Thanks to all the loyal readers who peppered the Czar with concerns and complaints about our site’s performance recently. The Czar wants you to know that (a) he reads every one of them and (b) he’s not the freaking technical support hotline.

That said, the Czar annoyed the heck out of GorT, and GorT decided that early 21st Century technology was too primitive for his tastes. Yes, yes, he got the whole “traditional setup like Colonial Williamsburg” vibe, but decided that enough was enough. Like the Amish who may have built him in the future, GorT upgraded the whole site to 24th Century technology. It now runs on an OctalQ-Core quantum mesh wave processor.

Oh, there will be some adjustments. GorT is working on getting the cool fonts back. Fonts go bye-bye by the mid-23rd Century, and finding a t3xt-to-font converter is tough to find, even for him.

But hang in there. The new server is at least 800 bazillion gloons faster than the old one, we can say without exaggeration. And links to our historic brilliance are back in high fashion, thanks to his hard work.

GorT does all this work for you without getting paid. Or sleeping. Or eating. Or breathing.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.