Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
Hat tip to The Feral Irishman, who has lots of good semi-NSFW content on his site. Always worth a read. View with caution; some tricky language that could cause coworkers to gather around your desk in curiosity. The Czar of … Continue reading →
Since none of you are evidently able to respond to Jedmo1996 on his questions regarding racial hypocrisy, we should like to bring up another valuable contribution of his. You do not want Chris Christie as your next president. No, not … Continue reading →
There has been a lot of wondering all across America what the hell the Wall Street protests are actually about. What, really, is their beef? The question has already been answered by the ever-prescient Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff, who gave … Continue reading →
More science news. Which is good news, because ‘Puter can sleep a little later knowing he can skip anything with learnin’ in it. This NPR headline caught our eye: Messenger Reveals Mercury Is Not What Scientists Theorized. It’s not a … Continue reading →
Hey, in case your local paper failed to carry this item, the Цесаревич joined Cub Scouts. The Czar is most pleased with this. Even though Cub Scouting is a different activity than when the Czar was involved (Axemanship is not … Continue reading →
FJR is the author of this guest post. I’m disheartened that several of my friends have posted the quote from Elizabeth Warren and commented with “my hero” and “best quote ever”. I’m stunned at the way “wealthy” people have been … Continue reading →
More mail on taxes. Merlin carefully engraved this on a single grain of rice (which was easily the second biggest grain of rice the Czar has seen, as it weighed in around twelve pounds): Oh Great And Mighty Czar, I … Continue reading →
Ken, who insists on the ridiculous pseudonym of “Ken,” is kind enough to add to our recent thoughts on taxation. Ken, unedited and without further ado: Good morning, Dread Czar, I suppose we’ll have to agree to disagree on what … Continue reading →
Been thinking about this; just have no idea to whom we should send it. Dear Mainstream Media, For some time you have been touting the Tea Party as racist. Please—remembering how libel laws work—provide the name of a racist in … Continue reading →
Ken, who asked to go by the code name of “Ken,” writes in: Good afternoon, Your Czarship, Actually, I agree that a janitor and a billionaire should pay the same tax rate. Income tax, at any rate. Both should pay … Continue reading →
And thus was hay made this weekend, when the President said to the CBC “If asking a billionaire to pay the same tax rate as a Jew—uh…as a janitor makes me a warrior for the working class, I wear that … Continue reading →
Minion #462.5 writes in with something that almost succeeds, except it fails, and fails quite badly. Oh most dread and awful Czar (may thine enemies low-crawl naked across a mile of broken glass to pay homage to your shadow), Fearing … Continue reading →
FJR brings up a great observation: we have not had a firearm-related post up for a while. Dread and awful Czar, Followed a youtube link from Borepatch and stumbled on to this cool video showing dragon’s breath shotgun ammo. Thought … Continue reading →
Mail mail mail mail. First, we understand that some Firefox users are seeing white patches on the sides of the site. Guess what? It is your fault, Firefox users. We recommend you upgrade to Thrace 13.2, which not only fixes … Continue reading →
The Czar has perhaps mentioned that he detests Hollywood celebrities. Yes? Okay, so courtesy Brendan at Tyler Durden, who heaps out plenty of celebrity justice so the Czar doesn’t have to, comes a perfectly pathetic story. Just hate-filled. Actress Kim … Continue reading →
Well, we each received a typewritten manifesto in our inboxes, smelling of pine and mountain cabin. The others kind of looked at it, we all looked at each other, and then looked back at the document. And the Mandarin said, … Continue reading →
The Царица insists on having the television on in the morning, which the Czar finds as enjoyable as waking up to find the loud, nosy neighbor sitting in your kitchen the first thing telling you you’re out of coffee. But … Continue reading →
In case you did not realize it, the Republicans held their 85th debate tonight since the start of the year. Fox went for schtick with Google/YouTube supplying the questions; that got tiring, but when you think about it, the candidates … Continue reading →
Boy, the press drives one mad. Bonkers, even. Especially the complete fantastic extrapolations when it comes to science. They have happened here too many times to list, even, but there is yet another new one today. Scientists at CERN have … Continue reading →
