Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
Europe really hates Scientology, which is something the Czar thinks Europeans are getting right. Scientology was allegedly founded by L. Ron Hubbard on a $5 bet concerning how gullible people are; the Paris criminal court decided what we already know: … Continue reading →
FBI: 50 Children Rescued From Prostitution in National Sting says Fox News headline. The Czar read it, but could find no mention of ACORN. Are they not sponsoring this behavior anymore? The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный … Continue reading →
Both Australia and Japan have offered strong ideas on a reorganized international power bloc to shore up the aging ASEAN. The two ideas are not compatible, strictly speaking. Australia wants more US involvement, and Japan wants less. None of this … Continue reading →
Ban-Ki Mun writes an open letter to the American people in the New York Times saying that we can sign the Copenhagen bill that (a) President Obama has been stalling on and (b) puts the United Nations in charge of … Continue reading →
The Czar and the Mandarin were having dinner with the president of a union trade business this past week. He tolerates only union workers, a point which he is fond to make. Since he was buying dinner and large amounts … Continue reading →
You guys set a pretty high standard—I’ve read a few blogs that don’t and they’re not worth the electrons they’re printed on. See ‘Puter? Quality pays off! The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, … Continue reading →
The Wall Street Journal provides an amazing critique (and possible explanation) behind the Obama administration’s otherwise moonbat fixation with Fox News. The Czar agrees with this pretty much throughout, but feels there is not enough emphasis on the President’s dismissal … Continue reading →
Senator Harry Reid, we hardly knew ye. It has been made pretty clear that if Senator Harry Reid puts forth a public option in the health care bill, voters will throw him out of office. So in response, Senator Reid … Continue reading →
You know, the Czar is getting annoyed with allegations that puts up some pretty obscene bar tabs, and that he does some pretty serious damage each night because of it. On a hunch, the Czar decided to see whether he … Continue reading →
The Czar is attempting to catch up on his movie watching. Well aware that folks no less than Jonah Goldberg have criticized certain films as strongly liberal, the Czar must concede he does not see it. Some of these films … Continue reading →
Deemed too big to fail. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all … Continue reading →
What do conservatives and liberals have in common? They both pretend to shun Fox News. The interesting thing is that both camps generally do it for the same reason. First, let us review. The Obama adminstration hates, hates, hates Fox … Continue reading →
The White House—that is, co-presidents Obama and Gibbs—are crowing that a Washington Post/ABC poll is proclaiming that 57% of Americans would consider a public healthcare option. To put it another way, which ABC would if Bush were President, “Nearly one … Continue reading →
Well, as you can see, the Mandarin is back to work. And he had great news for the Czar: the, um, experiment is totally ready. Tests concluded that the Mandarin was able to land his product in the exact center … Continue reading →
President Obama talks tough on Sudan! Either Sudan comes around to his way of thinking, or the President will use the international community to subject Sudan to talk and talk of further threats. That oughta do it. Because it completely … Continue reading →
Just imagine if the progressive whackjobs that ran Europe into the ground decided to get together, and form a Euro-supergroup, a rock band of megastars who would basically do it all over, but this time as one gasping grab at … Continue reading →
One thing about reading the Big G as you do, is that you learn about all sorts of faraway places. Like National Geographic, but with less beautiful photography and even less whining. Today, for example, we cannot ignore what might … Continue reading →
ABC News has decided two things about balloon-boy Falcon Heene (pronounced “heenie,” like the H1N1 virus is pronounced): 1. He is like Tom Sawyer, a truly colorful and splendid literary character full of charm and whimsy, if not in some … Continue reading →
Here is a story not being covered here in the enlightened United States. A Louisiana justice of the peace has denied a mixed-race couple of marriage, saying that mixed race marriages are inherently bad for the children. JP Keith Bardwell … Continue reading →
What a knee-slapping exercise in media gullability. Based on conversations the Czar had in the last 24 hours, as well as a timely email from Gormogons secret operative MC (“BTW, Putin couldn’t meet with Hillary because he and I have … Continue reading →
