{"id":7177,"date":"2008-10-15T15:16:00","date_gmt":"2008-10-15T15:16:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/68.169.38.31\/?p=7177"},"modified":"2008-10-15T15:16:00","modified_gmt":"2008-10-15T15:16:00","slug":"krusty-he-aint","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gormogons.com\/index.php\/2008\/10\/krusty-he-aint\/","title":{"rendered":"Krusty, He Ain’t"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>As if clowns weren’t scary enough<\/a>, now there’s one on the loose trying to lure kids into a van in Chicago.<\/p>\n

Hey, has anyone seen the Congressional leadership lately? (‘Puter passed on the all-too-obvious Sen. Obama joke).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As if clowns weren’t scary enough, now there’s one on the loose trying to lure kids into a van in Chicago. Hey, has anyone seen the Congressional leadership lately? (‘Puter passed on the all-too-obvious Sen. Obama joke).<\/p>\n Continue reading →<\/span><\/a>","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30,1885,625,1636],"tags":[],"coauthors":[],"class_list":["post-7177","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-barack-obama","category-clowns","category-congress","category-scary"],"yoast_head":"\nKrusty, He Ain't - The Gormogons<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/gormogons.com\/index.php\/2008\/10\/krusty-he-aint\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Krusty, He Ain't - The Gormogons\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"As if clowns weren’t scary enough, now there’s one on the loose trying to lure kids into a van in Chicago. Hey, has anyone seen the Congressional leadership lately? (‘Puter passed on the all-too-obvious Sen. Obama joke).\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/gormogons.com\/index.php\/2008\/10\/krusty-he-aint\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Gormogons\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2008-10-15T15:16:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/skipreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2007\/08\/free_candy.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"'Puter\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Gormogons\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Gormogons\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"'Puter\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/gormogons.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/10\\\/krusty-he-aint\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/gormogons.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/10\\\/krusty-he-aint\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"'Puter\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/gormogons.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/dedde8e992d4eaff0fc006e62536b244\"},\"headline\":\"Krusty, He Ain’t\",\"datePublished\":\"2008-10-15T15:16:00+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/gormogons.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/10\\\/krusty-he-aint\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":43,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/gormogons.com\\\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/gormogons.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/10\\\/krusty-he-aint\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/skipreport.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2007\\\/08\\\/free_candy.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Barack Obama\",\"Clowns\",\"Congress\",\"Scary\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/gormogons.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/10\\\/krusty-he-aint\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/gormogons.com\\\/index.php\\\/2008\\\/10\\\/krusty-he-aint\\\/\",\"name\":\"Krusty, He Ain't - 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X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this. \u2019Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons\u2019 financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies. The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig. His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. \u2019Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. \u2019Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people\u2019s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred. He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, \u2019Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently. Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls \u201cSleestak.\u201d Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet. 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