Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
The Royal Mathematician to the Gormogons, that other Dr. J, writes into the Czar. And this caught him by surprise, because the Czar looked up and down the length of this email and could not isolate a single instance where … Continue reading →
It is astonishing that anyone can possibly take the New York Times’s political reporting seriously anymore. It is beyond satire. Check out an early story about the Rick Santorum stampede. First, the only picture they could find of him? A … Continue reading →
The Czar is already hearing that large (even massive) Catholic organizations across America are rallying for a major fight against the HHS letter that forces Catholic institutions hiring secular employees to cover abortion (through day-after pills), contraceptives, and a host … Continue reading →
Folks have been writing in on the Czar’s distaste for the term “African-American.” And for pretty much the same reason: it diminishes who Americans are. N or S writes in: The difficulties inherent in the term “African American” were brought … Continue reading →
Pro-evolution thinkers are happy: scientists have confirmed that Aegisuchus witmeri, a fossilized creature, neatly fits into a parallel arrangement with Aegyptosuchus peyeri, a 95-million year old cousin of both crocodiles and alligators who all sprang off the Eusuchia line. No … Continue reading →
A most interesting story can be found on The San Francisco Chronicle’s SFGate.com. Within, witness a story in which a certain percentage of people prefer to call themselves black rather than African-American. Two things. First, you should always be wary … Continue reading →
The Czar and Mandarin were very careful to leave their mark at their alma mater decades ago. If you look closely, you can still see evidence: The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь … Continue reading →
We better do this before everybody else jumps on the bandwagon, too. We waited too long on that Netscape IPO, for example. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was … Continue reading →
Time for a true story about the Czar’s sainted mother? The year is about 1994. Some acquaintances of hers begin speaking in non sequiturs and laughing hysterically, much to her annoyance. She demanded an explanation, naturally, and her friends asked … Continue reading →
Remember 1000 years ago when the Czar took on the task of reading the entire draft ObamaCare bill? He didn’t receive nearly as much email on that as he is on this subject of film tax subsidies. Amazed and MC … Continue reading →
MC is dying to learn more about tax subsidies. Thanks for the amplification, but I’m still not getting it. The government is still picking winners and losers, and in this case the winner is the film industry. The short-term benefit … Continue reading →
MC has recently returned from the Antarctic, where he tells weird tales of finding a ruined city of giants, with enormous penguins, strange carvings on the wall hinting at terrible events in our ancient past, as well as a Caribou … Continue reading →
Amazed writes in: re: Your post of 1/29/12 about seeing Real Steel. Answer: You’re welcome. My share of the $18.3 million dollar subsidy the gazillionaire producers got in taxpayer money for filming Real Steel for 2 weeks in my old … Continue reading →
Wow. As people (but not the media) start to go through the latest released information (and there is a lot) on Fast and Furious, the reality is becoming clear: Eric Holder is doomed as Attorney General. Not only has the … Continue reading →
The Czar hopes he is right about this. But this weird story about 14 girls and 1 boy in LeRoy, New York, who have developed nervous tics and so-called verbal outbursts. The kids&146;s parents have engaged Erin Brockovich to investigate … Continue reading →
The Czar had heard good things about Dreamworks’ Real Steel, and was more than okay with the kids renting it this weekend. You probably heard too that it was better than it looked. Wow. This was, seriously, one of the … Continue reading →
ABC News is terrified to report… deep breath… Romney Failed to Disclose Swiss Bank Account Income!!!!!!!11!!!$!!!ELEVENTY!!!! !!1 !! The horror, the horror. Allow the Czar to summarize this horrible, horrible story, paragraph by paragraph. You might want to cushion yourselves … Continue reading →
It will be interesting to see followup polls from the debate. Romney definitely put himself ahead of Gingrich. But did Santorum lift himself higher than Gingrich as well? The Czar is not making a prediction, but advises you not be … Continue reading →
Wow, thank goodness for audience participation. CNN allowed the crowd to jump in, and it was awesome when (a) Ron Paul led them in a call-response with “Bicycle Built For Two,” and (b) Rick Santorum had them conjugate amō, amās, … Continue reading →