Bill Gates is irate that environmental restrictions are prohibiting starving communities in Africa to use the genetically modified foods that would actually help them grow food in their climates. Why, he cries, why? If there is anyone who stays inside … Continue reading →
The Czar would stay out of the Rush Limbaugh story, thank you. The Czar cares little for Mr. Limbaugh’s style of broadcasting, but unlike every one of his critics, the Czar has actually heard Rush Limbaugh’s show in its entirety … Continue reading →
The Czar is delightfully familiar with the poems of Li Po, who may indeed be the Volgi’s brother given their ages. A small sampling of the great Li Po’s work: If the heavens were not in love with wine, There’d … Continue reading →
You have probably noticed your own lack of surprise, when reading a bizarrely tragic news story, at the words “alchohol was believed to be a factor.” A man burns his friends with a homemade firework, and so on…alchohol was believed … Continue reading →
The Mandarin is away on business, standing in the middle of a desert, covered in white dust, with a silver coat on and huge goggles, holding a clipboard while watching a large fiery red cloud mushroom upwards while muttering approvals … Continue reading →
The Czar is most displeased with national referenda, as they waste time and bypass the needed representation republic structure a country of our size and shape needs. But he cannot help wondering if the national healthcare squabble (which the Democrats … Continue reading →
The insurance industry released a report that concluded that ObamaCare “reforms” (as presently planned) would skyrocket healthcare costs. The White House is foot-stamping mad about this. How could they say this? How could they scare Americans like this? Probably, um, … Continue reading →
You would think that a historian so well versed in President Wilson would run screaming for cover when thinking about President Obama. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was … Continue reading →
Let us give kudos where it is due. In what may be the Obama administration’s first tangible win, Armenia and Turkey have normalized relations, which is incredible if you have ever spoken to Armenians about Turks. Secretary of State Hillary … Continue reading →
CNN reports that Americans are divided—probably another 80/20 tie, right Gort?—over whether President Obama has done enough to merit his Nobel Peace Prize. The CNN report reaffirms the Czar’s ongoing speculation that people fall into two camps: 1. People who … Continue reading →
You are aware of crushing recent information confirming global climate change data are missing, extrapolated from a sample of one, and the result of a spreadsheet glitch. But the global change fantasists remain convinced that the earth is melting so … Continue reading →
The Czar goes through his mail. The almighty Borepatch writes in to say: 😉 (Doesn’t this make you glad you don’t have comments?) Heck, BP, the Czar would welcome comments like that all day long. Trust all is well. Meanwhile, … Continue reading →
He’s getting a little hooked on this song ever since he heard it on a trailer for Where the Wild Things Are. By the way, the song is not in the movie. It was used as trailer filler, and word … Continue reading →
Hang on, because the Czar is going to let both sides have it today. Do you like to comment on people’s blogs with your own opinions? You do? Well, at least you understand why we have that turned off here. … Continue reading →
Apologizing for the Commander-in-Chief’s apparent lack of ability to command, the Washington Post wants you to know that Gen. Stanley McChrystal is not Douglas MacArthur—actually, he loves the fact that the President is taking his time with American lives. Acknowledging … Continue reading →
The Czar, frankly, is getting a wee-bit tired of the MSM pointing out (gasp) that comedians are getting away with making fun of Obama. From Conan O’Brien’s spot-on send-up of Michelle Obama to SNL’s increasingly less-than-realistic Fred Armisen/Obama impression, suddenly … Continue reading →
With the Volgi away taking care of matters, the Czar foolishly agreed to cover for him while he was gone. Needless to say, this place has gone to hell and he’s only been gone for a day. The phone hasn’t … Continue reading →
The Jerusalem Post has an editorial that discusses what would happen if Iran fully complied with nuclear restrictions. It is worth a read, but it is not necessary for you to do so to continue herein. The editorial makes the … Continue reading →
The Federal Trade Commission now expects blogs to reveal any endorsements they get or receive to reveal potential conflicts of interests. Very well. 孔夫子, the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV) receives free catalogs from Obscurity Press, in return for positive … Continue reading →
Our thanks to GorT. He really is the coolest robot, provided he doesn’t rip your head off for one of his “upgrades,” Puny humans. “We apologize in advance if we kill one of your favorite tags (send an email and … Continue reading →