Over at Big Government, Stacy Swimp argues that the Tea Party is the 21st Century Civil Rights Movement. This is a bit of a stretch. The Civil Rights Movement has a long, unbroken history of abolitionist traditions, and risked literal … Continue reading →
The Czar believes there are no less than three (3) very serious scandals going on in the Obama administration. At no point do we wish to say the President is involved in any of them—really, the evidence isn’t there—but the … Continue reading →
Yikes. Let us hope this is the start of a trend, with other GOP candidates coming up with pieces as stunning as this. The Czar half-expected to see the Marvel flipping comic marquee at the start of it. The Czar … Continue reading →
The President says we have to raise taxes on the smart and successful because, he says, it’s all there in the math. Since you brought it up, Mr. President, we would very much like to see your math. Ours says … Continue reading →
Hey Furry-faced Czar-dude*: You’ve been around for every election in US history. Has there ever been a president who didn’t run for re-election? Would it be a huge scandal if BHO dropped out, or what? As always, yours, etc. etc.D.T.*I … Continue reading →
Special Operative Extraordinary (sorry, that should read extra-ordinary) MC has been stationed up on the Mandarin’s orbiting mind control satellite changing the oil, and notified us that the webcam we put on there has been compromised. Suppose ‘Puter let Dat … Continue reading →
Steve Chapman of The Chicago Tribune provides some rationale as to “Why the President Should Withdraw.” There is now a growing chorus, fueled by a gathering realizaton, that (a) the President cannot hope to defeat the Republicans and (b) he … Continue reading →
Yesterday, David Axelrod stopped working on his résumé long enough to state that the President is in great shape for 2012. Members of the media have focused on the President’s approval ratings as if they existed in a black box…Following … Continue reading →
The door to exam room 1 opened, and Doctor Gillis breezed in, Gary’s chart in hand. “Morning, Gary,” he said cheerfully. “How are you?” Gary waved back and said “Great, just a checkup today. The factory’s making me get a … Continue reading →
Hello underlings. Know what could potentially help your career in a big way? (1) Work for us at the Castle as a minion, in which case you will survive (probably) our eventual world takeover and (possibly) be rewarded with a … Continue reading →
The Czar wonders why he sometimes gets ‘Puter’s mail. Batter up. Mighty Czar, I can’t think of an adequate way to introduce to this link. It quite simply just needs to be read. Glorious. A few thoughts spring to mind: … Continue reading →
Thanks to the magic that is Twitter, we have seen some retweeting of our post on Dr. Oz’s inability to understand science, despite the fact he somehow functions as a freaking heart surgeon or something. Evidently, lots of you have … Continue reading →
Uh-huh. So Dr. Oz warns that certain brands of apple juice contain dangerously high levels of arsenic. FDA sends him a nasty note back that his researchers evidently do not know that organic arsenic is safe, and that no apple … Continue reading →
One way of telling how bad it is? When a Democratic campaign-strategist-for-hire begins telling his clients not to run in 2012 because any apparent affiliation with Barack Obama is going to kill your campaign. Ouch. If the GOP takes a … Continue reading →
Wow. Not only do they openly laugh at Jay Carney (0:56), but look at the pained look on his face as he tries to explain his boss…something like a sneer of contempt and anguish knowing that something painful is about … Continue reading →
Uncle Jay shares this thought: When I get emails from my Left Coast “friends” (and I use that term very loosely) I have to wonder what they are smoking, and what idiots like Andrew Sullivan are imbibing. If you ask … Continue reading →
Chicago Sun-Times “columnist” (that’s how he’s billed, although this is a major stretch) Jesse Jackson…or more realistically, whoever is ghost-writing his crap…today accuses the Republicans of intent to commit voter fraud. Really. As the campaigns for the 2012 presidential election … Continue reading →
So let us see if we understand this correctly. Michele Bachmann is against vaccinations, maybe, because some random stranger went up to her and claimed one caused mental retardation. The Czar is pained to say it, but this is not … Continue reading →
The Czar watched the debate this evening with millions of other Americans (at least until Top Gear came on, which to be frank, was one of the funniest episodes they have ever done). Overall, there was not much more on … Continue reading →
David Brandhorst would be about thirteen years old today. He would be back in school, catching up with friends by text message, and scrambling to finish his homework. He probably would spend a little time on Xbox Live, worry about … Continue reading →
