Violate GorT’s rules of the road and pay the price!

It’s been a while since any of us posted and I know we’ve covered this topic on Twitter and here as well but as I start commuting more I’m noticing these a bit more. So here we go with GorT’s rules of the road, which should be pretty obvious to most drivers.

1. Pass on the left and move back to the right. Also could be written as: don’t hang out in the left lane. To be more specific, on a two-lane road you should use the left lane to pass and then, when it is reasonable, move back to the right. On a three-lane road, especially one with frequent exit ramps, the middle lane is acceptable as the right lane will be for merging on and off the road. For 4+ lanes, numbering the lanes starting from the right (slowest) lane as 1 and going to the left (fastest), your “cruising along” lane should be lane 2 and maybe 3. On 3+ lane roads, tractor trailers and other large vehicles should not be allowed in the fast (left-most) lane, save for emergencies or construction issues.
2. Be aware of your surroundings, in particular – emergency vehicles and school buses. Move out of the should lane (either side) if an emergency vehicle is stopped on the shoulder. This is the law in many states and I know people who have been ticketed for it. When on the highway, move over away from the lane that the emergency vehicle is in and slow down, allowing it to pass. When not on the highway, be smart and work to give a way for the emergency vehicle a path. This may mean you have to CAREFULLY go thru a red light to free up space. That’s ok. It may be that you move to one side of your lane. Do it. Don’t be the idiot who seems unaware and caught totally off-guard with what’s going on around you. And it you pass a school bus while it’s lights are on, you should lose your license….immediately.
3. Be aware of your surroundings, part two – you should know where the cars are around you and which way(s) you have leeway to move and which way(s) you don’t. Know if the cars up ahead of you are slowing and work to manage the slow down so you don’t surprise the cars behind you (and don’t hit the ones in front of you).
4. Don’t text and drive. Period. Don’t read your email while driving. Hands free is the law in many states and that doesn’t mean putting the call on speaker but holding the phone flat in your hand in front of your mouth. If your car doesn’t have a bluetooth connection, put it on speaker and the speaker/microphones are good enough that it doesn’t need to be THAT close to you. And if you play games or are watching Tik Tok videos while driving – just pull over. And then turn in your driver’s license.
5. If you have a pet in the car, it better not be in your lap. I don’t care how cute. Plus, if it’s one of those small, yippy dogs on your lap, I will let my 120-pound northern breed dog eat it. Sorry, not sorry.
6. If you figure out that you’re about to miss your turn or exit at the last minute, don’t inconvenience the rest of us because you didn’t realize it. Go to the next exit or intersection and work your way back. Cutting across traffic, or worse, blocking traffic can result in really bad outcomes. And, in the event it doesn’t, all it shows is that you think you’re more important than the rest of us….which you aren’t. Use a navigation system if you’re unfamiliar with the route – Waze, Apple Maps, etc. or look it up beforehand.
7. Merging. Go do a internet search for “zipper merge”. This should be straightforward – for both parties involved:
   1. For those entering the higher speed road, come up to speed – you aren’t going to merge at 40mph into 55-60mph traffic. You need to be doing 55 on the ramp before the merge area.
   2. For those in the higher speed road, be aware of merging vehicles and allow them to merge reasonably.
   3. For those in lanes that “disappear” ahead, use the maximum extent of the legal merge area – meaning perform your merge towards the end of the lane but before you lose the full lane and before any solid white lines. Crossing a solid white line is an illegal lane change.
   4. Don’t use merge lanes as passing lanes – when the highway is backed up, moving out of the highway into a merge lane, zipping up the side, and re-merging ahead only causes more delays. And people suck at merging so you’re just creating problems.
8. Clean off your car – if you have snow on your car, do your best to clean it off before driving. I get that you might not be able to reach across the roof of an SUV, but clear your windows, trunk, hood, etc. If your windows are icy – wait until they have melted – trying to drive while looking out a 2″ hole you’ve scraped in the ice on the windshield is just dumb.

I’m sure I could list off another 10-20 rules but these are the main ones. Again, don’t break them as you’ll see the results above.

GorT

GorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including subsidizing this website. Some of the products he has introduced from the future include oven mitts, the Guinness widget, Oxy-Clean, and Dr. Pepper. Due to his immense cybernetic brain, GorT is able to produce a post in 0.023 seconds and research it in even less time. Only ’Puter spends less time on research. GorT speaks entirely in zeros and ones, but occasionally throws in a ڭ to annoy the Volgi. He is a massive proponent of science, technology, and energy development, and enjoys nothing more than taking the Czar’s more interesting scientific theories, going into the past, publishing them as his own, and then returning to take credit for them. He is the only Gormogon who is capable of doing math. Possessed of incredible strength, he understands the awesome responsibility that follows and only uses it to hurt people.