Pictured, an illegal immigrant child held in brutal conditions by Trump’s Nazi stormtrooper wannabe immigration officers. Just kidding, but this is how America’s unthinking emotionally driven slapradishes think of them.

‘Puter learned this weekend that because he doesn’t have an issue with separating illegal immigrant parents from their illegal immigrant children when they are caught breaking America’s immigration laws, he is a hateful bigot. Good to know.

‘Puter may or may not be a hateful bigot, but ‘Puter is most assuredly a believer in rule of law.

Illegal immigrant children caught crossing the border are separated from their parents (or people pretending to be their parents) as a result of a court settlement. The settlement is the Flores settlement (from the 9^th Circuit, natch) agreed to by the Clinton Administration (again, natch). This settlement requires the federal government to release undocumented immigrant children first to their parents, then to relatives if parents are unavailable, and as the last option, to detain them in the least restrictive setting.

With Flores controlling, America’s been practicing catch and release for the last couple of decades. Law enforcement catches illegals crossing the border, detains them, then releases both the parents and the kids because they can’t hold the kids. Trump changed this policy by refusing to release parents caught illegally entering the United States. As such, there are no known parents to which law enforcement can release the children. Finding relatives takes time, and our current administration does not want to release kids into America knowing full well the children will not likely return as ordered for their immigration enforcement hearings. Thus, the children are detained indefinitely.

The Flores settlement’s application is further compounded by a separate statute, the William Wilberforce Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act of 2008 signed into law by George W. Bush. The statute provides unaccompanied illegally present children are exempt from prompt return to their home country unless that country is Canada or Mexico. Flores requires government to create unaccompanied minors if it wishes to enforce its immigration laws against culpable adults. Once these unaccompanied minors are created, law enforcement cannot quickly deport the children because of the TVPRA.

It’s a double whammy.

Government is faced with the following choices: (1) don’t enforce your immigration laws against anyone crossing the border with kids or (2) detain both the kids and the adults in separate lockups in order to enforce applicable law. America’s been doing (1) for decades. Now America’s doing (2). And non-governmental, emotional America is having a frikkin’ nervous breakdown about it.

‘Puter’s had it with emotional crybabies shrieking “but the children!”, as if illegal immigrants choosing to use their children as shields to enforcement of America’s immigration laws is government’s fault. Let’s place the blame squarely where it belongs: with the illegal immigrants who break America’s laws in the first instance.

Government is not responding to illegal immigration by seeking out brown people to put in camps as some on the Left are claiming. Government is simply finding people who of their own volition choose to violate America’s immigration laws and dealing with these people in accordance with applicable American law.

‘Puter understands many Americans do not like the visuals of enforcing our laws. But raw emotional rage-screams are not a substitute for rational debate. If you don’t like America’s laws, the burden is on you. What’s your grand plan? Return to setting free into America’s interior people who have already shown a predilection to giving America’s laws a big, fat middle finger? ‘Puter knows the footage of kids in dusty tent cities gives you the sadz, but grow the eff up already.

The vast majority of illegal immigrants claiming asylum are not political refugees fleeing dangerous oppressive governments out to kill them individually or as members of an identifiable group. These illegal immigrants are at best economic refugees who want to come to America because America offers better opportunity (well, better everything, really) than their aptly described “shithole countries.”

‘Puter is sorry these illegal immigrant home countries suck hard. ‘Puter doesn’t like seeing children separated from their parents. But what ‘Puter likes less than either shithole countries not providing safety and effective law enforcement for their citizens or waiflike, wide-eyed kids in humane detention facilities inside America is America’s citizenry casually tossing aside rule of law because, OMG, ALL TEH FEELZ.

If we are to be a country whose laws are subject to the emotional mood swings of delusional, undereducated Americans, we are well on our way to becoming one of the “shithole countries” from which people flee.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.