Passing through several small communities today, we saw many homes displaying American flags. Some were large, some were very small. Some hung from poles, while some were on tiny wood dowels and stuck in flower plots on front porches. Some … Continue reading →
If you have the time, FotG Jonathan Viceroy Last has a superb analysis of President Obama’s narcissism that begs for broader promotion. And since our site averages 62 billion readers a day, this would be a great place to promote … Continue reading →
As you know, one of the big economic fears is inflation. When public debt goes very high, inflation is very popular trick Democrats use to get Republicans elected President. Basically, you print up a whole bunch of dollar bills and … Continue reading →
Several thousand years ago, the Czar predicted what Obama would resort to in his speech tonight. How did the Czar do? An assurance that he feels the pain, and he knows Americans are hurting. Obama: “But the millions of Americans … Continue reading →
“My fellow Americans, esteemed members of the Senate and the House of Representatives, Justices of the Supreme Court, and members of the Cabinet.” “How’s everything going? Looks like you’re doing pretty well. And I really hope things are going well … Continue reading →
The Czar wants you to know there was a debate this evening. Interestingly, this was the longest amount of time he has spent watching MSNBC. Evidently, they lean forward all over themselves. The questions were terrible, and to the candidates’ … Continue reading →
Our apologies to the various residents around the Plateau of Leng, on which resides our Castle. Those of you in the area around 10pm last night saw something that was either really cool or horribly frightening. If you were scared … Continue reading →
If you aren’t reading Pundit and Pundette, you’re missing some superb takedown analysis of the current administration. Be glad they’re on our side; the Czar would hate to be a victim of their water-freezing gaze! No particular favorite essay: just … Continue reading →
So what have the unions been up to? That is, besides telling Obama that he should not count on their support in 2012? Man, that guy can annoy anybody. Dread, awful, all-knowing-but-I-tell-him-stuff-anyway Czar, Saw this on NRO’s Corner from Kevin … Continue reading →
Once in a while, the Czar says something he believes will generate a lot of grief, and is surprised to find people agree with him. The Czar made such a comment the other day, and has received a couple of … Continue reading →
Sharp-brained Gormogon readers (the Czar repeats himself, as you are all sharp-brained) will recall the Czar musing on the development of a new meme: One-Term President, which has been catching on fire among the liberal media. Some of us, however, … Continue reading →
The concept of invisible tanks is not only brilliant, it turns out to be pretty simple. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia … Continue reading →
Wow, did Michael Potemra totally nail it today. Basically, he demonstrates that anyone with a sensible reading of Genesis (the book, not the Gabriel/Collins group) must conclude that Darwinian evolution is actually in the interest of religion. In fact, not … Continue reading →
Sometimes, the Czar feels really sorry for White House Press Secretary Jay Carney. He repeatedly goes before the world press, explains exactly what the President meant to say, in no uncertain terms, and rejects any notion that there is another, … Continue reading →
Are you wondering what President Obama is going to announce in his upcoming Major Speech to the Nation? Really? No, we didn’t think so. In fact, we can pretty much call this like a rigged bingo game. Look for: An … Continue reading →
This is what happens to rock stars all the time. Be sure to read the comments. Smart fellows, all. Now that we have been found out, we will have to leak some nonsense out that refutes all of this. Stay … Continue reading →
In case you get tired of the Czar taking credit for everything and would rather just count the number of times he winds up being right for yourself, here is another. Back in August of 2009, the Czar predicted that … Continue reading →
Gormogon Lawn Darts and Drinking Club chaplain writes in to explain where he has been for the last couple of weeks. Also, the club only has two members: him and ‘Puter. Well, I had a great time at World Youth … Continue reading →
Jonathan S. Tobin over at Commentary posts a brief essay that dismisses any notion of a Rick Perry/Mitt Romney “feud.” Did you know about a feud? Tobin didn’t. Neither did we. So why are we not surprised? In obedience to … Continue reading →
Dang it all if Confucius* doesn’t know how to get the Czar’s goat. Actually, the Czar used to have a goat—an actual goat—but no longer does. To be fair, it was ‘Puter that ruined it, not Volgi. But the Volgi … Continue reading →
