Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
So look what the Volgi dug up in the basement. It’s from a 1954 issue of Collier’s magazine. Yep, before all the global cooling… wait, global warming… heck, now it’s cooling again… began. Do your Gormogons believe in man-made climate … Continue reading →
This is going to be a bit of a gripe. Now, you know, the Czar isn’t one to complain, but about fifteen minutes ago, his mouse stopped working. Just died, cold. So the Czar unplugged it, and plugged it back … Continue reading →
Sorry, we are a bit backed up here at the Castle. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated … Continue reading →
For a second, the Czar got excited there when he spottted the headline “Obama Dispatches Geithner, Lew to Negotiate on Tax Cuts.” Ah, they mean the President ordered the two on a special assignment. See, when the Czar dispatches somebody, … Continue reading →
The Volgi just let me know that actor Leslie Nielsen has passed away at the age of 84. For once, don’t you know, the Czar is truly shocked. His money was on Gene Hackman. And let it be said, our … Continue reading →
The Czar is inclined to agree with FotG Claire Berlinski that it does not matter whether the mainstream media acknowledges that Portland teenager Mohamed Osman Mohamud is a Muslim terrorist, because anybody more than two seconds into the story can … Continue reading →
The Big Guy from Listen To Uncle Jay writes in: “The peasants are revolting!” —Sir Rodney, The Wizard of Id, Parker & Hart O Cruel and Vicious Czar, By the Grace of God, Emperor and Autocrat of All the Russias, … Continue reading →
The Czar was alarmed this morning when he had great difficulty walking downstairs to breakfast at his dacha in Muscovy. Was something broken? A neurological problem? He mentioned in passing to the Царица with some hesitation, because she tends to … Continue reading →
Checked your homeowner’s insurance lately? A lot of people pay off their mortgage with property taxes and homeowner’s insurance rolled into a lump sum (“escrow”). Each month, they either write a check or use an auto-deduction to pay that off. … Continue reading →
…from the Gormogons! (from left to right, the Mandarin, GorTechie, the Œcumenical Volgi (id est, 孔夫子, The Notorious ŒV), the Czar of Muscovy, and Ghettoputer Gormogon. Taking the photo, and not in the picture, is Sleestak (one of the few … Continue reading →
The Volgi pointed us to this: it’s an amateur’s assessment of North Korean military options, and the Czar has gotta tell you, this thing is more detailed and well reasoned than some actual military SWOT documents he has seen. Our … Continue reading →
The Czar is finally getting around to tackling a backlog of mail. First up, BG writes in: I read this and all I could think was, “Arghhh! The stupid! It burns!!!!!!!!!” E.J. Dionne writes: So on the one hand, we … Continue reading →
Before your local newspaper screws this up, the Czar thought he should try to explain a curious news item going around the scientific circles. The story is that famous physicist Roger Penrose has described evidence that supports a controversial theory … Continue reading →
Crap, the Czar has a lot of email to respond to. He got some really good ones over the last two days, and he promises he will answer. But what about this North Korean thing? To catch you up, because … Continue reading →
Ah, history. Where would we be without ya? The Czar thinks much of history. Today, he is thinking about a belief once shared by American politicians: the best presidents, the thought goes, neither seek the Presidency nor reject the call … Continue reading →
It was a bitterly cold Christmas Eve when General George Washington stepped out of the freezing rime to view the Delaware River. He stared nervously down a long road, concerned with thoughts of British scouts rumored to be near Yardley. … Continue reading →
Folks, don’t forget that you can explore our libraries down a little bit and to the left. You can see the books we talk about here, and even make periodic references to. If you especially like, you can buy the … Continue reading →
Notre Dame played Army at Yankee Stadium tonight. Good game. Did anybody spot this during rehearsal before the game? The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the … Continue reading →
Spielberg is a strange dude. He got bounced from the first Harry Potter movie because he could not find an English kid who could be a better Potter than Haley Joel Osment. Now, he can’t find an American who can … Continue reading →
Perhaps the Czar is being unkind or unfair. Unfortunately, though, that is exactly what Czars (real ones away) can get away with. So here we see Vice-President Biden figuring out exactly what went wrong for President Obama: the reason Obama … Continue reading →
