Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.'Puter suggests the Czar suck it.
‘Puter thinks that there’s one thing and one thing only that could make ABC’s visual mash note to President Obama’s health care agenda tolerable. Have Jake Tapper, and maybe John Stossel, run the entire interview. These two gentlemen would certainly … Continue reading →
President Obama held a news conference today to backtrack on his Iran policy. In addition to abandoning his chosen course on Iran, President Obama also discussed his health care reform agenda. President Obama stated that Medicare and Medicaid are unsustainable … Continue reading →
What fresh government Hell is this? President Obama is creating an Orwellian sounding White House Council on Automotive Communities and Workers. And that silver-tongued orator Vice President Biden will be rolling it out in Ohio today. Here’s a tip for … Continue reading →
They’re nowhere near as good as Dion and the Belmonts. ‘Puter usually can’t figure out what E.J. Dionne, columnist for the Washington Post, is attempting to say, and today is no exception. Mr. Dionne opines that President Obama is a … Continue reading →
From the Gormogons to our readers. And to our heathen friends, happy summer solstice. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this. … Continue reading →
‘Puter particularly was pleased to see that the Japanese have finally scientifically established superiority of the Gormogons’ chosen lifestyle. Chubby people unite! Post 1,700. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law … Continue reading →
Back to uncontroversial topics, like gays in the military. The Gormogons are split on the topic of integrating openly gay servicemen into the armed forces, and good arguments exist on both sides of the issue. ‘Puter advocates for inclusion. At … Continue reading →
‘Puter hates defending crazy liberal Democrat senators (the cognitive dissonance makes his brain hurt), but here goes again. Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA) is being pressured by conservatives to apologize to Army General Michael Walsh. As a recap, Sen. Boxer insisted … Continue reading →
‘Puter will say it again: health care is not a right. This must be the starting point for conservatives in discussing health care. It explains the difference between liberal and conservatives on President Obama’s “Government Knows What’s Best For You” … Continue reading →
‘Puter would like to personally thank American Idol runner up David Archuleta’s father James Archuleta for his great Fathers’ Day gift idea. Really, what father wouldn’t want a gift certificate for a “massage” in a pair of lace panties at … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s going to get heretical here, and expects to be roundly beaten down by his Gormogon brethren (and, maybe if we can find women who can stand us some day, sistren). Here goes. ‘Puter thinks the Republicans should introduce legislation … Continue reading →
‘Puter got email from two Gormogons readers today, and is tickled pink. Each correspondent got a reply, along with a coupon for a free cheese and sausage sampler from Hickory Farms. Of course, the email was received in mid-May, but … Continue reading →
And ‘Puter is still always right. Taking its lead from The Gormogons, ABC News has taken notice of people claiming polyamory to be a civil right, a la gay marriage. As ‘Puter said, once you redefine a bedrock societal construct … Continue reading →
Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA) chastised a brigadier general for referring to her as “ma’am” rather than “Senator” during a Senate hearing on New Orleans’ levee system yesterday. Some conservative voices have been decrying Sen. Boxer’s action. ‘Puter saw the footage … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s back. His TRS-80 has been down with the swine flu (H1N1 for you PC media types), and the external cassette drive needs replacing. The Czar correctly notes below the moonbattery that is PETA. However, to be fair, one of … Continue reading →
Contrary to the calumny of fellow Gormogon the Czar, ‘Puter is verifiably correct in his assertion that the Capitals of Washington are superior to the lowly Blackhawks of Chicago. ‘Puter awaits the return of his Hessian brigade. ‘Puter also remains … Continue reading →
The Obama Administration touted the $787 billion “stimulus” plan claiming it would “create or save” 600,000 jobs by the end of summer, and up to 4,000,000 jobs overall. Leaving aside for the moment that the economy is already turning around … Continue reading →
Two gentlemen duped the New York City Clerk’s Office into marrying them. One of the pair posed as a woman, and the pair was then “married.” Gay marriage. Guaranteed to start a fight. Let’s assume for argument’s sake that marriage … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s been harping on the rule of law in this space (and elsewhere) for quite some time. Well, now the Chrysler bankruptcy court’s decision is having the obvious consequences ‘Puter predicted. John Lott over at his blog notes that the … Continue reading →
