Mrs. Doubtfire weighs in on President Obama’s “a tranny in every stall” campaign promise. Unrelatedly, ‘Puter wouldn’t mind Mrs. Doubtfire pinching off a loaf in a stall next to him.

President Obama’s Department of “Justice” sent North Carolina a letter last week defending the rights of the mentally ill to piss and crap wherever zhey want because Title VII and Title IX, or something.*

As all other problems of note have been solved, the Department of Justice has turned to the critical issue of defending the rights of enschlonged, mentally ill trannies pissing upright in ladies’ restrooms next to young girls.**

‘Puter’s would like to note for the record the following facts:

• Gender dysphoria is classified a mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).
• Nowhere in the text of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act does the word or concept “transgender” appear.
• Nowhere in the text of Title IX of the Civil Rights Act does the word or concept “transgender” appear.
• As noted in the letter, the EEOC has magically discovered that when Congress wrote “sex” in Titles VII and IX of the Civil Rights Act, Congress really, for true meant to say “sex and enschlonged, mentally ill trannies,” because it’s just so obvs.
• As further noted in the letter, several courts have lost their ability to read plain statutory language, and have bought into the EEOC’s discovery that “sex” and “enschlonged, mentally ill trannies” are synonyms.
• As further further noted in the letter, other courts have deferred to the EEOC’s reading of Titles VII and IX of the Civil Rights Act because Chevron, abdicating their constitutional duty and violating their oaths.

So, the Department of Justice naturally says North Carolina must repeal recent legislation requiring people to use the bathroom associated with the sex noted on their birth certificate because it discriminates against enschlonged, mentally ill trannies, thus violating Titles VII and IX.***

‘Puter doesn’t even know where to begin. The word or concept “transgendered” appears nowhere in the statutes Justice cites in support of its “Free Willy (in the women’s loo)” diktat. But hey, SJWs are fired up that men in drag can’t traumatize nekkid, vulnerable women, so who cares about language? Do the right thing, man! Ignore the Constitution, and make up the statute you wish existed! YOLO, amirite?

Also, Justice has no authority on its own to order a state to do anything. If Justice thinks its interpretation of the Civil Rights Act is correct, it should sue. If not, it can shut the [heck] right up. For too long Congress has permitted courts to overstep their constitutional boundaries, mostly because Congressmen are chickensh*ts who care more about reelection than serving their constituencies.

If Congress had any balls, it would pass clarifying legislation saying “The Civil Rights Act makes no provision for transgendered people. Any inconsistent, rule, regulation, or case law is hereby invalidated.” But Congress won’t do that. Congress let the courts decide on abortion and gay marriage because Congress has no balls. Why would it be different here?

Look, America and enschlonged, mentally ill trannies worked out the bathroom issue for decades without the need for the federal government’s “help.” There wasn’t a rash of mobs beating up good-faith trannies relieving themselves in the ladies’ room. The vast majority of people don’t hate trannies, they pity them for the difficult mental illness with which they are stricken, and have accommodated them in their restroom preferences.

It’s a shame an overreaching Obama Administration feels the need to press an out-of-step SJW agenda at the expense of women’s safety, but that’s where we are. We now are told to believe mental illness should be normalized, and enshclonged, mentally ill trannies must be afforded the status of protected class like racial minorities.

America is a stupid place.

* ‘Puter notes the person responsible for the letter is the “Principal Deputy Assistant Attorney General.” ‘Puter is not making this title up. If your organization is so large you have a Principal Deputy Assistant anything, it’s too big. Start by firing everyone with Principal Deputy Assistant in their job titles.

** May ‘Puter suggest the Department of Justice look into the presumptive Democrat presidential nominee for violations of national security surrounding her use of a prohibited non-secure, private server?

*** Before you get your knickers in a twist and embark on an SJW witch hunt, ‘Puter understands the real issue isn’t the occasional, good-faith tranny sneaking into the women’s room, pinching off a loaf, and quietly leaving. The real issue is the real potential for abuse by sexual predators of the Department of Justice’s requirement that anyone who claims to be an enschlonged, mentally ill tranny be given unfettered access to places where women are naked and vulnerable.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.