Tip to The Big Guy @ Uncle Jay. Very disheartening update: Borepatch just notified the Czar (through official channels) of an alleged photograph with this very picture on a TSA computer screen, in what appears to be full view of … Continue reading →
Unless you have been living on the moon (which is possible in our case), or have a job, or have basically anything better to do with your time—that should cover everybody—you have no doubt heard one of two stories: That … Continue reading →
The Czar is not certain what the author’s actual point is, but it can’t be a good one. Wired’s David Axe is reporting on the remarkably interesting X-37B spaceplane, which the United States Air Force is currently testing. One of … Continue reading →
And so the responses to the Czar’s airport security proposal keep coming in. EC is first with an appropriate attitude: Your Czarness: Yes! Right on! Moreover: Not that our government much cares, but where in the Constitution does the federal … Continue reading →
What a mess the TSA finds itself in. The Czar has a crazy proposal on how to solve the entire security issue at airports: eliminate the TSA. Simply and seriously, just announce that the TSA will no longer be provided … Continue reading →
BG provides a status update for a task that the Czar does not remember assigning, but then asks some questions on currency: Great and Terrible Gormogons— As you commanded, I have begun dumping sugar into the gas tanks of the … Continue reading →
John Boehner was addressing the new House members over the weekend, and decided to talk a little history. I mentioned Longworth earlier; another great Speaker was Henry Clay. Henry Clay did something noble: he left the Senate to join the … Continue reading →
And all this time the Czar has been saying that President Obama has completely failed to fulfill his promises on increasing the role of science in politics! Because we learn that Obama science advisor John Holdren will be appearing on … Continue reading →
Where on earth do you go with this one? Let us see if we understand what happened. Harvey decides to sell his riding lawnmower. Two drunk guys, Troy and James, show up and offer to pay Harvey $250. Harvey asks … Continue reading →
Jonathan Last (FotG) positively nails the psychology of the President. The Czar admits it: he is insanely jealous of this piece. The Czar says this because he believes whole-heartedly in the premise: that President Obama is totally in love with … Continue reading →
Dr. J posits thus: The more time goes on, the more San Francisco distinguishes itself as the last place on Earth that I would wish to live. The individuals they’ve elected to run the place are not fit to tie … Continue reading →
Ramesh Ponnuru discusses the need to retain the 17th Amendment to the United States Constitution. If you were unaware, some conservative groups want to eliminate this amendment that allows the public to elect their US Senators directly, and return things … Continue reading →
Ezra Klein is a hoot to read. He is (presumably) paid to write opinion pieces that never seem to reach a solid conclusion or get much beyond mere political musings. A great example is his piece “Six Things Obama Has … Continue reading →
Our beloved GorTechie says: A number of scientists have begun grumbling that the administration isn’t holding to its promise to be guided by science. Yup. Sore spot with the Czar. Ah, how the liberal scientists all blamed Bush for hating … Continue reading →
‘Great Ghettoputer, Yes, it appears that Dr. J refers to himself in the third person. The Czar takes no responsibility for this, as the Czar sometimes refers to himself in the third person. Sometimes we refer to ourselves in the … Continue reading →
FotG Johnathan V. Last (you know him, right?) wants the Czar to know: I am, as always, a committed fan and follower of the Gormogons. Cool, or what? Sorry, girls, he’s taken! Mr. Last will be rewarded with a continent … Continue reading →
From Gormogon reader MS: Today is a special day indeed for those of us who have worn our nation’s uniform and were blessed enough to survive doing so. Many of our compatriots were not so blessed and today we honor … Continue reading →
Brilliant post, Dread and Awful Czar! Naturally. But there is more: I do have an observation. Uh oh. I worry that the Obama White House has begun reading the Gormogons. The Quantitative Easing began as the Republicans have won the … Continue reading →
The Czar has a proposal for the government. A good one. Helps the Feds and the States. Eliminates billions of dollars in a single shot. Perhaps our quadruple-IQ readership, or even the other mad geniuses who frolic within the Castle, … Continue reading →
DT of the 1st (of Many) Myrmidion Brigade: Czaro di tutti Czari, In your latest missive you write that now we have to make drastic cuts or we’ll collapse waiting for results. You write as if a responsible government could … Continue reading →
