…the Gormogons gave to me: Eight sex milking hitsseven GorTs a’ traveling six Man’drin Bootingsfive Gor-mo-gonsfour bags of mailthree Guest Spotstwo Boxing Daysand a Hello Kitty in an orange tree We check our web server logs pretty regularly – they … Continue reading →
Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →We have noted that your visits completely dropped off the map on the night of December the 18th. We presume you have been discovered and imprisoned. Strike Team Dragon has left Singapore on Gormogon 11. Protocol nineteen is in effect. … Continue reading →
Like this guy’s. Blog title from a cult of “Bones” villains (spelling doesn’t count). Val Kilmer–in his only award worthy performance–as Doc Holliday in the sidebar. Post art complimenting snark on a par with McGoo or Yours Egomaniacally. And, of … Continue reading →
Today, top scientists at Gormogon University released the results of a study thought up and funded by Czar and ‘Puter. It turns out that drinking up to NINE DRINKS A DAY is good for men’s heart health. ‘Puter and Czar … Continue reading →
Czar and ‘Puter were having a grand old time last evening in Castle Gormogon’s rumpus room creating a life-sized balloon sculpture of Rachel Maddow. Their revelry was broken, however, by an unexpected phone call. Sleestak was calling from the local … Continue reading →
If any reader is wondering how ‘Puter managed to haul his lazy rear end all the way to the Leaping Peacock (200 yards away from Castle Gormogon) in the first instance, look no further. Behold! ‘Puter’s sweet ride, borrowed from … Continue reading →
With the Volgi away taking care of matters, the Czar foolishly agreed to cover for him while he was gone. Needless to say, this place has gone to hell and he’s only been gone for a day. The phone hasn’t … Continue reading →
TJIC reports his unbridled (but still fully masculine) joy over discovering the new Korean store in his area that features an entire Hello Kitty department. Cough. You are quite welcome. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ … Continue reading →
Stalwart supporter MC (presently in charge of our top three conspiracies in Andorra) writes in to say: No doubt the mighty Czar of Muscovy has already read this piece by David Pryce-Jones, but I took note that he follows your … Continue reading →
The Czar has just realized that there hasn’t been a post today. We apologize. Not sure where everyone is… there’s lots of activity in and around the Castle, so I supposed it slipped everyone’s mind. Any way, plenty of conspiracies … Continue reading →
The first Gormogon collaborator to point out that the Freemasons had slipped the Czar a ringer of a picture was noted hippiephobe Gullyborg over at Resistance Is Futile!. Visit his blog and drop him a note of thanks. Also, Lane … Continue reading →
His new name is Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov. (Yes, and at least two of his nerdonyms appear to be misspelled.) Now you know. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Oprah celebrated her 24th season premiere on Michigan Avenue in Chicago today, along with the Black Eyed Peas. The Gormogons were there. Test for faithful readers with sharp eyes: Can you spot the hidden Gormogon? Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent … Continue reading →
Today, when I was finished eating at McDonalds, I went to Shoppers to pick up a new toothbrush. I got back to my car only to find the windows smashed in. The only thing that was missing from my car … Continue reading →
Gormogons friendly D.F. (who previously was bright enough to discern our occult rôle in the overthrow of Ferdinand Marcos) writes in: O Great and Notorious Volgi, [not an official title, but the ŒV approves] Hello Kitty has found a way … Continue reading →
Folks, thanks to all of you who added us to your blogrolls recently. The problem is…we don’t know who you are! Please drop any one of us a line—our email addresses are at left—and let us know if you have … Continue reading →
Gormogon observer D.F. writes in: Okay, so full disclosure time, I’m a huge PJ O’Rourke fan. Got just about all his stuff on my shelf, and I live by the Republican Party Reptile credo of opposition to government spending, aerobics, … Continue reading →
Thanks to questions from our dozens billions of fans, the Gormogon Gift Shop, in the first level of the Castle Gormogon (next to ‘Puter’s Pub and the Mandarin Grill) contains action figures for all of us. The Mandarin comes with … Continue reading →
