As you may have heard, Pope Francis arrived in the United States yesterday for his first visit. The Pope will visit Washington, Philadelphia, and New York City during his stay. As most newscasters have little to no comprehension of any … Continue reading →
Dr. Ben Carson was not wrong to say that a Muslim should not be put in charge of this nation. He was wrong to answer the question in the first place, since it was clearly a ploy by an increasingly … Continue reading →
Sciencey readers may have learned that giant exoplanet Beta Pictoris b has been photographed to unprecedented detail. Here is the picture of the world, about 63 light years away. Amazing. Anyway, thanks to the Gormogons’ proprietary super-advanced high-resolution image rendering … Continue reading →
Mr. and Mrs. GorT watched about two-thirds of the second Republican debate last night. We both found it amusing, insightful, and a bit of a train wreck. GorT jumped on Twitter for a while – and his secondary processing unit … Continue reading →
Hello, children. Hello. Your Mandarin watched the debates last night and as a long-standing Gormogons tradition, wanted to put down his thoughts as to what most of you saw for yourselves. Truly it was a painfully long debate, with insufficient … Continue reading →
The understands that a lot of men think a beard is very manly. The Czar agrees, but reminds everyone that most manly thing is—whether you have a beard or not—knowing how to shave correctly. Operative SMR throws in some gravy … Continue reading →
The explosion (figurative speaking, relax) of cheap razor blade “clubs” is in response to something many adults have wondered about: why the hell are razor blades so expensive? Good heavens, they keep them locked up next to the good cognacs … Continue reading →
Dear Your Czarness: Please pardon a humble minion, but I wish to draw your attention to the media coverage of the “European Refugee Crisis,” which has risen to such a crescendo-of-crap (™ pending!) that I simply must disturb the serenity … Continue reading →
What ‘Puter meant to say was, “America needs to grow the f*ck up.” We have become a nation of perpetual teenagers. We want all of the privileges of adulthood and none of the responsibilities. We have become a nation of … Continue reading →
Last week, the Czar took the position that the Kim Davis story, while interesting, featured some big mistakes by both sides. This prompted The One—no, not that One, the one in Nebraska—to write in. Dearest Czarczar, I agree with you … Continue reading →
The Czar is by no means finished with his summer, least of all does he contemplate putting away any of his extensive platoon of grilling equipment. However, the Czar has noticed that his collection of ideas for the platoon was … Continue reading →
As you have heard—because by God the media are all beside themselves on this—a county clerk in Kentucky named Kim Davis refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples (which is legal in Kentucky). She was jailed for contempt of … Continue reading →
Anytime the Clintons get into hot water, they defend themselves like a teenager defending themselves when confronted by a parent. “No, Mom, I said that I was going to be at Kelly’s house. I just didn’t say where I was going … Continue reading →
It’s been about 25 years since Uncle Jay wrote in with a question or observation, and he makes up for it by providing both. And, better still, on one of our favorite subjects here at the Big G, firearms. Most … Continue reading →
The Цесаревич remarked to the Царица the other day that he’s never been to the Art Institute of Chicago. This was a surprise because even the Царевич has (but only to the Modern Wing, he reminded her, and then only … Continue reading →
Remember when every day Americans were told the color of their national security risk? Today, we are at yellow alert, for example, which means an Elevated Risk of a terrorist incident. There were other colors, ranging from Green all the … Continue reading →
Dear World, Yes, the Czar is sorry to hear that the beautiful ruins of Palmyra have been destroyed by ISIS. Forgive the Czar if he’s not jaw-droppingly stunned like so many of you seemed to be. That’s what ISIS does: … Continue reading →
The Czar is too often right. No, he’s not always right, like ‘Puter, but he’s often right enough that he gets a little tired of it. What are we on about? This whole Clinton/Biden thing. More specifically, the Czar’s long-held … Continue reading →
Do-gooder social justice warriors filed a lawsuit accusing the Compton Unified School District of violating the rights of its students. You, like ‘Puter, may be thinking “What in the name of Sweet Baby Jesus in the Manger can Compton’s schools … Continue reading →
Hillary Clinton’s email debacle isn’t going to get any better nor go away anytime soon. She has two things going for her in this disaster: (1) the media hates to report on her what would be – just about for … Continue reading →
Republicans and conservatives—who are not always the same group—have had a fantasy for some time that Hillary Clinton—already reasonably beatable in a general election—may be defeated in the primary due to the email scandal. Cooler heads, usually prevailing, remind us … Continue reading →
