Where Has He Been, Anyway?
Well, here is a total surprise. Most of us thought Uncle Jay walked off the edge of the world, but here he is, writing us this message: Most Dread & Awful, I’ve been quite busy of late, and due to … Continue reading →
About The Czar of Muscovy
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
Well, here is a total surprise. Most of us thought Uncle Jay walked off the edge of the world, but here he is, writing us this message: Most Dread & Awful, I’ve been quite busy of late, and due to … Continue reading →
Yes…yes, of course we had everything to do with it! And so says JAB: Dear Your Czarness: Dang, you fellers in the Castle do work most swiftly! I don’t know if a time-traveling trick or a mind-control-ray was deployed, or … Continue reading →
This urgent message arrived by exhausted courier, who raced it to the Castle in a combination of on-foot, by-auto, par avion, and sure-footed camel, where its lime green color indicated most-critical status. Our revivified Egyptian mummy major-domo, Inetef-Te-Henqet, accepted it … Continue reading →
So the news media is afire with reports of kidsyes, ordinary, good stay-at-home kids like yours… especially like yoursdrinking hand sanitizer to get drunk! And many are ending up in a hospital! And here is a video we pulled off … Continue reading →
And when today is dubbed by Mayor RahmA Day to Speak Like William Shakespeare thus,So all Chicago musters its aplombTo group its iambs into fives or plus. Perhaps a cabbie growls about the Bears,Or wonders if the Cubs will ever … Continue reading →
In, not surprisingly, The Huffington Post, Richard (RJ) Eskow writes that the Left should brace itself for another round of hysteria from the right. Because here come those nutty conservatives, all crying about Medicare and Social Security running out of … Continue reading →
Your news media is at it again. Despite evidence showing the economy is in really bad shape, and possibly getting worse, they are reporting that things have never been hap-hap-happier. Recent stories make it very clear that Obama is polling … Continue reading →
One of the truly awesome things about being in the Gormogons is the expansive sweep of centuries from which we draw our collections. Take the Dixieland Jug Blowers, who will entertain you with Banjoreno. Curtis knew some of the dirtiest … Continue reading →
As many of you know, most of the Gormogons got together this past Wednesday to catch up, speak off the record, and basically plot your total destruction. And what fun we had! Hundreds of famous celebrities, some living, some dead, … Continue reading →
The Czar might like to take a moment to return to one of his favorite tropes: the festering arrogance of the Main Stream Media. Specifically, the Czar would like to introduce you to one of their techniques which seems to … Continue reading →
Of course, the Buffett Rule has nothing to do with increasing revenues. It is all, as GorT says, about what sounds good. No, no one expects that the Buffett Rule will produce more than a few thousand dollars in increased … Continue reading →
Dr. Boli never disappoints. We’d recruit him into the Ancient and Noble Order, but he’s too caught up in some fantasy world where he’s hundreds of years old. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ … Continue reading →
The Czar would like to build a little bit on the Mandarin’s superb post on the so-called War on Women. Mandarin definitely captured the psychology of the Progressives; what has not been making news—and is just as essential—is what happened … Continue reading →
The Detroit Free Press, which is vastly better since it fired its journalists and let crackpots on the Internet write its stories, has a peice today about Senator Chuck Grassley (R-IA) tweeting that the President might be, well, stupid: Constituents … Continue reading →
It is a beautiful day, probably, where you are, and you should not be loitering about the Castle, regardless of your faith. But if you must read something, please read Borepatchs essay, Triumph, which has one of the best interdenominational … Continue reading →
Our awesome number one Canadian reader (and most likely the number one Canadian, when we finally take over the world) submits some more thoughts: Mighty Czar, America’s most recent manufactured-outrage race kerfuffle (ie. the white-Hispanic man killing the black-black teen … Continue reading →
Boy, the President and the progressive left have been on a real tear, have they not, about the fate of the Obamacare mess. Calling for impeachments of judges who vote against it. Warning them not to ignore imaginary precedents. Delivering … Continue reading →
Long-time readers of this grand site, which is probably most of you by now, understand there are a few things which continually peeve the Czar. One of these is bad science reporting. Nearly every story of even slight scientific interest … Continue reading →