GorT’s recurring series on science lessons got ‘Puter waxing philosophic, which is never good. And then ‘Puter saw this. In today’s WaPo, Samuel Thernstrom discusses geoengineering as a potential solution to “global warming. Geoengineering is yet another example of much … Continue reading →
At a rest stop along the world renowned Tour de ‘Puter which traverses Upstate and portions of Pennsyltucky, a Lance Armstrong wannabe takes a water break at the border. All proceeds of the Tour de ‘Puter go to a good … Continue reading →
First comes the moral bankruptcy, then the actual bankruptcy. ‘Puter’s adopted home state has officially jumped the shark. To call New York a banana republic would be an insult to smarmy, self-important petty dictators everywhere. New York has been spending … Continue reading →
The Obama Administration’s Iran policy seems to be one of willful blindness. No matter how many times Ahmadinejad states his intent to destroy Israel specifically and Jews generally, the Administration ignores him. The ‘Puter Policy states “when someone says that … Continue reading →
Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) has entered the home remodeling business. There’s always been a large demand for closets in Washington. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although … Continue reading →
‘Puter never thought he’d says this, but “Way to go, Justice Ginsburg!“ It’s never good to read tea leaves based on a one paragraph order of the Supreme Court, but ‘Puter thinks it more likely than not that a sizable … Continue reading →
While listening out of one ear to the D-Day remembrance speeches today, ‘Puter could’ve sworn he heard Prime Minister Gordon Brown refer to Omaha Beach as Obama Beach. Of course, ‘Puter had heard earlier Euros pronounce “Omaha” with the … Continue reading →
New York is leading the pack again! Unfortunately for ‘Puter and all other New Yorkers, not in a good way. The New York Times in a story on states’ budget shortfalls notes “[h]ardest hit on the income tax collection front … Continue reading →
No, no Billy. Not the cello’s G string. I meant my G string. Does ‘Puter even have to resort to the “proper fingering techniques” joke? ‘Puter thought not. And which union is going to bail Ms. Proper out of this … Continue reading →
Maybe, just maybe, there’s a glimmer of hope for the rule of law. The Second Circuit Court of Appeals will hear a creditor challenge to their treatment in bankruptcy. The creditors’ (Indiana state pension funds) argument is that the bankruptcy … Continue reading →
The New York Times editorial staff today put together this whopper. Apparently, the real reason the economy’s in the crapper is because banks are requiring borrowers to pay their full debts, regardless of how underwater the loan is. That is, … Continue reading →
Here’s President Obama’s standard, in his own words, from today’s Wall Street Journal. Then-Senator Obama noted “[t]here is absolutely no doubt in my mind Judge Roberts is qualified to sit on the highest court in the land. Moreover, he seems … Continue reading →
So says David Brooks in today’s New York Times. Thanks for thoughtlessly (or worse, thoughtfully) running full tilt into a quagmire with no exit strategy, President Obama. If Chimpy McHitlerburton did this, the outcry would deafen the astronauts on the … Continue reading →
Or sex milking? Seriously, though. ‘Puter just saw an email signature block from another company. The writer’s title was “Relationship Business Associate.” Not for nothing, it made ‘Puter think of working girls. What’s wrong with ‘Puter? 'PuterAlways right, unless he … Continue reading →
Will someone in the press please ask someone, anyone, in the Obama Administration what their stated authority is for (1) lending money into GM and Chrysler and (2) purchasing stock in privately held, now bankrupt, entities? And don’t let them … Continue reading →
“Ye shall know them by their fruits.” The press would do well to take this passage to heart. Basically, judge people by what they do. After failing to examine most of President Obama’s peccadilloes in the run up to the … Continue reading →
Sen. Charles “Chuck” Schumer (D-NY) stated today that Judge Sonia Sotomayor’s nomination to the Supreme Court is “virtually filibuster proof.” When Captain Camera (and one of the Dems’ top attack dogs) comes out and says that so-and-so is a sure … Continue reading →
Controversial late term abortion provide Dr. George Tiller was reportedly gunned down at church services in Kansas this morning. ‘Puter has no truck for Dr. Tiller. Dr. Tiller was a willing participant in one of the greatest moral evils of … Continue reading →
Recently ‘Puter’s been hearing a lot of talk about making “the rich” pay their “fair share” in taxes. This seems to be code for “I want more. Take that guy’s stuff and give it to me.” ‘Puter has given the … Continue reading →
The Czar’s excellent post below shows him relatively unconcerned (as much as a conservative leaning libertarian can be) about President Obama’s nomination of judge Sonia Sotomayor as Justice Souter’s replacement on the Supreme Court. Here’s ‘Puter’s slightly different take on … Continue reading →
The Gormogons’ network of informants tells ‘Puter that President Obama’s ordered a t-shirt with the logo (pictured, right) with a shipping address of “Only Dwelling With Electricity And Plumbing, The Hermit Kingdom.” That’s certain to change Kim’s mind on his … Continue reading →