The right-wing pundits have been falling all over themselves to answer a challenge from Jonathan Alter, who asks: Tell me again why Barack Obama has been such a bad president? I’m not talking here about him as a tactician and … Continue reading →
And the mail comes in: Great and Mighty, etc., Dreadful, etc., цѣсарь, Your humble Burgher of Bong sends greetings from the land of Badgers and Beer-makers and Meat-Packers. Also the land of pointless recall elections, expensive ‘bring out your dead’ … Continue reading →
The Czar will be in big trouble if you tell anybody about this. Fortunately, ‘Puter never reads this site, so we should be safe. His brother Krizz called him yesterday, and said “Need your help, bro. There’s a skunk somewhere … Continue reading →
Jesse Jackson, whom the Czar refuses to address as Reverend on principle, decided to honor the memory of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., by calling Tea Partiers a bunch of racists. Because that, you know, is what Dr. King wanted … Continue reading →
For a robot, GorT is as smart as they get. GorT neatly expands on our own essay on reading. Indeed, the Czar wished he had the space to explain in his own essay what GorT so perfectly expounded in his. … Continue reading →
Well, who doesn’t love someone smart writing in: Dear Czar, As I read your post entitled “Liberal Science“, a light dawned upon me. When you pointed out that reading began to suffer along with math and science, I was struck … Continue reading →
Readers here know the Czar has some pet peeves. One is the notion that Republicans hate science, and Democrats/Liberals are its most ardent supporters. And these same readers know that the Czar likes to list every example of Liberals or … Continue reading →
So veteran 80s cop show character-actor Jon Huntsman is at risk of running as an independent? So wonders the right-wing media, way more so than Huntsman himself—who seems far more interested in questioning how Gov. Rick Perry can run the … Continue reading →
MC writes in after a weird and unexplained absence: First the earthquake, next should be Irene on Saturday. DC does not do well with tropical systems either. The Mandarin has wisely steered it, by way of apology for the earthquake, … Continue reading →
The family spent a good deal of the weekend watching the Little League World Series, which is really one of the best ways to watch baseball—kids from around the world playing their hearts out, as if every routine pop fly … Continue reading →
Some of you wrote in supporting the Czar’s tirade against the volunteer head of religious education at his local Muscovy church. As you recall, the Цесаревич, and now sigh the Царевич as well, must attend religious education over at Наша … Continue reading →
What a welcome surprise always is a vulture sitting on the parapet outside our window, a hand-written note tightly tied around the talon from our Ninjababe Minion Emily G. Also sprach Ninjababe: I was tempted to great your Czarness with … Continue reading →
The Czar took the family out to a really outstanding but noisy Mexican restaurant the other night. In the booth behind us, the Czar’s finely tuned ears picked out a woman saying “…the Democrats. They want to ‘tax the rich, … Continue reading →
Well, now, this is just really great prose: My subject, however, is the recurring Democratic complaint—or, more properly, talking point—that the Republican Party has now ‘strayed’ so far to the right that its onetime standard bearers, from Abraham Lincoln to … Continue reading →
MH, whose loyalty will surely see him as sole ruler of the Canadianan provinces, brings you news that you just do not get here in the US. And indeed, this is a story the Czar knew nothing about. See why … Continue reading →
Ah, the end of summer: baseball is winding down, kids are going back to school, and the media starts to ridicule conservatives for things they say. We all know how the game works: when Democrats say stupid things, it’s because … Continue reading →
ME writes in. Your Dreaded Czarness, As a current resident of Germantown (though hopefully a temporary one until I return to badlands of Arizona), I beg your permission to embark on a quest to look for the spot at where … Continue reading →
Once again, it falls to the Gormogons to spell it out for everybody. Another “flash mob” incident happened in Germantown, MD, in which a group of 28 teens charged a convenience store and looted the place, evacuating in under a … Continue reading →
Not too far off from an essay in which is Czar showed how liberals continually move the goalposts out of a mistaken belief in their own popularity, Walter Russell Mead at The American Interest recounts the same history of the … Continue reading →
For the record, the Czar is not at all interested in Governor Rick Perry’s tough talk on Ben Bernanke. Not given the years of worse crap we have heard from liberal politicians. We know liberal amnesia is bad, but you … Continue reading →
