The Joe Biden presidency,* assuming there eventually is one, will always have an asterisk after its name due to the incredibly unlikely events which transpired on the evening of Election Day, 2020, and the days which followed.

Reasonably, because Biden may have indeed won without the miracle of spontaneously appearing boxes of ballots, the Biden team is assembling its transition team and nominating potential officials…really, as they should, because waiting until this all gets settled may be too late for the good of the country.

Contemporaneous with this is a sudden and equally unlikely wave of unity from the Democrats, suggesting that with Trump more or less out of the way, we can finally begin our process of reunifying the country.

That’s a load of crockery.

For more-than four years, anyone who supported Trump, or who supported Republicans other than Trump, or who were simply undecided, were lambasted with accusations of being racists, fear mongers, Nazis, nationalist bastards, supremacists, Know Nothings, and worse in a near-constant torrent on social media. The media joined in with smartass retorts, lampoons and mischaracterizations of reasonable but differing opinions, and editorials protesting just how awful a small segment of America has become. Television shows and movies mocked and derided anyone insufficiently woke, or indeed anyone just suggesting that, hey, maybe let’s be tolerant of those with whom we disagree. During the last half-decade, television shows were pulled from the air, people fired from jobs, and books literally burned.

When George Floyd was killed, conservative Americans were first to decry the act, and demanded a full accounting of events to ascertain whether a crime had occurred. However, conservatives failed the immediate embrace of Marxism, and so we watched our cities burn and shatter and riot because we were so horrible. The murder of a black guy? Yeah, well, that’s not as important as a Green New Deal and reparations or whatever the hell Black Lives Matter and AntiFa decided was the cause of their riot du jour.

Then the election happened. And maybe Biden* won. Maybe he didn’t. But Democrats lost seats in the House and still failed to take the Senate. The Blue Wave we were assured would crush conservatism like some progressive tsunami turned out to be a drop…and not a drop of water, but a drop in sea level. The Democrats discovered, after the election, that more than half the country was done with their brand of politics. Outside of a couple million votes all out of California, Biden* would have lost the national vote as well, assuming he even won that.

Suddenly, after being slandered, libeled, and ignominiously mistreated by Democrats, conservatives were being asked to rejoin the American vision of one great country. Democrats don’t want to be friends again because Biden may have won and Trump was gone; they want to be friends again because they realize they’re not the cool kid they thought they were.

There’s a reason the GOP symbol is an elephant. Conservatives are not likely to forgive and forget, like some battered wife who’s suddenly assured she’s wonderful and precious again the next morning. Democrats made a mess of the 2020 election, and realize their toxic brand did not serve them well at all.

But if you view conservatives as the patient parent, and liberals as the spoiled, tantrum-prone brat kids who see their parents as old squares who must be racists because they say no a lot, then the outcome is certain. The parents see how the kids acted, and will react appropriately. It’s time for some tough love, some discipline, and maybe a good, old-fashioned grounding. Just be glad we don’t like to spank. Because that’s next.

Come together as one people to heal the country, Joe? Go screw yourself. You shat in the well and expect us to come purify it for you? Sorry. Because that few million more votes in California now means it’s going to be your well. Drink up.

*False popes are often listed with asterisks. False presidents, or highly questionably elected presidents, can have one as well.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.