Occupy Legoland
This one goes out to GorT 2.0 and the lil MedStudent… …they both love legos and hate hippie crap. Dr. J.
Continue reading →Category Archives: Gormogonica
!1!Eleventybillion!!!11!!!1
It has been estimated that yesterday, the human population on Earth (we have a standing army of two million myrmidonstraining on the ice plains of Ganymede in preparation for Operation Globalwarmingzombiepocalypse, but never mind that) hit the seven billion mark. … Continue reading →
The iPod turns 10…
Dr. J. is wondering when the Founding Gormos will be returning to the castle. The Czar’s mail is piling up. The machine that goes ping in Mandy’s lab stopped going ping. We’re out of yeti Food for Volgi’s pet, and … Continue reading →
The Day !!!!1!!!!ELEVENTY!!!!!!1!S! Died…
Has anyone, other than Dr. J., noticed that ‘Puter hasn’t !!!!1!1!!ELEVENTY!!!!1!!S!!!’d since starting Strattera for ADHD? And Dr. J.’s been working on this !!!!ELEVENTY!!!!! logo for him. It’s still a work in progress…Dr. J. is NOT a graphic designer to … Continue reading →
Chicken Not-So-Little
So now the Germans are getting into the satellite crashing business. Many people are wondering what on earth is bringing down all these satellites? Our readers, of course, are not wondering at all. And many of you have sent emails … Continue reading →
Ruminations
Being a time-traveling robot, one doesn’t always think linearly so I have a couple thoughts that have been bouncing around the ol’ neural net and I figured I’d do a quick dump on each. ‘Puter would counsel me to say … Continue reading →
Meritocracy
Hey, in case your local paper failed to carry this item, the Цесаревич joined Cub Scouts. The Czar is most pleased with this. Even though Cub Scouting is a different activity than when the Czar was involved (Axemanship is not … Continue reading →
Cowboy Anesthesia: Jack Daniels and a Silver Bullet
Happy Birthday to ‘Puter’s bionic back. You are more machine than man, now, ‘Puter, twisted, and evil… You asked about Manhattans being your most effective analgesic in your post this morning. Dr. J. thought he would share a little insight. … Continue reading →
Pulling back the curtain
Much like a huge swath of America, the Gormogons huddled up last week to conduct our fantasy football draft. GorT tried to maintain order and put out a schedule where the first round would start at 1700 on Wednesday evening. … Continue reading →
Then and Now
Here are some interesting statistics looking at the change from September 11, 2001 and September 11, 2011: Afghanistan’s GDP has risen by 645% from $2.46B to $18.33B Iraq’s GDP has risen by 473% from $18.94B to $108.42B Gold has gone … Continue reading →
Garfield Spakes
Happy Labor Day. Dr. J. hopes each and everyone of our readers enjoys a well earned rest this weekend. Be assured, Dr. J. is hard at work saving lives, abusing residents and documenting all of it on the EMR. Fortunately, … Continue reading →
Mailbag – Interoffice Memo Edition
Dr. J. found this an inter-office mail envelope with Polish sausage grease, blood (human, type AB+) and encephalic fluid stains on his desk this morning, meaning that it could only come from The Czar: Date: August 24th, 2011 A.D. (ed. … Continue reading →
Corporations are People and so is Soylent Green
The Czar stated the following in an earlier post: Last week, Mitt Romney famously declared “Corporations are people, too, my friend.” The media high-fived each other and ran with it. Ha! What a bonehead that Mitt Rom—wait, what is that? … Continue reading →
Browsing Our Web
One question we never get asked is what web browsers we use. GorT thought it would be a great idea if we each shared some information about our respective web browsers. So here goes. You geek dorks will find this … Continue reading →
Gormogons’ Next Vacation
GorT fired up the geospatial tools and plotted this vacation. Why did we start in Tulsa, OK – because the Czar just had to see the Murder Mystery Dinner Theater at the local Dave & Buster’s. What-evs. Note: step #27 … Continue reading →
’Puter will be airbrushing this on our airport shuttle van forthwith
From minion and twitteress, MbernadetteE (go follow her, you’ll like her, she’s way nicer than we), here’s today’s Gormogon tribute art. Confucius really needs to get around to opening that t-shirt shop so we can monetize the awesomeness. In the … Continue reading →
Gormogonicon 2011
Today was a special day. While ‘Puter and Dr. J are running the Castle, the Czar was happy to host GorT, the Mandarin, and the 孔夫子, the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV) here at the Czar’s dacha in Muscovy. Actually, … Continue reading →
Male Bag!