Many thanks to Czar for cleaning up the lair — er — office. And for staying behind in the Gormogons’ undisclosed location most recently outed by Joe Biden. The Gormogons are also concerned about maintaining the continuity of their shadow … Continue reading →
Or this could happen to you. The natural consequences of this student’s actions occurred, and the mother is upset. Jackasses, both mother and daughter. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law … Continue reading →
Massachusetts edition. Nearly three-quarters of Massachusetts proto-teachers failed the mathematics portion of the required state teachers’ licensing exam. It’s not like math is important or anything. From the comment section, here’s a practice exam for you dear readers to evaluate … Continue reading →
Here’s the Russian people making light of their ability to shut off natural gas supplies to Europe. It’s almost as funny as President Obama “joking” about siccing the IRS on his poltical enemies. Ah, the comic possibilities of threatening retribution … Continue reading →
First Maryland, now Nueva Jork. As noted in today’s Wall Street Journal, states are lining up to increase revenue by sticking it to the rich. However, the states ignore ample evidence that capital (and the owners thereof) is mobile, and … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s been thinking lately. The American Left utterly abhors America’s government using force or the threat thereof to defend itself against external threats, no matter how great the danger (see, e.g., Islamic terrorism). However, the American Left has no problem … Continue reading →
‘Puter, having lost his ill-advised wager with The Czar, and having made good the terms of his bargain, is magnanimously sending The Czar an additional token of good faith. A Hello Kitty Sith Lord to lead the brigade of Hessians … Continue reading →
Any reader spending even a few minutes browsing The Gormogons’ palatial intarwebs palace knows ‘Puter hates hisself public sector unions. For a sample of ‘Puter’s vitriol for public sector unions, look for posts tagged “Unions” here at The Gormogons. And … Continue reading →
‘Puter disagrees partially with Megan McArdle’s (‘Puter’s pretend girlfriend) otherwise excellent take on the importance of the rule of law, stated here. ‘Puter thinks that there should be more punishment involved in bankruptcy for both debtors and creditors, particularly on … Continue reading →
Union workers follow union rules in loading cargo onto a Japan Air 747, picture right. Our resident tech guy GorT says it is generally not recommended to jam large, metal foreign objects into a jet intake. Union officials respond that … Continue reading →
Right now, the Obama Administration is Hell-bent on advantaging the already advantaged unions by, among other acts, bailing out the UAW and pressing the EFCA. “Why is helping unions a bad thing? Unions help the little guy, ‘Puter.”, you query. … Continue reading →
The highly excitable and sometimes brilliant Steve Sailer gets the universal pre-K hoax half right in his post here. Sailer posits the universal pre-K push is (1) a racist scheme to take poor, black children from their parent(s) and (2) … Continue reading →
By now, we’ve all seen the first American recipient of a face transplant. The woman’s story is horrible. She was shot in the face by her husband in an attempted murder-suicide, destroying much of the middle of her face. ‘Puter, … Continue reading →
Unions destroy companies and hurt workers. Unless, of course, you ask a union hack, quoted in the same post. Also, see, e.g., Los Angeles being required by union rules to pay teachers millions of dollars not to teach while disciplinary … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s coming back into work from lunch this afternoon, and what does he behold, but a bike chained to a tree with the anchor chain from the U.S.S. Enterprise (and not the “fun, watchable” Enterprise). See attached photo. The bike … Continue reading →
‘Puter feels mildly nauseated for writing this, but here goes anyway. To date, to the best of ‘Puter’s knowledge (which his fellow Gormogons will quickly correct), First Lady Michelle Obama has been an acceptable and non-controversial First Lady. This is … Continue reading →
Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA) has been relegated to junior status on all committee assignments except for one, despite his lengthy, pre-party-switching tenure. The committee on which the 79 year old Sen. Specter gets to retain seniority? The Senate Special Committee … Continue reading →
Q. What do the following events have in common: (1) Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac meltdowns; (2) banking crisis; (3) TARP and TALF; (4) Chrysler fiasco; (5) GM fiasco; (6) housing bubble’s bust; and (7) the soon to occur FHA … Continue reading →
‘Puter accepts. However, should ‘Puter win, in addition to the pelf ‘Puter will acquire, Czar must wear this jersey to a regular season game at Lambeau Field. Against the Bears. While wearing a Bears baseball cap. 'PuterAlways right, unless he … Continue reading →
