Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
The second LEGORMOGON set is out in our gift shop. Beware! It’s the Mandarin’s Laboratory! Click to enlarge it. Well, what about it? What do you think the Mandarin and GorT are working on? A time displacement nullifier? A trans-polarity … Continue reading →
Yes, it is true! We were not expecting these until next week, but our marketing department got the goods just in time for the holidays. Come on by the Gomorgon gift shop, in the lobby of the Castle (you sort … Continue reading →
President Obama successfully lighted the nation’s official Christmas tree yesterday, requesting that the even be recorded as a successful accomplishment by his administration. The tree contains thousands of LED lights, and will shine in majesty between now and January 1st…adding … Continue reading →
Mail, mail, mail, mail. Our sole Canadian reader, MH, wrote in again. Normally one would not bother with follow up emails, but MH went so far off the deep end that even the Mandarin shrugged when asked what sort of … Continue reading →
Sometimes the Czar suspects people send him mail only because they want to see their names in print on a prominent website. Quite frankly, it tends to work. And the highly talented JAB is no exception! You all know her: … Continue reading →
From our very first website. We used to have a little PDF about us you can download. Thought we lost every copy, but GorT was able to find one and upload through his XDMI port. How the years do pass. … Continue reading →
At the Castle yesterday, a few of us agreed that Borepatch has been doing the best job out there of anyone in explaining the global warming bombshell in very easy-to-understand terms. The Czar is a big fan of the way … Continue reading →
Fulfilling the Gormogons’ expectations that the climate change folks will be flooding the newswires with anecdotes of Global Warming Killing Everything, comes Fred Pearce’s Guardian plea to find some way to shut the Australian climate skeptics up. Note the welcoming … Continue reading →
The Czar thinks the Afghanistan speech was far from President Obama’s worst speech. We also think that some of the early conservative criticism of it is too close to nitpicking. The President took some veiled potshots at President Bush, but … Continue reading →
Webster’s Dictionary defines “trite” as “someone who opens their presentation with a quoted definition from Webster’s Dictionary because they’re too damn lazy to write a proper introduction to their topic.” The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ … Continue reading →
Two things about the mailbag. 1. If you write the Mandarin, he will not reply, nor will he post your fan mail up here. The Czar is not sure if he ever has. Mandy does read your fan mail, though, … Continue reading →
When Bad Astronomy dismissed the Hadley CRU incident as ultimately trivial and meaningless, the comments section really lit up. There is, of course, a mix of good and bad comments from both sides of the argument. But comment 115 by … Continue reading →
Ready for another easy prediction? You will soon be seeing a helluva lot more of news, pseudo-news, and quasi-news reports like this. Every flood, every hurricane, every rain possibility that jumps from 20% to 40%, will be written up to … Continue reading →
Now headlines are saying that the Large Hadron Collider is smashing records. And they spent $4.6 billion on that thing? For that???? Pshaw, the stupid drunks. The Czar can shatter records with a $200 shotgun. If you can hit a … Continue reading →
The pro-AGW folks are in a tizzy trying to spin and explain the Hadley CRU incident. To their credit, they are making some fair and even good arguments; unfortunately, the anti-AGW crowd is making vastly better ones. Sure, everybody jumped … Continue reading →
EC, a long-standing Gormogon operative in charge (this week) of our Australian, New Zealand, and Latvian region (the travel pattern is weird, yes, but makes sense in a way, and EC seems to be managing it quite well), writes in … Continue reading →
Hey Czar, I want you to know that like a good American, I recycle. As a point of pride, I sort my recycling from trash, wash out my metal cans and glass bottles, and separate the plastics by their number. … Continue reading →
Jeremy Greenstock, whom you all remember—actually, no one remembers him. He was Britain’s ambassador to the UN back in 2003, so transfer this information only to your short-term memory because his irrelevence will resume after this post—continues to blame the … Continue reading →
“Cap and Trade is dead,” this spake Sen Jim Inhofe (R-OK). Not quite. The Wall Street Journal is concluding, quite prematurely (yet delightfully) that the Hadley CRU scandal is a death blow to global warming. Yes, the GOP is launching … Continue reading →
