{"id":13516,"date":"2017-12-04T18:04:53","date_gmt":"2017-12-04T22:04:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gormogons.com\/?p=13516"},"modified":"2017-12-04T18:04:53","modified_gmt":"2017-12-04T22:04:53","slug":"czar-nothing-today","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gormogons.com\/index.php\/2017\/12\/czar-nothing-today\/","title":{"rendered":"The Czar Has Nothing Today"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Today, or more specifically this morning, a crate arrived in our name at the Castle. Always fearing outlandish and ridiculous assassination attempts, the Czar had Dat Ho open it, just in case it exploded and killed someone. It neither exploded nor imploded, and in the crate was a cardboard box labeled, in ink, NIHIL. \u201cWhat mean,\u201d implored Dat Ho in much better English than the Czar will credit him here.<\/p>\n

\u201cNihil<\/em>,\u201d we muttered, \u201cLatin for \u2018nothing.\u2019 Go ahead and open it, Dat. But don’t steal anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

Carefully, little Dat\u2014who is only twelve but is so crafty at stealing things of little consequenece that Czar would not mention it but for the fact we like to humiliate him as often as possible\u2014lifted the lid off the cardboard box. The box was empty.<\/p>\n

\u201cEmpty!\u201d the Czar exclaimed.<\/p>\n

\u201cI steal nothing!\u201d whimpered Dat, pointing to the box.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, little idiot, the box is empty\u2014meaning the label was accurate. Truly accurate.\u201d The Czar lifted the box\u2014from the look of it, an old shoe box dating back half a century\u2014and examined it for clues. \u201cWho sent this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe Nemo,\u201d suggested Dat Ho.<\/p>\n

\u201cPerhaps, but truly this was meant to arrive for the holidays. Someone sent us an empty box. Truly we have received nothing for the holidays.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere I put?\u201d asked Dat, undoubtedly imagining himself stealing a wrist watch or crouton from our pocket.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe shall put it with the others,\u201d the Czar said, and we returned to our quarters. Opening a closet door in the back, we placed it on a shelf next to other boxes, including a box of authentic Russian \u043d\u0438\u0447\u0435\u0433\u043e (the Czar is a collector), some imported Italian niente<\/em>, and some common Mexican nada<\/em>, and a rare box of South African ohunkohun<\/em> in a gorgeous crocodile skin and acacia box. Every so often, the Czar likes to take it out and look at it for a while.\u201cIs pretty,\u201d said Dat Ho, looking at the box.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you still here?\u201d we asked, as we often do in such circumstances.<\/p>\n

\u201cSome day, maybe I<\/em> get nothing,\u201d grumbled Dat Ho as he left our study to swipe three spearmints from the front desk to serve as his dinner.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou wish,\u201d we said as the door closed. We closed the door to the closet. What is such a collection worth, we wondered.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today, or more specifically this morning, a crate arrived in our name at the Castle. Always fearing outlandish and ridiculous assassination attempts, the Czar had Dat Ho open it, just in case it exploded and killed someone. It neither exploded …<\/span> Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"coauthors":[2953],"class_list":["post-13516","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Czar Has Nothing Today - The Gormogons<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/www.gormogons.com\/index.php\/2017\/12\/czar-nothing-today\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Czar Has Nothing Today - The Gormogons\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Today, or more specifically this morning, a crate arrived in our name at the Castle. 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The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (\u0414\u0430\u043d\u0438\u0438\u043b \u0410\u043b\u0435\u043a\u0441\u0430\u043d\u0434\u0440\u043e\u0432\u0438\u0447), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. 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The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (\u0414\u0430\u043d\u0438\u0438\u043b \u0410\u043b\u0435\u043a\u0441\u0430\u043d\u0434\u0440\u043e\u0432\u0438\u0447), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. 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