The Czar found a mysterious photograph slipped under his door; the picture was simply of white clouds against a blue sky. Assuming the worst, we ran the picture through GorT and Mandarin’s stegiographic decompiler, and sure enough—a message was encoded … Continue reading →
Mrs. Volgi modeling the Volgimobile Dr. J. was delinquent with regard to this missive from the great ScottO, who you better be following on twitter @gscottoliver. He writes regarding Dr. J.’s recent rant on Obamacare: Most Excellent Doctor, At the … Continue reading →
Mark Spahn, ersatz ruler of West Seneca, poses some questions to test the Czar’s acuity this early Saturday morning. The video is introduced by the irritating voice and now-jowly visage of sometime U.S. presidential candidate Pat Robertson, but stick with … Continue reading →
This is weird. The Czar received not one but two emails within minutes of each other regarding a claim on the Internet that Sleestak may have shot Trayvon Martin. First, Borepatch wrote in followed a few moments later by Chiefjaybob, … Continue reading →
The Czar is taking the latest scandal—or it was the latest at the time of writing; they’ll probably find some new one by the time you read this—involving the Department of Justice and their apparently inappropriate seizing of the Associated … Continue reading →
Well, you fish for compliments and you get some. Although it is possible there is a large degree of sarcasm in the following: O Dread and Awfully-Humble Awfulness: We the Minions are indeed impressed by your marksmanship. We also hope … Continue reading →
Long-time brainpowerfulness BG writes in: Your Czariness – Jonah Goldberg initially pointed me in the direction of Castle Gormogon. So it’s immensely satisfying to me when someone responds to a post of mine as below. rulierose @bg • 20 hours … Continue reading →
The Czar is so bad at responding to mail lately that you’d think he was Mandarin. Anyhow, we have indeed been getting mail and it needs some attention. BG writes in to send us a photograph (right) of an Audi … Continue reading →
Very long-time fan (so listen up, yo) ScottO writes in to a couple of us: Dear Dr. J., and with deferent regard to His Awfulness The Czar, You can learn a lot about time and the Earth’s position in space … Continue reading →
JAB, about whom the Mandarin, Dr. J., and ourselves were just speaking, has this carved into some poor slob’s entrails and sent up to the seventh floor: Your Czarness: For ‘Puter’s reference, here is someone else who is decidedly not … Continue reading →
An undercover field report, which the Operative delivered through an ingeniously complicated plan of (a) converting it to base74 notation, (b) engraving the characters on a grain of rice, (c) inserting it into a cotton swab, (d) embedding the swab … Continue reading →
Minions fighting. DT writes in: Your Magnificence, I write to you in outrage at the Island Dweller’s latest missive to Your Furriness, specifically, he refers to you as, “Your August Majesty”. I have airborne ballet-trained Myrmidons on the way to … Continue reading →
Guess what the Czar was just complaining about at lunch? Why, BG writes in with exactly that: I got an email from the city of Alexandria, Virginia, that says, in part, “If a power outage occurs, do not use candles … Continue reading →
Long-time operative BG carefully stacked millions of sugar cubes and left this message spelled out on the Castle driveway before the ants ruined it: The Czar’s post regarding the unfortunate visit from his college roommate struck a chord here; I … Continue reading →
Our royal archivist, MBernadetteE, came up from the Castle basement the Friday morning, which was a source of great relief because nobody has seen her for three weeks. If you didn’t know, she has been diligently archiving, indexing, and filing … Continue reading →
Esteemed Operative BG, who lately has been ensuring the African Rift Valley continues to rift at the right speed, took time away from that vital tectonic activity to write in: Awful and Awesome Czar – Hmmm… Reid says a Bain … Continue reading →
Dr. J. showing Minion the light(ning)… Dr. J. has a Berkeley brainwashed minion who he holds in high esteem. The young man, despite being a lefty, is an otherwise good and decent human being, and a fine physician (who knew, … Continue reading →