…from the Gormogons! (from left to right, the Mandarin, GorTechie, the Œcumenical Volgi (id est, 孔夫子, The Notorious ŒV), the Czar of Muscovy, and Ghettoputer Gormogon. Taking the photo, and not in the picture, is Sleestak (one of the few … Continue reading →
The Czar heard complaints, which he will not cite for obvious reasons, that the Obama-era Secret Service is poorly run and handled, often with “upstairs” getting in the way and ignoring their recommendations. Great agents, all, but processes are a … Continue reading →
At first, they all laughed at what was called the world’s worst police sketch ever. Shown to the right, this is the actual sketch drawn by a police sketch artist in an unnamed Bolivian city. Really funny. Gormogons Spotlight On: … Continue reading →
Courtesy who else? The amazing Dr. Boli. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control … Continue reading →
Lawmakers in US, law enforcement in UK, looking at Hadley CRU issue. Fortunately, on our side of the Atlantic, it’s the GOP starting an investigation into the impact of the emails. Hooray—in addition to harming Copenhagen, this could also be … Continue reading →
President Obama announced today that we will be a surprise attack across Afghanistan next week. “I want to be very clear to our enemies…that we are really going to surprise them,” the President said on the 11th hole at Chantilly … Continue reading →
Lost Family of Three Found After Night In Forest. We celebrate their safe return from their routine expedition. Their little monkey friends did not make the journey. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, … Continue reading →
Regular readers here will not be surprised that The Day the Earth Stood Still is a popular Friday night popcorn throwing event here at the Castle. GorT even stars in it, and his knowledge of time travel allows us to … Continue reading →
One of the things we Gormogons are most proud of is that we aren’t all just griping and accusations. Sometimes, when someone does something sensible, we point it out. For example, President Obama seems to finally be making good on … Continue reading →
And the hits just keep on coming. The Japanese were, to say the least, unimpressed with President Obama’s supplicating bow. Want to know why protocol requires the President to offer a handshake in lieu of a bow? Subtleties, dammit. Instead … Continue reading →
Dallas News reports that Democratic candidate Tom Schieffer is dropping out of the governor’s race due to lack of support. His departure would leave humorist Kinky Friedman, hair-care magnate Farouk Shami, schoolteacher Felix Alvarado and rancher Hank Gilbert as announced … Continue reading →
Two items from the current issue of Scientific American caught the Czar’s attention this weekend. The second is Michael Shermer’s discussion of the conservative mind and the liberal mind. The first is here. UV psychologist Jonathan Haidt identified five universal … Continue reading →
Two items from the current issue of Scientific American caught the Czar’s attention this weekend. The first is Lawrence M. Krauss’s opinion piece that the Internet has given voice to no shortage of lunatic nonsense. The second is here. Krauss … Continue reading →
Somewhere in the distant past, the breakfast committee decided they needed a way to make breakfast sausage more dangerous. Someone in the back nervously coughed, and a tentative hand rose. “Yes?” Another cough. “Well…we could crumble up the sausage into … Continue reading →
Robert Wright, in the New York Times, writes that conservative writers like Charles Krauthammer and Jonah Goldberg are right that the liberal media are trying to cover up Hasan’s crimes by dismissing them as a mere medical issue. An important … Continue reading →
Well, for some reason the big conservative guys are shying away from the Hadley CRU story. Not sure why: even the New York Times picked it up. And nothing says the corrupt data is genuine like the vomit-like spin the … Continue reading →
Everything happens for a reason. Gormogon operatve MC—and quite frankly, if this guy keeps this excellent work up, he’s going to be in charge of a whole conspiracy division here at the Castle—sent the Czar an urgent message last night … Continue reading →
Welcome to Fantasy Island, or in Secretary Tim Geithner’s case, Fantasy Economy. Item the First: Geithner stated that the economy is “substantially stronger today than when the president took office” as determined by “any measure.” Item the Second: After this, … Continue reading →
From today’s appropriately named Universe Today: Recently, NASA and the U.S. Geological Survey put the finishing touches on a new collection of mapped images covering the entire land surface of the Earth. However, if you want the entire full-size version, … Continue reading →
The Gormogons are happy to provide you the following live video link of Harry Reid. Maybe he’s thinking about healthcare reform. Or his near-zero chances of re-election. Or the upcoming ‘Skins game this weekend. Perhaps he wants to eat string … Continue reading →