Unfortunately, Czar and Volgi doubt ‘Puter’s omniscience. For this heresy, there must be punishment, swift and severe. ‘Puter is dispatching to Czar and Volgi each their own personal Popobawa, which demon will torment them nightly. And ‘Puter stands by his … Continue reading →
The Chicago Blackhawks stink on ice. But they have the best uniforms in professional sports. On this there can be no debate. Bu, guys, next time remember to bring your skates. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. … Continue reading →
It’s too nice here Upstate today to be inside. So wherever you are, get the heck outside. Even if it’s raining and gray and nasty where you are, it’s way better than Upstate in the winter. 'PuterAlways right, unless … Continue reading →
The United States Senate, of all august legislative bodies, recognized the importance of the rule of law to the business community. Today, in a shocking display of level-headedness, the Senate voted down President Obama’s pet project to permit bankruptcy courts … Continue reading →
In which the “Committee of Chrysler Non TARP Lenders” channels ‘Puter. It’s this pesky little “rule of law” thing that keeps coming up. At the risk of being trite, if Americans continue to stand idly by as the Obama Administration … Continue reading →
In ‘Puter’s post below, he posits that the hedge funds struck a blow for capitalism and rule of law in America. ‘Puter tacitly claims that the Obama Administration is concerned primarily with nationalizing our economy. But if you don’t believe … Continue reading →
Chrysler is filing for bankruptcy, despite the best efforts of the federal government to bully creditors into submission to the Obama Administration’s thinly-veiled statism. Treasury’s boy wonder, Secretary Geithner managed to whip creditor banks that received TARP funds into submission, … Continue reading →
Cops had to use force to break up Kent State University students rioting over the weekend in Columbus, arresting 64 and injuring cops and kids alike. It’s not like the dumb-assed college kids could have known that anything bad would … Continue reading →
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, after all, but these Upstate antics take the cake. It’s got all the elements of a tragi-comedy. Drunkeness, jaw-dropping stupidity, unintended humor, dramatic irony. Now we know the answer to the age-old riddle … Continue reading →
President Obama and his fellow Democrat travelers are applying the malpractice that led to the housing bubble in the mortgage industry to a new industry: credit cards. Credit card companies are in the midst of a significant upsurge in default … Continue reading →
In the greater Upstate mecca of Rochester yesterday, a certain sign of the apocalypse occurred. Popeye’s Louisiana Kitchen, a fried chicken and biscuits emporium, ran out of chicken. Popeye’s is a long-time Gormogon favorite purveyor of everything that is right … Continue reading →
This lends additional support to the “‘Puter is always right” meme. Crazy conspiracy theorists peddling conjecture and speculation as fact is as easy to predict as night following day. Of course, the ease of the prediction should cast no doubt … Continue reading →
Freddie Mac’s acting CFO David Kellerman apparently killed himself last night. May God have mercy on his soul, and comfort his family. Mr. Kellerman’s suicide likely resulted from his direct involvement over 16 years in assembling the mortgage portfolio that … Continue reading →
‘Puter loves him some stripper catfights, particularly where it reads like something out of a “women behind bars” movie, with an attempted stiletto heel stabbing and everything. But, c’mon people. What kind of strip club are you running where the … Continue reading →
It seems now that President Obama has found his model of governance. That’s right, folks. That Kevin Kline/Sigourney Weaver powerhouse movie Dave. How else to explain getting the entire Cabinet in one room to cut $100,000,000 out of the budget … Continue reading →
‘Puter applied for his New York concealed carry permit on Friday. ‘Puter attempted to upload the wonderful form for all to see, but was stymied, partially due to the Blogger software, and partially due to his ineptitude with things electronic. … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s favorite willfully ignorant WaPo columnist E.J. Dionne is at it again. In his column today, Mr. Dionne bemoans the fact that President Obama hasn’t pressed for passage of unnamed restrictive, and perhaps confiscatory, gun laws. Assuming for the moment … Continue reading →
This is an outrage! This school employee was obviously unjustly fired based on lookism and gender bias! ‘Puter’s calling for a grievance procedure and demands that she be reinstated immediately! Based on ‘Puter’s knowledge of cheerleaders, isn’t Ms. Carlie Christine … Continue reading →
‘Puter received an email from the chancellor one of his alma maters today. In the missive, the chancellor who shall remain unnamed stated that the university that shall remain unnamed must take measures to cut back monetarily in order to … Continue reading →
Apparently, it snows in jolly old England. Who knew? During one such snow storm on 2 February 2009, only 30% of the public employees of the Crown Prosecution Service managed to make it in to work. For bravely battling the … Continue reading →
