And not surprisingly, the Toyota Prius out-of-control bit turns out to be a hoax. The guy made it all up. And there is a reason you do not see this revelation on your news feeds: it makes the media look … Continue reading →

Gormogon operative GD writes in and says he understands the Department of Education intends to purchase 27 shotguns. Now, back a ways, operative MC popped into the Castle rumpus room and asked a similar question as to why the IRS … Continue reading →

This sounds to ‘Puter like a feature, not a bug. Particularly if you’re this lady’s husband/boyfriend/slampiece/whatever. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes … Continue reading →

This one is a little bit off the wall. In Nevada, where Harry Reid is overdue to take a swan dive into the concrete walkway of voter reality, two candidates have emerged on the GOP side: Sue Lowden (front runner) … Continue reading →

Toyota Priuses evidently do not have a neutral gear to throw it into if the accelerator should stick. That’s what the Czar would do, if he were ever in one when the accelerator stuck. But the Czar has never been … Continue reading →

According to this article from ChicagoRealEstateDaily.com a federal lawsuit filled by the owner of the Congress hotel accuses hotel workers from Local 1 of sending a “cow pie” to potential conventioneers. Apparently, if one is willing to believe this load … Continue reading →

Operative JP, who has been in the Sahara on a very special archaeological dig for us—and if we’re right about what JP finds, you don’t want to know what’s been buried there for 4,000 years—writes in on reconciliation: If I … Continue reading →

RB, a Gormogon operative you seldom hear us mention because he is on very special and secret assignment transforming Saturn’s E ring into a wideband radio receiver (don’t ask why; you’ll figure it out in 2014 when we bring it … Continue reading →

The same way we always do. Not to everybody in Iran, of course. Just one or two. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of … Continue reading →

‘Puter’s stepping into your Volgi’s territory here, but never let it be said that Congress misses an opportunity to muck something up. The House Foreign Affairs Committee, apparently willfully ignorant of Turkey’s hypersensitivity to the issue, today voted 23-22 to … Continue reading →

Dr. J slams this one in: Your Czarness, I am slowly drifting from the paranoid wing into the uberparanoid wing of the anti-Obamacare right. I have seen some folks suggesting that reconciliation may be a ruse to trick the house … Continue reading →

Despite numerous assurances that the Democrats would never risk such a stunt, there is every appearance that they will attempt to pass portions of the healthcare mess through a procedure called reconciliation. You will see this word quite often in … Continue reading →

Why on earth would a pro-Obama liberal democrat want the right to carry a handgun in public? A must read for conservatives and their few remaining liberal friends on why gun control is a bad idea. And why he gives … Continue reading →

The Czar seems to have written poorly. ‘Puter is correct that that the Bill of Rights protects all citizens of all 50 states and wherever else the Contitution is accepted (territories, protectorates, et ceteras). But the Bill of Rights was … Continue reading →

A bit of poli sci jiggery pokery that the Czar has learned tends to be alarming. Interesting stat that 66% of Americans think everyone in Congress should be dumped. But it means nothing, usually, because Americans do not actually vote … Continue reading →

One thing that irks the Czar about conservatives is their innate reflex to demand a resignation. An Obama appointee knocks over a drink—some Congressperson calls for a resignation. An Obama appointee forgets to switch her watch back to Eastern time, … Continue reading →

Can you imagine what would happen if President Obama, faced with the economic recession, had given this as his inauguration speech? What would have happened to his support? Yes, it is a real speech from a historical leader taking power—but … Continue reading →

So the New York Times still cannot see straight. From a wobbly attempt to portray the GOP’s attitudes on a healthcare reform meeting as cautious: Republican Congressional leaders on Tuesday rejected President Obama’s challenge to come up with a single … Continue reading →

And now hot dogs are the deadliest thing in the world. All right, parents, take the Czar’s quick advice. If your kid is too small to eat hot dogs without wolfing them down sideways, cut their hot dogs into small … Continue reading →

