’Puter’s quite the ladies’ man, even if he usually drags them off like a robot in a ’50s B-movie. Still, he has feelings, and doubtless he’s crushed to learn that his prom date* was two-timing him with Matt Labash. So … Continue reading →
Yetis are apparently going into the citrus-fruit business. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →The Car, the Ditch & the Slurpee. Yeah, you probably better get over there and read that now. Just empty your bladder first. Better safe than sorry. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →By David Malki @ Wondermark, to whom all thanks and praise. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Pictures of the devastation are coming in. Heartbreaking. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →…but I’m not NOT saying it’s one of his lovely female cousins—Miss West Virginia in the heezy.* (NSFW language.) *Heezy here denoting a doublewide with tarpaper patching and a satellite dish slightly smaller than the Arecibo radio telescope. Confucius, Œc. … Continue reading →
Some quality Balmer bashing over at KSK. Their flag does rock, though. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →T. Coddington van Voorhees VII rotasubteriates Barry O: I and my guests were momentarily stunned, this being the first time any of us had heard an ill word spoken about Mr. Obama by a European of impeccable intellect with the … Continue reading →
Continuing merrily down the gay highway, here, courtesy of Holy Taco, are Five Unintentionally Gay Parts of Everday Life. Enjoy! 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although … Continue reading →
See Gamma Squad for an explanation. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →With some sort of psychoactive chewing gum. Thanks, Flava. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Much more toy-stormtrooper awesomeness here. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Invisible A—holes Elena Kagan and America’s Rude Legacy of anti-Harvard Bigotry Guest Opinionby Professor John Evans Evans-JohnHarvard School of Harvard A—hole StudiesHarvard University When I last visited these pages, in the wake of the Cambridge Police Department’s brutal treatment of … Continue reading →
Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →But funny. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Via John Derbyshire on the Corner. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →…but this is a pretty funny—and way more moral—form of revenge. The site revolutionislam.com, which threatened Matt Stone & Trey Parker with death for their Muhammad-themed jokes in the 200th episode of South Park, was hacked thusly: Update: Looks like the … Continue reading →
This is some pretty good satire, reminiscent of In Living Color and Chapelle’s Show, and dynamite screen presence. Enjoy. More at her YouTube channel here. No idea what her politics are, so don’t bitch to the Volgi if you’re offended … Continue reading →
Царь наш, In regards to your earlier post about the obscurantist ẖojatoleslām who was blaming seismic activity on the wiles of wanton women.* Obviously, sure, Eyjafjallajökull’s eruption was caused by Mandy’s Tectonomat® because he needed to short some airline stocks … Continue reading →
I’ll be damned. ’Puter was right. Mandy was working on fembots. Well, congratulations to him on the roll-out. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →As we’ve mentioned, treacherous Frenchman (do we repeat ourself?) and Gormogon buddy, Luc Besson, took a bunch of “home movies” around Castle Gormogon and is now using them in his new movie, La Femme Indiana Jones or something. Here’s the … Continue reading →
Buy it here. Via Li Bai. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Because, seriously, Czar, I know you told that guy to stay away from your wife, but now he’s taunting you from Newsweek covers. Can’t see him? Hover your mouse over the picture for a clue. Via larwyn via e-mail. Confucius, … Continue reading →
Operative DT whinges: Oh Wise Volgi, Whose Wisdom Knows No End (and, might I add, is really “rocking the 啤酒 Gut”: As a mere operative, I could not hope to provide a suggestion to one as mighty as yourself. However, … Continue reading →
Of course, the Volgi’s favorite part is at 03:30. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Hmm. This doesn’t appear to be resizing right. Watch full screen or at the original site, if that’s the case on your screen. Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von Trier Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions … Continue reading →
(Britain is a bit like Greece except with the Elgin Marbles) quoth Stuttaford. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Remember folks, for every guy in a Disney suit, there’s a sweaty, stifling, stifled drama student. Great singing, but man, modern musicals must be dreadful if these are show-stoppers. Via James Lileks’s Twitter feed. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions … Continue reading →
…don’t compare to those you can do when stuck in the Pittsburgh airport overnight during a Snowpocalypse. Marvelous. Whoever this girl is, we love you. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Mr. Plinkett, America’s greatest geriatic serial killer and pizza roll aficionado, submits his review of Avatar. Very much worth your time, if not quite the epic demolition job of his incredibly brilliant, 70-minute Phantom Menace review. As said, he’s got … Continue reading →
Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Very clever. Via Jonah @ the Corner. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Wow, Jonah was right on that whole liberal-fascist thing. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →You don’t see too many hipster-nerd/NFL mashups, but this is really clever. Nice to see Buddy Ryan and Bobby Ross in there… Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Not in the LEAST safe for work. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Carbie the Climate Clown, Emmett K. Bozo Distinguished Professor of Climate Pantomimology, University of East Anglia; EU Regional President, Union of Concerned Climate Scientists and Street Performers writes: These conclusions were not only endorsed by the scientific and clown communities, … Continue reading →
…he drives the Pontiac Vibe he leaves at his vacation house. Astutely spotted at Deadspin. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →You’ll have flashbacks. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →…these crappy bootlegs back to the Castle. Oddly, we have two copies of this one, but upon inspection, the other one comes from Ghettoputer’s “special” collection, and the Gormogons aren’t about to risk prosecution in many countries (and civil suits … Continue reading →
If you love The Dark Knight movies, as the Mandarin does, you will love this video. Short, and eye-wateringly funny. If you are not as kind to them, as the Czar is not, the video sort of explains why. Dead-on … Continue reading →
Keep watching the skies for Orbital Mind-Control Lasers. (Also, don’t do ether, kids.) Via FilmDrunk. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →“Prince can’t believe she’s going out with Lestat, either.” Lileks. Source (much bigger, better image). Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →More genius here. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →No idea who these guys are, but this is really good. Any billionaires out there want to do a media buy and put this stuff on radio and TV? GorT, is this one of your side projects you’re funding with … Continue reading →
…if this kind of stuff hadn’t been created left and right by his fanboys during the campaign, and the president hadn’t been talking himself up as the Redeemer of the Nation, I’d consider it out of bounds. But, since as … Continue reading →
John Miller is right, this is awfully funny. (Weird and creepy images may not be work or child-safe. 0/1d2 SAN loss.) Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Honestly, your Czaritude, I was just as happy to pass on Etruscan for Business Travellers. I always felt it was a little sleazy. Chapter 14 was “Tarxna After Dark.” Ein thuta lautnitha, fase ti turo.Not-chaste freedwoman, I give you a … Continue reading →
Love it. Update. Backstory courtesy of the Czar & Czesarevich. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →By Robb Allen @ Sharp As A Marble. Be sure to check the cute baby picture on his About page and read his proposal story. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Your Volgi will merely reproduce Vince the Film Drunk’s headline: BRUCE CAMPBELL PLAYS ‘BIG PART’ IN SPIDEY 4 Oh hell to the yeah. Wait, what are you still doing here? That was the end of the post. Oh, you thought … Continue reading →
So Confucius’s brother Li Bai, after a few bottles of rice wine, noted that Van Jones left the stage too early, with significant amounts of comedy left unmined. Not least the fact that no one in the blogosphere seems to … Continue reading →
Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →His new name is Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov. (Yes, and at least two of his nerdonyms appear to be misspelled.) Now you know. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Oprah celebrated her 24th season premiere on Michigan Avenue in Chicago today, along with the Black Eyed Peas. The Gormogons were there. Test for faithful readers with sharp eyes: Can you spot the hidden Gormogon? Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent … Continue reading →
Many of us Gormogons hail from Washington, D.C., which maintains a healthy and reciprocal hatred with Baltimore, Sinkhole of the Universe. So we are happy to reprint the following: 4. CRIMINALS! Everyone knows Baltimore is the shit-stained asshole of the … Continue reading →
Today, when I was finished eating at McDonalds, I went to Shoppers to pick up a new toothbrush. I got back to my car only to find the windows smashed in. The only thing that was missing from my car … Continue reading →
Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Today, I tasted the rainbow. By that, I mean a homeless man hit me in the face with a bag of Skittles for not giving him money. FML If you’re not familiar with fmylife.com, spend some time there this weekend. … Continue reading →
And now a word from the guys at Auto-Tune the News. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Cambridge Police Profiling Still A Grim Reality for Harvard Faculty A—holes Guest Opinionby Professor John Evans Evans-JohnHarvard School of Harvard Faculty A—holes StudiesHarvard University When I first learned of the arrest of my colleague Professor Henry Louis “Skip” Gates after … Continue reading →
Not sure whether this is GorT or the Mandarin answering. -from Abstruse Goose The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and … Continue reading →
Call us, Craig. Not just for this, but for being the first talk-show host in a long time to interview actual writers on his show. And doing an actual talk show where you, you know, talk to people. Via Warming … Continue reading →
