Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
Want to see a blog post/op ed that is 100% politically charged while being completely balanced between right and left? Alexandra Petri can do one. She wrote a masterful and point-blank humorous takedown of Vice-President Biden and his perpetually difficult … Continue reading →
So Gallup concludes, correctly, that America leans conservative. Indeed, their recent poll (which confirms what we have known since the 1980s) holds about the same: 41 percent of Americans openly consider themselves conservative, and 21 percent consider themselves liberal. The … Continue reading →
Today was a special day. While ‘Puter and Dr. J are running the Castle, the Czar was happy to host GorT, the Mandarin, and the 孔夫子, the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV) here at the Czar’s dacha in Muscovy. Actually, … Continue reading →
Uncle Jay, again with the great math jokes: Also, this: Cracks up my kids. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, … Continue reading →
Strangest email of the day: Oh great, dreaded and most powerful Czar of all Muscovies, The Japanese did an entire series of battleship vs. aliens. Starblazers as it is known in English chronicles the adventures of the crew of the … Continue reading →
The offensively accurate Brendan at Tyler Durden shares something in common with the Czar: a total loathing for celebrities, coupled with Hollywood’s inexplicable idolatry for people who couldn’t figure out where the Panama Canal was located. Most of his stuff, … Continue reading →
The Gormogons are thinking of rebooting the Mary Poppins franchise. Whattaya think of this as our first trailer? H/T to Jonah Goldberg. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was … Continue reading →
The Czar hates to play the blame game, and he would love to pin that reluctance on someone or something. But once again, we have to argue that the term “Right Wing” is not defined as “Anything the Left Wing … Continue reading →
You know, the Czar was around for the French Revolution. And when he reads Arthur Herman draw some eerie parallels like this: Some people compare our current political turn, including the growth of the Tea Party, to the American Revolution. … Continue reading →
Back in the days before Gavin Newsom turned San Francisco into a dump totally unfriendly to tourists, the Czar and Царица were enjoying uncharacteristically hot weather. She had never been to San Francisco before, so the Czar was taking her … Continue reading →
The wily nzc writes in to pick sides on the Fermilab vs. Large Hadron Collider race to find the Higgs boson. He adds: I will pour out a forty for them if the LHC gets it first. best, nzc Can’t … Continue reading →
Professor Mondo has a typically well-written post today regarding the cultural transition parents underwent in the last few decades of letting kids be kids and (over-)protecting them from strangers. The essay is tightly written, and the Czar’s summary hardly does … Continue reading →
CN rather expertly contributes the following: Most honorable Czar of Muscovy, who with a single effort of the pen of writing makes my most eloquent efforts seem but the ramblings of the unschooled child, it was my humble pleasure to … Continue reading →
Wow, we have the smartest readers in the world. Thank goodness you readers wind up writing half the stuff on here. Check this bad boy out from NR: Dread Czar, Nice post on the Higgs – much better than most … Continue reading →
All right, enough. The media is already all over the road like a drunk driver with this Higgs Boson particle. Proof of parallel universes? Time travel? The God Particle? Give us a break. Actually, here is a hint. If the … Continue reading →
Overall, the Boehner rebuttal was really good, not just in content, but in psychology. The President will likely give less of his incessant lecture hall jeremiads if the GOP continually goes on television right after him and disproves his every … Continue reading →
Hey J-School grads! News has been bogged down lately. Here are some golden ideas for you to write stories on, based of course on your typical templates and antics. Have at it! Remember when you violated Michele Bachmann’s legal right … Continue reading →
Yes, the short answer, is that Captain America: The First Avenger is a pretty solid movie. There is plenty in it to anger homeland haters: the movie is accepts as a given that the Nazis are evil, that America is … Continue reading →
Like you, the Czar is deeply saddened by the deaths of 80 people (most if not all were kids) in Norway. There are some peculiar elements to the story. How could one person, armed with a small number of weapons, … Continue reading →