‘Puter’s been offline today as a result of consipring events. Primarily, Spawn the Lesser has a double ear infection and a wicked cold and was, hence, home. Now ‘Puter fears Spawn the Lesser’s younger, haler immune system has transmogrified the … Continue reading →

Super secret operative EC writes in with new from the field: Your Czarness: I know you follow this kind of thing, but you may have missed this item. Looks to me as if the Israelis just moved the goal posts … Continue reading →

Your Mandarin is pleased to share with you this piece of fan mail from Gormogon operative DF: Good one Centurion, liked it, liked it.Keep that binary humor coming! Well DF, all I can say to that is: 0100100100100000011010000110111101110000011001010010000001110100011010000110100101110011001000000110100101110011001000000110100101101110001000000111001001100101011100110111000001101111011011100111001101100101001000000111010001101111001000000111010001101000011001010010000001100011011000010111001001110100011011110110111101101110001000000111010001101000011000010111010000100000010010010010000001110000011011110111001101110100011001010110010000100000011101000110100001100101001000000110111101110100011010000110010101110010001000000110010001100001011110010010111000100000001000000100111101110100011010000110010101110010011101110110100101110011011001010010000001001001001000000110100001100001011101100110010100100000011011100110111100100000011010010110010001100101011000010010000001110111011010000110000101110100001000000111100101101111011101010010000001100001011100100110010100100000011101000110000101101100011010110110100101101110011001110010000001100001011000100110111101110101011101000010111000100000001000000100001001110101011101000010000001100001011100110010000001100001011011000111011101100001011110010111001100100000011101110110010100100000011010000110111101110000011001010010000001110100011010000110000101110100001000000111100101101111011101010010000001100011011011110110111001110100011010010110111001110101011001010010000001110100011011110010000001100110011011110110110001101100011011110111011100100000011101000110100001100101001000000111001101101001011101000110010100100000011000010110111001100100001000000110000101101100011101110110000101111001011100110010000001100110011001010110010101101100001000000110011001110010011001010110010100100000011101000110111100100000011001000111001001101111011100000010000001110101011100110010000001100001001000000110110001101001011011100110010100101110 We now … Continue reading →

One thing that comes up a lot at the Castle is the intelligence of our readers. If there were a quantifiable way to assess the intelligence of someone, some sort of quotient perhaps, you would probably find that the combined … Continue reading →

In what is another disturbing advancement in Iranian military growth, the Associated Press is reporting that this thugocracy has launched its first locally built naval destroyer. According to the Iranians, the new shipped named the Jamaran is armed with anti-ship, … Continue reading →

This kind of weird news is right up the Mandarin’s alley. Gormogon operative GD has taken time off his turbulator project to point us to a twisted story that the city of Tracy, California, is going to start charging residents … Continue reading →

The Czar called his old buddy, the Dalai Lama, up this evening and asked about his historic meeting with President Obama. The Lama sighed and said “Two and a half freaking hours, and all he did was talk to me … Continue reading →

Your Mandarin was perusing the help wanted section, when I found this job posting for a technical writer position at Exelon Nuclear Partners. The only required skills for the job were, nuclear experience –no problem, I maintain the cold fusion … Continue reading →

From the cartoon section at Townhall.com The MandarinThe Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order in 1309, and introduced the Gormogons into England during the 18th Century. The Mandarin enjoys spending time with his pet manticore, Βάρἰκος, or … Continue reading →

Thank you for your thoughtful coverage of the opening ceremonies. I have always been a fan of ‘the Olympics’ since I was knee high to a grasshopper. Growing up in the 70s and 80s, the Olympics were more a proxy … Continue reading →

And ‘Puter was not an allegedly gay figure skater, so he said nothing. Well, ‘Puter can stay silent no longer. Via Drudge, definitely flamboyant and allegedly gay American men’s figure skater Johnny Weir received threats from animal rights activists for … Continue reading →

Tough couple of months for the Global Warming crowd, eh? Turns out data corruption was so bad at the Climate Research Institute that results had to be fudged, forged, or fooled. And, uh, the glaciers are not quite melting. Sorry … Continue reading →