What’s this? A Vietnames Buddhist monk complains that the country is not giving them religious freedom? Dude. You live in a communist country. This rates about a 1 on the Czar’s shock factor scale. Feel free to ask a Polish … Continue reading →
The New York Times, in its struggling effort to stay non-trivial, posts an editorial today on Zbigniew Brzezinski, the latter commenting on what the Obama administration should do about Afghanistan. For those of you who do not recognize the name—and … Continue reading →
Normally, tricking the Czar results in a stare down with our Imperial firing squads, who remain undefeated against unarmed people with their hands tied behind their back. But the Czar delights in bringing you this bit of optical chicanery. Enjoy. … Continue reading →
Interviewers usually don’t ask the good questions. One never said it was unremarkable. Just not impossible to call in advance. One sees it in little ways with a good color commentator as well. He will often call entire plays well … Continue reading →
TJIC reports his unbridled (but still fully masculine) joy over discovering the new Korean store in his area that features an entire Hello Kitty department. Cough. You are quite welcome. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ … Continue reading →
Whether you have personally experienced it or not, everyone pretty much gets the brother-in-law who keeps borrowing money with no intention of repaying it. Each time, though, there is a mighty excuse for why the last time did not work, … Continue reading →
Volgi, There is an extremely high probability that the manager and coaching staff were discussing their expectations before the game, which is not uncommon when a new player joins the team. In theory, they should discuss the stats of each … Continue reading →
You be the judge. Cal was the man. No teleprompter either. Love to see President Obama pull off a speech this good. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was … Continue reading →
They say there’s pretty much everything out there on YouTube. Although, you probably won’t ever find actual video footage of Anne Frank. Oh…wait… Never mind. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. … Continue reading →
The Czar wishes not to micturate in your Volgi’s cornflakes, but the amazing ability to predict a homerun on a 3-1 count for a particular batter to a particular spot is not always impossible if you have good stats on … Continue reading →
What has President Obama actually accomplished while in office? The Czar is having a difficult time finding much. While spending time on Democratic and pro-Obama websites, there were quite a few lists that had much in common. But, alas, these … Continue reading →
The Mandarin and the Czar wonder what would happen if the City of Chicago had won the 2016 Olympics? One week before the opening ceremonies, the CTA would announce a funding crisis and cut all bus and train routes to … Continue reading →
The Obamas can celebrate another humiliating waste of his valuable time. Dropping incredible matters of international importance (like Afghanistan and Iran), the President raced to Copenhagen to push the Olympic site selection committee to pick Chicago as the site of … Continue reading →
The recession is not over. Each time the Dow breaks 9,000, everyone gets excited. You must learn to avoid the Dow as any economic measure unless you have a market fund tied to it, which few of us do. The … Continue reading →
By now, you may have heard that David Letterman (who is mentioned by the Czar far more than the Czar would like or believes he warrants) has revealed that he was the victim of an extortion plot for $2 million … Continue reading →
Claim: Discovery Institute denies evolution, declaring there are no transitional fossils between tree-dwelling primates and bidepdal proto-humans. These gaps in the fossil record disprove evolution. Finding: Scientists confirm transitional fossil of Ardipithecus ramidus who was halfway between tree-dwelling primates and … Continue reading →
Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) shocked and offended congress watchers when he announced, in a Tuesday speech, that Republicans want people to either not get sick or else die quickly. He has refused to apologize for the comment, and indeed added … Continue reading →
The Bad Astronomer gets a taste of liberalism and doesn’t like it. Regular readers of the BA know that he tends to ridicule conservatives, Republicans, and libertarians—yeah, sometimes with more than a bit of snootiness—but like many folks, when exposed … Continue reading →
Moussa Dadis Camara, the head of Guinea’s junta, seized power in a bloodless coup in 2008 and promised to return the country swiftly to democracy. Somehow, something derailed. The joyfully exuberant crowds—tired of the previous government’s corruption—welcomed the reform-minded Dadis … Continue reading →
At first, the Czar thought he missed the sarcastic image of a middle finger or a dead body. But no, the dude is serious. Ranjit Goswami, of the Blogger News Network, writes an editorial titled “Saluting China”. In it, he … Continue reading →