The Czar thinks he speaks for a lot of conservatives when he says he would like to be convinced about Global Warming. After all, there is nothing more conservative than preserving what we have; if it turns out that the … Continue reading →
This Sunday, we throw the kids in the armored train and take them to the mall to see Captain America. The Czar likes to go Sunday mornings because the theaters here are emptier, half price, and he really likes sitting … Continue reading →
Media spin and bias, and Hollywood reaffirmations of the same, can only go so far. We live in interesting times—when conservatives have found a way to overpower the monopoly on information, and when the liberals have pretty much blown their … Continue reading →
This list barely scratches the surface: The Internet Spread spectrum wireless communications Digital photography GPS Forward-looking infrared Zodiac boats Night-vision cameras Telemedicine Velcro RADAR Heads-up displays Data encryption Nuclear reactors SONAR Flat panel displays Robotic prosthetics Indeed, this list is … Continue reading →
Anne Applebaum has an article in this month’s Foreign Policy that looks at the weird world into which Mikhail Gorbachëv has descended. The Czar thinks that she just about has this 100% correct: that he has wound up as some … Continue reading →
Ever alert JAB spotted that David Brooks liberally borrows from our site. And now Mark Steyn is doing it. Steyn writes: His name was Obamandias, King of Kings. Look upon his works, ye mighty, and despair. Round the decay of … Continue reading →
There has been no immediate end of discussion on the latest Time magazine PR disaster—an article that openly suggests that the Constitution is becoming an out-moded document. Sure, the article is framed to investigate whether the original intentions of the … Continue reading →
Uncle Jay cracks the Czar up with this perfectly valid observation: Math class is the only place where you can buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, … Continue reading →
Nightfly (whom you can totally picture, right?) is our project manager in charge of “randomizing” the lotto games in each state. Nightfly writes in to solve a problem quite honestly the Czar was not having…but it illustrates how breath-takingly smart … Continue reading →
The Czar told you this was coming. The Los Angeles Times dutifully reports that House Speaker Boehner and House Majority Leader Cantor are virtually at fisticuffs, tearing at each other’s throats, because things are really this bad for the Republicans. … Continue reading →
Here is an interesting tidbit you wouldn’t read anywhere else. Did you know that the film Journey to the Far Side of the Sun was based on a true story? Word. In fact, the Mandarin told us, we discovered through … Continue reading →
Hey, whatever happened to Rocky Burnette? Anyway, since Tom “Petty” Petty doesn’t want Michele Bachmann using “American Girl,” maybe Rocky will let her use the more appropriate “Tired of Toein’ the Line?” The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима … Continue reading →
BG wrote this in angels on the head of a pin, and then sent us the pin: Regarding your observation that “American liberals attempt to diminish if not redact Ronald Reagan’s responsibility for ending the Cold War peacefully…” Liberals damn … Continue reading →
The Gormogons would like to welcome the newest country to Earth: South Sudan. Her flag is pictured to the right. Really, welcome! Especially after all you have been through. Of course, this changes nothing: the country of South Sudan was … Continue reading →
Is it not a strange irony that so many American liberals (a) want to follow Europe’s examples across the board, and (b) attempt to diminish if not redact Ronald Reagan’s responsibility for ending the Cold War peacefully? The irony being … Continue reading →
The Gormogons are saddened to have heard of the passing of the legendary Betty Ford, who overcame adversity to become a name synoymous with recovery. In addition to this massive achievement, she remained a class act throughout the worst of … Continue reading →
Somewhere in the UK, a short-haired, tee-shirt wearing prat with store-bought 5.11 pants fires up Halo: Reach on his Xbox and logs into Xbox Live. His call sign is UniformKiloActual, and he returns the salute to his game avatar. He … Continue reading →
The Big G is, of course, a world-spanning conspiracy. And to prove we are not simply right-wing American jingoists, we want to make an effort to appeal more to our overseas captives interests. With that in mind, we have our … Continue reading →
Well, the Czar is not taking any credit for this. Illinois governmental liberals want to release the names of all Illinois firearm owner identification (FOID) card holders, in order to embarrass them so they never want to own or hold … Continue reading →