The Czar’s least-favorite game is connect-the-dots. Yet he plays so often. 1. Barack Obama becomes President of the US, to the delight of the morally derelict United Nations. 2. Jeremiah Wright, spiritual advisor to Barack Obama, confirms that he is … Continue reading →
As you know, terrorists involved with the planning or execution of the September 11, 2001, attacks are evidently heading to New York City for a criminal trial. The press has dubbed this the KSM Trial, after the self-confessed mastermind Khālid … Continue reading →
It’s a two-fer today! A Georgia high school teacher has been accused of ordering an assassination on a 16-year-old student whom he suspected was gay. The kid’s mom: “A teacher threatens to kill your child; that’s the most disturbing. It … Continue reading →
Women of America, you don’t need those pesky mammograms! Heck, odds are most of you will die of heart-disease anyway. Wait until you’re 50, at least, before getting that annual mammogram. That fact that early detection frequently increases your odds … Continue reading →
Why is Barney Frank, architect of the housing melt down and current financial crisis, still giving press conferences, when, in a just world, he should be stripped naked, locked up in a cargo container, and eating cold spam out of … Continue reading →
Notice that none of the major news outlets except CBS is covering that Doug Hoffman has “unconceded” the NY-23 election, now that a rash of late count votes has moved him well within striking distance of Owens? Wouldn’t that just … Continue reading →
The Czar likes this slightly goofy reporting. If all you read are headlines, you might think that Sarah Palin has no plan to run for President right now, but has not ruled out 2012. This is why it pays to … Continue reading →
The Czar wishes not to be an insensitive ass, but he is alas just as God made him. So, Mayor Daley… with your comprehensive handgun ban in the City of Chicago, how did your close friend and Chicago resident Michael … Continue reading →
Hah hah hah! Silly Sarah Palin! The Washington Post finds it necessary to mock Ms. Palin over her religious beliefs. Want to know what the WaPo finds so wacky? – She thanks God for her successes! Silly Sarah, this is … Continue reading →
Take a look at this photgraph. Study it for a second. Do you see power lines? Transformers? Pedestals? Step downs? Transmission lines? No, you don’t. But you’re going to pay to put them in. And they’ll all be green, green, … Continue reading →
Well, he actually came out and said it: President Obama supports a one-China government, in response to whether he believes Taiwan has sovereignty. Given a choice between a free, Democracy-loving Taiwan and brutal Communist Chinese oppression, the President has made … Continue reading →
Let us see if we understand this: Quoted from Reuters, “Widening agreement that next month’s Copenhagen summit will likely fall short of a legally binding treaty runs the risk of a longer-term stalemate, which at worst could drag on like … Continue reading →
Jeepers, Geep, but you are not imaginging this. The Czar has not read the current mutation of the bill, but the original HR 3200 specifically mentioned that government minders could enter the home of any parents participating in the program … Continue reading →
This New York Times opinion piece is so bizarre that the Czar had to make sure the Volgi did not write it. Irony! Print is dying, but it is crap like this which killed it. Let us hope they did … Continue reading →
President Obama, addressing 500 Chinese students, announced that he is against censorship, and personally welcomes criticism. It strengthens democracy. Well, good to know. Game on, then. He can expect us here to continue strengthening democracy. Irony the First: The President … Continue reading →
So if you wondered whether the President was lying when he said his healthcare reform concepts would not provide free medical services to illegal aliens, he evidently was telling the truth. Because they may be legalized according to a new … Continue reading →
Nidal Hasan has no feeling in his legs. The Czar would like to add that the unborn baby of PVT Francheska Velez does not either. Nor do 13 others who will never walk, or breathe, again. The media can pull … Continue reading →
Having the terrorists tried in the US as American citizens is going to backfire badly. The question remains whether it will merely backfire politically for the Obama administration, or whether actual American lives will be extinguished in the long run. … Continue reading →
Final Fantasy… XIII? Is anyone else reminded of a notorious Simpsons joke about the false advertisting inherent in the film title Neverending Story? Wouldn’t Final Fantasy XIII make XII more lke Penultimate Fantasy? The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, … Continue reading →