Marie has been our archivist for quite a while now, and every so often races up from the Castle basement because she either found something really interesting from our past, or another casket moved a couple inches while growling at … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s tired of the Donald Trump Experience.* ‘Puter’s even more tired of media pretending Trump’s off-the-cuff ramblings are indicative of conservative ideology. ‘Puter’s most tired of the internecine, juvenile squabbling between the “Trump now, Trump tomorrow, Trump forever” and the … Continue reading →
I’m sure we all have heard this questions posed lately and it will likely be asked of the candidates for the 2016 Presidential election as that progresses: “What is the greatest threat to our national security?” Lately, we have heard … Continue reading →
Before ‘Puter starts, permit ‘Puter to note for the record he is far classier and YUUUUUGER than Czar. To wit, ‘Puter cooked two teriyaki and ginger marinated flank steaks last night while puny, stupid head Czar could only manage one … Continue reading →
The Czar gets a lot of mail, and some of it is wonderful. Not enough, actually, but some. For example, we received this wonderful note this morning: Estimated Czar of Muscovy, Thank you very very much for posting the illuminating … Continue reading →
Here’s your guide to the Democratic candidates heading for a road accident with our country. Don’t say we didn’t warn you. Hillary Rodham Clinton, who has had balanced her legacy as a first lady, senator, secretary of state, and total … Continue reading →
Donald Trump is probably in your news timeline right now, if you’d only bother to look. First, the MSM is riveted with this guy: a celebrity acting and doing and saying crazy Republican things, and leading in the polls. He … Continue reading →
18 USC § 793(f) states: Whoever, being entrusted with or having lawful possession or control of any document, writing, code book, signal book, sketch, photograph, photographic negative, blueprint, plan, map, model, instrument, appliance, note, or information, relating to the national defense, … Continue reading →
The Czar thinks with all the latest nonsense flying around the news cycle, we can take a break today. Here’s one of the Czar’s long-forgotten favorites to cheer you up. It’s the Zombies, with “Care of Cell 44.” This song … Continue reading →
Each election cycle, the Czar watches the debates so you don’t have to. Well, to be honest, last night’s first Republican candidate debate happened to be inconveniently scheduled on a night that we were busy getting tuxedos for the boys, … Continue reading →
Hello, children. Hello. Thanks to all none of you who write in to ask what sort of work is going on in the Mandarin’s laboratories. Here, as dutifully recorded by a lunatic named Cyriac, is a video demonstrating real progress. … Continue reading →
Dear Parents and Guardians of Leng Elementary School Students, It’s hard to believe that another exciting school year is upon us, even though we’ve opened every back-to-school letter with that sentence since 1960. We’re so very excited to make this … Continue reading →
From: Trailing GOP Candidate To: The Œcumenical Volgi Date: August 3, 2015 Subject: AMERICA IS BURNING! MILLIONS DEAD! Dear The: That headline is no doubt what Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton would love to see their pet Lamestream Media print … Continue reading →
From: Leading GOP Candidate To: The Czar of Muscovy Date: August 3, 2015 Subject: The Critical Moment of Decision is NOW!!! Dear Mr. of Muscovy: This is the hardest email we have ever written at our campaign headquarters. We never … Continue reading →
Here are stories far more important than the Planned Parenthood savagery, according to the MainStream Media: Obama talking climate change. Cecil the lion Walker’s answer on Obama’s Christianity not answery enough for people Shooter kills man outside Mississippi courthouse Hitchhiking … Continue reading →
Our readers surely have seen or read about Planned Parenthood’s current troubles. Enterprising pro-life activists went undercover and taped Planned Parenthood executives and employees discussing fetal organ sales and the abortion process in callous, inhuman terms.* Planned Parenthood is now … Continue reading →
The Czar remains a huge advocate for The Boy Scouts of America (and Girl Scouts, too!). Although some under-educated right wing commentators have incorrectly bad-mouthed the manliness of the BSA recently, the fact remains that Scouting is a dirt-cheap way … Continue reading →
The New York Times editors are wrong. This is not exactly news. But today, the editors plumb the depths of just how wrong allegedly intelligent, educated people can be.* Take a moment and read this editorial, helpfully titled “For Transgender … Continue reading →
Sigh. GorT isn’t a big complainer. In fact, being around folks who do complain wear on GorT. People get bad service, bad luck, and have bad experiences all the time. And yes, sometimes GorT will share but I strive to … Continue reading →
