Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
Well, it took five hours. And a fair amount of liquor and coffee. But here are some things that happened at tonight’s secret mini-summit. 1. We did not actually decide what it should be called. Yon Volgi suggested a Gormogonicon … Continue reading →
TB, who is researching a new piece of brown note audio equipment for us, writes in on tomorrow’s secret meeting: Perhaps this meeting is the real reason the National Guard is being reqested in Chicago? You should keep your secret … Continue reading →
Imagine you are the head of a sales department, and have a dozen or so salespeople working for you, promoting your products and services. If you in fact ever worked in such a capacity, you will almost certainly recognize what … Continue reading →
Evidently, not all of you realize that you can actually come tour our Castle! There is so much to do and see here that you might not want to leave! And if you go wandering through our basement, frankly, you … Continue reading →
The Царица was out driving yesterday (on May Day) and spotted the 1970s Eco Flag, flying ironically next to an American Flag. “When was the last time you saw one of those?” she asked. Good question. The flag was flying … Continue reading →
Look out citizens of the imagined Free World. The Volgi, Mandarin, and the Czar will be gathering in the Chicago area on Tuesday for something…well, something truly awful. We cannot believe you just asked if alcohol will be involved. The … Continue reading →
Rejoice, followers and bastard non-followers! The Mandarin has released one of his many, famous mind control applications as an iPhone app! With a couple of taps, you can direct your iPhone toward anyone and seize control of their mind. It … Continue reading →
“Hey Czar, is it true the City of Chicago wants the National Guard to patrol the streets of the City to curb the outbreak of firearm violence there?” Well, you might think so if you swallowed whole whatever the popular … Continue reading →
Black workhand beats white supremacist to death in Mississippi. The Czar has a strange, mixed feeling on this one. Yes, it is wrong to have killed the guy. But on the other hand, the irony here is…well, let’s just go … Continue reading →
Here and elsewhere, the Czar sees a lot of discussion about the recent events in Arizona. Of course, if you are a Democrat, it is the Anti-Immigration Law; if you are a Republican, it is the Anti-Illegal Immigration Law. A … Continue reading →
And so CNN has an interview with Antwone Fisher on what boys need to learn in order to become men. As it turns out, the interview wasn’t too bad: tie a tie, shave properly, and so on. But things are … Continue reading →
One thing that still astounds the Czar is the ability of the Left to hear things never said and see things never done, and in such a colorful way. Check this out. Bloomberg has a story about the newly designed … Continue reading →
Hey, fans of 24. Here’s what your god Jack Bauer really looks like after staying up for 24 hours. Remind the Czar to tell you about the time Kiefer Sutherland woke us up back in college. Ripped off from WWTDD. … Continue reading →
There is bad news and good news on the Iceland-is-again-destroying-the-world front. The bad news is that each time Eyjafjallajökull (pronounced “lind-say-LO-han”) erupts, a more powerful volcano named Katla explodes within six months. The good news, of course, is that Katla … Continue reading →
If you’re new to the Castle Gormogon, you may not quite realize some basic facts about the Czar of Muscovy: – He refers to himself in the third person singular half the time, and the other half inexplicably uses the … Continue reading →
A story you likely have not heard, because it makes the mainstream media look increasingly more stupid about politics: the Tea Party movement in Idaho has endorsed a democrat for US representative. And it happened. Walt Minnick, a lifelong democrat, … Continue reading →
Yes, it seems that we are once again redesigning the $100 bill. About time, too, because the last major redesign happened only a couple years ago. New anti-counterfeiting measures will consist of a microlensed security ribbon and vanishing Liberty Bell. … Continue reading →
A California state senator has been receiving threats and ill-tempered messages for his personal investigation into California State University’s hiring of Sarah Palin for an appearance there. Seems he wants details of the financial terms and other conditions of the … Continue reading →
When President Clinton warns the world about rising extremism in the US, you should listen. After all, this is the man who practically invented secret right-wing conspiracies out to destroy him. The message is a little weird to have delivered … Continue reading →