The key to discrediting a non-rationally held belief system is with equally a-rational emotions. Like ridicule. Laughter. Given that Globalwarmingism is effectively a cult impervious to evidence (no warming? Call it “climate change” and proceed without blinking), the Gormogons have … Continue reading →
By now, you’ve seen (and possibly have done) one of those on-line political quizzes to see where your political views fall on a coaxial scale. Many Gormogons readers probably fall to the right of center. Some of our readers, of … Continue reading →
Your Volgi has returned from a distant land without decent internet service. Not that anyone missed him. I have no idea what the Czar was talking about here. Aren’t all corn-dogs fried? Besides, I have it on good authority that … Continue reading →
That’s well and good for ‘Puter. GorT has been off time-cavorting again (last week he took the kids camping) and the Volgi is on the road as well, researching new dimensions, plotting the overthrow of certain Burmese-shaped governments, and buying … Continue reading →
MM Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Anyway, whatever that nonsense up there is, that’s what you get when you try to hack into GorT’s brain. Here’s how it went down. So the Czar is strolling through the basement of the Castle Gormogon (motto of our basement: … Continue reading →
As part of a retrospective look back on the past year, I took a quick glance at the top tags used in our posts (pictured – click for larger view). I clipped it tothe 14 as there was a natural … Continue reading →
At last! Your Gormogons have made the long awaited breakthrough! We have created a clone army of Hello Kitty shock troops to expand the Gormogonical influence throughout the universe and, thanks to GorT, throughout time! Fear the Kitty. ** Photo … Continue reading →
Welcome to the one year anniversary of the Gormogons. Was it really only a year ago that the brilliant and insightful posts from the characters you’ve learned (maybe painfully) to love started? As part of the one-year celebration, we’ve compiled … Continue reading →
Every ultra-secret society needs an easy-to-find website. And it is the one-year anniversary of this one! As a way of celebrating, here’s a simple user guide to most things Gormogon. Learn More About Us Although the Gormogons claim roughly five … Continue reading →
Not sure whether this is GorT or the Mandarin answering. -from Abstruse Goose The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and … Continue reading →
And dirty, bad teacher two-fer! Readers already know that the Gormogons refer to adultery as “hiking the Appalachian Trail,” in dubious honor of Gov. Mark Sanford ‘s (R-SC) self immolation. Now, a dirty, bad teacher from Florida told dubious arresting … Continue reading →
When you see one of our not-so-carefully-hidden messages on the web, you can tell we are easily the best-known ultra-secret society. We have invested a lot of time and money to conquer the technology of the internet. Because “antient” doesn’t … Continue reading →
Fiji reads the Gormogons. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Readers of the Gormogons are expected to have fluency in approximately 60 languages. More, perhaps, as we think of it. The reason we use so many different languages here is not because we appeal to a global audience or enjoy … Continue reading →
Lawnmower Man?! Don’t be dredging up my old nicknames. Oh, wait, that’s a movie? Never mind. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →The Czar has decided, as the Mandarin says, to fire up the way-back machine. In looking over the last 12 months, we have picked up a lot of readers. For those newest readers, you can find some of our best … Continue reading →
The Volgi pointed me at a recent post by one of my favorite authors, Orson Scott Card, over at the National Review Online in which he highlights a number of books in the Science Fiction / Fantasy genre that may … Continue reading →
So speaks The Carbon Fibber: The Holy Obaman Empire has more Czars than Czarist Russia AND The Gormogons combined. The Czar of Muscovy…most pleased with this line. The Carbon Fibber is hereby granted that should he ever visit and spend … Continue reading →
Thank you all for reading, as always, and we’d particularly like to thank some of the folks who’ve been linking to us. First of all, we would like to thank the Liberal (Kansas) High School news and content hub, who … Continue reading →