Boneman writes in after too long an absence to wax politically philosophic on Progressivism. Like a heavy gray blanket, the gray grip of progressivism continues to slowly smother the United States. Progressivism is the cancer that we all contracted more … Continue reading →
Recently, the Czar grumbled about why the government grows and never will, in reality, shrink. This is a big issue for lots of people on both sides of the aisle, but only conservatives and libertarians seems to come up with … Continue reading →
The Czar was not expecting to see Ant-Man this weekend as the Цесаревич is just back from Цѣсарь Scouts Camp (merit badges in Serf Punching, Long Distance Shooting, Worst Aid, and Axemanship). But it turned out that after a good … Continue reading →
Republicans are evil people who want nothing more than to separate hard-working brown parents from their cute-as-a-button children, at least according to Washington Post “reporter” Jenna Johnson. Today’s WaPo whipping boy is Scott Walker, smeared with innuendo in Ms. Johnson’s … Continue reading →
Resistance is futile. Ok, maybe it’s not the Borg coming to take over the joys and pains of driving oneself, but GorT believes that if you look at the trends in technology and society, we will have mainstream driverless cars … Continue reading →
Prior to Obamacare’s passage, there were about 18 million people uninsured. Today, the estimate of people uninsured is, well, 18 million. We’ve seen early on from the “revised downward” news reports (usually released on Fridays) after the launch of the … Continue reading →
Do people really read and buy what Paul Krugman writes? GorT knows he’s jumping into ‘Puter’s playground of mockery here by taking on a Krugman op-ed in the NYT, but he just couldn’t let it fly past without comment. Krugman … Continue reading →
Doctors are the worst.* ‘Puter concluded doctors can suck his big, fat prickly pear after reading the New York Times letters to the editor yesterday. About eleventy gajillion** doctors wrote in to comment on the New York Times’ article “Medicare … Continue reading →
GorT has been meaning to write about Confederate flags, gay marriage, and a few other relevant topics, but the last few weeks have been a bit crazy for the shiny, silver robot. However, when perusing his Facebook feed over the … Continue reading →
Well, the Czar is certainly all excited for the upcoming Pluto fast flyby! If you have been living under a rock for the last few years, in addition to liking Donald Trump’s campaign, you should also know that we finally … Continue reading →
Hey, you know who’s still with us? As it turns out? It is mighty peculiar that the anti-gay Westboro Baptist Church is located in Topeka, Kansas, which has many postal zip codes of the form 666**. But while looking into … Continue reading →
Let it never be said the Czar doesn’t let JAB get another word or two in. Dear Your Czarness, Reading the post from Operative B made me think of other inconvenient, unintended consequences: I then asked him whether that included … Continue reading →
The Czar has been away from both the dacha and the Castle lately, taking a bit of time off with the family to engage in some vacation up in the woods of south central Wisconsin. Indeed, the Czar normally deplores … Continue reading →
Welcome to the brave new world, boys and girls, where words and law mean whatever a scant majority of nine unelected, robe-clad demigods say they mean, reality be damned. If you haven’t yet ready the Supreme Court’s opinion in Obergefell … Continue reading →
Difficult to believe based on yesterday’s news coverage, but the Supreme Court issued another important decision yesterday as well. Justice Kennedy, writing for the majority*, held disparate impact claims are cognizable under the Fair Housing Act (“FHA”). You can (and … Continue reading →
‘Puter, unlike many Twitteratti, read the entire King v. Burwell opinion (and Scalia’s most entertaining dissent) today. ‘Puter will spare you his detailed, legalistic opinion of the decision. Here’s what you need to know. The majority opinion* did serious damage … Continue reading →
Mitch writes in to point out that Czar’s memory is oftimes scratchy and clumped up in tufts like a shedding dog’s butt: You’ve got nine-tenths of a good argument there, but the red-and-blue Andrew’s Cross flag with the stars isn’t … Continue reading →
Two schools of thought approach the Stars and Bars—the ongoing display of the Confederate Flag—and both are wrong. The flag is vile, racist, and a symbol of hatred. This of course denies all of its historical implications and traditions, and … Continue reading →
Mrs. GorT has plenty of extended family in Charleston, South Carolina and it’s one of our favorite places to visit and vacation. Since the tragic event, GorT has followed various news outlet reports (CNN, Fox [local affiliate], radio) and social … Continue reading →
If anything was ever ripe for Gormogons takedown, it’s this Rachel Dolezal story. What a perfect blend of lunacy masquerading as social something or other. Look, Ms. Dolezal is either a liar at the end of the line or she … Continue reading →