Right about here, the Czar asked: “So what say you smart folks? Does JS have a solid idea here? Is the Czar wrong in his (ahem) assessment of the situation? Let us know.” And indeed, JTS writes in! Don’t confuse … Continue reading →
Janet Daley at The Telegraph has an outstanding essay on the Western world’s acknowledgment that socialist government programs and democracy do not mix: [T]here is now a broad understanding that the social democratic project itself is unsustainable: that it has … Continue reading →
Anytime one compares two presidents with each other, the result can only go so far before it becomes unfair to both presidents. We have done it here, with provisions, when we compared Obama to Jackson, Obama to Carter, and even … Continue reading →
CNN says “GOP senator: Consider neutering Iran’s ‘ability to wage war.’” The Czar could say “Democratic Senators: Recommend blatantly ineffective sanctions against Iran in hopes they just give up on a decades-old quest to achieve nuclear weapons, especially now that … Continue reading →
Well, we must have somehow already reached the bottom of the barrel when it comes to political analysis of the recent election. The Czar is unimpressed with this non-shocker story from The Weekly Standard: “GOP Won Greater Percentage of Senate … Continue reading →
BG demands more information on quantitative easing, or so help him, he will stop attaching small orbital thrusters to the billions of ice chunks that compose Saturn’s rings. (By the way, not all of those chunks are ice. You will … Continue reading →
Mail, mail, mail. First, JS writes in to ask: I have a question for you—has anyone ever entertained the idea of tax breaks for people with kids in private schools? I know lots of people hate vouchers, but what about … Continue reading →
Usually when you hear a Latinate + Anglo-French compound noun, you can bet you are hearing a governmental euphemism: like collateral damage, affirmative action, or state capitalism. You can bet the guideline also applies to quantitative easing. All right, what … Continue reading →
Dread and Awful Czar, While we’re on the subject of foolish questions… If cartoon characters have 8 digits (3 fingers and a thumb on each hand), why do they use a decimal, rather than an octal numeric system? Best,Dr. J. … Continue reading →
That the Czar believes Senator Harry Reid to be as senile as he is vicious shall come as no surprise to our highly educated readers. NRO Online has the following quote from the Senate Narrow Majority Leader that shows how … Continue reading →
Dread and Awful Czar, If you can have the first, second, or third of something, what happens if you have less than the first? This is bugging me to no end. Indeed, verily, you can have the zeroth of something. … Continue reading →
Over at the Corner, Douglas Holtz-Eakin says when we’re done celebrating, it’ll be time to wake up and realize nothing has been guaranteed: The reality is that Republicans will not set the agenda. The Tea Party will not set the … Continue reading →
JL, an operative of ours presently relocating the Hudson Bay an inch at a time (didn’t notice, didja?) writes in: Today at the hardware store I stood in line beside a young airman, about 20 I presume, he had just … Continue reading →
BG, as a reward for his hard work on our subatomic miniaturizer project, was given Election Day off; he writes in with some election coverage thoughts: Dread Gormogons – I’m planning to watch MSNBC’s election night coverage because I want … Continue reading →
Every election, either ‘Puter or the Czar reminds you that the price of a democratic republic is the vote. You don’t vote, you don’t complain. In this mid-term election, in particular, every vote counts. Leave work early. Get home later. … Continue reading →
Dread and Awful Czar, When I heard snippets of President Obama’s weekly radio address, I wanted to snort my milk. He can see the big losses coming tomorrow to his party and is trying to hedge his bets… This is … Continue reading →
D & A C, Happy Halloween from Dr. J. Mrs. Dr. J. Is whipping up some witch’s brew and the little interns are practicing amputations. I came across this article on the web. In it a Wyoming congresswoman is telling … Continue reading →
The Czar has often said that scientists tend to be political idiots. Not all, mind you, because that would be an exaggeration. Probably only 99.995% of them, which is easily in the millions. There is of course an unabashed streak … Continue reading →
This is totally true. The Czar received this flyer in the mail last week. Thanks to the Capitol Fax Blog for scanning it in so we did not have to. That awful Mark Kirk! What a terrible conservative. He is, … Continue reading →
The Czar has found Sleestak’s cell phone. It was in his sleeping pylon. The good news is that this disproves that a character in a Charlie Chaplin film found the phone and is talking on cell phone in 1928. First, … Continue reading →