Your Czarness, Greetings from your Bongburgher. I have a contact on Capitol Hill which has provided me with an early draft of the President’s SOTU. I submit it to you via passenger pigeon as part of the historical record. It … Continue reading →
Arizona governor Jan Brewer, whom the media will remind you is a Republican governor, had an interesting thing happen to her on the way to the airport. She went to the airport to meet the President, who was arriving on … Continue reading →
As the Czar predicted (some might say begged for), emails have been flooding in (some might say two arrived) about the Czar’s tribute to Kolchak: The Night Stalker television series. ScottO, the @AgStateSense, writes in: O Great and All-Knowing Czar, … Continue reading →
The Chicago Sun-Times announced this week that after seven decades, it will discontinue endorsements of candidates because, well, the whole thing is a bit silly. The editors have some good arguments: in the age of the Internet, we know more … Continue reading →
Well, the Czar found a superb way to waste an entire evening, which did not involve being further demoralized by the Black Hawks at all. The Czar’s television set is wired to the Internet. Dunno why, really, but every so … Continue reading →
Operative CN writes in with a quip so great the Czar laughed at its brilliance! Regarding your recent article, “Isn’t There Anything Bad We Can Find In This?”, here’s the headline as would be reported by gun control groups: “Teen … Continue reading →
Boring. None of the fire, really, of the weekend debate, but…eh, okay. So Mitt Romney is trying to be a little more tough guy, huh? Didn’t work, and he made Newt Gingrich look confident. Santorum seemed tired and irritable again, … Continue reading →
The Czar has already received questions about an extraordinary claim that there are signs of life on Venus. Specifically, a Russian scientist says he has photographic evidence of a disk, a black “flap,” and a scorpion-like creature. The scientist is … Continue reading →
Ambisinistral, who incidentally is a great dancer, is heading up an interesting project in which he places leftists in Skinner boxes individual fully-enclosed wooden terraria. He takes a moment to write the Czar about a comment we made. “Rick Santorum … Continue reading →
Seems two teenage thugs tried to commit a violent robbery of a Spartanburg, SC, Waffle House. Except a customer, packing heat, shot and killed one of the bandits as they were about to fire their weapon. The other bad guy … Continue reading →
Polls have been showing Newt Gingrich was going to do well in South Carolina, so the Czar is bemused by all the pseudo-surprised commentary about his victory there. In all respects, this might very well be Newt’s personal best; he … Continue reading →
Your second screed in a row from JAB and the kindly folks at the Doublewide, who seem to spend a lot of time chucking pebbles at cans set up on fences and luaghing to themselves: Your Czarness: What–you’ve watched another … Continue reading →
Dr J. provides some good speculation as to Mitt Romney’s reluctance to release his tax forms. There could be another reason that most people, in media and even the politicians, do not realize: Mitt Romney probably has a tax form … Continue reading →
Well, if you’re a person capable of reading a sentence and making it all the way to the end without forgetting what it was about, you can learn some things about our President. And if this describes his supporters, which … Continue reading →
Ai-yi-yi. Yi-yi-yi-yi. Despite some tweets we saw that spoke of boredom, the Czar thought tonight’s debate was killer. Darn nearly so, too. First question was to Newt Gingrich about his ex-wife’s ABC News interview, and Gingrich blasted the moderator and … Continue reading →
Well, Rick Perry is out. Actually, he has been out for some time, but evidently our post yesterday convinced him to take this seriously. We can certainly understand him not endorsing Mitt Romney: the two governors are fundamentally opposed on … Continue reading →
These are the exact conversations the Czar has with his little Sally. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was … Continue reading →
The Czar has had a couple of requests over the last few months to skewer the Republican candidates to the same degree he has President Obama. Fair enough, although enough cumulative pixels have been spent here doing just that. So … Continue reading →
The Czar is not one of those high-school-spent-in-the-locker types like Dr. J, and generally loathes science fiction—but he owns up that he has seen a pretty good portion of Star Trek from 1966-1995 or whatever. The Czar avoided the later … Continue reading →
MC writes in a binary palindromes sometimes, with a letter starting 0101 but tending in 1010. Very clever. And not only did Lincoln know someone named Kennedy, but Lincoln knew a Hanks, while Kennedy was known to sneeze into a … Continue reading →