Mark Spahn writes in with the following Public Service Announcement: Hack a Bunch of Hacks discusses the fact that all current government employees are security-compromised. Hence the government will have to hire all-new top-secret personnel who have never before worked for the federal … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s Democrat friends are pushing Hillary Clinton like mad. “Hillary’s the greatest thing EVAH!!1! and will totes beat any Republican,” they tell ‘Puter. Are ‘Puter’s friends right? Is a Hillary Clinton presidency inevitable? ‘Puter thinks Mrs. Clinton’s in far more … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s Dad has had difficulty finding words for a while now. ‘Puter first noticed his Dad’s issue a few years ago. In our telephone conversations, Dad would say something like “you know what I mean” instead of using the actual … Continue reading →
So Island Dweller writes in to the Czar with the question formost on his mind: Your immenseness: I have read your recent posting re: the latest “demonic” craze about the “Charlie Charlie” game. I have a question to ask that … Continue reading →
Hillary Clinton will surely be America’s next president, to hear media tell it. There’s no need for a general election, much less a messy Democrat primary. Accept your destiny, America, and move on. Yet ‘Puter’s noticed the media’s tiny, black … Continue reading →
As a few of you know, the Царица teaches in an inner-city school district, and more than a few of the students are of Mexican descent. Recently, quite a number of them have become obsessed—to the point that the district … Continue reading →
There’s no shortage of free press available to Tahera Ahmad, a Northwestern University chaplain, who claims she was harassed by crew and passengers aboard a United Airlines-affiliated shuttle flight. The whole thing is a farce, and anyone in the mainstream … Continue reading →
The Leng Elementary School girls’ soccer team won the All-Plateu Tourney this year, and we wanted to give them a shout out primarily as GorT was an assistant coach and because they are the only team in the league. Congrats, … Continue reading →
Illinois residents will be treated to a rare opportunity on June 2 to discover which of their neighbors are morons. A network of anti-gun groups have planned a statewide event for Tuesday that will demonstrate the widespread solidarity of Illinois … Continue reading →
Your Czar is concerned with your health, and naturally has asked his Czarist Imperial Surgeon’s Office to prepare a bullet point list on how you can best protect yourself against the MERS, which is known as H1N1A, or more commonly, … Continue reading →
Seems that whenever there’s a Democrat in the White House, the Boy Scouts become a target for criticism. A number of voices are joining the unfounded and totally unresearched criticism of the BSA policy against water pistols, to which Retired … Continue reading →
As the Left continues to dominate popular culture, the Right obsesses in its quest to develop a Purity Test that will, at long last, eliminate everyone from the conservative cause. The latest surprise potshot was taken at that long-time stalwart … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s hopping mad this morning, and that’s not a pretty sight. After all, ‘Puter’s a 5’10” Shrek-like man-beast partial to wearing orange leisure suits. What’s got ‘Puter’s gold lamé man thong in a bunch, you ask? The New York Times … Continue reading →
The Czar believes a hagiography on the late B.B. King is warranted, especially after the lively discussions we shared on Twitter with so many of you. Mr. King’s death was a blow for all music, worldwide, and not just a … Continue reading →
Well, probably most of you recall that the Царица, the Czar’s wonderful wife, is a public school teacher. Some may recall that she works in an inner-city, borderline impoverished district. All of you can predict that she is virulently anti-union … Continue reading →
Far too often we hear that cry from the left – the evil-doers on the right are trying to defund education and school lunch programs and force kids into factories while those on the left are fighting for the children … Continue reading →
Amtrak ticket sales cover 88% of its operating costs, which means the Federal government picks up the balance. After that year, Congress awarded Amtrak $1.4 billion in subsidies. This means that Amtrak’s total operating costs equate to $11.667 billion. Ridership … Continue reading →
The Czar has spoken in the past, quite authoritatively, that Americans remain a very religious lot: we are, by our nature, a church-slash-temple-slash-synagogue-slash-mosque-going people. Every so often, a bit of political theater calls this into question. Anytime a quasi-religious or … Continue reading →
Kevin D. Williamson has a typically terrific piece today on “‘Mass Destruction of Capital’ as a Liberal Economic Panacea,” which centers around “a poisonous and dangerous nostalgia in our political discourse, which out of the nearly two-and-one-half centuries of American … Continue reading →