We dig deep down into the mailbag, past the raw otter meat, the queen scorpion egg case, and seven offers for high-interest credit cards, and find two addressed to us. Protagoras has gone emo, writes KHif you have lost your … Continue reading →
Miss the Presidents speech today on the importance of budget control? So did the President. Here is, more or less, the text of the speech. All right, listen up. As you heard, nine-hundred billion experts recently rejected Paul Ryans proposed … Continue reading →
The Supreme Court of the United States is, as everyone knows by now, ruminating over the legality of Obamacare. Things are not looking too hot for that particular law, at least based on legal expertss opinion (real ones, not the … Continue reading →
You may have heard about Lenny B. Robinson. His black Lambo was pulled over in Maryland last week for not having license plates; he was also dressed in a perfect Batman costume. Turns out Mr. Robinson is a well-to-do businessman … Continue reading →
Sheesh, what a year already. So many voters have that sinking feeling about the election. Seriously, they ask, is this the best we can do? Is this the best we got? Do we have to hold our noses when we … Continue reading →
When this is racist and that is racist appears more than once a month in a new story or interview, eventually the word loses its effectiveness. For example, television viewers are no longer shocked to see interracial kissing. The insistence … Continue reading →
Liberals will have their work cut out for them over the next couple of months. With all this bad-for-the-Left news going on, you can bet that distractions and personal attacks will be the usual bill of fare. Things couldnt be … Continue reading →
If the Czar had to choose, and he is glad he does not, he would suspect the single greatest thing that annoyed GorT ever in the history of political science was Nancy Pelosis claim that she and Senator Harry Reid … Continue reading →
The Czar knows what hundreds of you are thinking. Hey Dread, we love that you print full letters and emails and communiques from some really smart people. Well, I’m smart too, and once in a while, I wish several hundred … Continue reading →
The Big G is, of course, a world-spanning conspiracy. And to prove we are not simply right-wing American jingoists, we want to make an effort to appeal more to our overseas captives interests. With that in mind, we have our … Continue reading →
BG writes a short essay so perfect that the Czar presents it in its entirety. Great Axe-Wielding Czar – You state, “Obamacare provides nothing that the majority of Americans want; it provides—at great cost—a handful of dark and unpleasant items … Continue reading →
DT writes in: Oh Wise and Mighty Czar, Thank you for the explanation of the Castle Doctrine. I initially found the story confusing, as I confused the generic “castle” with the Castle Gormogon. That doctrine is a bit more … … Continue reading →
The Gormogons have not commented much (except perhaps on Twitter) concerning the death of teenager Trayvon Martin, pending a lengthy examination of the facts—which seem to be much in dispute, due entirely in part to an over-zealous mainstream media pillage … Continue reading →
Let us consider what Obamacare really is from the perspective of whether its authors were competent. We can begin with the opposite point of view: if the authors of Obamacare were incompetent, then the legislation should be scrapped and re-done … Continue reading →
There’s something about Obamacare that BG just doesn’t understand. Okay, here he is in his own words: There’s something about Obamacare that I don’t understand. Okay, there are about ten million things about it that I don’t understand, but this … Continue reading →
Say Doc, The Czar has noted that a bizarre complaint about Dick Cheneys recent heart transplant is that he is too old to receive one. Where has the Czar heard this before? Put simply, this is an attempt to create … Continue reading →
DT writes in: Oh Your Czary Czariness, Someone peripherally connected to my family is your typical welfare queen. She’s been on Section 8 (free housing) since she popped out her first pup at age7 or 8 (I may be off … Continue reading →
There is some good news out there. This is a really bad couple of weeks coming up for Obamacare. As you know by now, the SCOTUS is expected to deliver a series of death-blows to it (although the voting will … Continue reading →
Has anyone noticed that the better Romney does in the primaries, the goofier the shit Rick Santorum says? While most of Twitter is delighted with the idiocy of a Mitt Romney campaign honcho suggesting that Romney is an Etch-a-Sketch, capable … Continue reading →
Stout-hearted reader JB writes in to prove that most Ron Paul supporters are not like yesterdays. Indeed, this more rational Ron Paul supporter easily writes in complete sentences. Actually, the note is very good: O Mighty Czar! Yes, Ron Paul … Continue reading →