Stalwart supporter MC (presently in charge of our top three conspiracies in Andorra) writes in to say: No doubt the mighty Czar of Muscovy has already read this piece by David Pryce-Jones, but I took note that he follows your … Continue reading →
A week of surprises from the New York Times. First, there was the confession from the public editor that they screwed up the ACORN coverage because they acted like jackasses. Now, comes word that the New York Times is revealing … Continue reading →
Whatever else you think of him, Mike Huckabee hits one out of the park as far as the Czar is concerned; in a convention speech, he had the common sense to suggest booting the UN out of the country. Actually, … Continue reading →
After more than a decade of powerful rule, the Labour party looks to have its buttocks smartly thumped by Conservatives in next year’s election. Brits, frustrated with the sagging economy, oppressive unemployment, emptying tax coffers, a series of get-rich-quick scandals … Continue reading →
Oh, those wacky conservatives. You see the kind of crap they believe? Largely trivial actor Kirk Cameron is now actively speaking out against The Theory of Evolution and the devil-book Origin of Species. And in true conservative fashion, he is … Continue reading →
President Bill Clinton seems to think so. He said in an NBC interview that the “virulent” right-wing conspiracists that pursued him are now after President Obama. You can roll your eyes, but sit back a moment and think this through. … Continue reading →
Germany is usually touted as among the greenest of the green European countries. Yet, election victor Angela Merkel intends to keep Germany’s nuclear plants operating longer than their required phase-outs. Why? Nuclear plants provide low cost electricity with no environmental … Continue reading →
The Czar received an absolutely awesome email from ER today that is so good, he opted to quote it in its entirety. Some excellent analysis here on what an Israeli strike would mean, and ultimately what it might not achieve. … Continue reading →
Well, it took 31 years. Roman Polanski, wanted on an outstanding 1978 statutory rape charge, has consistently dodged American authorities by limiting his travel to countries that deny extradition to the US. He always insisted he was innocent—the 13 year … Continue reading →
Did not expect this. Clark Hoyt, who claims independence but really seems to be the guy to summarize reader complaints and synthesize them into an op ed article—a pretty clever idea, actually— writes that the New York Times’ failure to … Continue reading →
And right on cue, Israel is ramping up pre-war rhetoric. Interestingly, Israel indicates no plan for any military involvement until after Yom Kippur, due to cabinet holiday schedules. And that delays things until later this week. Oh yeah—right on time … Continue reading →
A New York Times editorial takes the GOP to task for scaring the crap out of senior citizens. Thanks to the darn GOP, only 15% of Americans now think Medicare would be improved under the Obama plan. This is just … Continue reading →
The Czar is prompted to reply to his own post in order to respond to various emails, comments, and so on at once. 1. “Do you really believe war with Iran is inevitable?” By no means. The Czar would not … Continue reading →
What a great week for the President! Just when his popularity numbers cemented him under 50%, the President picked up some key endorsements certainly to win over the hearts of Americans. Thank goodness the American press reports on any praise … Continue reading →
Know this, all ye who tremble before the Czar, et cetera. There are no coincidences in foreign policy. Readers here know the Czar has been sharing a little more each day about the chessboard setup that is Iran. Chess was … Continue reading →
The typical reader here knows all about the ACORN scandal; indeed, consider yourself more familiar with it than any MSM newsreader. We know all about the corruption and scandals on video, why O’Keefe did it, why Breitbart picked up on … Continue reading →
President Obama has got to hate YouTube by now. For now we have video from last June (rapidly being pulled off YouTube, so the following link may be dead by the time you read this) featuring about 18 multiracial school … Continue reading →
Here is what the media is reporting: 51-year-old Bill Sparkman, a census worker, was found lynched from a tree near a Clay County, Kentucky, cemetary. The word FED was “scrawled on his chest.” Most stories are either suggesting or completely … Continue reading →
There is no progress with Burma. Despite news reports extolling the greatness of Our Leader Lord Obama, and how He is doing everything different in foreign policy…there is no progress with Burma. And even though the stories relate how SecState … Continue reading →
Water on the Moon! Water on the Moon! Scientists found water on the Moon! In case you have not heard yet, scientists found water on the Moon! Except, and once again you have to find this out from the Gormogons, … Continue reading →