Better get scared America, because the Tea Partiers are finally arming themselves, and this can only mean trouble! Or so two hysterical journalists at the Washington Post believe, anyway. Bottom line: “dozens” (whatever that means) of people attending a rally … Continue reading →
Check it out. Here is a picture of the Eyjafjallajökull volcano erupting. Is this wild or what? Mandarin, ya did it again! The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was … Continue reading →
Boston Herald.com: Revolutionary War Battles Recalled on Patriots Day. BBC News.com: George Washington’s $300,000 library book fine. One supposes we each remember the Revolutionary War in our own way. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и … Continue reading →
The Volgi was kind enough to forward on a fascinating comparison between the MSM’s reaction to President Bush’s entreaty to go to Mars and their reaction to President Obama’s identical plea. Remember it? Basically, Bush wants to go to Mars; … Continue reading →
Know and hear all ye who quake and tremble in terror before the Czar of Muscovy that indeed we enter the hockey playoff season. And, as last year, the Czar is delighted to the point of forcing undesirables to march … Continue reading →
Dr. J writes back, and the Volgi should take note: Czar, I continue to be impressed with your aerospace engineering prowess and understanding of Slavic politics. Truth be told, I am the son of an old cold warrior who was … Continue reading →
The always awesome Royal Surgeon Dr. J wrote the Czar to thank him for an unsually sensitive treatment of the Smolensk crash; but the good doctor—who attempted to cure the Czar’s hypovolemic shock with leeches, which wound up being a … Continue reading →
EC writes in to ask where we’ve been on the Smolensk crash. EC is correct; we have been neglectful. We extend our deepest sympathies to the families and friends of all the crash victims, and deeply regret the terrible loss … Continue reading →
You do know that doth is singular, and as a result, your verb is not in agreement with your subject. Go to hell. Actually, you are right, and the Czar would change it if he had the muscle to do … Continue reading →
The GOP is on the brink of sweeping through this November’s elections. That is, of course, assuming they don’t blow it. Good omen? A rejuventated party, with focus, goals, and a direction that doesn’t just rely on doing the opposite … Continue reading →
News Item. Mary had a little lambWhose fleece was white as snow.And everywere that Mary went,That lamb was sure to go. It followed her to school one day,Which was against the rule.It made the children laugh and playTo see a … Continue reading →
Pick a mainstream media newsroom at random. There is probably a conversation like this going on within: “Gareth, did you read that 6% of Tea Party members are black?” “Yeah, Cody…and African Americans make up almost 13% of the country.” … Continue reading →
It has been years since the Czar underwent NBC counseling for some outrageous parties in the past, but he still feels reasonably okay with nuclear weapon strategy. Perhaps not as much as yon Volgi—who invented fission to appease the Duke … Continue reading →
‘Puter broad-sided a topic that has been skulking about the Czar’s brain for some time now, when he writes these awful [liberal] programs are initially well-intentioned, and a direct result of the prevailing liberal view of government. That is, the … Continue reading →
Coming soon: 100 GB and 120 GB BluRay writeable discs for home computer storage. ‘Puter continues to hope against hope that his 8-inch floppies will still be compatible, but it looks even grimmer. And he still has boxes of those … Continue reading →
The Czar hath returned from the Muscovy Odioplex, having taken the Цесаревич to see Clash of the Titans. The film is getting an odd mix of positive and negative reviews but the little guy really liked the 1981 original and … Continue reading →
A urologist in Florida has placed a sign on his office door advising Obama supporters to seek treatment elsewhere. That’s pretty dumb. Obviously, a doctor cannot necessarily refuse medical treatment to anyone, but he can refuse to see non-emergency patients … Continue reading →
Oh Great Czar, Enough of your pontificating on liberal buffoonery in the op-ed section. Tell us what your readers are really interested in: what’s Easter like at Castle Gormogon? Do you send the village kids out for an egg hunt … Continue reading →
Gormogon royal surgeon Dr. J. takes time off from scraping asbestos containing material’s out of ‘Puter’s lungs to ask: Is it me, or does this smack of electoral patronage? Alaska is not a strategic electoral target for BHO in 2012, … Continue reading →
The head of our Gormogon air force (and no, we do not call him the Air Head) writes a hastily scrawled note (oddly in Thelma Todd’s blood): Your Czarness: Thank you for continuing your mission of enlightenment and world domination. … Continue reading →