‘Puter received some feedback on his intemperate rant of yesterday afternoon. Operative DT writes in: Oh… my…. God. ‘Puter, once again you’ve written a work of art. Damn. New minion NB states his opinion thus: I almost never write to … Continue reading →
More Fan Mail for the Doctor
Gentle Readers, Dr. J’s moving into the Castle has met with some controversy. JAB writes to ‘Puter from the doublewide: Well, I never! I take a little time off to go to the family reunion (never mind the restraining order—rich, … Continue reading →
Gooble Gobble! Dr. J is One of Us
And in the dark corners of the Castle dungeons, whispers and hissing did slip through the dank air. Faces, barely lit by flickering candlelight, would lean in from the gloom only to fade back into shadow. Antient and eldritch words, … Continue reading →
To All Minions
Thank you for your attention. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all … Continue reading →
Reupholstering the Castle
A typical email, but one we chose because it seems really flattering: Do my eyes deceive me, or is there new wallpaper in the background on the blog? What is it, and who picked it out? It looks very nice … Continue reading →
Castle Lost & Found Item
Guys, I found this when I came in last night after a few pops at the Leapin’ Peacock. Which one of you two does it belong to? GorTGorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to … Continue reading →
Bastards
Well, we seem to be back on line. Evidently, Blogger has figured out what the red button does that says Do Not Push. We hope one of them wrote it down. We lost some material up here, so our apologies, … Continue reading →
Lighten Up, Eye-talians
Here’s a quote about your Gormogons, and the lovely ladies they call their wives. They are vulgar, bronzed, tattooed and muscle bound – and that’s just the men while the girls are all breasts to the wind. Actually, the quote … Continue reading →
News You Can Use
The Gormogons are a busy bunch, and we love to update our readers on the many things we do. Of course, some things are a bit too short for a lengthy post, so here is a short compendium of odds … Continue reading →
Two Quick Reminders
Reminder the First: Remember to follow us on Twitter. LOTS of good stuff there (at least, as far as what that means in the Twitter world). Apparently we have fans there who quite possibly never come to this site to … Continue reading →
Random Thoughts
GorT has been a bit busy with the whole time traveling thing (summary notes on the most recent trip to the future are forthcoming) but here are a few random thoughts while I’ve locked onto our internet connection – this … Continue reading →
The Doctor Is In
Royal Surgeon Dr. J. weighs in from the dispensary with his budget plans. The good Doctor recommends, in addition to a daily regimen of coffee colonics, the following: Dr. J. knows that he’s not a Gormogon, but as Royal Surgeon, … Continue reading →
Thus Spake ‘Puter, Jr.
‘Puter made braised pork ribs this weekend, which involved as a first step searing the ribs on the Castle’s 32 burner fusion powered grill. It was a present from GorT. ‘Puter was seasoning the ribs with Montreal Steak Seasoning in … Continue reading →
NOW SPEAKETH THE IMAM! HEARKEN HEREUNTO!
FROM HIS UNVERIFIED TWITTER ACCOUNT PROCLAIMETH THE KILMER: America all the way! Caddies have moved elegantly into the 21st century; rocky road is over! It’s fat smooth sailing now! This is a glory! VERILY HE IS OUR HUCKLEBERRY! Confucius, Œc. … Continue reading →
New York, New York!
Well, the Gormogons decided to take a quick day trip (and thanks to GorT, that covers a couple weeks) and visit the Big Apple. Manhattan had quite a lot of snow, but nothing we are not very used to. In … Continue reading →
The Gormogons wish you a blessed Epiphany
We actually showed up the following day. Turns out 1 B.C. wasn’t a leap year, and GorT didn’t want to make two trips. Don’t expect a joke about the lack of room at the inns. Leave it to the government … Continue reading →
Interesting Impact
January 1st is not only New Year’s Day but it is also “Public Domain Day” – the day on which works whose copyright has expired enter the public domain. However, the U.S. law has changed over the years to lengthen … Continue reading →
Christmas Eve, Chez ‘Puter
'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this. ’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial … Continue reading →
Volginization
Şɵ ʛøɾŤ שׂɾɨʈēʂ ʊק ʈħɨʂ ɳēשׂ קɨēçē øʄ ʂøʄʈשׂăɾē ħē ɕăɭɭʂ ɤøɭğɨɳɨʑēɾ, שׂħɨçħ ʈɾăɳʂʄøɾɱʂ ўøʊɾ ʈēϰʈ ʈɵ ɭøøк ɭɨкē ʂøɱēʈħɨɳğ ʈħē ɤøɭğɨ ɱɨğħʈ ħăɤē שׂɾɨʈʈēɳ. Ťħē ʂøʄʈשׂăɾē ɨʂ קɾēʈʈў ɳēăʈ; ʈħē ɕʑăɾ ɾăɳ ɨʈ ħēɾē, ăɳɖ ɨʈ ɭøøкʂ קɾēʈʈў ğøøɖ. … Continue reading →
Guess Who?