As Ron Paul voters slowly realize that their hope for legalized drugs might have fared better with Buddy Roemer, they gnaw in their desperation. As we have seen many times, they lash out in their Libertarian intolerance at anything that … Continue reading →
With all the excitement over Mitt Romney quietly picking up Illinois, neatly folding it, and putting it away in a sideboard until needed in November, and with Rick Santorum giving a quasi-concession speech that is starting to cushion supporters he … Continue reading →
The Czar voted early this morning, but was waiting for polls to close before announcing anything, given how easily a word or two from him could unfairly sway an election. The process was easy, and not plagued by the reported … Continue reading →
Illinois votes today, and for the first time in a very long while, the rest of Republican America gives a crap what Illinois thinks about anything. If Romney wins, as is expected, it will largely seal his place for the … Continue reading →
So how is the Democratic Partys class warfare strategy going? Rasmussen knows: A new Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey finds that 58% of American Adults now support an across-the-board income tax percentage. Support for a simplified system like this has … Continue reading →
Always awesome, Dr. Boli. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia … Continue reading →
Dear Czar, I just happened to think of an analogy that explains why Catholics object to indirectly paying for sterilization, contraception, et al. If someone orders another person to do a crime, they are equally at fault, even though they’re … Continue reading →
Ah, screw it, thought the Czar. And he grabbed the boys late Friday night, and with the Царица riding shotgun, we headed off to the cinema and viewed John Carter. As the Volgi suggested we would, we enjoyed it. The … Continue reading →
Courtesy Borepatch. Actually, not. The Czar just swiped the link from him. No courtesy was involved at all. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes … Continue reading →
Some years ago, after a long hiatus, the Czar got back into pencils. The Czar did not have pencils as a child, because in those days we generally used peasantss blood for ink, and the Czar did not know how … Continue reading →
The Czar grouses a lot when people refer to the Obama presidency as exemplary of the Chicago political machine. Repeatedly, the Czar has proven that Obama never quite made it into the machine, and therefore attempts to emulate it, but … Continue reading →
Borepatch finally reveals why he has been optimistic lately. Mind you, that is as rare as either Confucius* being upbeat about something or rain on the moon. Take your pick. But BP seems a bit upbeat because he is sensing … Continue reading →
The Czar, as loyal readers know, detests journalists and the media. To be fair, he detests them when they wont do their job, which for many decades has been pretty much all the time. Local Chicago news has been fulsomely … Continue reading →
The always engaging Borepatch writes this on a bullet which he fired through one of our windows last night. And this morning, he showed up at the Castle asking for his bullet back. Times being what they are, etc. Dread … Continue reading →
To: The CzarFrom: Dr. J.Re: Your recent post on Primary VotingDear The Czar: Thank you very much for your primer on how to vote in the primaries in the post-incumbency era. I would like to add one point. When you … Continue reading →
You might recall the Czars optimism the other day when he reflected on how competitive (in the good sense) elections are getting across the nation. The unchallenged incumbent, winning election after election, now finds that he or she has not … Continue reading →
Even though Rick Santorums inner circle is now admitting they dont have a real hope of winning the nomination outright, how interesting that already Rick Santorum is up by one point over Barack Obama. And thats with this rebounding economy … Continue reading →
First up, a great line from Operative ME on Fast and Furious. I was very pleased to see your original post concerning Fast & Furious because it jibed very closely with my own thoughts. It’s very hard to talk to … Continue reading →
One of the more intellectually sound guys (and someone with whom you would never want to debate) is of course Im Not Herzog. The Czar says this chiefly because he said some very nice things. Dear Czar, Normally I would … Continue reading →
We assume by now you have heard about or seen the video calling for justice against Ugandan guerilla leader Joseph Kony. The Czar has seen posters and hand-drawn signs taped up all over Chicago simply saying KONY 2012. Yes, he … Continue reading →
Wow, its a really bad time to be President Obama, what with all these crazy decisions he made over the last three years coming back to bite him bad. He insisted that he could somehow make Iran break into a … Continue reading →