We mean that sincerely. We are also relieved you did not wait to get treatment, but got the needed surgery before your party dickered with the way we do healthcare in the country. Heck—if today’s system is good enough for … Continue reading →

This guy has clearly been reading ‘Puter’s anti-public union screeds approvingly. ‘Puter’s just dissapointed he didn’t get a shout out. Excellent job otherwise, Mr. Fancypants New York Post columnist. Or a Hello Kitty sticker. Like the one to the right. … Continue reading →

Last week we discussed the iPad as a potential device to enable a resurgence in board games. At least it would enable a “virtual board game” where players in various physical locations could play Monopoly, Sorry, and the like. Especially … Continue reading →

Gormogon operative JS writes in, taking time from a very special mission of overseeing work on our underwater base on the Atlantic seabed. Sorry, Illinois, for the earthquake yesterday. Since no one was hurt, we can safely admit that was … Continue reading →

Former Representative Charlie Wilson (D-TX) has passed away. The Gormogons express their condolences to the family. You may remember him as the subject of a whoppingly distorted biopic entitled Charlie Wilson’s War, in which Hollywood attempted to rewrite the history … Continue reading →

Perpetually not getting the attention it deserves is Iran, who again graciously extended its middle finger to the world. The Czar likes to imagine the world as a grade school playground; Iran tends to be the weird kid that no … Continue reading →

Sign the Czar up as one of those people who is curious at the sudden difficulties Toyota is facing, all in a row. Bear in mind that Toyota has long known about its accelerator problems; they were reported some time … Continue reading →

From the abstract of a Christian Science Monitor story: Laura Chinchilla won the Costa Rica election Sunday. She’ll be the country’s first woman president, echoing a trend across Latin America where women are being voted into high-level political office in … Continue reading →

Did the Czar expect the Saints to win? No, he figured on the Colts. Was the Czar surprised by the result? No, because once again—right at halftime, when Roger Daltrey realized he could no longer sing and Pete Townshend suspected … Continue reading →

Looming war with Iran and a possible second recession not enough to keep you up at nights? Then joint the protest against Hasbro’s pink ouija board. Yep, there she is, all decked out in Barbie colors (except that’s a Mattel … Continue reading →

They found Shackleton’s scotch. Cases of Charles Mackinlay’s Whisky, a scotch blend, have been found in Antactica and positively linked to explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton, who stashed it there in 1909 to hide it from his wife. Ice covered the … Continue reading →

The Czar, probably like the Mandarin, has received a few emails from non-Chicago-area residents asking where the hell our posts are on the Illinois Democratic lieutenant governor candidate controversy. Typical: I figured you guys would be ALL OVER the insane … Continue reading →

Your Mandarin happened upon this article today that outlines the progress being made by scientist to transplant pig lungs into humans. Aside from the fact that similar experiments have been going on here at the Castle for years – with … Continue reading →

Move along. At least, that’s what ‘Puter’s elected representatives would have him believe. First, New York raised its income tax rate on high earners, creating an effective tax rate not seen since the 1970s. You remember, right before New York … Continue reading →

JD Salinger died a recluse, said the MSM, because he refused to give interviews. This is because the MSM understands only two categories: celebrities and recluses. One gives interviews, the other does not. The NYT sets the record straight. Salinger … Continue reading →

How do I screw up the news? Let me count the ways. The Czar normally likes BBC News stories, because they are much better than their American counterparts at hiding their ignorance. The BBC, you know, tries to act much … Continue reading →

Long-time Gormogon friend (and frequent stay at the Castle), EC writes in to point out that nitrogen is in fact a potentially bad thing in the wrong setting. Your Czarness: Excellent rant vis a vis the poseurs and their fashionable … Continue reading →

“Flashier Great Tits Produce Stronger Sperm“ Click through. You know you want to. ‘Puter promises the link is safe for work. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, … Continue reading →

‘Puter touched on a subject that the Czar was thinking of developing into an essay; that is little surprise because ‘Puter is always touching things. We cannot all be soldiers or senators. But there is a way that everyone can … Continue reading →