Guess who is closet reader of Your Gormogons? That’s right! None other than Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA), who is perusing the Gormogons hard copy website. The fine folks FoxNews.com snapped this picture, catching Gormogon fan Rep. Frank not working and … Continue reading →
What Do We Talk About All Day?
So a lot of sites have these discussion topic diagrams, in which some software analyzes your writing and draws up a diagram based on word frequency and topic count. The Mandarin, who has been working feverishly on an alternative to … Continue reading →
’Puter almost got to Muscovy for Christmas
Alas, law enforcement stopped him just short… CHICAGO (CBS) – Even though it was snowing, it was apparently not too cold for one man who was arrested after people saw him running around wearing nothing but socks and carrying a … Continue reading →
Ahem. Sorry.
The Japanese space agency (JAXA) suffered a sudden loss of communications with its Akatsuki probe, recently arrived in orbit around Venus. An unexpected and unexplained blackout occurred for about 22 minutes, during which time they lost total contact with the … Continue reading →
Hey, GorT…
…you’re supposed to put the kibosh on ideas like when the Mandarin says, “Let’s invest forty mil in a beachfront resort on Yŏnpyŏng-do.” ‘Club Yellow Sea,’ my 至聖 ass… Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. … Continue reading →
Happy Thanksgiving 2010
…from the Gormogons! (from left to right, the Mandarin, GorTechie, the Œcumenical Volgi (id est, 孔夫子, The Notorious ŒV), the Czar of Muscovy, and Ghettoputer Gormogon. Taking the photo, and not in the picture, is Sleestak (one of the few … Continue reading →
Don’t Forget Our Shameless Plugging!
Folks, don’t forget that you can explore our libraries down a little bit and to the left. You can see the books we talk about here, and even make periodic references to. If you especially like, you can buy the … Continue reading →
Anybody Catch This?
Notre Dame played Army at Yankee Stadium tonight. Good game. Did anybody spot this during rehearsal before the game? The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the … Continue reading →
該死! ’Puter’s been washing his pain pills down with turpentine again.
Fire up the jet, boys. We’re going to Akron. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →’Puter heartbreak
’Puter’s quite the ladies’ man, even if he usually drags them off like a robot in a ’50s B-movie. Still, he has feelings, and doubtless he’s crushed to learn that his prom date* was two-timing him with Matt Labash. So … Continue reading →
See what happens
When you let Sleestak come along on a time traveling trip? He drops his phone and next we have this. Clean up is going to be a mess. GorTGorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels … Continue reading →
4,000
Your Gormogons have been benevolently sharing their wisdom and truth with the world for slightly over two years. And this is our 4,000 post. Please stick around for another 4,000 or so. We promise to do better. Or Sleestak and … Continue reading →
Day of Mourning
As a karate expert, ‘Puter has ordered the courtyard flag flown at half-staff today, in honor of the passing of Bob Guccione. Mr. Guccione, aged 79, instilled in young men a love of reading, primarily through his production of high … Continue reading →
Reading Is Fun For Mentals
Here’s a free peek behind the curtain, as we see what Czar does in his off time. Pictured right is Miss Bookbinder, the Castle’s head librarian. She is the only reason ‘Puter even pretends he can read. 'PuterAlways right, unless … Continue reading →
THE GORMOGONS CONSPIRACY FOR GLOBAL DOMINATION — FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
PRESIDENT OBAMA STREAKED — GORMOGONS DISCLAIM RESPONSIBILITYCASTLE GORMOGON, PLATEAU OF LENG, 10/11/10The Gormogons disclaim, immediately and categorically, any responsibility for the puerile streaking stunt at a presidential rally yesterday.We have extensive documentary evidence that Ghettoputer Gormogon was, in fact, nowhere … Continue reading →
More Well-Wishes For the Big Guy
DT writes in: Yeah, sure, a “spinal” implant. We all know that ‘Puter’s been pining for pectoral implants ever since he lost the castle flex-off to the Mandy This is pretty much the case, and sorry that DT was there … Continue reading →
“’Puter” and “discharge” are words we normally hate to see in the same sentence.