What a rare treat New York has enjoyed today. In addition to having Ahmadî-Nezhâd smearing his own feces on every clean surface he can find, Manhattan was happy to treat Mu‘ammar al-Qaḏāfī, who now now appears rather much like Carlos … Continue reading →
Despite the impressive but oddly emphatic promise to increase military presence in Afghanistan, CinC Obama is now holding off on sending additional troops at what Gen. Stanley McChrystal considers a critical moment. No doubt the President is going to base … Continue reading →
GorT: Irony! If Ms. King wants to restore a ton of land to its natural state, she can start with her own home. If our math is correct here, she’s right: only 3% of her goddamned driveway is undeveloped. The … Continue reading →
Hey GorT: Biden is still very much around, as he spells out in detail what the GOP needs to do to destroy the Presidency of Barack Obama. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, … Continue reading →
A high-school sophomore from West Virginia has discovered a new astronomical object—a rotating radio transient. Predicted theoretically, this is indeed the first ever confirmed hit, although some candidates had been identified. A rotating radio transient is like stuttering, slow pulsar: … Continue reading →
Readers may recall the Czar has a love-hate relationship with theater. He mostly hates it, and avoids it completely. Why? Check this out. Contact, the Musical. Yeah, the Carl Sagan book/Jodie Foster movie. How timely, too, since the book is … Continue reading →
FoxNews is reporting on a CNN interview—if you need to take a moment to follow that—with Russian President Dmitri “Side Dish” Medvedev,* in which Medvedev downplays the risk of an Israeli strike on Iran. In a carefully worded response, Medvedev … Continue reading →
How badly can the current administration screw things up? Only 10 months after becoming the radically pro-environmental green-the-world carbon crediting, cap’n’trade president, Barack Obama has reduced the United States to environmental moron status, and China is the country we all … Continue reading →
Homeland haters can bite us. Rasmussen poll reveals that 57% of Americans still think the rest of the world should be more like America. That constitutes a majority. Once the Progressives are bounced out of office starting next year, those … Continue reading →
The Associated Press, in its ongoing attempts to break news stories well over a week old, has basically concluded that ACORN is dying, if not already dead. Let us certainly hope so. We all love to see a blood-sucking parasite … Continue reading →
Lots of commentators are pointing out seemingly scary similarities between Woodrow Wilson and Barack Obama. Heck, they just say that because both are Progressives. In fact, there are lots of differences between Wilson and Obama. For example: Wilson lived most … Continue reading →
Suddenly, Russia has an opinion? Fresh on the heels of the Czar’s revelation that there may be some ménage à trois between Russia, Israel, and America leading to an Israeli attack on Iran comes four more interesting events. First, Russia … Continue reading →
Because it’s super-late on Friday night, when the news media releases any information that looks bad for the Obama administration in hopes you miss it in your libertine haze. But not to the Gormogon’s all-seeing eye. Yeah, you read that … Continue reading →
There’s nothing better than someone tying a note to a brick and hurling it through the front window of the Castle Gormogon. Unless of course it goes through an open bedroom window and wallops ‘Puter smack in the head. God, … Continue reading →
Rumors keep crossing the Czar’s butcher block desk that there is more to President Obama’s concession to Russia on the missile defense shield. Vastly more. The rumors, now buzzing on conservative radio, Israeli chat forums, and whispered discussions, suggest that … Continue reading →
So the Czar just got a letter from the Superintendent of the Muscovy School Board, SD 474F5254, that said: “By the Grace of God, et cetera [lots of nice things omitted], we respectfully wish to inform your Czarness that henceforth, … Continue reading →
The Czar has just realized that there hasn’t been a post today. We apologize. Not sure where everyone is… there’s lots of activity in and around the Castle, so I supposed it slipped everyone’s mind. Any way, plenty of conspiracies … Continue reading →
Know who else was over at the Castle Gormogon today? Patrick from Popehat! He came by to borrow the Volgi’s Etruscan For Business Travelers and mentioned to us that your Czar is the best candidate for Czar: What Democratic and … Continue reading →
AP is freaking out. The world’s oceans are the hottest they have ever been, ever, since 1880! And they state, as a matter of fact and record, that climate change has been raising the planet’s temperature steadily since 1997. The … Continue reading →