And so the Czar was lucky to have no less a personage than Uncle Jay over to the Castle for a brief lunch. You do read Uncle Jay every day, no? Anyway, with a rare-enough trip to Chicago in his … Continue reading →
BG writes in with an observation (and curious ploy) appropriate to a topic much on our mind lately: Great and Wondrous and (Regrettably, Apparently Lonesome) Czar – There is another meme out there, which was on display on the cover … Continue reading →
Den of Geek, whose website is a bit too frenetic for the Czar, nevertheless has a superb essay: The 10 Biggest Problems With Modern Day Cinema. We wish that all Hollywood directors and producers would read it. They won’t, but … Continue reading →
Lifetime Movie Networks has anounced they are going to reboot several franchises. The Czar is not particularly a fan of the network, but knows in his encompassing wisdom that some of you are. Here is a taste of what you … Continue reading →
One question we never get asked is what web browsers we use. GorT thought it would be a great idea if we each shared some information about our respective web browsers. So here goes. You geek dorks will find this … Continue reading →
The most welcome and very non-riff-raffy Professor Mondo sends us a message inscribed on a reeve: O Terror of the Steppes (and also the Escalatorres): Your post reminded me of a bit of oddness I’ve wondered about for some time. … Continue reading →
You know, the Czar got a bit creeped out this past summer when he was in a large, commercial chain bookstore and saw an aisle—an aisle—named Supernatural Erotic Teen Fiction. That did not prepare him for the following sign he … Continue reading →
Let us see. Volgi is hiding up in his quarters with that goofy Yeti of his, watching another Sonny Chiba movie on Beta. Yeah, he sits there with his iPad now, Twittering all day. Averages about 800 tweets a day, … Continue reading →
Internet fans like to use the word meme a lot without necessarily or remotely understanding what it means. Effectively, people use it like the word myth, although a meme is quite different from a myth. A meme is more than … Continue reading →
The Czar shall now speak on the Republican debate this evening. This was much livelier, and more engaging to watch. Some candidates really dislike the others, that’s for sure. But the questions were unbalanced or staged (why no economic questions … Continue reading →
If you’re not familiar with Emily Grace, who basically runs our PR department these days, you should be. On her own site, she compares Americans to the rioters in the UK and makes some astonishing points. She states she is … Continue reading →
Well, now, what do we make of the Wisconsin recall elections? We could mention that the GOP’s success wasn’t overwhelming. We could mention that the two predictable wins gained by the Democrats may very well be offset by next week’s … Continue reading →
We have all been so preoccupied today with the season premier of Top Shot that no one posted a thing. Anyway, gotta go… the conclusion is minutes away. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ … Continue reading →
Your Czarness, As much as I fear incurring wrath from the Castle, I must confess that I describe myself, politically speaking, as, ahem, an ….independent. I do vote and so contradict your first point, and as you’ve now had the … Continue reading →
Dear Mr. Czar, I couldn’t help but notice Mandarin’s animal testing. Here is a similar video: I came across this because of story where a guy worked for one of those online help sites- you enter chat with a person, … Continue reading →
Czar, the depths of depravity and cruelty to which the Mandarin descends when experimenting on dogs is abominable. Please tell me he does something to cats, too. Indeed. He once put a kitten in a boot amplification module, with horrifying … Continue reading →
Czar, we were horrified to learn of Mandarin’s gratuitous experimentation on animals. Is there any more? Please say yes. Here is an experiment in which a dog was introduced to a ball in a trash can. The Czar of MuscovyБожію … Continue reading →
Czar, is it true that the Mandarin engages in bizarre experiments on animals? Yes, sad to say it is true. Here’s a typical one. Shocking. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. … Continue reading →
Our essay entitled “Bad Numbers for Progressives” generated two email responses. First, GD writes in with an embarrassing confession (for him, of course): Dread, awesome, etc. etc., I would propose that at least 10% in the “independent or moderate” category … Continue reading →
Big Hollywood has a piece up by John Nolte in which he provides examples of federal dollars being spent to support starving artists whose works, basically, suck. Of course. This should be no surprise, and this premise explains two recurring … Continue reading →