Today is often called America’s birthday, which is correct on so many levels, but yet not enough—because it is our birthday as well: yours, ours, the guy next door, the kid dribbling the soccer ball in the field, and the … Continue reading →
Enclosed, please find our check to renew our subscription to your magazine for another year. The Czar wishes it known that your graphics artists are outstanding, and they do have a knack for capturing complex scientific information in an easy-to-understand … Continue reading →
Our good neighbor (well, he is the kind of neighbor who strolls out to get the morning paper wearing only his underwear) Uncle Jay writes in with this very interesting update: Oh dread & awful Czar— Re: Some shooting ranges … Continue reading →
Man, the Czar hates when people ask him to cite sources, because then we all find out what little work we actually do around here. Oh, dread and mighty Czar, I read with interest your post on the baloney reasons … Continue reading →
Neither the Czar nor the Mandarin have commented at all about the Rod Blagojevich trial, and that is because contrary to local news in the greater Chicago area, most people in Illinois don’t give a crap about a guy that … Continue reading →
Well, we go from not having nearly enough firearm-related posts to having way too many at once. And the Czar will admit he is to blame for the latter. Maybe the former, too. But Confucius* alerted the Czar via Twitter … Continue reading →
The Czar was caught off guard by a commercial last night, in which a group of people begin to decry government waste such as funding dog poetry, treadmills for shrimp, and so on. Seems a bit early for a GOP … Continue reading →
And in the dark corners of the Castle dungeons, whispers and hissing did slip through the dank air. Faces, barely lit by flickering candlelight, would lean in from the gloom only to fade back into shadow. Antient and eldritch words, … Continue reading →
Dread, ominous, invincible, etc… Please explain the quirk of Illinois voting that allows a bill to have enough votes to override a veto, but not enough votes to make it to the governor? Was it shot down in committee or … Continue reading →
If the Czar were a professional gun control advocate, he might think about grabbing a box, getting some of the best office supplies, taking down the poster of the kitten hanging by her front paws on a clothesline, and heading … Continue reading →
The rarely comforting Uncle Jay gives you reason to pause this Sunday morning. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and … Continue reading →
A Canadian Reader writes in from the London you would want to visit with one of the strangest emails the Czar has received in a long time. Enjoy. Mighty Czar, Many thanks for the ‘Never attribute to malice what can … Continue reading →
We have not had a good gun post in a while. Today, the Czar and Mandarin took the families shooting. The Inscrutable Mandarin brought the Lady Pêng of Hsüeh and Young Master MiGo, and the Czar brought the Царица and … Continue reading →
Know how you meet somebody who is pretty funny, but you realize that you can take maybe 20 or 30 minutes of him before the bit gets tiring and you think he should shut up? Cars 2 is quite a … Continue reading →
New Chicago police chief Garry McCarthy does not believe in the Second Amendment. On the subject of lax gun laws, he asked “Let’s see if we can make a connection here. Slavery. Segregation. Black codes. Jim Crow. What, what did … Continue reading →
My, but has the Czar been ever so remiss on his email! Apologies, friends, for our lack of attention. First up, we have that other Dr. J., that is, Dr. (KN)J, who writes in: I know that the empty leash … Continue reading →
This AFP piece by Dan De Luce caught our eye this evening, and there is something positively off-putting about it. “Commanders say Obama overruled them on Afghanistan.” Well, not quite. The article says that GNL David Petraeus—a commander (singular)—and ADM … Continue reading →
Liberal suckers all over the US have been really, truly impressed with China for many disturbing reasons. One such example is China’s surprising and laudable move to being a green country. Why, don’t you know, China is leading the US … Continue reading →
Many American conservatives (Jewish and not) are puzzled by the large scale support American Jews continually offer the Democrats, when the average Democrat does his darndest to smear Israel, support groups who openly want Israel eliminated, and seek to discredit … Continue reading →
Sometimes things start to take on a life of their own. President Obama continues to slide—even more precipitously—in the polls. At this point, it appears that a half-loaded stapler stands a very good chance of defeating President Obama in the … Continue reading →