It seems to the Czar that an “op ed” should be opposite the editors’s viewpoint, or at least different enough to warrant printing. But the New York Times, whom you know is quite new to journalism, believes that its op-ed … Continue reading →
In our ongoing effort to remind the world that the mainstream media is populated by functionally stupid dolts, here is a quick round up of news from today: Autopsy: SeaWorld trainer died from drowning, traumatic injuries. Yes, because when a … Continue reading →
Wow. Are you kidding? Seriously. MSNBC has almost a million viewers? Who woulda thunk? The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, … Continue reading →
You may be more liberal, or more conservative, than you think. Here is an easy quiz. Conservatives will likely have more (a) answers, and liberals more (b) answers. The unemployment rate is… a) Too damn high. Everyone is hurting. b) … Continue reading →
Well, by now you know there are dozens of Tea Party members upset with the healthcare vote. Which is curious, because dozens appear to outnumber supporters of the legislation. But the tiny, insignificant amount of Tea Party folks upset with … Continue reading →
Not content to change the way we do healthcare, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi announced on Sunday that her goal is to reform the United States’ geography. Alaska and Hawaii will be towed, at a cost of $1.9 trillion, … Continue reading →
The Mandarin came into the Humidor Room of the Castle about two hours ago. He asked the Czar if we had seen ‘Puter lately. No, not since yesterday. The Mandarin nodded and said “I just checked the proxy server log … Continue reading →
The Czar and the Цесаревич wandered around Muscovy today to see what trouble we could get into. (Turns out: we wound up buying some street hockey sticks and rubber pucks for $2 each…a great deal!) One stop was to the … Continue reading →
Utterly clueless. Because that is how the world is today. Something happens, and someone needs to resign. How about this. How about journalists resign when they flub a story or back the wrong side? Wouldn’t that instantly improve the world? … Continue reading →
Yeah, because every so often the Mandarin and GorT get into the rum and cokes, and pretty soon we wind up with stuff from an alternate future. At least, the Czar hopes that’s the case, because GorT woke up with … Continue reading →
Your Czarness: Do tell your noble father not to despair. Yes, these days it is right difficult to keep on the sunny side of life. But just as surely as spring follows the gloom of harsh winter, so too will … Continue reading →
As you know, the Czar has lived for several centuries. (And had it not been for that upstart second cousin of his, Daniil, Czar would be Tsar’. But that was a long time ago.) So when the Czar converses with … Continue reading →
The Czar likes Daniel Foster, and would not only welcome him to the Castle, but would even allow him to leave intact. However, Mr. Foster reports on a short-sided study that reveals, après le weekend, that if the November elections … Continue reading →
So Operative DT writes in to ask the Czar what the hell is up when America’s Jewish population votes in massive numbers for Barack Obama, when the President has continuously propped up Iran while bitch slapping Israel around. The answer … Continue reading →
The Times is reporting that Congress is requesting President Obama to start developing a plan to replace Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. Does this scare the crap out of you? Quoth the Times: On April 15, the Treasury Department and … Continue reading →
From the Chicago Sun-Times’ Mary Mitchell, who still fears white people, we see the liberal media just cannot give up a great myth: Before the critical vote, House Democrats were heckled, cursed and spit on by people who were opposed … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative MC writes to say: The lovely and talented Operative SC brought this to my attention via The Corner late yesterday. It’s too bad this video didn’t make the rounds sooner, as the pro-life crowd wouldn’t have hung all … Continue reading →
As much as it pains one to write this, Speaker Pelosi managed to get the necessary votes together to pass the Senate bill. And now that evil hybrid (the bill, not Pelosi) is on its way back to the Senate … Continue reading →
Well, today is the critical healthcare vote—sort of a last stand between progressivism and capitalism, really. As of the time the Czar writes this, the gap between the two positions has narrowed incredibly, but the NO votes still lead. Lest … Continue reading →
Let us do some math. There are 300 million Americans, say. The Obama administration claims that 46 million people lack health insurance. Wait, though: it turns out that this industry number included 10 million illegal aliens. So 36 million Americans … Continue reading →