Unhappy with President Obama’s failure to get any real laughs on The Daily Show, Democrats are asking Vice-President Biden to appear on Jeopardy. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar … Continue reading →
Regular readers here probably noticed that we have comments turned off. It is a policy that is universally supported by the Gormogons, and you know why? Low signal-to-noise ratio. With comments turned off, people are forced to send us emails, … Continue reading →
Hello, readers. Do you remember a recent post in which the Czar predicted that the Tea Party seems to be implementing a new phase of attack? This one, we thought, would be aimed at Republicans, not Democrats, and that the … Continue reading →
President Obama cast his absentee ballot today at the White House. A slightly awkward moment for His Excellency, as he moved to vote for Illinois governor and was shocked to see Harry Reid’s name already filled in. The Czar of … Continue reading →
Ah, always good to get an email from DT of the 1st Myrmidion. Oh Most Hoopy of the Froods, the Czar: This morning, while conducting opposition research as leader of the First Gormogon Myrmidon Division , I came across an … Continue reading →
Posted without comment. At first I thought it was a slow news day at the Sun-Times, when I saw this headline Sunday morning: “State Senator Ricky Hendon calls Republican candidate for Governor Brady “idiotic, racist, sexist and homophobic.” Hmmm, I … Continue reading →
Where are the most woo-woo places in the US? You know, the place where you get all funky with crystal healing, spiritual chakras, and so on? Los Angeles, right? San Francisco? Seattle, maybe? The Czar will shock and delight. His … Continue reading →
The increasingly shabby New York Times, in an effort to show the world it can reduce news stories ad absurdum like Time or Newsweek, has prepared a pretty good proof that their junior editors can be just as shoddy as … Continue reading →
So the Texas Rangers have defeated the New York Yankees. Let us imagine how this could be written up. From CNN: Just when ya think you’ve seen everything! It is October, and baseball is always filled with surprises. The Texas … Continue reading →
Many years ago, the Czar dated this girl who liked to watch pornography. The Czar asked her why. “Sex is like baseball,” she said. “It is totally fun to play, but it’s also fun to watch on television, too.” “Oh,” … Continue reading →
Borepatch makes an interesting association between recent conservative faux-gaffes and the problem with Smart People. Check it out. As with all things Borepatch, he lays his argument out simply and efficiently. Because you know what we think of the Smart … Continue reading →
Uncle Jay writes in to say… Oh Mighty One— Once again, I cringe and scrape before thee to offer a tidbit for your perusal: President [Obama’s] restructuring of our Essential Documents. For instance, see Whitehouse.gov’s section on the US Constitution … Continue reading →
Ah, Barney Frank: the Congressman everybody loves to hate. If you really needed a stereotype of a Congress member who does everything wrong yet retains his or her job, Frank is a good one. The Boston Herald just discovered something … Continue reading →
Well, David Zucker’s still got the mojo. Here is his brilliant political ad against Senator Barbara Boxer. The Czar loved it. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born … Continue reading →
So the President is maintaining his foreign policy status quo. By that, he will enrage 1.14 billion people in order to attempt to appease 167 million people. Actually a 7:1 enraged-to-unimpressed ratio is better than he does on most days. … Continue reading →
Barack Obama, Monday night at a dinner in Maryland: It has to do with this idea that was started by 13 colonies that decided to throw off the yoke of an empire, and said, “We hold these truths to be … Continue reading →
Whether you’re Delaware senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell or Illinois gubernatorial candidate Bill Brady, you need to learn to STFU on creationism vs. evolutionism. First off, it isn’t even a debate—creationists cannot engage in a logical rational debate on any matter … Continue reading →
Top Gear is one of the funniest, smartest, most artistic shows put together. Stateside, you will need BBC America to see it, but it is worth going through its 1:20 running time each week. Yes, it is a show about … Continue reading →
The Czar wonders if he is seeing a third phase in the Tea Party movement. The first phase, of course, was to be recognized. And that they were. From a loose collection of small protests called the TEA Party to … Continue reading →
The Czar produced one of these once, but it was centuries ago before we knew much about the atmosphere. Basically, we had it divided into Oceans of Blood of the Disloyal, Stuff you Breathe, Smoke From Fire of Burning Lands, … Continue reading →