But we’re happy to report that Dr. J has released ’Puter from the hospital and sent him back to Castle G with a rusty milkpail full of horse tranquilizers. O Volgi, sayest thou, how is this different from any Monday … Continue reading →
’Puter update [Updated]
All goes well. He has finally been convinced that the hospital staff are not evil sorcerers trying to steal his mojo. He’s even let them puncture his flesh, a privilege he normally reserves for Dat Ho on boil-lancing night. See? … Continue reading →
Get Well Soon, ‘Puter!
As regular readers know, our own dear Ghettoputer is getting a spinal implant today. With these new bionic parts, he will be able to stand up to union thugs, out-of-control local politicians, liberal Catholics, and sex-obsessed school teachers with even … Continue reading →
And Now: Humor. As a Diversion
From the upcoming Gormogon Book of Riddles, in which we each try to compile our favorite riddles and share them with the readers. Yes, you know you will be telling these to your co-minions at the water cooler tomorrow, even … Continue reading →
Gormoney from the archives
Since the Czar has displayed some current Gormogon currency (the reserve currency of occult conspiracies—we know our damn monetary policy), we dug into the archive and found some old units of currency issued under our dread authority. For a while, … Continue reading →
Gormoney: That’s What I Want
Dread lords, I stumbled on this today and spit out my elixir vitae… http://dowlingduncan.com/dowling-duncan-redesign-us-bank-notes/ and then linked to http://richardsmith.posterous.com/tag/dollarredeign The idea of redesigning our money to look like Euro-monopoly money, and putting the face of SAT reading comprehension section favorite … Continue reading →
Free Hello Kitty Ringtones
Never mind the title. Regular readers know full well that this will bring in several hundred thousand hits from around the world. Ghettoputer mentioned the other day at dinner that we missed an anniversary here. In 2008, our marketing department … Continue reading →
Dr. J is very discerning
Your Notoriousness, This could only be the work of an agent of the D.C. Chapter of the Gormogons… Best,Dr. J. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Thanks from Castle Gormogon
We don’t thank you people enough for stopping by…we would say if we weren’t a manipulative, conspiratorial cabal secretly running the world. Were we to thank the top towns in our top countries, it would—theoretically—go something like this. Thanks! Thank … Continue reading →
Gormogonicon MMX — Highlights
Of course, the presiding grand marshal was who you’d expect. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Wow. Ask And Ye Shall Receive
Turns out that the Grand Moghul had his camera going, and managed to get this beautiful shot of our Raptor array. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born … Continue reading →
Gormogonicon MMX: First Look
Thanks readers. As you know from the blowing of the shofar Monday at sunset, another Gormogonicon has ended. And MMX was one to remember. In addition to the usual celebrities, living and dead, who attended, we decided on only one, … Continue reading →
Requiem Aeternam Dona Ei, Domine
‘Puter’s grandmother died this past weekend, 15 days shy of her 101st birthday. As such, ‘Puter will be heading home to attend the funeral. Don’t expect a lot of blogging out of him for the next few days. In the … Continue reading →
In Which ‘Puter Fails, Gormogonicon Style
And abjectly apologizes to his fellow Gormogons. Gormogonicon 2010 kicks off today, and ‘Puter will not be in attendance. ‘Puter fully intended to be present, along with Mrs. ‘Puter, ‘Puter Jr. and Emergency Backup ‘Puter. ‘Puter went so far as … Continue reading →
Notice to Our Readers: Gormogonicon 2010
Dearest readers: The Gormogons are pleased to announce that we are mere days away from GCon MMX. As you ticket holders know, we will be meeting at the Plateau of Leng this year. Festivities begin today (Thursday) at 0900 and … Continue reading →
Today’s WTF Installment
‘Puter works in a nondescript suburban corporate office park. His office building has two tenants: ‘Puter’s Employer, Inc. and Heartless Student Loan Debt Collection Corp. Today was HSLDCC’s corporate picnic. It was held in the parking lot. They had a … Continue reading →
Maybe he shouldn’t have…
…made the statement against us becoming “a nation of bloggers.” Steve Jobs and Apple are now facing a number of lawsuits based on violations of the Federal Communications Act, defect in design, product liability related to negligence and breach of … Continue reading →