The Czar was interested to learn that tonight was the GOP’s sixteenth presidential debate. Yikes. Anyhow, the five remaining candidates generally did well. Santorum, Gingrich, and Perry were strong, forceful, and explicit in their views. Romney seemed a little faltering … Continue reading →
Hey, a couple of weeks ago, did you see this poll going around that shows how much Americans hate the rich? Huffington Post writes “Most Americans Think Income Inequality Is A Big Problem,” according to a poll conducted by The … Continue reading →
Secret Gormogon Operative ERC, who hasn’t written in for a while, sent the Czar a single letter: a lower-case b. This of course translates to: Your Czarness: I am well aware that the the vestigial legs of whales and other … Continue reading →
Logically-minded people all over the UK are celebrating a rare (for the Brits) victory. The government has largely decided that schools there will teach evolutionary theory, and that creationist new-agery will not. Further, any school that does promote creationist thinking … Continue reading →
Today is Wikipedia’s eleventh birthday. It has come a long way—the Czar remembers when it had about fifty things on it. And all were about Micronauts. Here we are, all these years later, and Wikipedia now has almost four million … Continue reading →
Guard, protect, and cherish your land, for there is no afterlife for a place that started out as heaven. —Charlie Russel, artist Let us imagine that everything goes swimmingly well this November, and that we receive a GOP Senate, the … Continue reading →
The Czar hates celebrities. He does not understand why people are so fascinated by people demonstrably dumber than they are. Or why we spend so much time talking about them. And he certainly does not understand this whole Kardashian sister … Continue reading →
Wow, Newt is getting a little worried. Check out this ad hitting the blogs in South Carolina. Morning, South Carolina! I’m Newt Gingrich, and I am outraged to learn some of my fellow candidates don’t want to speak so that … Continue reading →
The Czar remembers things. He remembers the Mark Fiorino case, in which Fiorino strapped on a .40 Glock, as fully allowed by Pennsylvania law, and walked by two Philadelphia police officers. Officers immediately ordered him to surrender the weapon, and … Continue reading →
Debate exists whether Democrats want Romney to run against Obama because Obama would beat him, or whether the polls are right that Romney would eke out a victory over Obama. A lot of very pro-Obama supporters are suddenly coming out … Continue reading →
BG lined up atoms, using incredible amounts of energy to get them into an Arial font, to spell out the following message: You state, “Obama is adamantly opposed to gay marriage. Where are his questioners?” What do you base that … Continue reading →
One of the big things that Americans walked away with after this weekend’s debates was that the news media is completely moronic. Newt Gingrich finally called them on it, and moderator Diane Sawyer was embarrassed enough to immediately change the … Continue reading →
A quick followup to the brilliant essay by Dr. J on how well a person can eat for $22 per week. This is the first case the Czar knows of where someone documented these findings; however, the Czar has reason … Continue reading →
DT writes us: Hoopy Frood and Generally Towel-Bearing Fuzzy Czar, As you know, some of our “representatives” are passing around a bill that would do some pretty bad things to the Internet and freedom of expression as a whole. It’s … Continue reading →
Well, the GOP surprised everybody by having another debate this evening. Is there one tomorrow morning, too? The Czar has lost track. Further, the Czar was going to skip this one tonight because he had stuff to do. But the … Continue reading →
An interesting situation. The populist Mitt Romney cannot get elected without support of conservatives, which his numbers show is still quite lacking. The conservative Rick Santorum cannot get elected without support of a wide swath of Americans, which his numbers … Continue reading →
The Czar is late on some mail. The first email? You are totally on your own, but Mandarin might want to roll back the rum portions he hands out to the crew up on the space station, as Nightfly demonstrates: … Continue reading →
You know, there is one thing that differentiates the Czar more so than the other brilliant yahoos who write here. Oh, they certainly share the Czar’s hatred for it, but the Czar has a certain passion for it. That thing … Continue reading →
Last night, in Iowa, she did it again. Congresswoman Bachmann, in her wrap-up speech after the caucuses were over, said the most important thing is (shouting suddenly) defeating Barack Obama. Wrong, and this is the one-note song that ultimately sank … Continue reading →
