Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
Vlad “The Impaler” Putin issued his sternest warning yet to the US: observe poultry importation safety rules or suffer dire consequences. This can only interpreted as a direct challenge to President Obama, who has historically flaunted a complete disregard for … Continue reading →
The following exchange took place in the family room less than 30 minutes ago. Цесаревич (reading from a book): If your pet is lost, you should make a sign from brightly colored paper… Царица: That’s dumb! A dog can’t see … Continue reading →
MC, who has been absurdly silent lately, writes in: OK, I just had to work this out when I saw that GorT lost six yottabytes of data. The earth’s surface is about 510 million square kilometers (510 x 1012 square … Continue reading →
The Czar has decided to watch the Ninth Season of American Idol, fearing that the show is likely to come off the rails any second. So far, they have kept to the old format, but we understand major changes are … Continue reading →
The Czar is moving through the solarium on his way to the Fear and Trembling Room, when he passes a clearly annoyed ‘Puter in the hall. “You okay?” we ask. ‘Puter replies he is a bit angry with Sleestak. “Why … Continue reading →
The Czar can not even remember a time that the New York Times published something that did not make him blink twice and ask, pointedly, “Whaaaaaaaat?” Op-ed contributor Paul Krugman serves the Czar up a tasty treat with his “What’s … Continue reading →
Don’t forget, if you are really into wasting valuable time with no end of bullshit, you can of course follow us on Twitter. The Czar does not understand what it means to “follow” on Twitter. Basically, you are supposed to … Continue reading →
Tonight was a long-awaited debate between the two Massachusetts candidates for Senator. This special election, to be held January 19th, promises to be spectacular as the late Ted Kennedy’s legendary seat is extremely close to flipping to a Republican—and ironically … Continue reading →
The Czar, and evidently most of the staff of the Weekly Standard, recommends you wait for this model. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes … Continue reading →
USA Today points out that as much as President Obama wants to avoid discussions of race during his presidency, events are forcing him to do just that. Pfft. First, every presidency can be defined as a continuous string of unwanted … Continue reading →
Sometimes the Czar leaves the Castle and returns home to Muscovy, which is actually a short palanquin ride away. As we welcomed dearest Царица, the boys, and little Sally (who is over her bout of colitis, having eating two pounds … Continue reading →
So, you are wondering why the Czar’s mailbag does not feature the usual mail sack photo today? Or perhaps you did not notice? Or more likely you are not even reading the words in this post? The reason for the … Continue reading →
Frank Rich, in a New York Times opinion piece (is the NYT even bothering to get the news right at all anymore?) raises an interesting notion: that nearly every American can argue about security, terrorism, underwear bombers, and whatnot, but … Continue reading →
Following up to our post yesterday about Senator Reid taking over a year to apologize for bone-headed, wildly out-dated racial comment about the President is news that Bill Clinton allegedly made a racist comment about our current president to Senator … Continue reading →
Yeeps! The Weekly Standard is reporting that a recent and credible poll has Republican Scott Brown taking a one point edge over Democrat Martha Coakley in the Massachusetts (in actuality, a statistical tie). Brown has closed the gap between No … Continue reading →
Well, this is something the Czar wondered about, but never had the energy or brainpower to research. Are you getting tired of seeing charts on how astonishingly much the average American spends on healthcare, and how little we receive treatment? … Continue reading →
It starts out nice. Scientists investigated whether or not dogs suffer from OCD in large numbers, and it turns out they do. In fact, larger breeds suffer from OCD (or CCD, id est canine compulsive disorder) at much higher rates, … Continue reading →
Harry Reid finally steps up and apologizes to the President for racial remarks he made during the 2008 campaign. At that time, he remarked that Barack Obama was “light-skinned” with “no Negro dialect.” Ironically, that describes Reid just as well. … Continue reading →
Finally, a massive breakthrough has been achieved on President Obama’s Rediscovered War on Terror: police finally nail the guy who walked past Newark airport non-security. Really? 28-year-old Haisong Jiang (sigh…okay, Volgi… Haisung Chiang) of (you guessed it) Piscataway, New Jersey, … Continue reading →
