Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
Ew. President Wades Into Gay Issues WaPo, no shame? The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of … Continue reading →
Oh no! Now Obama went and killed a living creature right on television, and laughed about his superiority. PETA is quite unhappy. All 12 of their supporters are no doubt voting Republican in 2012. Look on the bright side: George … Continue reading →
Wow. The Czar surprises himself sometimes. A short while back, the Czar anticipated that some Democrats would link the Iranian elections to the 2000 US Presidential election. On a whim, and some prodding by the Mandarin, the Czar googled iran … Continue reading →
The Czar took pen to parchment, and thought it worthwhile to write an angry open letter to the Guardian Council of Iran. And because it is the Czar’s way (specifically, to show off), he did it as a poem. So … Continue reading →
So The Guardian quotes āyatollāh Ali Hoseyni Khāmene‘i as saying Mahmūd Ahmadinezhād’s victory is a “divine blessing,” but agrees that perhaps a recount is in order to verify the tally. Anyone else think it strange that an āyatollāh would basically … Continue reading →
The Czar has long maintained that Disney is a bit of an evil-minded entity. Then came clues that they are a shill for the Democratic party. First, there was ABC’s refusal to sell the DVD of The Path to 9/11, … Continue reading →
GorTechie may not be aware that your Volgi, the inscrutable Mandarin, and the Czar discussed Mr. Walpin (played here by Roger Ebert) earlier this week. Confucius* asked us if we wanted to comment on the Chicago-style politics inflicted upon Mr. … Continue reading →
The Czar remains astonished. Using Vegas odds to determine how a team will wind up is not any indication of ability, but on how people are betting. That is why odds are tied to gambling. Using odds to explain that … Continue reading →
Reuters, in a rare display of good news taste, has a short story about a fox that evidently stole more than 100 shoes from residents of the town of Foehren. Apparently, her kits like to play with shoes, so the … Continue reading →
BBC News has a neat, compact summary of the Iranian situation by Jim Muir. Balanced, in the sense that we should not get our hopes up for real progress in Iran, but nevertheless advising us that we continue to watch … Continue reading →
Spotted at the Schaumburg LegoLand and intercepted by the Czar’s men who hang out there. A lot, actually. What’s that about? Anyway, look carefully at the sign and you will see how deep our influence runs. The Czar of MuscovyБожію … Continue reading →
Admittedly, the Gormogons control pretty much everything. But the ongoing violence in Iran was unforseen, and catches the Czar, at least, very much by surprise. Do not get your hopes up that change is coming to Iran, but the widespread … Continue reading →
How long does it usually take a Gormogon to find evidence that the Obama administration is run by (and like) a high school student organization? The Czar speaks for himself, here, but usually it is a matter of scanning the … Continue reading →
Oh no! President Obama has angered more of his supporters by failing to use the enormous powers of the US government to force legalization of gay marriage. Evidently, candidate Obama made some promise that he would repeal the Defense of … Continue reading →
By now, you have read that racist moron goatherder Mahmūd Ahmadinezhād overwhelmingly won Iran’s presidential election with a minority of the vote. The Czar will explain how this occurs, as most of would think that sounds weird. Popular elections are … Continue reading →
The Mandarin asked if we could pass the following on to you. 0d 0a 42 75 69 6c 64 20 61 20 6d 61 6e 20 61 20 66 69 72 65 2c 20 68 65 20 69 73 20 … Continue reading →
Scriptsit your Volgi: I’m gonna say taking the Cup winner to seven games beats taking the Cup loser to five. The Czar, who has indeed not attended a Penguins game but is aware of the somewhat angry nature of their … Continue reading →
The Czar has been to Pittsburgh twice. Both times, he was treated with extreme kindness and graciousness, and fed ferociously well. So he likes the people of Pittsburgh very much. Congrats on winning the Stanley Cup, slamming down those unpleasant … Continue reading →
A synopsis of the Fifth and Final Day of GormogoniCon 2009 Flaunting our utter lack of need to tie together the various open-ended, cryptic, and superficially nonsensical remarks delivered over the previous four days, the Gormogons’ final day of speeches … Continue reading →
The Czar really wanted to avoid commenting on anything like this (it is a bit… AM radio fodder, perhaps), but sees that the war between Sarah Palin and David Letterman is heating up. By now, you already know what happened. … Continue reading →