We have been discussing Syria lately, and conservatives seem slightly divided on whether Senator McCain is right that American intervention is required, indeed imperative. The Mandarin says no, of course, and that McCain of all people should understand the importance … Continue reading →
Despite what outsiders may understandably think, only about two counties in Illinois are reliable Democrats. A few counties are quite purple, but the vast majority of counties (but not overall population) tend to be quite Republican. The Czar lives in … Continue reading →
Operative ME of AZ wrote the Czar a letter regarding his early hours screed about choosing between Obama and the Second Amendment. The Czar expected email, but this response was outstanding and perfectly crafted. Lest you think the Czar is … Continue reading →
Trust us in our ability to predict things. But whats worse than the old Cassandra complex, in which you rail that no one believes your predictions until after they come true? When people tend not to listen, but then go … Continue reading →
In an effort to impress somebody associated with the White House, the City of ChIcago volunteered to host the G8 summit as well as the NATO summit in May. In response, protestors booked their flights early and announced a well-organized … Continue reading →
Sigh. Okay, a science update. Pssh. You already know where this is going. So the Cassini spacecraft has detected a thin layer of oxygen around the Saturnian moon Dione. If you are into these sorts of things, that is interesting … Continue reading →
Edgar Rice Burroughs was very much a private man, so it was with some surprise that the Czar bumped into him at a cocktail party around 1910 when the latter was back in Chicago. The Czar found the 34-year-old pencil … Continue reading →
Like most conservatives, the Czar has a like/dislike thing for Rush Limbaugh. Entertaining? Usually. But Limbaugh always does his homework, and knows that any comment he makes will be scrutinized under a microscope. Even still, Limbaugh strikes the Czar as … Continue reading →
To put it another way. Picture a ramshackle house full of donkeys, with a weedy yard festooned with rusted cars and old appliances. Undiapered little donkeys run amok on the tilted front porch, scribbling obscenities with something suspiciously fecal directly … Continue reading →
Operative MC etches this secret message into a single oatmeal flake and slipped it into the Czars breakfast. It turned up the following morning. A STFU gun!Yeah, the “Japanese” invented it, wink wink nudge nudge, say no more. I love … Continue reading →
Blue Sun respectfully submits a video nearly guaranteed to have Puter busting a move, peeling off all his clothes, and prancing around the weeds at the Castle entrance until Sleestak has to get the darts again. And to be fair, … Continue reading →
Czar, you ask. Any videos from around the Castle? Absolutely. Here is the Czars very own Auntie Gruesome entertaining the kids at a birthday party, circa 1961. Castle décor has not changed much. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, … Continue reading →
Some interesting ideas come out of the Michigan primary because the Czar believes Michigan is a pretty good miniature model of the United States: diffuse red with pockets of dense blue. And with an open primary, Michiganders of both parties … Continue reading →
The Czar has spotted something with considerable regularity these days, and hopes that it is the sign of a newly emergent trend. If not, it soon will be. Simply, note how Republican candidatesespecially challengersare touting their plans to cut spending, … Continue reading →
Dr. (KN)J, our Royal Mathematician, writes in: O Most Dread and Noble, etc. If my recent conversations with public primary and secondary teachers are any indication, you have left a “blame arrow” out of your diagram. All the aforementioned teachers … Continue reading →
Hollywood is all excited about the Oscars tonight; so much so, they will all be stunned about the incredibly low ratings certain to follow. What on earth is wrong with you people, the networks will ask about us. We are … Continue reading →
As most of ye know, many of your Gormogon spouses are either teachers or work in education. Not Mrs. Volgi. The Czar is not sure what she does, but it appears to involve an odd combination of vivisection, golf, and … Continue reading →
Illinois Governor Pat Quinn, who has been lovingly described as politics biggest cowardwell, heck, you remember him. He led the revolt against Blagojevich, took the title of governor away, announced widespread reforms, and promptly began doing the same crap every … Continue reading →
For many years, the Czar didnt think much about abortion; pregnancy was not a position he was likely to be in, after all. We certainly knew that a male could have any opinion on it he wanted, but ultimately only … Continue reading →
CNN hosted what they called the last debate of 2012. Promises! Except of course Oregon has one scheduled for March. Anyway, in the order they were seated at incredibly tiny tables, here is your debate roundup. Ron Paul was very … Continue reading →