The Lord and Master of Space for Commerce knows how to write a freaking letter: Sir, Regarding yours of January 8th and drones killing Black Hats and etc. His Grace is of course aware of the line of thought so … Continue reading →
An editorial in The Wall Street Journal lauds President Obama’s use of drones in fighting the war on terror because “Weapons like the Predator kill far fewer civilians.” Provisionally true, but they do not win the war. Readers should be … Continue reading →
The Gormogons extend their sympathies to Vice President Biden and his family upon the death of his mother. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes … Continue reading →
The Czar detests stereotypes. But this is certain to make people uncomfortable. A New York cab driver turns out to be an Islamic terrorist? Ouch. That isn’t going to help. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ … Continue reading →
Dec 25. Nutjob walks right through Amsterdam security, boards plane, burns himself trying to kill almost 300 people on board. Dec 26. Head of the National Counter-Terrorism Center goes on ski trip. Dec 27. DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano gleefully reports … Continue reading →
JAB: Regarding the Chicago PD scrapping the entrance exam, surely Your Czarness understands that they are very sincere in their quest for diversity. In this case, we must presume that Chicago wishes to embrace those of diverse intellegences. You know, … Continue reading →
A news story is making the rounds that the star T Pyxidis may well one day go supernova. Cool, the story agrees, but its distance is much, much closer to us than we realized, and frankly, things would get really … Continue reading →
The Czar scans some headlines. Report of NCTC Chief’s Ski Trip Disputed. So Obama’s director of the National Counter-Terrorism Center learns of the Eunuch-bomber attack (thanks, JAB!) and proceeds immediately to leave on a ski trip. Any idea how much … Continue reading →
Brilliant and wealthy paranoid schizophrenic Walter Sartory was abducted, drugged, and set on fire. Probably can line out paranoid. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the … Continue reading →
—from the great Charles Addams. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all … Continue reading →
JAB takes the time to send us another letter. Your Czarness: Poured myself an adult beverage yesterday evening and, like your Czarness, watched Obama deliver a mighty stern talkin’ to…to…to nobody in particular. He sounded to me like some Regional … Continue reading →
Far be it from the Czar to take the side of a union. But when something is this stupid, even we find ourselves in agreement. The problem? Chicago “diversity watchdogs” believe there are not enough minorities represented in the Chicago … Continue reading →
The President is pretty mad about the Knickerbomber and his kabloomers. In typical Barack Obama fashion he said he will not tolerate finger-pointing, but hypocritically added “our intelligence community failed to connect those dots.” So evidently, what follows is the … Continue reading →
Well, the Czar hates to send you twice in one day to the Los Angeles Times, but here is another example of a liberal whose world view is so stupidly polarized that he misses the point he himself is making. … Continue reading →
The Los Angeles Times has a story today covering how bad the Democrats look going into the mid-term elections. Odd, the Czar thought, because the Mainstream Media has been pretty hushed up about this fact. As he read the story, … Continue reading →
And so the world’s tallest building has opened in Dubai. Named the Burj Dubai Khalifa—which the Volgi will insist be spelled برج خليفة—the building so tall that you could take the top two buildings in Chicago (the Sears Willis Tower … Continue reading →
Deputy Press Secretary Bill Burton says, “When you’re President of the United States, you’ve got to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time.” To the Czar’s knowledge, this is the first public admission by the Obama … Continue reading →
The Czar is beginning to wonder what the Obama administration lacks more: basic financial competence or an interest in the American taxpayer. Each news story makes it harder to choose which evil is the greater one. Here is yet another … Continue reading →
SC writes back, with everything you could want to know about ADHD. Is this impressive, or what? Thank you for your kind words on your blog! Just wanted to offer some more detailed thoughts on the issue, since you asked… … Continue reading →