Thank you, Brian Dunbar of space4commerce for linking to the Gormogons in approbation of Ghettoputer’s open-gays-in-the-military suggestion. Welcome to our Blog Pimp Roll. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Welcome, NRO readers! And thanks for the link, Mr. G! Poke around, enjoy our unique blend of bloviation, nonsense, and globe-spanning fiendish plots I’m Confucius, the Gormogons’ Œcumenical Volgi. My partners in world domination here at Castle Gormogon are, in … Continue reading →
UPDATE: Fixed missing link The Volgi pointed me at this column (opinion piece? article? Sometimes it’s hard to tell in the WaPo). I began to reply via the covert Gormogon network but I figured why not enlighten our readers as … Continue reading →
But we rock much harder. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Thanks for the kind words on GorT’s “paint the world” opus, Bore Patch. You be happy to know that the Gormogons are reasonably well armed. Though we could always use more. Send guns and money. (Lawyers enough we got.) Enjoy … Continue reading →
Thanks very much to the Emir of TJICistan for the very kind words. We’d pimp your blog, but we’re already on that. Rahmat, homey. Oh, and courtesy of the Emir, here’s an interesting bit on Bruce Springsteen, Man of the … Continue reading →
Spotted at the Schaumburg LegoLand and intercepted by the Czar’s men who hang out there. A lot, actually. What’s that about? Anyway, look carefully at the sign and you will see how deep our influence runs. The Czar of MuscovyБожію … Continue reading →
The Mandarin asked if we could pass the following on to you. 0d 0a 42 75 69 6c 64 20 61 20 6d 61 6e 20 61 20 66 69 72 65 2c 20 68 65 20 69 73 20 … Continue reading →
Humble regards to the Emir of Tjicistan. Thanks for the link to the Czar’s “personal jihad” post. Welcome to our very exclusive blogroll! Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →A secret sect of kung fu assassins could have silenced actor David Carradine as he delved into their shadowy activities, according to his family’s lawyer. God bless you, New York Post. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass … Continue reading →
Par with any good symposium, the Gormogons were happy that the 117 golfers were able to join us yesterday for a wonderful round of golf at the First Annual Gor-Golf-icon Tournament. A slew a celebrities dropped by, amazing us with … Continue reading →
So, yeah, your Œc. Vol. visited the Czar’s domains yesterday, and we had a nice time, or at least so thought Confucius*. The Czar seems to have been baffled by the Volgi’s pronunciation of “Volgi,” or as the Volgi would … Continue reading →
Moments after the Czar pre-apologized to all of you that the Mandarin and your Volgi would be unable to post for a day, the two of them elected to mess with the Czar and put up some substantive posts. It … Continue reading →
The Mandarin journeys to the West today, allegedly due to some scrutables rumored to exist there—and if so, he shall surely inscrutalize them for us—to which end he shall not post today. Meanwhile, 孔夫子, otherwise known as your Œcumenical Volgi … Continue reading →
Wow! Tickets are completely sold out for the upcoming GormogoniCon 2009. We have never had a complete sell-out before, and the Czar attributes it to this being the first year we made the existence of our ultra-secret convention known by … Continue reading →
All right, patient friends! Tickets are now on sale for GormogoniCon 2009, and are available from any of the five of us. Fire off an email to the Gormogon of your choice (ideally one of us, as our numbers are … Continue reading →
The Gormogons are more than pleased to announce the Mandarin’s choosing to join forces with us. A wise choice on his part, we nevertheless appreciate the analytical rigor, wide reading, and vast reserves of spleen the Mandarin brings to the … Continue reading →
Most of the Gomorgons are out enjoying a long holiday weekend, and the Czar came in this afternoon to discover he was in charge. Nice, because the place was left a total mess. That said, let us do a bit … Continue reading →
Well, maybe ‘Puter ain’t always right. Now, the Czar is still willing to accept the near-probability that someone hacked into Geep’s account merely to make the outrageous claim about a certain hockey team… stinking on ice, was it? The Czar … Continue reading →