Some of IowaHawk’s very best writing right here. Every paragraph is savory. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was … Continue reading →
*Not Kevin Smith. Story at Film Drunk. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Wonder no more. And, ’Puter, Number Seven appears to actually proclaim “(I Have A) Sword In My Pants.” Via Sally Thomas @ First Things. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Fiji reads the Gormogons. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Well, at least we’re not Herbert, eh, GorT? Great catch, ’Puter. Of course, while young Barry O apparently listened respectfully to the cabbie, if you said to the government, “don’t touch my stuff!” one suspects he’d say, “Lighten up, Francis.” … Continue reading →
Read on to find out what for, but dig this opening: So on some recent radio show hosted by the Rev. Al Sharpton, a male caller phoned in with a theory about Michael Jackson’s death. Turns out he didn’t kill … Continue reading →
Fans Flock to Mourn California, 1849-2009 LOS ANGELES – Millions of fans from around the globe gathered along Sunset Boulevard to pay final respects to California today, as a slow moving funeral procession transported the eccentric superstar state’s remains to … Continue reading →
And the answer is: “None, none… more black.” Just thought we’d get in the Spinal Tap gag before the rush. Pictured: Christopher Haden-Guest, 5th Baron Haden-Guest, er, Nigel Tufnel. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. … Continue reading →
CHICAGO – Chicago White Sox front office spokesman Scott Reifert announced today that fans attending a July 11 twin bill versus the Minnesota Twins at US Cellular Field will receive a free commemorative mini-bat, unlimited ten cent Budweiser, and up … Continue reading →
Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today! Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →But we rock much harder. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →A Special Message to the People of Iran By Barack ObamaPresident of the United States Greetings. As president of United States — or, if you prefer, the Great Satan — I have have been following with keen interest the vigorous … Continue reading →
Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Lest we get too serious. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Too good. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Listen for: “Come on Eileen,” “Don’t You Want Me Baby?” “The Final Countdown,” “Axel F,” “Material Girl,” “Every Breath You Take,” “Don’t Stop Believin’,” “Livin’ on a Prayer,” “Never Gonna Give You Up,” and “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” Confucius, … Continue reading →
Happy V.E. Day to everyone, and a special thanks to the brave men who liberated Europe. V.E. Day is truly a celebration the heirs of the Allies and the Germans can share, given the spectacular success of the Federal Republic … Continue reading →
The Onion is on the case, as the Czar pointed out to me this morning. I’m surprised GorT wasn’t featured. Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As ‘Fun, Watchable’ Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. … Continue reading →
So I saw this sentence in an article on Caps’ young’un Karl Alzner and figured it might need a little editing. “Of course, he texted a photo of himself holding the ball to his girlfriend and Hershey teammate Sami Lepisto.” … Continue reading →
Click to embiggen. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Ha! Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Via here. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Via Warming Glow. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →By John Zmirak. Here’s how The Generator works: Presented with a complicated problem that requires balancing the interests of groups with competing claims, it will draw selectively on Biblical references and Church documents to churn out rhetoric that simultaneously:1) Clouds … Continue reading →
One of the little neighbor girls was over here the other day and we were talking about selling houses. She told me that she has an uncle who really needed a house to sell one time, and he’d heard something … Continue reading →
James Lileks. Ghettoputer will be cross-stitching this into a sampler and throw pillow, soon to be available in the official Gormogons shop. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Described by the inimitable Reuben Johnson. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →“Media Having Trouble Finding Right Angle On Obama’s Double-Homicide” Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →This is by no means a capitulation to the Iowegian menace, but rather part of a constructive engagement to encourage them to display more responsible behavior in the future. We’re cautiously optimistic that our package of monster-truck-rally tickets a U-Haul … Continue reading →
“Co-worker’s tattoo” Q: … She thinks it means “Bitch.”… A: What this woman tattooed 贱女 really means “cheap whore”. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Funny, if true. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →Well no shit [Malawi] turned [Madonna’s contested adoption request] down. Madonna is how villages in Africa picture the Devil. An old bony white woman, pale as a ghost, who swoops down from heaven in the belly of a metal bird … Continue reading →