And so during the opening of the US Open coverage, NBC showed a quick segment of some children reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. Curiously absent from the pledge were the words “under God.” And boy, did the fireworks come out. … Continue reading →
What’s better than one of us replying to ‘Puter’s prose? Jonah Goldberg doing it. Welcome Corner readers. We assume this shall not be your last visit. Help yourself to some popcorn. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный … Continue reading →
Here are some facts that did not exist before last week. The Czar wants you to notice these patterns happening in the media right now, because this is what they are trying to sell you. Michele Bachmann, as of this … Continue reading →
That there is even a business like this? Google Makes the Czar glad to be American. Hard to say why. But there is something perfectly American about this. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ … Continue reading →
Your Czarness: JAB: Me and the younguns’ just came back from Northern Alabama, or N.A. to those in the know. Now, maybe it was the heat shimmering up from the highway, but I’m pretty sure I saw the following sign … Continue reading →
In April, 1949, the fear that the Soviet Union could completely engulf the war-ruined Europe was so great that twelve countries came together effectively to unite their militaries in the event the USSR continued marching West. Over time, many other … Continue reading →
The Czar is going to reveal something that really should not surprise you. In fact, he has been saying it quite a lot over the last 48 hours, and no one who has asked the Czar has been surprised. The … Continue reading →
The Czar apologizes for the length of what is, ultimately, a fairly personal post. Muscovy, as many of you tourists know, is a quiet, sleepy suburb to the west of Chicago. Here, your Czar rules as a ferocious tyrant, even … Continue reading →
David Spriegel, student intern at the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum, found two notes amid some already reviewed documents that have now confirmed to be written by Lincoln himself. The first note, though succinct, clearly reflects the future 16th … Continue reading →
Reuters, an old man in his 80s, frowns at the newspaper and asks “How many of these superhero movies are they gonna make?” This article is another good example of why journalists should never be allowed to write. Ever. Green … Continue reading →
Thank you for your attention. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all … Continue reading →
Dr. Boli, how great thou art. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of … Continue reading →
This is just plain nuts. DT writes in with something that actually non-plusses the Czar. Oh Captain My Captain, I note with amusement that a journalism major from Berkeley thinks that computer programming is hard. I’ve been a professional developer … Continue reading →
Today is Flag Day, and like many of us at the Big G, the Czar ensures that on nearly every day of the year, his flag is up and flying. When the flag really begins to fray and fall apart, … Continue reading →
Reading others’s thoughts, from a variety of vantage points, on the debate has pointed out a couple of things: – As suspected, many of the mainstream organizations are absolutely certain that Mitt Romney won the debate. The Czar doubts it: … Continue reading →
Lord Eric trained his nanobots to form this message before the Czar: Being a strong advocate for crowdsourcing, and also being mildly amused at the media’s general seething bloodlust around Sarah Palin (Whom I’m personally ambivalent about, at best), I … Continue reading →
Well, the Czar grabbed a couple of frosties and put his feet up on the couch to watch this evening’s debate, accompanied to his delight by the Царица (who thought that Michele Bachmann had an awesome hairstyle) and the Цесаревич … Continue reading →
And it is a gripping read. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of … Continue reading →
Hey GorT, What the Czar thinks is even better is that a couple of Palin supporters are asking conservatives of all stripes to volunteer for this. Why? So that conservatives find emails that support family values, tax reduction, free trade … Continue reading →
Hiya again!!! Its meeee! Medea Mainstream, and I am back to tell you all about my latest summer project. So you know how that Sarah Palin girl is like the valedetorian for the whole high school because she is a … Continue reading →
The great Scott O has been thinking about Newt Gingrich. The Czar thinks Mr. O has got things exactly right. His opinion is short, and if he does not object, the Czar elects to reprint it in its near entirety … Continue reading →