Another Day in Paradise
With Mrs. ‘Puter. Usually, this sort of thing only happens when she has ladies’ night with the Czarina. Note to Sleestak. Replenish the bail fund. It’s getting low. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims … Continue reading →
Vegetable Garden
Pictured, right, is ‘Puter’s vegetable garden. The one that laid him low with a slipped L4-L5 disc. The picture is taken facing North, with Lake Ontario about nine miles distant. On the upside, things are progressing nicely in ‘Puter’s upstate … Continue reading →
Off The Market
‘Puter was only on the market for a matter of days. Upon hearing that ‘Puter’s then-current pretend girlfriend Megan McArdle unceremoniously dumped ‘Puter for a real man, Gormogon operative J.S. immediately wrote in, offering to set ‘Puter up on a … Continue reading →
Re: Rubbing Sweaty Horny Tubes
Really, this post responds to the Czar’s thoughts on soccer, though ‘Puter is pleased to have one-upped Czar in homoerotic hit-generating post titles. First, baseball sucks out loud. On this, there can be no argument. Second, the World Cup is … Continue reading →
Support Your Local Businesses
There aren’t a whole lot of eating establishments around Castle Gormogon, as Czar’s predilection for killing insolent waiters usually puts them out of business on opening night. So when Dat Ho’s brother moved to America to open a restaurant, we … Continue reading →
Congratulations!
Your Gormogons would like to extend their heartfelt appreciation to Rep. Joe Sestak (D-PA)*, picture right, for kicking bitter, angry octogenarian Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA) to the curb in last night’s Democrat primary. As John J. Miller at NRO notes … Continue reading →
Uncle Jay continues
Uncle Jay (who’s on the Blog Pimp Roll, check him out chez lui) writes in to note that he’s spotted the Thirteenth Imam (huckleberry be upon him) in the trailer for the new MacGruber movie. On a semi-positive, did you … Continue reading →
Happy Mother’s Day, Mrs. ‘Puter!
This is what the ‘Puter family dealt with for Mother’s Day. That’s one-third of a mature black ash tree laying atop the rear of ‘Puter’s 4.5 car garage. (Don’t ask about the excessive garage; it was there when ‘Puter bought … Continue reading →
Czar v. ‘Puter
‘Puter just knows this is one of Czar’s practical jokes. ‘Puter goes in for his physical today. ‘Puter promised Mrs. ‘Puter he’d get one this year, a year in which ‘Puter’s age ends in “0.” ‘Puter’s got about two weeks … Continue reading →
No more bets, les jeus sont faits. No more bets.
As the Gormogons’ arbiter, Confucius, the Œcumencial Volgi, hereby declares the Mandarin and the Czar to have won this year’s hockey bet. Congratulations, and enjoy your booty. Sleestak, you may unlock the slivovitz locker and unchain the vodka barrels. Confucius, … Continue reading →
Never Doubt Your Gormogons
Our plan to surreptitiously undermine world governmental entities as install ourselves as a Ruling Pentavirate proceeds apace. Our plan to crater worker productivity by introducing our readers to Texts From Last Night already bears fruit. Gormogon Operative J.R. writes as … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s Current Favorite Website
After The Gormogons, and all our blogrollees is Texts from Last Night. Probably NSFW for many work places (language, not imagery), unless of course you’re the Ukranian who stokes the four furnaces in the Castle’s basement. And ‘Puter’s favorite entry … Continue reading →
Mailbag: Lackies
Dr. J writes in after reading the latest Castle insider scoop that our prepublication review board approved earlier this week: Why is it that only The Czar and ‘Puter have the privilege of having sidekicks?Surely the Notorious OEV, the devious … Continue reading →
どうもありがとうミセスフェムボット
I’ll be damned. ’Puter was right. Mandy was working on fembots. Well, congratulations to him on the roll-out. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →I Paid At The Office
Every once in a while we get some traveling salesmen arrive at the Castle. We know they’re coming, trust us. So we watch as they approach when we’re bored. They pause before the moat, gather themselves and strut across the … Continue reading →
☢ Warning: Teh Hotness Ahead ☢
Operative DT whinges: Oh Wise Volgi, Whose Wisdom Knows No End (and, might I add, is really “rocking the 啤酒 Gut”: As a mere operative, I could not hope to provide a suggestion to one as mighty as yourself. However, … Continue reading →
S.E. Cupp is following us on Twitter. And you’re not?
