris Kyle bio pic, American Sniper (Clint Eastwood, dir., 2014). I’d like to add … Continue reading →
Money is a curious thing, and even though the Czar is, modestly, what one might consider “galactically financially independent,” he still worries about cutting corners like the rest of you. For example, many domestic caviars are now just as good … Continue reading →
The Czar seems to have missed this story. IRS Commissioner Koskinen is complaining that the IRS may not have the staff necessary to process paper tax returns, and that some tax filers may have to wait for extended periods of … Continue reading →
America is the best country in the world. Just ask an American. We’ll tell you. But America’s currently doing its darndest to squander more than two centuries of exceptionalism. It’s not America’s nearly embarrassing wealth that makes America great. Nor … Continue reading →
Everything with Democrats is war. If it isn’t a war on fear, it’s a war on poverty, or a war on blacks. Frankly, we’re all a bit tired of it. The problem for Democrats is that they’ve run out of … Continue reading →
Operative BJ swung by the Castle lobby bar earlier this week and gave the Czar some of his thoughts on something the Czar has, coincidentally, been giving some thought independently. The Czar has sobered out enough to remember them. As … Continue reading →
Well, boys and girls, the Czar has been dealing with a stiff neck and a lot of stuff in and around Muscovy. He’s gotten some interesting mail, too, which sadly is still fit to place in the realm of recent … Continue reading →
Ever attend a really swag-time event, like a nurse’s cap ceremony or a fraternity initiation, or ever walk into the ladies room by mistake, and fall in love with the wonderful harp music filling the air? Bet you have, and … Continue reading →
Happy new year, everyone! The Czar had such a miserable 2014 that he actually looks forward to being a year older, just to get further away from the mess that was last year. 2015 will be, by comparison, a much … Continue reading →
