The Democrats cannot, apparently, let go of their obsession with Donald Trump. Stormy Daniels! Russia! Probes! Russian probes! Probing Stormy Daniels! Comey! And all of this seems, in the Czar’s opinion, to revolve around one concept: we need to invalidate the 2016 election, so that Hillary Clinton becomes president.

When are they going to let go of this fantasy? That’s a rhetorical question, of course, because the answer is “until the next Republican victory.” Because then it shall be replaced by something else equally lunar.

Lest we forget, everything is Year Zero to the Democrats, and that calendar has the biggest, most accessible reset button since Hillary’s gift to Putin. Everything seems to reset it.

Remember in 2012, don’t you, how Mitt Romney hated women and the poor? It was all you heard about, and he was definitely going to be the end of America as we know it. Until he lost, and then nobody disliked him anymore. But it was all you heard about until 2014, when Congressional Republicans were trying to destroy Obama. Every single hour, every single day.

But we can go back to 2008, and how Sarah Palin was trying to destroy America. She can see Russia from her house, people! Also, everything else Tina Fey said about her on Saturday Night Live was something she actually said! That’s how bat-shit crazy she is! Sarah Palin is a crazy wing-nut, and she said she can see Russia from her house! And on and on.

Don’t remember? How about in 2004 when Bush lied to get America into the illegal Iraq War, which absolutely no Democrat supported. Oh, well, yeah: the Democrats voted in support of it overwhelmingly, but only because Bush lied about the uranium or whatever we never found there. Thank goodness not a single Democrat voted in support of the declaration of war.

Fortunately, that idea displaced the fact that, as everyone knows by now, Vice-President Al Gore actually won the 2000 election, and by rights ought to be president. But Bush swindled the Florida judges, who were so badly in his pocket that Al Gore had to sue them to get the ballot results revealed. Yes, it’s true that it was Bush who sued the pro-Gore bench to confess they knew Bush won Florida all along, but that doesn’t matter because Bush lied, and Al Gore won the popular vote, and should be president, except the judges were all pro-Bush so that’s why Al Gore sued.

Want to keep going? The Czar can, all the way back to Truman and beyond.

Every two-to-four years, the Democrats latch onto a crazy, conspiratorial notion about why they haven’t locked down the American voter yet, and why there’s always some machination at work, some singular event, that unjustly robbed them of total victory.

Even Cubs fans got over the Steve Bartman grabbed-foul-ball story.

Anyway, it’s definitely 2018: if we don’t see another calendar reset in the next couple of months, the Russia investigation is definitely going to last until 2020.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.