Congratulations to Senator Rick Santorum, who effectively won the Iowa caucuses despite an effective tie with Governor Mitt Romney, simply by pulling from almost last place to pretty much first place. The Czar is too cynical and too much a … Continue reading →
The Czar may be an iconoclast and rainer of parades, but a jerk he is often not. The Czar is not at all opposed to Kwanzaa, which ended a day or two ago, but would suggest that its year is … Continue reading →
Here is a quick prediction. The Los Angeles arsonist turns out to be a white, German-national who claims to hate America. You will hear lots about his arrest, his trial, and his conviction…because this fits Secretary Napolitano’s template for a … Continue reading →
With everybody back at the Castle, the Czar thought he would stroll around and see what everyone was doing. And then, just like that, the Czar thought he would poll around about New Year’s resolutions. We wandered down to the … Continue reading →
Borepatch found this for the Czar, and GorT was nice enough to arrange a live performance by the composer. As Borepatch explains in his own post, this is perhaps the oldest song for which we have extremely high confidence that … Continue reading →
The Czar will not laud 2011. For many personal reasons too dark and dank to list on this happy site, it really was a lousy year for him and his family, and nearly all of his friends and relations. Too … Continue reading →
LittleRed1 sent the Czar an unbroken paragraph (but not all in upper case) regarding the Virginia GOP, whom by now you know are evil bastards. LittleRed1 writes (with our edits): Oh great and powerful Czar, As your mightiness no doubt … Continue reading →
Bizarre what’s been going on with the Virginia Republican Party. But unfortunately explicable. In most states, you can get yourself put on a presidential ballot with only about 5,000 signatures. This seems reasonable, so that you can weed out nonsense … Continue reading →
Obama’s campaign manager says that the President’s billion-dollar war chest isn’t the result of big business bribes, but ordinary Democrats kicking in $3 or $5 donations. There are 72 million registered Democrats in the United States. A billion dollars divided … Continue reading →
A lot of us are wondering about Eric Holder’s depth of involvement in Fast and Furious, and exactly what he authorized. We finally obtained the authorization in question, which his office released moments ago: From: Eric Holder, Attorney General, United … Continue reading →
Do we not have super-smart readers? Check out this important course correction from Operative B2. Oh Dread Lord of the Castle Gormogon,Exalted knower of many things, Permit me to make a slight correction to your description of the chain of … Continue reading →
AH writes in with what the Czar thinks is absolutely polished, spot-on thinking. Please read this carefully, because he hits all the notes the Czar would be aiming for in future essays: Dread Czar, Liked your piece last night. It … Continue reading →
The Czar has trouble following the right-wing and left-wing media’s competing narratives about President Obama’s (over-)reliance on drone attacks. The left is worried he is getting too bloodthirsty. The right has a dual message: first, this was actually a Bush … Continue reading →
As Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul turn the heat up on each other, it has become clear that neither man is destined nor desirable to become President. A cakewalk for Mitt Romney? Not so fast—a quick scan of some recent … Continue reading →
Thursday, January 5th, the Chicago Blackhawks are scheduled to arrive in Philadelphia to play Dr. J’s beloved Flyers. Because the Hawks don’t play the Predators (Doc’s other favorite team) until January 24th, the Czar is inclined to invite Dr. J. … Continue reading →
Who disturbs the Czar’s presence amidst Plants vs. Zombies? Why, two quick emails on Hexagon. The first is actually an interoffice from GorT, which when compiled says that he had a family member work on that very project, and said … Continue reading →
Evidently, Fox News says the truth can be told on a now-revealed Cold War spy satellite. Joseph Prusak, 76, spent six months [working on it]. When he was finally briefed on [Project] Hexagon, Prusak, who had worked as an engineer … Continue reading →
Merry Christmas. It is a beautiful morning, no matter what. The Gormogons are very excited, and you can see us all gathered around the tree opening our gifts. Your Œcumenical Volgi, or 孔夫子, for those who came in late, or … Continue reading →
Uncle Jay finds this gem. A Terry Gilliam salute to Christmas cards. Surprisingly fun for the whole family. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes … Continue reading →
The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of … Continue reading →
Some things that Hollywood writers will never admit? First, corporate CEOs do not reside in castle-like offices at the top of skyscrapers, with wood trimmed walls, fireplaces, massive desks, and impossibly large windows. The Czar has been in many CEO … Continue reading →