Bad Astronomy found this gem. Here’s an alleged adult asking if we got the moon’s permission before we intentionally crashed the Kaguya orbiter into it to see what kicked up. Seriously. The Czar knows you are smart enough to recognize … Continue reading →
Wow. The President has been busy, what with setting up Israel’s annihilation, appointing folks to decide how much pay CEOs of publicly-traded companies shall be limited to, driving home a wildly chaotic health care reform plan certain to destroy emergency … Continue reading →
The Czar found another way to waste time productively, and one that should easily occupy nearly all the Volgi’s day for the better part of a week. It’s a website, properly named Google Sightseeing. Click on that link, as this … Continue reading →
So this is how POTUS Obama is going to bring down unemployment? He’s going to appoint fifty million new czars, eh? The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born … Continue reading →
A synopsis of the Fourth Day of GormogoniCon 2009 8:00—No breakfast! We have already fed you for the last three days and therefore we have opted not to serve breakfast lest we soften you to the temptation of letting the … Continue reading →
A synopsis of the Third Day of GormogoniCon 2009 8:00—Continental Breakfast, Regent Room 8:15—Full military color guard posted the flags and a boisterous crowd repeated the Pledge of Allegiance, day three of the conference began with full force. 8:30—Fixing Economic … Continue reading →
Your Volgi of course knows more than he tells. The atomic number of Gorgomonium is 112, with an atomic weight of 277. Add the two together to get 389 (March, 1989, was when GorTechie was sent from the year 5891 … Continue reading →
A followup to your Volgi’s excellent disarming of Sotomayor’s questionable applications of grammar. We seemed to have missed another one, in which she rants “Each time I see a split infinitive…I blister.” She blisters easily, for a split infinitive is … Continue reading →
Note: The following appears to have cross-posted with your Volgi’s vastly superior essay here, or below this. Skip this, and read his. He hits the same points with more thought. It’s safe to say that President Obama has not been … Continue reading →
The nominee for Assistant Secretary of State is the hockeyly-named Kurt Campbell, who testified in his Senate confirmation hearings that the United States will not accept a nuclear North Korea. Nor should it, and Mr. Campbell (80 GP, 20 G … Continue reading →
A synopsis of the Second Day of GormogoniCon 2009 8:00—Light Breakfast (catered by Waffle House and White Castle, official white trash hangouts of The Gormogons) 8:30—Annie Get Your Gun (And Follow Me To The Nearest Union Leader’s House)!—Ghettoputer ‘Puter will … Continue reading →
Following the unexpected success of a pro-Western government in Lebanon this week—although the Czar doubts we will see any strong democratic progress there since the parliament That’s right—racist moron goatherder Mahmūd Ahmadinezhād, President of the Islamic Republic of Iran and … Continue reading →
Excellent essay from the Christian Science Monitor on 5 Questions For Sotomayor. The Czar especially liked the notion that the Senate needs to spend less time fretting about nannies and drug use and ask some questions that will indicate what … Continue reading →
A synopsis of the First Day of GormogoniCon 2009 8:00—Breakfast, Regent Room 8:30—The Union Stranglehold—Ghettoputer Ghettoputer warmed everyone up by garrotting a union steward on stage, which initially repulsed most of the audience until they realized that it wasn’t an … Continue reading →
The Czar is not one for conspiracy theories, and with the Air France tragedy, we fully expected that some would appear. Terrorism was a fear, but was dismissed. Then it was on again, after word that some threats came in … Continue reading →
In your piece [on the Mexican drug wars] you show the other side and some nuance to the new approach of Obama’s administration. Even though I am a big fan of nuance the conclusion of your story seems excessive. Even … Continue reading →
The царица was reading the newspaper at breakfast Saturday morning, and hesitated at a story about gay penguins raising an egg together. “How do they know the penguins are gay?” she asked. “Is the story from AP?” the Czar asked. … Continue reading →
The Czar continues to remain very close to the security industry. One of the biggest myths in security is the notion of “It Takes A Thief,” meaning that if you want the best security advice possible, hire the guys who … Continue reading →
Remember fans! Do not lose your tickets! Tomorrow kicks off the first day of the five day GormogoniCon 2009 eventaganza. For you slackers who failed to email us and get tickets, or for those who did email us asking for … Continue reading →
Obama stopped off in Dresden to meet briefly with an increasingly challenging Chancellor Angela Merkel, keeping the discussions about Iran, Israel, Opel, and the environment. Thankfully contrary to your Volgi’s worst fears, Obama did not apologize for the Allied bombing … Continue reading →