Tip to the Bad Astronomer. Check this out. How small are things? Starting with a coffee bean, you can zoom down–at your own pace–to a carbon atom, seeing other neat things along the way. Requires Flash, but is totally worth … Continue reading →
The President is en route to his madcap Asia tour. We wish him luck on his massive agenda. The President will have Air Force One land in Elmendorf AFB for a two-hour layover. He will be the first Democratic president … Continue reading →
What a weird way to kill some time. Not that this is not valuable for its rich historical content, but it is weird to the Czar because he spent way more time here than he intended. The Czar first touched … Continue reading →
So Lou Dobbs is fed up with the horrific leftward tilt of CNN. He asked to be released from his contract in order to avoid reading the party line to the world, and CNN (happy to be rid of him) … Continue reading →
Say, did you know that there has been an official military skirmish between North Korea and South Korea? Did you know it is escalating? Clashes between the two countries are not uncommon, but there has been an uneasy cease fire … Continue reading →
The Czar believes he has identified a situation no one else has. Let us suppose that the public option takes hold of the Senate, and that there is a government takeover of healthcare. What happens to the lollipops handed to … Continue reading →
The Czar is cautious when it comes to the death penalty. He comes from Illinois, which has a moratorium on executions. Oh, you can be sentenced to death in Illinois, but your execution is on indefinite hold. This originates from … Continue reading →
Happy Birthday, USMC. Lest you think we forgot. Marines have a special place in the Gormogons’ hearts for all they do and all they have done. The Czar would like to bring up a battle even very few Marines remember: … Continue reading →
The Czar suspects it was a grease build up that caused the fire. The Czar killed the gas flow and used a fire extinguisher. After a thorough cleaning of the old grill, she worked a few more times and then … Continue reading →
The Czar has got his grill back! Not particularly well known: the Czar is a die-hard griller, who has done everything from Thai beef salads to South American pork tenderloin to Korean shrimp to bourbon-glazed chicken. And his corn is … Continue reading →
Wired asks a good question in light of the Fort Hood massacre: “What, Exactly, Is A ‘Cop-Killer’ Gun?” Even when the media go for defending firearms, they louse it up because they do not actually answer the question. There is … Continue reading →
England, who in the last decade has become something of a discount mega-whorehouse of bad, liberal ideas, prove that anybody can be smart enough to get the safety of nuclear power. So why can’t our government? Because it would reveal … Continue reading →
The Czar had an idea. He was going to ask each of the principal contributors here to write about their individual recollections of the Fall of the Wall in 1989, you know, for a 20-year retrospective. But he did not, … Continue reading →
Perhaps millions of words have been written about the Left’s attempts to keep black Americans chained to dependency on a welfare state. The Czar need not go into this here. If the reader is unfamiliar with the idea, we can … Continue reading →
The Czar tolerates A, E, I, O, U and marginally Y. About the latter, he is being mildly tolerant. As for the first five, he could not be more clear. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ … Continue reading →
The Czar received this. It is indeed well worth reading; especially the parts that compliment the Czar. I am the wife of MC, one of your “operatives.” I enjoy your website as much as he does; in fact, I’m the … Continue reading →
The Czar thinks we can safely say that Rep. Barney Frank is among the more legally challenged of politicians (a) still in office and (b) not behind bars. Now, a 2007 story has come to light in which Barney Frank … Continue reading →
The Czar is going to get into trouble on this one, but the facts must be made clear. Any discussions of MAJ Nidal Malik Hasan suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are a total crock. Worse, discussions that he suffered … Continue reading →
The Czar spotted someone using this Cicero quote in response to the President: Quo usque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra? Quam diu etiam furor iste tuus nos eludet? Are you not the Volgi? Allow the Czar to flex his Latin … Continue reading →
Several hundred years ago, The New York Times had a science and health section that actually provided some pretty good information. Today, as the paper becomes the official whoopie cushion of the liberals, this too has gone bye-bye. Or perhaps, … Continue reading →
The Gormogons extend their deepest sympathies to the families of the shooting victims, and a sincere hope for the speedy recovery of those wounded in the attack. So far, the media has been playing this one very carefully, to their … Continue reading →