Mrs. MC, the esteemed SC PhD, writes in to say: I’m writing to let you know of something much more important: The ongoing victimization of UK criminals who failed to have their ADHD diagnosed before they were thrown in the … Continue reading →
So, Dat Ho finds this sketch in the newspaper today. Apparently you are supposed to draw it to see how you might fare in art school. Dat asks us if we would be interested in trying. Here’s the Draw Me … Continue reading →
Remember Kurt Westergaard? He’s the Danish cartoonist who drew a basically unfunny caricature of Muḥammad back in 2006 that inflamed the Muslim world. Worse caricatures have been directed at every other religion, but Muslims tend to be pretty severe about … Continue reading →
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is Bob Costas of NBC Sports, and we are delighted to have today, following our Winter Classic where the Bruins of Boston just defeated the Flyers of Philadelphia, 2 to 1, in overtime, a special interview … Continue reading →
Stephen Flynn of the Washington Post writes a pseudo-authoritative opinion piece entitled 5 Myths About Keeping America Safe From Terrorism. No, the Czar will not go into the details of his argument, as you can simply read the supplied link. … Continue reading →
The Czar, on behalf of the billions of Gormogon members worldwide—and in particular Confucius (your Œcumenical Volgi), Ghettoputer, the Mandarin, and GorTechie—shall wish for you a very happy new year…even if for you, personally, 2009 was an awesome year, we … Continue reading →
Borepatch writes in to say that an earlier prediction by the Czar may be coming true, provided on what happens in Iran. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was … Continue reading →
Will James Cameron make a sequel to Avatar? According to Aaron Water in the Muscovy Times’ Entertainment section (not available on line), Mr. Cameron has other interests first: Actually, I’m much more interested in pulling a, you know, a George … Continue reading →
Wow. Where does the Czar start? Well, the President is apparently ticked over the Amsterdam-Detroit terrorism plot because (a) it actually was terrorism—not a man-caused disasters—on his freaking watch, (b) because it might have been prevented had he appointed a … Continue reading →
British Charity Worker Wins ‘Best Job in the World’ ‘Best Job in the World’ Winner Stung by Deadly Jellyfish What really sucks is that it technically happened on the job, for those who believe in kárma. The Czar of MuscovyБожію … Continue reading →
Gormogon mad scientist MC writes in with this scary thought in response to the Czar’s suspicions about the Democrats in 2010 and following: Most eloquent Czar, One other possibility, which came to mind after reading Sen. Nelson’s letter to the … Continue reading →
The Czar is traveling to the East today, to where the mystical pagodas bask in the eldritch sunlight of antient exoticism. He will return from Mishawaka late this evening, so in his absence, please enjoy his post from February 16, … Continue reading →
Jane Zhang of the Wall Street Journal has a piece on
Continue reading →And so a UAW and AFSCME spinoff union has decided that it can simply shanghai workers into becoming members? Basically, 34,000 private day care workers suddenly found their paychecks substantially lighter—and discovered they were now hefty due-paying members of the … Continue reading →
The new, youthful face of the country is determined to change the world, especially after defeating a long-standing political powerhouse. Yes, the country is hobbled by a bad economy, triggered by unsustainable real estate investments, and faces the worst unemployment … Continue reading →
There can be no denying it now. A Nigerian man on an Amsterdam-to-Detroit flight attempted to destroy the plane as it approached Detroit. The man attempted to use what the Czar believes to be water injected by an irrigation syringe … Continue reading →
From all of us at the Castle to you, have a very happy and rewarding Christmas. Yes, this file photo from 1985 shows why we no longer have parties at the Castle open to the public. The Czar of MuscovyБожію … Continue reading →
As we sat in our pyjamas around the tree, the stump still oozing blood, in the Castle’s Great Room, we happy Gormogons took stock of what we received from each other. ‘Puter received a very lovely chainsaw (from the Czar), … Continue reading →
And how significant was it? No matter East or West, reading what really happened to President Obama can only be described as a middle finger to him, personally. Read the link there, if you have any doubts about how much … Continue reading →
So in the late 1960s, we had the Johnsonian Era. Followed by Nixonian. Logically, Fordian and Carterian would follow, but there seems to be little usage of that. This was followed by Reaganite. Then, we had the plain Bush Era, … Continue reading →