ACORN is going bankrupt. At least, that’s the story we are being sold. Call the Czar a bit skeptical here. A teleconference between officials is allegedly being held this weekend to review the steps necessary to break up and dissolve … Continue reading →
Today, they have been split up into various departments and even independent agencies of the government. But there was a time (1953-1979) when they were collectively known as the Department of Health, Education, and Welfare. Although various presidents thought about … Continue reading →
The Czar missed the Obama v. Fox interview, but understands this is pretty close. Professor Obama explains basic healthcare economics to the public, and Rodney “Average American” responds. The symmetry here is disturbing. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, … Continue reading →
The Czar was curious to see how the Times would spin this. Basically, the President has delayed his overseas trip for the same reason he delayed it previously. No, Speaker Pelosi, not because he wants to stay at the helm … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative FJR writes in from her very unusual field project (it is difficult, one admits, to construct a massive radio telescope below a Puerto Rican lake, but it turns out to be a great place to hide a massive … Continue reading →
D.T. writes in, evidently quivering in fear: Oh Wise, Mighty, and Enlightened Czar, who has hopefully glossed over this boring greeting since I have sent more interesting ones in the past, I bring you a report from the St. Patrick’s … Continue reading →
The LA Times, and apparently only the LA Times (and at that, only their mobile version) is reporting that Virginia Thomas, wife of Clarence Thomas, is starting a new conservative political action group, called Liberty Central, Inc. For your left-wing … Continue reading →
When the Czar was in school, the best they could manage was getting us to show up two days in a row. For the absolute opposite, check out the kids of PS22 (NYC, fifth graders). Is this awe-inspiring or what? … Continue reading →
Repeal the healthcare bill if passed? Theoretically, yes. In practice, no chance. Yes, the link is an editorial. But the Czar (a sad pessimist) tends to take the side of its author. The Czar might even go further: why repeal … Continue reading →
CNN is trying to stay relevent by commenting on the new Coffee Party. Read the article, and decide if CNN even attempts to define the Coffee Party as anything short of a stunt. No? That’s all right; the Czar didn’t … Continue reading →
GorT reminds you to set your clocks ahead…to the year 5012. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated … Continue reading →
And not surprisingly, the Toyota Prius out-of-control bit turns out to be a hoax. The guy made it all up. And there is a reason you do not see this revelation on your news feeds: it makes the media look … Continue reading →
Scary news. Senator Reid’s wife and daughter were injured in a car accident. Details are unknown, but the injuries are not life-threatening. We hope for their rapid and complete recovery. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative GD writes in and says he understands the Department of Education intends to purchase 27 shotguns. Now, back a ways, operative MC popped into the Castle rumpus room and asked a similar question as to why the IRS … Continue reading →
Czar’s favorite quote: “I hope this will give other women in the same position the courage to come forward,” said Maria Alaimo, 47. Yeah, okay. That’s a rallying cry for four-breasted women everywhere. We are just not certain how many … Continue reading →
And now it is the Czar’s turn to receive email from the enigmatic but clearly refined and educated D.T.: Oh Czar, to whom all hearts are open, all desires known, and from whom no secrets are hid: Like any diligent … Continue reading →
This one is a little bit off the wall. In Nevada, where Harry Reid is overdue to take a swan dive into the concrete walkway of voter reality, two candidates have emerged on the GOP side: Sue Lowden (front runner) … Continue reading →
According to USA Today, the “final” (if only!) healthcare vote will come either the day before the President leaves town or the day before Congress leaves town. Real nice. Have we received any sign from either the President or from … Continue reading →
Toyota Priuses evidently do not have a neutral gear to throw it into if the accelerator should stick. That’s what the Czar would do, if he were ever in one when the accelerator stuck. But the Czar has never been … Continue reading →
You’ve heard it and seen it and read it dozens of times: Obama is bringing Chicago politics to Washington! Obama, part of the Chicago machine, is doing business old school! The President is showing the world the Chicago way of … Continue reading →
