Opinions on the Millennial generation vary here at the Castle. The Czar is a bit fascinated with generational psychology (and even prepared a handy guide for you all), and takes a more favorable view of this group than some of his Castle brethren. After all, they could never hope to be as bad and generally narcissist as the Boomers.

Having written that, though, the Czar is a bit concerned with some Millennial tendencies. As a form of fraternal correction—administered as a good head slap—the Czar believes there’s some stuff the Millennials better start realizing, fast:

1. Socialism is not cool. In fact, it’s freaking deadly: the only people willing to promote it are either monumentally stupid (Bernie Sanders) or planning to use it to hurt you. Yeah, yeah, Bernie Sanders is not a communist socialist, as if there’s a difference—he keeps insisting he’s a democratic nationalist socialist. But this is not a new phrase: heck, the Germans had a word for this back in the early 20th Century: Nationalsozialistische. Please Google it and be ready to sit down really hard.
2. The world doesn’t care what you think. In fact, those people at the next table not only don’t find you funny and cool, they’re not even aware you exist.
3. The people at the next table don’t even want to know you exist.
4. Conversely, the world does want you to care what it thinks. You need to start figuring out how to pay bills, understand basic investment, finding out about your local school district politics, learn what levels of taxes you pay (and how much to each!), grasp foreign affairs, doing basic home repairs, and trying to cook real meals. The world will not wait for you, and it sure isn’t going to teach you. And you can do this! You set up a wireless router at your home, which is way harder than any of these things. Ignorance is a choice, not a strategy.
5. Figure out how to parallel park and learn the right of way at intersections. Seriously. You are total morons at this, and that self-parking, self-driving car is never going to get to you in time.
6. Start learning a little skepticism. Distrust the man a little bit. Not every grown-up is here to help you by doing things for you: many of them will cheerfully take you for every penny you have left. Whether the dude is a boss, a politician, a teacher, a news reader, a cop, a scientist, a technology company executive, a veterinarian, a post office worker, or a dog walker, start squinting your eyes a bit and asking “What’s your angle?” Because there is one, every time. And not all angles are self-serving or nasty. But many, many are. Here’s the thing about skepticism: it isn’t disbelief. It’s merely careful analysis of the evidence. And it’s the cheapest and most effective insurance against being screwed over.
7. There are no safe spaces. Any physical place you run toward when threatened isn’t a safe space; it’s a target. Instead of running, consider standing still and facing down what offends you.
8. Knowledge weighs nothing, and experience teaches cheapest. Grab as much of each as you can.
9. Ladders up always start at the bottom. Sometimes you can skip a rung or two, but you have to climb it at some point. Start now.

The Czar, at the very least, is right about the right of way at an intersection, is he not?

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.