One assumes this could have been BorePatch as a child ‘cept for the accent.Minor grumble. The lad went on a bit about how full-featured his Colt M1911A1 is. Except he appears to have missed the grip safety. The Czar writes … Continue reading →
JAB writes back. I wanted to say thanks for the thoughtfulness and good humor, both are rare enough on their own let alone in combination. And your site has none of those annoying, seizure-inducing flashing adverts! You are quite welcome; … Continue reading →
Congratulations to President Obama on his spectacular victory for healthcare. As you recall, the President had a clear goal for healthcare reform with only these six key features: —It would not add to the deficit and will be completely paid … Continue reading →
Hail Czar of Muscovy,I trust all is well in Castle Gormogon on this longest night in the Northern Hemisphere. A wise man, for most people say it is the longest day of the year. It is not: the day remains … Continue reading →
Lefties are besides themselves trying to figure out whom to blame for the total failure of Copenhagen. Even the mainstream press is concluding Nothing Got Done. Some say it was China’s fault. Fools. China never seriously meant to participate at … Continue reading →
Whatever your view of the healthcare bill, what follows is just asinine. And yes: the Czar is aware that this is how Republicans and convervatives alike are treated by the MSM, and that now the Left can enjoy a taste … Continue reading →
The Czar thought there might be more to this ESPN headline: Childress wanted Favre to come out But there wasn’t. Also, here’s a weird pair that came very close on our news feed: US Officer ‘draws gun’ on snowball fight … Continue reading →
So what does a climatologist say about the Hadley CRU incident? As the Gormogons have been saying for a while, it’s “just the tip of the iceberg.” But read for yourself: Dr. Patrick J. Michaels is a climatologist of considerable … Continue reading →
[David Axelrod] criticized Republican senators on Sunday for trying to halt final action [on the healthcare bill], saying the American people deserve a vote. Good idea. That way it could be defeated by a 3:1 margin. This sort of comment … Continue reading →
Unexpurgated. Your Czarness: It pains your humble correspondent, but I really must beg to disagree with your summary of that fancy-pants Copenhagen meetin’ as a “complete flop.” Perhaps your Czarness is merely out of sorts? Dare I suggest, that as … Continue reading →
But a powerful agreement was reached, no? Depends on whom you ask. BBC News reports that a meaningful agreement has been reached at Copenhagen! Read on, because only the US, China, India, and South Africa made the agreement, and the … Continue reading →
The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of … Continue reading →
Well, the POTUS is down in nearly every poll. But so what, counter his supporters, Reagan had a godawful first year in terms of popularity. Yes, that is quite true. But as bad as Obama? Well, let us look at … Continue reading →
The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of … Continue reading →
The Czar is reminded of the time a hippie challenged the Mandarin to three rounds of full-contact, no gloves boxing. Within seconds, the hippie was clinging to the ropes, and the Mandarin just kept landing punch after punch after punch. … Continue reading →
Well, the Presidential approval numbers are Carteresque in their ability to disgust.Or are they? By running the Phil Jones model on the polling numbers, we discovered an easy trick to hide the decline: That’s much better! Look at the hockey … Continue reading →
The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of … Continue reading →
Do you get the feeling that Copenhagen is one of the most exciting political events of our time, and one that will change the world? Or are you missing all the news about what a total disaster of a “charlie … Continue reading →
A quick look into a world run by liberals: The police tried to disperse the chanting, drum-beating protesters who had marched from a train station about a mile away to try to make their way to the Bella Center, where … Continue reading →
The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of … Continue reading →
Couple items of note. First, the great purveyor of worthless, dashed-off tripe (Hey, it was on his résumé), Joe Tetreault writes a positively glowing—and suspiciously inside-joke ridden—letter to us. Hail Czar of Muscovy,Thank you for the kindly mention of my … Continue reading →
