Some five years ago, the internal deliberations of the Gormogons were made public on a \u201cblog.\u201d After executing those responsible, we decided to make lemonade of the lemons life handed us. With the blood of the minions responsible. (Dgapo the yeti and Barry the Manticore gave it a 91 in Gore Spectator<\/i>). As the Gormogons\u2019 \u0152cumenical Volgi, it fell upon Confucius to rectify the situation\u2014people are always bugging Confucius, \u201cMaster, how do I rectify this?\u201d \u201cMaster, how do I rectify that?\u201d Often these people are fed to Barry or Dgapo.<\/p>\n
Confucius has been scarce around the blog of late for reasons he cannot disclose, but knows his absence is hardly noticeable. Confucius is not a particular fan of his own writings, and so the task of choosing a favorite, much less best, item is onerous. For sentimental reasons, then, here is the post which started it all.<\/p>\n
The Antient & Noble Order of the Gormogons<\/i> began as a secret society in Scotland in the eighteenth century, dedicated to parodying the powerful, self-important Freemasons and thoroughly enjoying themselves. In their spirit, we Latter-Day Gormogons have founded this blog to tweak any institution or person in need of comeuppance. This chastisement may take the form of social, political, and cultural criticism, but, in keeping with Gormogonical first principles, we’ll won\u2019t take ourselves too seriously and ask that you don\u2019t either.<\/p>\nWho are the Gormogons? Ghettoputer, GorTechie and the \u0152cumenical Volgi have been friends since their halcyon youth in the Greater D.C. Metroplex under the benevolent despotism of Mayor-for-Life Marion Barry. At that time, they received the enlightened doctrine of Gormogon founder, the secret first Emperor of China Chin-K\u2019wa Kai-Po<\/i> (\u79e6\u80ef\u6224\u9b44) by decoding the Voynich Manuscript using an occult algorithm derived from Paracelsus\u2019s Archidoxis of Magic<\/i> and the metrical scansion of Doug E. Fresh\u2019s \u201cLa-Di-Da-Di.\u201d*<\/p>\n
Events have since scattered them across the country, except for GorTechie, who is too lazy to move. Ghettoputer resides in the Stygian dimness of Upstate New York, while the Notorious \u0152V resides in exile in the Scandinavian-Occupied Territories, formerly known as the Upper Midwest.<\/p>\n
Since you asked, turn-ons include current events, the Bill of Rights, technology (except for Ghettoputer, an Evangelical Luddite), long walks on the beach, Alexander Ovechkin, pop culture, history, the Washington Redskins (excepting Daniel Snyder until he publicly renounces Xenu and the pursuit of old, overpaid veterans), the military, personal responsibility, Ghettoputer\u2019s \u201971 Dodge Swinger, and Charlize Theron.<\/p>\n
Turn-offs include Ghettoputer\u2019s jenkemesque dip cup, unions organized against the public, the occupations of Tibet, Inner Mongolia, and tort lawyer, o\u2019erweening government and its authors, stupid movie remakes, politicians in the main, X-TREEEEEEM sp0rtz, like-y\u2019know mean<\/i> people, the Dallas Cowboys, literalism, crappy writing, and Matthew McConaughey.<\/p>\n
Pax vobiscum, shalom aleichem, sal\u00e2m \u2018alaykum, Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome, Fremde, \u00e9tranger, stranger. Gl\u00fccklich zu sehen, nous sommes enchant\u00e9s. Happy to see you, bleibe, reste, stay!<\/i><\/p>\n
*The original version, as the sample of \u201cUe o muite aruk\u014d\u201d a\/k\/a \u201cSukiyaki\u201d proved critical. Word.<\/small><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Some five years ago, the internal deliberations of the Gormogons were made public on a \u201cblog.\u201d After executing those responsible, we decided to make lemonade of the lemons life handed us. With the blood of the minions responsible. (Dgapo the …<\/span> Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[589,438,67,850,365],"tags":[],"coauthors":[],"class_list":["post-611","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-best-of-the-gormogons","category-confucius","category-gormogonica","category-gormogons-anniversary","category-volgi-pronounced-volgi"],"yoast_head":"\nG5 \u2014 Best of the Gormogons \u2014 Confucius, \u0152c. 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