Moments after the Czar pre-apologized to all of you that the Mandarin and your Volgi would be unable to post for a day, the two of them elected to mess with the Czar and put up some substantive posts. It … Continue reading →
The Mandarin journeys to the West today, allegedly due to some scrutables rumored to exist there—and if so, he shall surely inscrutalize them for us—to which end he shall not post today. Meanwhile, 孔夫子, otherwise known as your Œcumenical Volgi … Continue reading →
The President was on French television the other night, and said that the United States could be considered as one of the largest Muslim countries in the world. Of course, the US ranks about 54th in the world, with a … Continue reading →
The younger readers may not remember, but the Czar does. It was 1989, which was by most accounts a remarkably great year for many reasons. Politically, it was a momentous year as we hard-partying 20-somethings stopped in our drunken tracks … Continue reading →
Let us say that you are in a casino, near the roulette table. You have just witnessed a guy lose thousands of dollars over the last two hours. He nudges the guy next to him. “Say, pal…that was my kid’s … Continue reading →
You may have heard that Newsweek magazine has decided to reinvent itself in a very different format. This is long overdue. Back in 2000, the Czar won a free subscription to Newsweek, having not read it since the 1980s. He … Continue reading →
The Czar is well aware that POTUS Obama reads this blog, and very few others. So this is a private message to him. If you are not him, please scroll down and check out the uber-cool ragtime player video the … Continue reading →
The Czar is a little upset that this headline is terribly misleading. The Czar was initially delighted to learn about space penguins. He read the article to discover…er…not at all. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ … Continue reading →
USA Today asks, Do religious conservatives share blame in Tiller’s death? The Czar asks, Do Liberals share blame in death of army recruiter? Once again, the Czar will summarize two points of recent merit: 1. Any mainstream media exposition of … Continue reading →
From The Christian Science Monitor, on the rumor that Kim Jong Un has been tapped as North Korea’s next leader: North Korea is giving no hints about succession, but the rapid-fire moves to show off the North’s military strength, notably … Continue reading →
Great news: President Obama has concluded that nuclear energy is a safe, clean, welcome alternative to conventional power, and is capable of solving national power shortages. This will end decades of nuke-fear by the Democratic party. No kidding! However, there … Continue reading →
Read The New York Times account of the recruiting station shooting. Mmm-hmmm. Soldier shot; another seriously wounded. Police catch the suspect and he has an assault weapon on him. Now read this version of the story, which describes a very … Continue reading →
A pro-choice understanding of pro-life thinking. Read the article, and get angry. Because this is how the liberal side of the media sees the issue. They miss the total irony and hypocrisy here. What a bad, bad pro-lifer, to say … Continue reading →
The Czar hopes that there were some survivors of AF447, and was particularly saddened to learn there was an infant on board. In reading the subsequent we-are-out-of-news chatter on the web, the Czar read an article there on how dangerous … Continue reading →
The Czar salutes ‘Puter, who is always right, in his wickedly deserving condemnation of the media’s continued kid-gloves treatment of all things Democratic Party. Of course, the Czar believes all criticism of the media is wickedly deserving. The reply is … Continue reading →
Und now mit…sorry. And now with news that the United States will own 60% of General Motors, the Czar wondered what that would mean for the future of car design. So he asked. GorTechie fired up his awesomely cool time … Continue reading →
Wow! Tickets are completely sold out for the upcoming GormogoniCon 2009. We have never had a complete sell-out before, and the Czar attributes it to this being the first year we made the existence of our ultra-secret convention known by … Continue reading →
The Press makes the Czar cry. Some quick hits: Mike Zapler of the San Jose Mercury News refers to California’s deficit, which “seems to be growing by the day.” Umm…Mike, if you have unpaid debt to which interest is applied, … Continue reading →
Well now we are mad. The US warns North Korea not to launch a rocket over Japan. And we warn them not to do any more nuclear tests. Okay, well, this time, SecDef Gates says that if North Korea lets … Continue reading →
