{"id":6094,"date":"2009-06-13T18:20:00","date_gmt":"2009-06-13T18:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/68.169.38.31\/?p=6094"},"modified":"2009-06-13T18:20:00","modified_gmt":"2009-06-13T18:20:00","slug":"offense-of-marriage-act","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gormogons.com\/index.php\/2009\/06\/offense-of-marriage-act\/","title":{"rendered":"An Offense of Marriage Act"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/miamiherald.typepad.com\/gaysouthflorida\/WindowsLiveWriter\/Gay_Pride_Parade_NYCR108.jpg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\"><img decoding=\"async\" title=\"What have the Czar and 'Puter gotten themselves into NOW?!?\" style=\"FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand\" src=\"http:\/\/miamiherald.typepad.com\/gaysouthflorida\/WindowsLiveWriter\/Gay_Pride_Parade_NYCR108.jpg\" border=\"0\" \/><\/a><br \/>Oh no! President Obama has angered more of his supporters by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.sfgate.com\/cgi-bin\/article.cgi?f=\/c\/a\/2009\/06\/12\/MND5186EV8.DTL\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">failing to use the enormous powers of the US government to force legalization of gay marriage<\/a>. Evidently, candidate Obama made some promise that he would repeal the Defense of Marriage Act, but now President Obama says he basically does not have time for bull poopie like this.<\/p>\n<p>See, the Czar has a solution. The LGBT community made a serious error by <i>demanding<\/i> he live up to a promise. Ordering the President to live up to your expectations is as useless as, well, ordering the Mandarin to show a bit of charity. You can bet the three words <i>no<\/i>, <i>chance<\/i>, and <i>jackass<\/i> will shortly appear.<\/p>\n<p>Instead, the LGBT folks should simply have requested that the President&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>(a) Appoint a Gay Czar*<\/p>\n<p>(b) Hold a townhall meeting to drive home the seriousness of the issues for the common man<\/p>\n<p>(c) Declare the United States as one of the largest gay nations in the world<\/p>\n<p>(d) State that marriage is \u201cToo gay to fail,\u201d and send out $9 billion in aid<\/p>\n<p>(e) Unionize<\/p>\n<p>(f) Assure the public that the US government has no interest in running the LGBT community<\/p>\n<p>(g) Appoint a Czar to ensure the rights of states are trivialized<\/p>\n<p>Pretty sure history will back up this business plan.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-size:85%;\">*<i>Quiet<\/i>, \u2018Puter. Everybody hears you snickering.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Oh no! President Obama has angered more of his supporters by failing to use the enormous powers of the US government to force legalization of gay marriage. Evidently, candidate Obama made some promise that he would repeal the Defense of <span class=\"excerpt-dots\">&hellip;<\/span> <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/gormogons.com\/index.php\/2009\/06\/offense-of-marriage-act\/\"><span class=\"more-msg\">Continue reading &rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,486],"tags":[],"coauthors":[],"class_list":["post-6094","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gay-marriage","category-satire"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>An Offense of Marriage Act - The Gormogons<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gormogons.com\/index.php\/2009\/06\/offense-of-marriage-act\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"An Offense of Marriage Act - The Gormogons\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Oh no! President Obama has angered more of his supporters by failing to use the enormous powers of the US government to force legalization of gay marriage. Evidently, candidate Obama made some promise that he would repeal the Defense of &hellip; Continue reading &rarr;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.gormogons.com\/index.php\/2009\/06\/offense-of-marriage-act\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Gormogons\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2009-06-13T18:20:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/miamiherald.typepad.com\/gaysouthflorida\/WindowsLiveWriter\/Gay_Pride_Parade_NYCR108.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"The Czar of Muscovy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Gormogons\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Gormogons\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"The Czar of Muscovy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"1 minute\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.gormogons.com\\\/index.php\\\/2009\\\/06\\\/offense-of-marriage-act\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.gormogons.com\\\/index.php\\\/2009\\\/06\\\/offense-of-marriage-act\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"The Czar of Muscovy\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/gormogons.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/09beda317495a1c61569e79d3683c800\"},\"headline\":\"An Offense of Marriage Act\",\"datePublished\":\"2009-06-13T18:20:00+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.gormogons.com\\\/index.php\\\/2009\\\/06\\\/offense-of-marriage-act\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":228,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/gormogons.com\\\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.gormogons.com\\\/index.php\\\/2009\\\/06\\\/offense-of-marriage-act\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/miamiherald.typepad.com\\\/gaysouthflorida\\\/WindowsLiveWriter\\\/Gay_Pride_Parade_NYCR108.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Gay Marriage\",\"Satire\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.gormogons.com\\\/index.php\\\/2009\\\/06\\\/offense-of-marriage-act\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.gormogons.com\\\/index.php\\\/2009\\\/06\\\/offense-of-marriage-act\\\/\",\"name\":\"An Offense of Marriage Act - 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The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (\u0414\u0430\u043d\u0438\u0438\u043b \u0410\u043b\u0435\u043a\u0441\u0430\u043d\u0434\u0440\u043e\u0432\u0438\u0447), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. 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The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (\u0414\u0430\u043d\u0438\u0438\u043b \u0410\u043b\u0435\u043a\u0441\u0430\u043d\u0434\u0440\u043e\u0432\u0438\u0447), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. 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