What are you, nuts? Conservative author, commentatrix, and—respectfully—smokin’ hottie S.E. Cupp has come aboard the S.S. Gormogon Twitter feed. Sure, knowing us, it’ll hit an iceberg soon enough, but come on board, enjoy the ride! And don’t worry, the band … Continue reading →
Snowbound!
‘Puter was reading ABC News’ totally lame and unimaginative “Top 7 Things To Do When Snow Keeps You Home.” The weakness of the list inspired ‘Puter to write down the Top 7 things your Gormogons do to pass the time … Continue reading →
Grab the bail-money box and fire up the jet, guys.
’Puter’s Japanese vacation, 2006. ’Puter’s in Mesa, Arizona. A semi-naked man has been arrested after he waved a bag of drugs at a police officer while hiding in a ditch wearing woman’s trousers, exposing his genitals, and surrounded by pornography. … Continue reading →
’Puter History Month
We have to hold these every so often, as ’Puter has lengthy blackout periods. Going back in time, the previous “love-boat prom” story doubtless will remind GorT of how ’Puter had a Love Boat prom. Took 23 cops to bring … Continue reading →
Happy 3,000, guys.
We shouldn’t let the passing of the Gormogons’ three-thousandth post (the Czar’s denunciation of robots) without a brief expression of pride (viz., “yay”) and a substantially longer note of thanks to the legions of you who, having stumbled upon the … Continue reading →
Follow the Gormogons now. While it’s still voluntary.
Hey, man, come follow the Gormogons on Twitter. All the cool kids are doing it. Proof? You want proof? So, who’s cool? Well, among pale, shut-in, overeducated, alcoholic, right-wing paranoiacs—we hear—someone who’s cool is Jonah Goldberg, the Mobutu Sésé Seko … Continue reading →
Music Night At Castle Gormogon
On Thursday evenings, the denizens of Castle Gormogon retire to the conservatory after dinner for a relaxing evening of instrumental and vocal music. Your Volgi busts out his Fender Stratocaster, Mandarin plays the pan flute, GorT plays an 27th century … Continue reading →
The Man They Call Jayne
The Gormogons are probably a little too pleased to announce that Special Agent John Casey, NSA (what? WATCH CHUCK.) has joined the Gormogon Twitterama, under his alias of actor “Adam Baldwin.” We’re enormous fans here at Castle Gormogon—although we hesitate … Continue reading →
We are twits.
Or so it may look. But is it really a deeper plan? Look, kids, we’re a global, epoch-spanning conspiracy with designs on all humanity. But the internet? Eh. It serves our purposes, but we’re not all that fired up about … Continue reading →
That’s Not Root Beer!
Don’t drink the soda in Castle Gormogon’s commissary after Czar’s assigned lunch period. At least until the haz mat (Dat Ho in a gold lame banana hammock and surgical mask, equipped with a toilet brush and spray bottle of CLR) … Continue reading →
Home movie time!
Many readers have asked for background about the Gormogons. Well, as you know, Confucius is the Gormogons’ Œcumenical Volgi who’s sustained his life unnaturally for centuries through arcane arts. But what is he really all about? Did he experience chaos … Continue reading →
The Gormogons wish you a blessed Epiphany
We actually showed up the following day. Turns out 1 B.C. wasn’t a leap year, and GorT didn’t want to make two trips. Don’t expect a joke about the lack of room at the inns. Leave it to the government … Continue reading →
On the Eleventh day of Christmas
…the Gormogons gave to me: Eleven Volgi Weaponsten ‘Puters singing nine dancing Czars eight sex milking hits seven GorTs a’ traveling six Man’drin Bootingsfive Gor-mo-gonsfour bags of mailthree Guest Spotstwo Boxing Daysand a Hello Kitty in an orange tree … Continue reading →
On the Tenth Day of Christmas…
…the Gormogons gave to me: Ten ‘Puters Singingnine dancing Czars eight sex milking hits seven GorTs a’ traveling six Man’drin Bootingsfive Gor-mo-gonsfour bags of mailthree Guest Spotstwo Boxing Daysand a Hello Kitty in an orange tree We all have our … Continue reading →