1996 Republican Presidential candidate Robert “Bob” Dole has launched an exploratory committee for a 2012 Presidential run. “I mean, what the f—,” Dole explained to a room containing three reporters. “Every other goddamn has-been wash-out candidate for the last 20 … Continue reading →
Now a rumor is out that Congressman Weiner can’t resign because he is afraid of how he will pay his bills. He has no money sources outside his $174,000 a year salary. Really? His wife is working for free? Regardless, … Continue reading →
DT carved this message in the flesh of a dead Myrmidion, and threw this through the back window: Oh Mighty Czar, The House of Representatives in my fair state of Connecticut has approved a Senate-passed bill decriminalizing pot – a … Continue reading →
GD leaps into action with his exciting Kung Fu grip: Dread, awful, powerful, all-seeing Czar, I was 100% with you, right up until you dragged his poor, pregnant (according to the interwebs), suffering wife into the discussion. I totally agree … Continue reading →
There has been a little bit of consideration on both sides of the aisle that maybe Congressman Weiner deserves a pass on this incident. After all, this is a private matter between Congressman Weiner and his wife; it doesn’t affect … Continue reading →
Borepatch, whom you read every day, right?, found and posted this. Not safe for work, although you will probably share it with your co-workers anyway, due to the graphic language from a cute widdle princess who got bum-rushed from the … Continue reading →
Allow the Czar to congratulate GorT on a spot-on essay regarding Congressman Weiner. Ultimately, the summary of Weiner’s press conference was “I take full responsibility for my actions, but I will not resign.” Which means he does not take full … Continue reading →
From the good doctor: Dear The Czar, Dr. J. has spoken in the past with regard to the McDonalds recovery, and the effect that healthcare waivers had on hiring. Today there was an article posted on CBS Marketwatch. Heavily paraphrased—A … Continue reading →
Цесаревич and the Czar have returned from the Sunday morning showing of X-Men: First Class. The movie has been getting some odd reviews: most of the mainstream critics seem to dislike this movie, although the reasons why are inarticulate. Roger … Continue reading →
And here come the letters about Sarah Palin! And first up is no less a celebrity than Borepatch hisself (whom you read every day like the Czar does, right?). Anyway, Borepatch says: It looks like she got it [the Paul … Continue reading →
The Czar has come to the unfortunate realization that Sarah Palin, despite her talents and media sizzle, is now unelectable. Perhaps this is a good thing. —Her recent association with Donald Trump was a major mistake, when other GOP leaders … Continue reading →
If there’s one good thing about ‘Puter, it’s that he’s fair enough to call out shenanigans on the Right. If there’s two good things about ‘Puter, it would be news to us. More to the first point, we want our … Continue reading →
More and more people are concluding that Barack Obama is one of America’s worst presidents. And that’s just among his office staff. The GOP, as this site has warned ad nauseum, has to be extremely careful to pick the right … Continue reading →
The Czar notices we have not touched Weiner’s wiener. Let us suppose the Congressman is innocent of sending an obscene photograph to a college girl. What we have is a member of Congress who has somehow been hacked. If someone … Continue reading →
Uh-oh. So Chris Christie took a helicopter to his son’s baseball game, stayed five minutes, and left? And this is the guy who is a notorious fiscal conservative? Conservatives are horrified! Not all of them, of course. Some of them … Continue reading →
No less a celebrity than one Emily Grace has “graced” us with an email. You all know her: she is one of our biggest promoters, particularly on Twitter, where she has personally linked us to several thousand followers (until ‘Puter … Continue reading →
How bad are things for the President? According to Weekly Standard’s Jeffrey H. Anderson,, Paul Ryan could beat him solo. According to his calculus: To win the presidency, Ryan would just have to win his home state and hold GOP-leaning … Continue reading →
No possible additional comment. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia … Continue reading →
GorT recommends the use of Easy Off to clean grilles. Maybe the Czar missed the point, here, but he tried it. And after 20 minutes, the can exploded on the grille. Big mess. So important safety tip: spray Easy Off … Continue reading →
The President walks into the White House kitchen early this morning. “I would like breakfast.” “Yes, Mr, President. Our choices this morning are pancackes or eggs.” The President tilts his chin upward. “I would like Belgian waffles.” The cook nervously … Continue reading →