The Czar heard an ad on the radio today for organic cotton bedsheets. The ad’s spokeswoman was quick to say that “organic” was not a just buzzword, but in fact accurate: the sheets are organic cotton because that provides the … Continue reading →
The Czar has had quite a bit of mail to get through lately; fortunately, most of it is total trash: “Eh, yer so funny!” “Hey, you’re not quite right on a historical bit of trivia!” “Eh, yer so overdue on … Continue reading →
Hey, high schoolers! Graduation is just a couple weeks away (or so), and you valedictorians are probably getting your speeches ready for the big day, right? Well, stop, because your speech is awful. Let the Czar help you out. If … Continue reading →
The Czar is well aware that we owe you all a review of the Avengers: Age of Ultron movie, although by this point you either saw it, won’t see it, or might get around to it when it’s on cable. … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s been drinking and thinking, which is never a good combination.* Baltimore’s mayor (one Ms. Stephanie Rawlings-Blake) and President Obama both referred to Baltimore’s rioters as “thugs.” ‘Puter applauds both Ms. Rawlings-Blake and Mr. Obama for speaking the truth.** Baltimore’s … Continue reading →
No less a famous personage than ScottO arrived in Chicago this past weekend for some spurious business affair involving his wife. Probably some Strangers on a Train sort of thing. But ScottO discovered that his dearest wife (which makes one … Continue reading →
The NightFly writes in from our mobile command unit: O Dreaded Awfulness: I have been at some pains to identify the player that GP is channeling in the photo on your hockey bet post. (The ferret guards will look quite … Continue reading →
‘Puter awoke this morning to the crew on Morning Joe announcing in Very Serious Voices ™ the New York Times broke another Clinton Family scandal. ‘Puter yawned, assuming this would be another quickly dismissed “the Clintons are on the take” … Continue reading →
The subject of academic reformation is truly an ongoing debate, given each generation’s increasing dislike for the pedagogic methods of those preceding it, and each generation’s intolerance for those that follow. The Czar has wondered what, exactly, has gone wrong … Continue reading →
As you know, your Gormogons are generally an ill-humored bunch, given to squabbling over sports. Some of us hate baseball, the rest loathe soccer. Pretty much we all think the NBA is deplorable, and a couple of us are worried … Continue reading →
‘Puter said he felt a rant coming on. He’s pretty sure it’s here. ‘Puter’s not sure if this rant will rise to the rarified level of ‘Puter’s past epic rants, but he’ll give it his best shot. So, where were … Continue reading →
As those of you who follow us Gormogons on the Twittre* know, ‘Puter’s been madder than feminist at an Andrew Dice Clay performance at his local school district. A relatively small but vocal group of individuals led by the superintendent … Continue reading →
The Czar got an interesting question in the mail today from Operative BJ: Your Majesty, This lowly minion was having a discussion with his eldest offspring, “she who lives in LA”, about the latest officer-involved shooting in South Carolina, when … Continue reading →
If you want to look all smart and knowy at your next vodka tasting, thermodynamics is a pretty solid way to go. First, it’s viewed as one of the hardest sciences there is, and second, in about ten seconds, you … Continue reading →
Picture an old-timey locomotive racing out of control down the railroad tracks. The original engineers have jumped off, and only the crazy train passengers are left. They have packed themselves into the small cab and are furiously yelling, pushing, and … Continue reading →
With all the hubbub about Indiana’s (not-so) new Religious Freedom Restoration Law, ‘Puter thought he’d take a bit of time to share a personal story. As we all know by now (especially seeing as how ‘Puter’s been banging on about … Continue reading →
I weep for our future when America’s universities are churning out students like this Precious Q. Snowflake, one Andrew Meerwarth, who wrote to the New York Times editor yesterday. To the Editor: Judith Shulevitz’s article about safe spaces on college … Continue reading →
The Czar regrets his recent absence on the site, but he has been traveling for hundreds of miles, and dealing with sickness. Unfortunately, both these instances happened at the same time when the Царевич brought home something (curse you, school … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s dutifully followed along with his liberal friends’ untethered ramblings concerning Indiana’s Religious Freedom Restoration law. ‘Puter’s friends thoughtfully referred to the new statute as “anti-gay.” a Not content to merely exist in a state of ignorant bliss, ‘Puter’s friends … Continue reading →
The Czar has always been fascinated by really deep, scary underwater places like the bottom of the ocean, or like…well, that’s pretty much it. Millions of us have wondered about, like James Cameron. Although, to be fair, he built his … Continue reading →