Has it come to this pass that we have to specifically single out and praise a First Lady for acting like all 44 of her predecessors? Or that silence about a person of the opposite party implies contempt? If so, … Continue reading →
The Czar is stymied by ‘Puter’s total lowering of his guard, especially knowing the Czar’s immense power at calling things early. It was the Czar, after all, who decided the Bulls were unworthy competitors to anyone but the Celtics, and … Continue reading →
Paavo, the Czar bids you welcome, and wishes to assure you and remind the Volgi that some other Czar was responsible for the vile horrors unleashed upon your fine land by the Russians. As the Czar of Muscovy’s title states, … Continue reading →
…to Mike DeSisto, about whom we know little. If Google can be trusted—and it can’t—he could be a square-dance caller, a bathroom renovator, or a deceased Gestalt-based-education guru. The Gormogons admire mysteriousness. Whoever you are, Mike, thanks for your interest … Continue reading →
The Gormogons, Finnophiles all, extend a welcome to (we think) our first official non-American “follower,” Paavo from Oulu. Terve terve, ystävä! Hope you visit often, and bring some of your beautiful countrywomen with you. The Czar has a thing for … Continue reading →
Kilmer: Off the Ranch? Is Val Kilmer looking to fill his campaign coffers? The actor, a potential candidate for New Mexico’s governorship, has put his Santa Fe ranch on the market for $33 million. The 6,000-acre ranch, a fishery and … Continue reading →
Your Czar, whatever his many faults may be, is at heart a sore winner. The Czar has combed through the archives to find this photograph of the last night of our brackets, in which helpless yeti, a pile of Macintosh … Continue reading →
Your Czar is not at all surprised about the outcome thus far. The Second Amendment allows us to shoot up computers. And, we believe, horny teachers. We shall soon see whether man hath greater love for violence or sex. The … Continue reading →
Welcome to our newest follower, long-time Friend of the Gormogons, Djinifer. Djinifer is a southern belle partial to One Holy Catholic & Apostolic Church, gourmet cooking, and confining unsuspecting dudes in her Love Dungeon. Though likely not all at the … Continue reading →
Indeed, this was close up until a few moments ago! The great Billy Jack held on dearly, and as you know, has heretofore survived being shot several hundred times. Many of us believed that this tin soldier would ride away … Continue reading →
Hah! Destiny draws ever near. Need bigger? You have two choices: click on it, or face the wrath of the Cossacks. Your Czar recommends the clicking. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь … Continue reading →
Thanks very much to the Gormogonical readership which, as of yesterday or so, numbers upwards of 54,000 over the life of the site. We know most of you are just here for the pictures of Hello Kitty & Rachel Weisz, … Continue reading →
The Czar strongly recommends that a network pick up this new idea for a show. You know you’d watch it. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in … Continue reading →
The Gormogons extend a welcome to their newest follower, Felicia Herman, librarian for hire with terrific taste in movies, music, and books. Welcome aboard, Ms. H. You’ll likely hear from the Czar regarding his proposal to shift the Internet from … Continue reading →
Poor Abby West, who (as we have foreseen and according to our plans) writes this shocking sentence: “Gormogons did exist but they don’t appear to have been all that menacing.” Not menacing? Take a look at this picture, Ms. West, … Continue reading →
'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this. ’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial … Continue reading →
Ginormica on the top, Gormogonica below. Let’s keep that straight, now. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated … Continue reading →
The following search terms, apparently. We hope everyone finds what he’s looking for, but we worry about many, many of you. how to make a muumuufat muumuupoland hates obama”round heels””rubbing together””steaming mug”airline whoresb vitamins what is a healthy dosebaby don’t … Continue reading →