The Left should just admit they dont know anything about firearms. Those of us on the Right who embrace firearms know this alreadyone of the safest bets in all of gambling is linking an anti-gun crusader to ignorance about firearms. … Continue reading →
The Inscrutable Mandarin and the Czar of Muscovy have been touring parts of the country recently, pulling in new members and followers and minions from all over the place. For this, we wanted to terrify and strike awe into all … Continue reading →
The Czar and Mandarin spent a fair amount of time last week traveling through the United States visiting our many fans and readers, which you would have known about if you follow us on Twitter. By the way, if you … Continue reading →
Want more stupid? Chicago alderman George Cardenas, who by rights should be looking for a real job after the next election, has introduces a resolution to the City of Chicago to impose a fifteen-to-thirty-cents-per-ounce tax on soft drinks and energy … Continue reading →
The Czar took the Цесаревич for a damn nice flat top haircut today. While the Czar thundered in a rage whilst sitting in the chair, his barber asked him if he heard about HR 4646, presently in committee. Though quite … Continue reading →
The Czar has sure been busy lately, and has fallen a bit behind in his mail. First up chronologically is DT, who lined up six cesium atoms to spell out the following email: Your Mustachioed Magnificence, I just read about … Continue reading →
Just more evidence of the clobbering weight of our influence. Someone here puts out a grammatically incorrect poll (Whom do you like?), and most of you all indicate you would like a different candidate than the three and a half … Continue reading →
Hooray for liberal European governments. Hungary has banned homelessness. Given that Budapest alone has 10,000 homeless due to chronic high Euroweenie unemployment, this could raise a lot of cash. Of course, there hasnt been much thought about how to collect … Continue reading →
God bless the EPA. In an age when Republican candidates are competing on how badly they will dismember the EPA, certain news stories sure do not help the cause. Take this story. In 2007, the EPA enacted a regulation that … Continue reading →
Sit back for an idea that will never happen. But the Czar would suspect it would be incredibly popular, if not impossible to implement. How about this: how about Congress adopt rules that cutesy nicknames and oppositionally opposed words be … Continue reading →
This is the Czars favoritest commercial going right now. We just showed it to the Mandarin, who stared and wanted to know what the deal with the seagull is. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и … Continue reading →
You probably heard that Russian scientists in the Antarctic drilled through the ice and reached a mysterious, under-the-ice freshwater lake not seen in 20 million years. This was an amazing effort. You probably did not hear, of course, that a … Continue reading →
Readers know the Czar is most upset about the HHS letter; not for personal religious or political reasons, but because this is a brazen assault on our Constitution by a man sworn to defend it from exactly this type of … Continue reading →
With all the attention on Rick Santorum lately, Mitt Romney seems to be increasingly marginalized. But the fact is that he stands a very good chance of winning the nomination, and a reasonably good chance of being elected President. The … Continue reading →
The Czar was going to make a prediction, but it began to come true before he got it into print. Not that it was a stunning one: you probably made the same prediction yourself. Instead, here be a postdiction. Start … Continue reading →
It is not playing during prime hours, so perhaps you missed it? Shame that Vince the Sham-Wow guy backed out at the last minute. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The … Continue reading →
Much hoodoo is hitting the newswire that the Pentagon is relaxing restraints on combat roles that could potentially allow up to 10,000 women to serve in more front-line and special forces missions. This is a canard, and has been a … Continue reading →
Borepatch takes time away from his award-winning or whatever writing to carve this message into a dead Thracian warriors helmet. Not sure where he got a dead helmet as opposed to a live one, but the guy is resourceful to … Continue reading →
Well, we empty out the mailbag and it fills back up. You people are awesome. The Czar received no less than three most honorable messages. First up is our official archivist. What a delight she is! As you know, we … Continue reading →
Oh, make no mistake. It’s not revenge he’s after. It’s a reckoning.Doc Holliday, Tombstone (PBUVK) Want some pop psychology? This country is about 20 years away from a reckoning. Not revenge, as our scripture quotes above, but a reckoning: an … Continue reading →