As Democrats slowly recognize the awful position in which they have placed themselves, they function almost purely by instinct now. Far too many of the recent opinion pieces implicitly or explicitly rely on tropes that most Americans, it would seem, no longer are buying. And good for us. Media trust sinks lower, and for heaven’s sake, the Media struggle to assure us that they understand even less than we thought they did.

Perhaps we should destroy a couple of long-standing tropes that seem to linger. Regular readers should feel welcome to send their liberal relatives to read this, in hopes it opens some eyes.

First, liberals can stop comparing the Republicans to the Ku Klux Klan. Let us be very clear: the Klan was created in 1865 to oppose the Republican party’s efforts to free blacks and rebuild the economy after the Civil War. Okay, liberals, which political party opposed the Republicans in 1865? Not the Whigs. Nor the Federalists, certainly. Give up? Odds are you voted for them in 2016.

Of course, the Klan continued to survive despite the Republicans’ efforts to destroy them (Google Governor William Woods Holden and find out what party this guy belonged to). The Klan made a resurgence in the early 20th Century, and was endorsed by President Woodrow Wilson. Okay, again, liberals: to what party did Wilson belong?

In the 1920s and 1930s, the Klan moved to large cities, composed of union laborers. Now, think carefully: which party supports unions? You’re guessing the theme! But don’t quit now—the Klan saw a comeback in the 1950s and 1960s, as civil rights became a reality.

Liberals may not know it, but civil rights were promoted by President Eisenhower and the Republican Party, and opposed by the southern politicians who were—anyone?—Democrats. In fact, Robert Byrd, the Senate Majority leader, who served in Congress from 1953 to 2010 was also a unanimously-elected Exalted Cyclops in the Ku Klux Klan. Once again, was he a Republican or a Democrat?

Indeed, our liberal friends might have a really hard time naming a single Republican who was a member of the Klan. Sure, they can mention David Duke, but guess what? Duke was a registered Democrat when he was in the Klan, and announced he was a Republican during the 1980s when Democrats couldn’t get elected in Louisiana. By the way, Duke has never been accepted by the Republican party, even though he continues to self-identify as one.

So when liberals associate Republicans with the KKK, it’s probably best that they realize the contradiction in doing so. The Klan was started by Democrats as an armed terrorist wing in 1865, was endorsed by Democrats in the Early 20th Century, and was sustained by Democrat leadership right up to today. Yes, this hurts, but it’s also perfectly true. Oh, and to make it easy for our younger readers, we have provided information here that can all be verified by Millennials’ favorite authority, Wikipedia. If you wish a more substantive explanation of how tightly connected Democrats are with the Klan, there is no better (and readable) reference than Michael Walsh’s The People v. the Democratic Party.

Second, it’s also high time that our Media stop comparing Republicans to Nazism and fascism. Because guess what? It’s historically inaccurate. The good news is that this section won’t be a linking of the Democratic party to Nazis; the bad news is that we will link modern liberals to it.

Yes, you read that right. Nazis were not a right-wing organization, although nearly all the world press thinks so. Nazis, who were national socialists, were socialists. It’s even right there in the name. The linking of Nazis to the Right happened right after World War II, when Leftists realized that their brand of socialism, like most brands of socialism, was really, really bad. So in a move that would have stunned the ultra-left Hitler, the Left decided that Nazis were now a Right-wing institution.

Of course, as national socialists, Nazi very much thought of themselves as a Left-wing organization. The problem was that their revolution ran afoul of the Communists’ revolution trying to happen at the same time in Germany. So when both groups decided that they could never win a majority so long as the Left was divided between these two competing forms of socialism, the Nazis simply started to wipe out their competition. This is why we see so many modern liberals screaming obscenities, smashing windows, starting fires, and rioting when they don’t get their way. Kids, Google Kristallnacht: it’s what liberals do.

Oh, yes, nearly forgot: fascists. Liberals like to view Republicans as jack-booted, black-shirt-wearing fascists with guns. Fascism was all the rage in the 1930s, and both Wilson (remember him?) and Roosevelt expressed an interest in it. By the way, that’s Franklin, not Teddy. Although a lot of people liked it around the world, today we tend to think of it as an Italian thing, under Mussolini. You can see where this is headed: Mussolini was a fascist because he supported a tightly controlled state government that regulated industry and religion, nationalized the military and law enforcement, and ended republicanism and capitalism. You know, a lot like Bernie Sanders was advocating, right up to these requests to end the Electoral College. We know you find words like “republicanism” and “capitalism” bad, but they’re why you’re still reading this in one piece.

But don’t believe us: Forbes has a good explanation of it, even though it uses some big words and requires you to read two pages. Oh, and it mentions how capitalism and slavery cannot co-exist, and you remember which party supported slavery, right?

Third, let’s clean up one other trope. Tropes are fun: they’re like memes that don’t go away. And you kids like memes, so here’s another one: the Democrats are the party for women. Yes, we know that the Democrats ran a woman for president, but she wasn’t actually the first female candidate. You can look that up later. The part you need to know is that Democrats opposed giving women the right to vote: when the votes came up in Congress in 1915, it was defeated by…which party? Well, overwhelmingly by Democrats. In 1918, Democrats again denied the two-thirds majority. Finally, in 1919, the amendment passed with more Democrats opposing it than Republicans.

So there it is. Liberals have a lot to answer for, and their political genius seems to insist that, if history has a side at all, liberals tend to be on the wrong side of it. Think carefully, liberals. Or better yet, try thinking at all.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.