Let us review. Janet Napolitano says that Canada’s slipshod security was critical in aiding the 9/11 attacks. Canadians, by and large, throw a pretty big fit, but she later adds that the Canadian border is just as screwed up as … Continue reading →
The Czar loves the headline. Do not bother to read the article as it would only upset you. Merely read the headline and dream of how great that would be. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ … Continue reading →
The Czar would like to propose that the name “Bush Test” be formally applied to any test that asks, “Had you made the same comment about George W. Bush, would it be offensive or welcomed?” Case in point: small town … Continue reading →
Some stories have happy endings. The Czar is aware of a growing social meme that the Conservative backlash is beginning, way beyond Tea Parties. POTUS Obama is being called on the carpet almost weekly now. Pelosi is losing popular support. … Continue reading →
Yeah, it is tough to top a line like this on why North Korea will not carry out its threats to attack US and ROK interdiction vessels: “The location of mansions where Pyongyang’s leaders enjoy their Hennessy cognac is well … Continue reading →
The Czar is starting to think that DoE Sec Steven Chu may not be the, um, intellectual giant he was presented as. Heard this one? The way to combat the Eeeeevil Global Warming is to paint your roof white. Yeah, … Continue reading →
All right, patient friends! Tickets are now on sale for GormogoniCon 2009, and are available from any of the five of us. Fire off an email to the Gormogon of your choice (ideally one of us, as our numbers are … Continue reading →
The people of California voted today, and evidently Miss California Prejean wins. Why, whoulda thunk it? The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia … Continue reading →
The Czar is glad someone addressed North Korea today! All the Czar can add is this. Successful underground test of a functional, remotely detonated nuclear weapon? Check! Successful test of an extended range rocket capable of carrying a functional, remotely … Continue reading →
The Gormogons wish Sonia Sotomayor the best of luck on her upcoming near-certain approval for the SCOTUS. Like her nominator, she can be a difficult read, having more or less avoided many substantive cases that would otherwise predict what sort … Continue reading →
In the June, 2009, issue of Scientific American, Michael Shermer writes about agenticity, his word for the psychological need that some adults have, in which they believe invisible factors are responsible for getting the work done in the world when … Continue reading →
Friday before Memorial Day was special because it was the last three-day weekend of the school year, a last hurdle of fun that signified the final agonizing two weeks before summer vacation. The weather was postcard-perfect, with a yawning blue … Continue reading →
In another stunning case of liberal fascism (click on the tag below for more), Alameda USD parents are outraged that a new anti-bullying effort will begin teaching children as young as five all about the lesbian, gay, and transgendered community. … Continue reading →
Perpetually baffled Associated Press wonders how the liberals lost out on two votes they thought were particularly valuable to them: the right to carry firearms in National Parks, and the closing of the Guantanamo holding facility. Liberals obviously feared the … Continue reading →
The Czar read read this story twice just to make sure it wasn’t the Mandarin. ‘Cuz it sure sounds like him. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born … Continue reading →
Except she seems to be hurting herself further. For those of us keeping score—which is millions of us—first she said she did not know, then she did know but didn’t understand, then she was blatantly lied to. Now she says … Continue reading →
Most of the Gomorgons are out enjoying a long holiday weekend, and the Czar came in this afternoon to discover he was in charge. Nice, because the place was left a total mess. That said, let us do a bit … Continue reading →
Sigh. The Czar is feeling a bit like ‘Puter this evening. Must we be always right? We have about twenty posts on this site detailing the logic behind Mr. Obama’s alleged flip-flops, and why they reflect the harsh realities of … Continue reading →
In a curious coincidence, as Dick Cheney is warning the nation that POTUS Obama is neglecting the safety and security of Americans, comes news that we averted a substantial terrorist threat in New York City. Nice work, NYPD and FBI! … Continue reading →
This blog, like so many others on both the Left and the Right, have no end of fun excoriating the Press for its mistakes, gaffes, and hypocrisy. The slightest error, the tiniest miscue, and there we are: exposing it, exaggerating … Continue reading →