For example, the Czar learned that the Haitian word for zombie is zonbi, which is something he did not know before. Haitian is one of the 86 languages the Czar does not speak, so his first word in Haitian is … Continue reading →
Obama to Native Americans: “You will not be forgotten.” Obama To Rest of Americans: “Who the hell are you?” The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the … Continue reading →
The Czar notices that when Scozzafava dropped out of the 23rd District race in New York only to endorse a Democrat, the media was climbing up the walls with news that the GOP was dividing! A break up! No doubt … Continue reading →
Thirty years ago, a major event in world history occurred with repercussions that continually hammer us today, every day; it should be remembered with the arrival of the Soviet Union, the dropping of the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, and the … Continue reading →
It’s time to be honest America. The Czar is not talking about you, or you, or even you; the Czar is talking to the entire country here. Americans are brutally honest when it comes down to it, and well, it’s … Continue reading →
Barely making any news today anywhere is a small story about a group of people who gathered together today in Chicago’s Grant Park to commemorate the one-year anniversary of Obama’s election. Feel free to click on that story if you … Continue reading →
Well, lookit that. 1. Congress is beginning to review the cap and trade legislation promoted earlier this year. 2. Critics are pretty well convinced the legislation would deeply hurt the US economy, and punish the consumer with higher taxes based … Continue reading →
President Obama celebrated the 45th consecutive end of the recession today in a White House celebration marked by libations and trays of imported cheeses. “This marks another great day for our country,” he said. “Although we inherited some problems, we … Continue reading →
Fox News has a rather sensational story in which Rush Limbaugh lambasts President Obama. In the story, which reads more like an opinion piece in awkard third person (the Czar finds editorial use of the third person a poor writing … Continue reading →
Or we will be forced to send ‘Puter over to do it for you. And things will be broken. Including your will. Right Geep? The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The … Continue reading →
Imagine walking up to a scary castle, inhabited by a nine-foot-tall robot from the future, who wants nothing more than to open your skull to install chunks of technology into your brain. And then, behind the robot, is a mad … Continue reading →
Nice job, marketing department, letting this guy speak: “Sports cars have to be red, but we wanted a new red. So we came up with shoujyouhi red, the traditional red color of a Japanese monkey’s ass.” —Tetsuya Tada, chief engineer … Continue reading →
If you love The Dark Knight movies, as the Mandarin does, you will love this video. Short, and eye-wateringly funny. If you are not as kind to them, as the Czar is not, the video sort of explains why. Dead-on … Continue reading →
The Czar has been keeping an eye on things for a while. If he were an idiot, he might be inclined to think that: —The stimulus package has saved 650 trillion jobs, simply because the White House says so. —The … Continue reading →
Item the First: The Czar notes the following text: “Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex.” Evidently, a threesome between ‘Puter and two women, … Continue reading →
And just a few days ago the Czar was describing how wiggly ferret Tony Blair was most likely going to be named the President of Europe. And greasy flounder Gordon Brown completely endorsed Blair as the best possible candidate! Within … Continue reading →
Two dozen House members are being investigated by the House Committee on Standards of Official Conduct. This is actually pretty normal: some will be proven guilty, some found innocent, and some guilty as all freaking hell. The details were written … Continue reading →
Holly Bailey of Newsweek has just completed her seventh-grade Civics class, and is now experimenting with snark. Except the snark bites with his teeth, dear. We quote in full, because, well, this sucks as writing. And we had such hope … Continue reading →
Well happy freaking birthday Internet. Invented by a twenty-one-year-old Al Gore, the Internet turns 40 today. Of course, then, she was ARPANet, when the very first message was sent betwen UCLA to Stanford, in which it announced that Mars will … Continue reading →
A Gallup poll on liberal attitudes is a bit like polling 12-year-olds on whether they like cell phones. Therefore, the outcome of their most recent liberal attitudes poll comes as a welcome surprise: even Gallup concedes that liberalism has more … Continue reading →