Sorry to sound like a broken record here, but let us see how sincere the President is. Because the President is facing criticism from both sides of the aisle on his plan to privatize space exploration. Wait, let the Czar … Continue reading →
Operative JP, who has been in the Sahara on a very special archaeological dig for us—and if we’re right about what JP finds, you don’t want to know what’s been buried there for 4,000 years—writes in on reconciliation: If I … Continue reading →
The problem isn’t that Senator Orrin Hatch is right; it’s how wrong he isn’t. Hatch is being skewered by the likes of HuffPo and Rachel Maddow for an op ed piece he wrote, in which he claims that reconciliation has … Continue reading →
RB, a Gormogon operative you seldom hear us mention because he is on very special and secret assignment transforming Saturn’s E ring into a wideband radio receiver (don’t ask why; you’ll figure it out in 2014 when we bring it … Continue reading →
Courtesy Borepatch. Wow. Awesome. Evidently the Europeans did not realize how the British conduct their politics. Check out the Simon Cowell-like slam-bang Nigel Farage delivers to the so-called President of Europe, Herman Van Rompuy. But he calls the European socialists … Continue reading →
The same way we always do. Not to everybody in Iran, of course. Just one or two. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of … Continue reading →
And so the President might just pass the Senate bill onto the House of Representatives for the up or down vote with no changes to the original language. And let us say it passes. Unlikely, given the mess it is … Continue reading →
And the Internet freaking knows it. Want proof? This popped up on a web page about a dude selling his 2008 Audi. Note the bottom link. Because of course, we are behind it. Look for links to this site on … Continue reading →
Dr. J slams this one in: Your Czarness, I am slowly drifting from the paranoid wing into the uberparanoid wing of the anti-Obamacare right. I have seen some folks suggesting that reconciliation may be a ruse to trick the house … Continue reading →
Despite numerous assurances that the Democrats would never risk such a stunt, there is every appearance that they will attempt to pass portions of the healthcare mess through a procedure called reconciliation. You will see this word quite often in … Continue reading →
Some things happened in the 1980s and you no longer remember them. Well, the Czar remembers. And he remembers this limited-play tune. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was … Continue reading →
Why on earth would a pro-Obama liberal democrat want the right to carry a handgun in public? A must read for conservatives and their few remaining liberal friends on why gun control is a bad idea. And why he gives … Continue reading →
MC writes in. Check this out: Nice article on this crash – I followed it on Tim Vasquez’s weather blog and he did a nice job of laying out the meteorology. I believe this crash happened before I found your … Continue reading →
The Czar seems to have written poorly. ‘Puter is correct that that the Bill of Rights protects all citizens of all 50 states and wherever else the Contitution is accepted (territories, protectorates, et ceteras). But the Bill of Rights was … Continue reading →
‘Puter, as you know, is always right. As the Czar understands the editorial, The New York Times takes the position that the Bill of Rights is limited only to the federal government. For example, the First Amendment—which the Czar agrees … Continue reading →
Readers with longer attention spans than ‘Puter will remember the Czar’s suspicion that the truth about the May 2009 crash of Air France Flight 447 would not come from the French government, because the truth would expose a problem in … Continue reading →
The Czar has previously said that when racism is genuine, it is totally obvious to any reasonable person and needs no civic leader to point it out for us. Remember in baseball, prior to Jackie Robinson, when they held a … Continue reading →
The Gormogons are most concerned for the people of Chile, who have been hit with an earthquake about 20 times more powerful than the one that crushed Haiti. We know now that the anticipated tsunami that almost evacuated Hawaii fortunately … Continue reading →
A bit of poli sci jiggery pokery that the Czar has learned tends to be alarming. Interesting stat that 66% of Americans think everyone in Congress should be dumped. But it means nothing, usually, because Americans do not actually vote … Continue reading →
A word from a dear fan: Between you guys (including the hidden captions), the various NRO blogs, wattsupwiththat.com, and a couple others I regularly check, my productivity can really go to hell some days, and I thank all of you … Continue reading →