And in response to this: Would he approve of a system of handicapping by which the brighter sort of people, like himself, were held back in order that the dimmer sort should have greater opportunities to shine their light, such … Continue reading →
People give the President a really difficult time about the crappy state of the economy, the incredible surge in poverty, and the sickening unemployment rate. But you guys need to realize that being a President is haaaard. Real hard. Especially … Continue reading →
Go ahead and read the Volgi’s posts today. Still willing to read more? Check out a superbly done piece by Christian Hartsock on five things the conservatives have got to stop doing because, frankly, they fuel MSM fires and make … Continue reading →
Well, by now you have heard that Barbara Billingsley has died at the age of 94. Dunno about you, but the Czar always liked Leave It To Beaver, and frankly thinks there are two types of people in the world: … Continue reading →
Another useful how-to from the Gormogons. Remove the mandible from main body of the skull by lifting the skull straight up off the rami. Set the mandible aside; no further disassembly of the mandible is necessary. This will expose a … Continue reading →
Did the Czar ever tell you the story of the time his grandfather Молнидвак got into the згогberry wine, and tearfully announced that he was responsible for the schism? That’s when Папочка knew it was time for Gramps to go … Continue reading →
Your Czarness, With the change of seasons, I’ve felt the need to spruce up the Doublewide a bit. You know, maybe get a new throw-rug to match the autumn colors? But, being properly eco-conscious, I thought that, rather than engaging … Continue reading →
When October rolls around, peoples thoughts turn to employee benefits! Not really, they turn to football, the Phillies sweeping the Reds (yeah, it’s Doc-tober boys and girls), pumpkin patches and apple pie. But, it is also open enrollment time, which … Continue reading →
Phil Klein got a chance to talk to Rep. Paul Ryan about ObamaCare. Ryan, who is a very smart cookie, wants us to take a step back and be patient with this ObamaCare thing. No, not to embrace it. We … Continue reading →
Yes, yes he does. Welcome to the roll, Professor Mondo. And the Czar aperceyveth wel by certeyne evydences that our honeste webespace lakketh a goode quantitie of Myddel Englysshe. And sith by cause as the Czar stille speketh it, now … Continue reading →
Astonishing silence appears to the response of the scientific community regarding Harold Lewis’ spectacular resignation letter. Of course, the anti-AGW crowds are eating this up. The Czar thinks that might be too eager a reaction: if the Hadley CRU incident … Continue reading →
The San Francisco Chronicle has this headline: “Judge Orders Military To Stop Discharging Gays.” Out of artillery, or what? This is why people only read headlines. A Pennsylvania school district that installed remote camera control software in student laptops in … Continue reading →
So how close is President Obama to President Jimmy Carter in terms of public perception? Although there are many superficial similarities, many on the Right are attempting to align the two men in order to promote the idea that a … Continue reading →
This jives perfectly with what the Mandarin and the Czar were discussing at lunch this week. Pat Sajak nails our mutual opinion perfectly: the GOP had better realize they will not be given a second chance…this is their second chance, … Continue reading →
A man, claiming he will be paid $1,000,000 for the stunt, streaked fully nude in front of President Obama. No, buddy, you got it exactly backward. It’s the emperor who has no clothes! The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, … Continue reading →
So the Democrats, fearful that Mark Kirk could win the US Senate seat being rightfully emptied by Roland Burris, are trying to inflate hot air into a non-story. As you know, Democrats are quite obviously doing whatever they can to … Continue reading →
Well, it seems, the LA Times has a story that—whattayaknow—marijuana might not be as harmless as its users keep insisting. Now, that said, the article is pretty ambivalent regarding its own thesis. Sure, some studies say it does not hurt … Continue reading →
What an election. And out come the bad moves. Sure, every party makes mistakes during an election: openly false comments are made and disproved just as quickly. Third parties put out advertisements with patently wrong accusations. Words are twisted in … Continue reading →
JAB notes that even meat puppets are getting tired of defending Obama: Your Czarness, I offer an unrelated anecdote to support your observation of the President’s eroding levels of support. We here at The Doublewide are fans of a band … Continue reading →