Welcome aboard the S.S. Gormogon, Eric Reasons. He’s a subject, he’s a predicate, he’s a sentence! And an IT guy. So GorT has at least one reader who can get all his propeller-head network-centric nerdery. Woo! Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask … Continue reading →
Welcome, David Ferguson! Thanks for signing up, and we hope you enjoy the ride! Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Subtext: Wisconsin, Home of Acrobatic Lame Typographers. N.B.: Cartwheeling figure is 57 lbs. less than average inhabitant of the Dairyland. The inimitable Louise Brooks Via Warming Glow Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Just a quick reply to XWL at Immodest Proposals: No, you’re not a Gormogon, but feel free to imply you might be, especially if the questioner is a Freemason. We wrong-foot them at every turn! That said, your enthusiasm for … Continue reading →
Ennuipundit clearly gets us. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Ennuipundit, welcome aboard the S.S. Gormogon! We can’t tell you where we’re going, or where we’ve been, but we’re happy to have you with us! Cast off, Mr. ’Puter! Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. … Continue reading →
Welcome to our blogroll, Ennuipundit! (Great Watchmen post, incidentally.) Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →I’m shocked that Ghettoputer, in his pointing to a story about a D.C. bus driver’s sucker-punching McGruff the Crime Dog (or, more accurately, the cop in the costume. Tough for you, Busman.), didn’t impress upon the world his long-held theory … Continue reading →
The Gormogons want to thank the lovely and talented Emily Grace of Kick-Boxing Rhinos for linking to us, and we’re returning the favor. Welcome to the blogroll, Emily! Stop by, hit the “follow” button. We need more cute girls around … Continue reading →
The Czar of Muscovy is overwhelmed to accept such a glorious invitation to post here on the Gormogons website. This is quite a smart bunch, and your Czar is as humbled as one (gifted by the grace of God with … Continue reading →
And have, for inscrutable reasons of their own, likely relating to plans for world domination, granted the Czar of Muscovy full posting privileges. Drop him an e-mail (instructions at left) to welcome him. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like … Continue reading →
Or huntin’ or mani-pedi-facialin’ or whatever it is he does. To keep up the posting volume, the Czar of Muscovy has kindly stepped in with some contributions. I’ll be posting them, but if the title begins THE CZAR:, it’s by … Continue reading →
More from the Czar: Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Oh no. We’re not kidding. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →The Czar submits yet more sightings of Gormogonical influence. (And we therefore reward him, a dog lover, with this link.) From Japan (you wouldn’t believe the stuff we’ve got going on there): Damn right: An’ from da grayder Chicawgolänt ärea: … Continue reading →
Man, he’s good. Digging up the occult clues we leave everywhere. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →The Czar has been driving around Muscovy painting icons. And, of course, this again. Oh yeah. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Ed Driscoll kindly writes, in re our initial post on the “servant” video: Headline of the day award goes to The Gormogons: “Paging Vernon Reid”. We aim to please. And in gratitude, welcome to the Gormogons’ blogroll, Mr. D. Just … Continue reading →
Well, as we try to do, the Gormogons extend a personal welcome to our latest follower, the preemptively-named ObamaScandals. Alas for the Republic, he or she will probably be busy. (Baby, don’t you want to go | To that same … Continue reading →
(a) Upstate New Yorkers, like Ohioans, ARE Midwesterners, even if it’d crush their remaining aspirations towards East Coast sophistication to admit it. But guess what, folks, if the Great Lakes are your “ocean,” you’re a Midwesterner. (b) You guys went … Continue reading →
Thanks for the link, JJV at Potpourri for $500, a stylin’ group blog the Gormogons hereby endorse. And, hey, if you like us too, stick us on your blog and we’ll return the favor. Right over there! Under Blogpimpin’. Unless … Continue reading →
Well, you ask, given the predilection for Cav nostalgia in these parts, what are the Gormogons driving today? Your answer is here. The Œcumenical Volgi, kickin’ it Honda-style: Gort, whom you don’t want to cut off in traffic: And Ghettoputer, … Continue reading →