Ah, the payroll tax cut debate. A lot of mud is slinging on both sides, so the Czar thought he would clear things up for you, dear readers, on what is really going on. Warning: sausage making is featured. Presently, … Continue reading →
JAB replies: Your Czarness, Thanks for showing restraint and not banning me from the Castle bar, at least not yet. Your post “The Enemy of the Good” provides excellent reasons for voting for anyone but Obama. However, you completely misjudge … Continue reading →
Well, we finally get to see what Kim Jong Ŭn (김정은) looks like. In more ways than one. This morning, some radio pundits were warning listeners that we have to wait and see what happens in North Korea; the order … Continue reading →
With the long-overdue death of Kim Jong Il, the future of North Korea has never been stranger. Generally, Nork watchers assume that Kim Jong Un will be the new leader of North Korea. Is this good news? Incredibly, it is … Continue reading →
Guy lets his underage daughter start a blog and email account on Google. Under terms of the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act, Google immediately whacked her blog and email account until further notice. Like, say, when she turns 13 and … Continue reading →
Dr. J reports that: Seven in 10 Americans say they can’t wait for the presidential campaign to be over, while a minority of 26% can’t wait for it to begin. At 75%, residents of key 2012 swing states are even … Continue reading →
Credit where it is due: The View finally managed to put together their most coherent and substantive issue yet. Sigh. This show is still on the air, by the way. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ … Continue reading →
The President, despite all analysis, has declared the Iraq War officially over. Congratulations, Mr. President. We believe you have earned this: The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born … Continue reading →
Tonight’s was a most interesting debate, for many reasons. In short, nearly everybody did their best. Mitt Romney had some superb lines, Newt Gingrich gathered a lot of applause on some interesting topics, Michele Bachmann was on fire tonight with … Continue reading →
Been a fair amount of Christmas music funking up the place lately. And about this time of year, you get to hear—if you’re lucky—Jackie Evancho’s “Silent Night” or her knock-your-socks-off “O Holy Night” version that oughta make Dr. J bawl. … Continue reading →
Crank up the old Leftist media machines! The Los Angeles Times has a story that for all intents and purposes is a smear-piece on Christine O’Donnell’s endorsement of Mitt Romney. First sentence? “She’s not a witch.” Then why mention it? … Continue reading →
The Czar can go off all the time on left-wing editorials because there is just so much there, there. But the Czar isn’t happy to see similar slanted crap in right-wing editorials. The Czar, for example, loves to read anything … Continue reading →
So how popular is this site? More importantly, how cool are you for reading it? The answer is very cool. In fact, take the day off, and never be afraid to tell someone off because you read this site, and … Continue reading →
It’s okay, you can admit it. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of … Continue reading →
Dear News Media, you think to yourself, with all this talk about Michelle Obama breaking the jumping jacks record, and all this stuff about Tim Tebow, what the heck is going on in Russia? While the News Media blinks back … Continue reading →
Well, um, okay. The simple truth is that the Czar did not watch the GOP debate last night; he elected to watched the marginally censored (but still uncomfortably dialogued) National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation on the Family Channel. The kids know … Continue reading →
As you know, the Castle welcomes hundreds of visitors a year. Many of them make it back home safely. Internet boulevardier Uncle Jay mentioned that his Golden Horde (well, we think he said “hordes”) was going to lay seige at … Continue reading →
Poll numbers are always interesting. No, wait—most polls are totally uninteresting. Let us rephrase that: polls that agree with our point of view are always interesting. CBS News, which seems to have noticed the bloom is off the rose faster … Continue reading →
Michael A. Walsh, of the New York Post sums up perfectly what the Czar has been thinking: what if everything US AG Eric Holder testified over the last couple days was true. If so, here is your attorney general: he … Continue reading →
Despite the media’s stunned disbelief, Americans continue to be interested in conservative politics in increasing numbers. Almost like peer pressure is proving less effective. Two missives reflect this. First is Operative TG, who heads up our Counter-Insurgency Force, and who … Continue reading →