President Obama and the Democrat controlled Congress effectively have killed the D.C. Public School System’s voucher program. What’s worse is that President Obama’s Department of Education withheld the results of a study until after Congress acted to kill the program. … Continue reading →
Governor Paterson’s wife thinks his poor poll ratings are caused by New Yorkers’ latent racism. Mrs. Paterson is wrong. We can’t stand Gov. Paterson because he allowed a budget with a 9% spending increase to pass without veto in the … Continue reading →
The Gormogons wish all their readers a blessed and happy Easter. Except for The Czar, whose Easter falls next week. He’s all Orthodox and whatnot. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an … Continue reading →
Now it appears we have emasculated our mighty Navy such that it now negotiates with pirates, in what should be a non-negotiable situation. In response, Somali pirates have seized another vessel. Thoughtfulness and deliberation is perceived by evil mercenary pirates … Continue reading →
‘Puter didn’t realize that a representative democracy means that the people vote for leaders who are answerable directly to the unions. Last night at a NYC City Council meeting, the United Federation of Teachers distributed questions on note cards to … Continue reading →
College athletics, particularly men’s’ basketball and football, are a multi-million dollar a year moneymaker for universities. Coaches and schools get rich off the work of the athletes, who are not permitted to be paid. Worst, perhaps, is the polite fiction … Continue reading →
Via Deadspin, The Gormogons have been made aware of the new San Francisco Giants marketing campaign. The Giants’ ad men (and women) are pikers. Here are much better slogans for the Giants, off the top of our heads, in no … Continue reading →
Here’s a fantasy foreign policy heresy for general Gormogon discussion. ‘Puter’s certain Volgi will politely point out the myriad errors herein. And Czar and GorT will pile on. Why would it be such a bad thing for the United States … Continue reading →
Unions, that is. See Commentary’s description of two almost unbelieveable union overreachers at the link. In the better of the two stories, one that warms the cockles of ‘Puter’s union-hating heart, friend of the unions The Boston Globe is being … Continue reading →
Speaking to GorT’s proposal for responses to the rising incidents of piracy, ‘Puter humbly offers the following suggestions. 1. Any American flagged vessel taken by pirates will be retaken or sunk by the U.S. Navy, no matter where in the … Continue reading →
Respected economists agree with ‘Puter’s position on the bank bailout, as outlined here. That is, the market pricing offered by distressed asset purchasers is correct. It’s the selling banks that have their collective head in the sand. Oh, and by … Continue reading →
Time to get ready to mow the lawn again. This may be the best ad campaign ever. Ever. On this there can be no debate. Get your Mr. Bigglesworth on, and let your freak flag fly! Via Instapundit. 'PuterAlways right, … Continue reading →
The Supreme Court today ruled that racist cop-killer Mumia Abu-Jamal (ne Wesley Cook) will continue to rot in prison for the rest of his sorry life. ‘Puter’s hoping, God willing, that Mr. Abu-Jamal rots in Hell for all eternity, along … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s been thinking, without the drinking, this morning. Drinking’s for later. So, the Obama Administration thinks giving AIG executives performance bonuses is stupid and bad, because it rewards these folks for allegedly having run our economy into the ground. While … Continue reading →
Apparently, some Pennsyltuckians think this is an acceptable means of getting with child. Unfortunately for these deviant sickos, the local constabulary (pictured, right) disagree. Say what you will about Pennsyltucky, but ‘Puter’s pretty sure the justice meted out by the … Continue reading →
Here are some Brit cops who have the right idea. When questioned by ‘Puter as to what this experience was like, the police dogs responded that hippies taste like patchouli and chicken. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer … Continue reading →
Jenny McCarthy, that formerly hot yet now hard and used up looking Playboy “model”, shares her scientific knowledge that vaccinations caused her son’s autism, so under no circumstances should any children ever be vaccinated. Vaccination must have caused her son’s … Continue reading →
It occured to ‘Puter that the dirty, nasty, soapdodging hippies are a case study in dramatic irony. As the Womyn and Gender Issues Studies/Performance Art double majors surely have been taught at their pricey universities, dramatic irony occurs when the … Continue reading →
Sweet Baby Jesus in the Manger, would some Brits please sack up and lay some wood upside the heads of these malfeasant bastards, bent on creating anarchy? It’s an object lesson in the perils of too much tolerance. 'PuterAlways right, … Continue reading →
'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this. ’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial … Continue reading →