Joe Tetreault at the conveniently named TetreaultVision writes this about your Czar: Meanwhile, the Czar of Muscovy, writing from his throne at Castle Gormogon, cautions “[t]his information is far from being the stake in the heart that the Cap and … Continue reading →
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Some folks on the Right are in arms over a story involving a Milwaukee school teacher who cut a braid off a first grader. Lamya Cammon, who is a very cute sweetie pie of a girl, has … Continue reading →
The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of … Continue reading →
al-Qâ’ida is accusing President Obama of trying to enslave the Arab world. What tools. Like that’s the limit to his ambition? The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born … Continue reading →
Well, now it’s come down to it, hasn’t it? Over the weekend while the Senate worked on healthcare, they apparently took a few minutes to talk about climate change. Senator Inhofe, unsurprisingly, said encouragingly that any promises President Obama makes … Continue reading →
So internationally the liberals are sporting a pretty big black eye. And now, domestic liberals are seeing their vaunted healthcare bill crumbling as well. Even in the Obama camp, there is open disagreement as to whether the economy is returning … Continue reading →
Because you folks in Copenhagen do not get it, let the Czar explain. 1. When you openly embrace multiculturalism, you accept the fact that everyone’s viewpoints are equally valid. So don’t be surprised when your climate change conference talks stall … Continue reading →
The Czar sighs and wonders, amid all that deafening applause, how many of the Hollywooders thought that was Tina Fey on stage with William Shatner. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. … Continue reading →
Supposing. Just supposing. Let us say you become chairman of a trading company. You naturally are able to purchase your shares at a fairly low price, and as chairman, you have the lion’s share of them. Naturally, since you want … Continue reading →
The holidays draw near, and our gift shop is overflowing with imminent cease and desist letters! You know your kids would rather play video games than go to church, right? Well, why not reward that behavior by purchasing the latest … Continue reading →
In the Wall Street Journal, John Fund has an excellent assessment of the precarious position Senator Harry Reid—more specifically, his mouth—has placed his own party in. It is quite brief, so check that out. Either Sen. Reid is so astonishingly … Continue reading →
Funny thing about science. Sometimes experiments go awry. Even for the Mandarin, who despite his mastery of orbital mechanics, can suffer a hardware problem—especially when he buys his liquid titanium solenoids from Big Lots. So apologies to the people of … Continue reading →
Astronomers last May were thrilled to have discovered a planet around a distant star using a theoretical technique called astrometry, which measures the side-to-side wobble of a star to determine what is orbiting around it. After 50 years of trying, … Continue reading →
The fifth and final set has arrived from the weirdos at LEGORMOGON, and it’s GorT’s Quantum Lair! GorT lives up near the top of the Castle (just in case he blows the roof off, being up high limits the damage), … Continue reading →
If you’re about done shoplifting from our gift store, head on down the road to Borepatch’s place and check out his gift shop. He’s become an internet sensation for his Clippy ClimateGate routine. The Czar is sensitive to this, because … Continue reading →
The Czar was strolling through the Castle’s second floor cafeteria a few minutes ago when he bumped into the Mandarin. “I just posted a great email I got,” he said. “Bullshit,” we said, and then boggled. The Mandarin replied to … Continue reading →
The Czar absolutely loves pictures like this: Almost every splash of light or color in this picture is a galaxy. Let us walk through what happened. The Hubble Space Telescope was pointed toward a black nothing in space. A spot … Continue reading →
Yep, the latest one just arrived this morning. LEGORMOGON is pleased to present The Volgi’s Inner Sanctum. You can click to make it larger. Slight bit of continuity correction, here: at the actual Castle, the Volgi’s sanctum occupies all of … Continue reading →
Harry Freaking Reid. Absolutely ensuring he will not be re-elected, Reid announced that the GOP would have supported the continuation of slavery, had they been around then. Well, in fact, the GOP was around in the 1860s. And no, they … Continue reading →
The latest from the weird folks at LEGORMOGON has arrived! It’s ‘Puter’s Playroom! Now your kids can access a blog from the toilet, and write just like Ghettoputer does! Click to enlarge. Note: vial of red liquid used to make … Continue reading →