The GOP, which reads this website quite a bit, has echoed the Czar’s accusations about SotH Nancy Pelosi either being ignorant, arrogant, or incompetent. Newt Gingrich as well as Steve King (R-IA) and John Boehner (R-OH) have been particularly public … Continue reading →
So this Japanese scientist has built an android of himself, accurate right down to the ridiculously bad haircut. CNN was so impressed with Dr. Hiroshi Ishiguro’s work that they lovingly filmed him without once bringing up Disneyland’s equally impressive feat … Continue reading →
Yeah, well, your first clue should have been the ridiculously low £20 fee. Details here. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in … Continue reading →
The Czar and the Mandarin are both traveling today to the Western Edges of their respective empires, and regret they cannot post today. Until we return on Tuesday, please enjoy this classic Gomorgon post from November 22, 1898. As you … Continue reading →
The Czar is getting overwhelmed, and frankly a little tired, of blog after blog focused on what Republicans and/or Conservatives need to do in the Age of Obama. So much so, that he decided to write his own. Interestingly, almost … Continue reading →
Your Czar and Your Mandarin have a conversation: A tasteless title up there, but the Czar could not get it out of his head any other way. Your inscrutable Mandarin and your Czar were surprised that what should really be … Continue reading →
Add this bit of proposed legislation to the list of things that would be deemed a horrific abuse of the Constitution…if Bush were still President. But he’s not, so it’s okay. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный … Continue reading →
Nancy, first you said it never happened. Then you said you couldn’t remember. Now it did happen, and you do remember, but they lied to you. If any one of those statements is true, it looks pretty bad for you. … Continue reading →
The Atlantic’s Andrew Sullivan, who claims “Of No Party or Clique”—is widely regarded as a passionate conservative, although he certainly seems to run with the elitist Left of Center journalists with the perpetually raised eyebrow and expertise in third-world coffees … Continue reading →
Well, maybe ‘Puter ain’t always right. Now, the Czar is still willing to accept the near-probability that someone hacked into Geep’s account merely to make the outrageous claim about a certain hockey team… stinking on ice, was it? The Czar … Continue reading →
Todd “Toddler” Stroger, Cook County Board President (who inherited the position from his father) has come under fire for fighting for a dramatic sales tax increase in Cook County, which surrounds Chicago and many of its suburbs. Now comes word … Continue reading →
Seems like we’re getting bombarded with news stories about Mr. Obama that include some variant of the phrase “angering his supporters.” In his latest “I meant the opposite” gaffe, the President has reversed course on his decision to release photographs … Continue reading →
And Your Mandarin Spots This… It seems just like yesterday that POTUS Obama was vilifying executives for taking trips to Vegas. It’s okay. You’re very lucky—my brother Fredo operates this place, he was called before anyone. If this had happened … Continue reading →
(Your Mandarin writes in.) When I turned 30 back in 1999, I wondered if I would have enough money saved in my various investments (401k, IRAs, annuities, etc.) to retire comfortably. When I turned 40 back in April, I still … Continue reading →
The Telegraph (UK) reports that Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu has a difficult meeting ahead with POTUS Obama, in that the PM must deliver a series of strong messages to the President, but at the same time avoid any risk of … Continue reading →
We all know the stories. You have what starts out as a nice marriage of mutual respect and caring. Frankly, that surprises some folks at first because when they were courting, the big doofus was often a serious jerk. But … Continue reading →
Know what the single biggest problem with arguing by analogy? Someone can easily use your analogy right back against you. Another lesser problem is when the analogy is just too good. Take this little snippet from a FoxNews.com article about … Continue reading →
David Feherty, CBS Sports “Golf Analyst” (that’s actually a job?), was forced to apologize to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid—but not, oddly Osama bin Laden—for using the three of them in a joke. The joke … Continue reading →
From all Gormogons to all our readers around the world. Happy Mother’s Day. To all our moms, grandmoms, step-moms, foster moms, mothers-in-law, godmothers, and all those, living or gone, who took care of us. Where would we be without you … Continue reading →
Yeah, it has been getting crazy out there. Time to catch our breath. Find one or two people under 20 years old, stand them near the computer, and play this loud. Good stuff will happen. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею … Continue reading →
