Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
David Axelrod, who continues to advise President Obama on campaign strategy—that in itself should be a subject of concern for all Americans—incredibly doubled down on the most unkept promise in recent history: “If you like you current healthcare plan, you … Continue reading →
The Czar elects to look at some common memes in the press, and reveals his hunch about each. These aren’t predictions—just gut feelings. Claim: The Republicans are going to pay dearly for the shutdown. Hunch: The public has already moved … Continue reading →
Some recent productions that have been greenlit in Hollywood caught our attention. Leave It To Beaver, starring Saoirse Ronan and Benedict Cumberbatch, will be a dark, gritty reimagining of life in Mayfield. Beaver, haunted by a mysterious childhood tragedy, is … Continue reading →
So far, the good news about Obamacare is that very few people can actually get it. Yesterday, millions of people watched (or re-watched) The Daily Show’s brutal attack on both Obamacare and to a lesser extent the President himself. Indeed, … Continue reading →
You might like Jon Stewart. You might not. Indeed, you might loathe him. But his Daily Show put together the most horrific, scathing takedown of Obamacare and its dysfunctional Healthcare.gov yet done—horrific because it is all true. Given Stewart’s influence … Continue reading →
The boys and the Czar played an interesting little game this morning on the driveway while waiting for the school bus. The weather is quite chilly this morning—44°—so we did not spent much time doing physical activity; rather, we engaged … Continue reading →
Q. What do you call a liberal who can do math? A. An ex-liberal. This old saw is still true for some very basic reasons: if the country pulls in x revenue, and spends 2x on programs, pretty soon you … Continue reading →
There are Gormogon operatives all over creation. Note the Czar did not say “all over the Earth.” He didn’t even say “all over this dimension.” Every so often a newer one is revealed, such as Operative lelnet, who is tasked … Continue reading →
Island Dweller—he of the block quote—swung by the Castle lobby bar last night with a piece of paper in his hand. The paper was a printout from a website. Most magnificent Czar, etc & etc . . . A forum … Continue reading →
Island Dweller has our guest post of the day. Enjoy! You know, you can write guest posts here, too. Just send ‘em in to any one of us and let us know you want it as a standalone piece or … Continue reading →
Mark Spahn, of West Seneca, NY, writes in to advise us that he has cleverly changed positions. Not politically, but physically: (Actually, I am farther from Lackawanna than from the geospatial center of West Seneca. Adjust your cruise missile targeting … Continue reading →
The other day, we all received one of the best question we have ever received. The Czar makes this claim because all six of us were quite excited by the nature of the question: To the Gracious, Learned, Infallible, and … Continue reading →
If liberals could stomach our site for more than a few seconds of their otherwise carnival attention span, they might ask when we will turn our unpleasant gaze toward the Right. Indeed, we do quite often. In fact, not only … Continue reading →
Island Dweller sent this communication by some primitive form of electronic mail, which was most refreshingly quaint: Most illustrious Czar The following excerpts were taken from a recent blog on Michelle Obamas White House garden. For some reason, this struck … Continue reading →
Island Dweller writes in: Your Czarness, Esteemed Associate has sent me an article courtesy of a website he visits (as do I) called “Virtue Online.” This article has to do with a sometimes touchy subject, homosexuality. In particular, it deals … Continue reading →
Mark Spahn of West Seneca, NY, is one of our favorite correspondents. It is important to know that this is a cover, because he is technically closer to Lackawanna than he is to the geospatial center of West Seneca. Just … Continue reading →
Well, are you? With all the bias in today’s media, you could be a liberal and not even consciously realize it. Heck, you could be marching naked in an amnesty rally right now. This simple news-related test—surprisingly unerring, by the … Continue reading →
Mitch used to write in from time to time, and thank goodness he’s still out there. Yesterday, the Czar had to sum up the evolution from the Whigs to the 1860 Republican Party in a half-sentence. Not surprisingly, Mitch thought … Continue reading →
PBS asks “Would a third major party ease Congressional gridlock?” No. There has never been a third major party in the United States for reasons of very simple math. Today’s two parties—uh, the Republicans and Democrats—are really extensions of original … Continue reading →
A guest post today from Island Dweller, who does indeed dwell on an island. In perusing the news screeds this morning I came across the following. It is a rather lengthy article re: the poor educational showing, not of American … Continue reading →
We have ourselves a ghost-like minion, who treads invisibly amidst popular culture. Indeed, his very code name is Ghost, although it turns out that’s a ridiculous coincidence. Dread Lord, I humbly present this to your glorious radiance. As requested, I … Continue reading →
If you have spent any time in Chicago in the last 100 years, the name Dominick’s is synonymous to you with grocery shopping. Dominick DiMatteo started the chain in 1918, which eventually expanded into a 130 store empire all over … Continue reading →
Borepatch—yes him—sent us a motorcycle with a letter rolled into a tube and hidden inside the tail pipe: I’d add in the collapse of the public education establishment to your excellent list. At the local level you see push back … Continue reading →
Michelle Obama, in her ongoing quest to eradicate unpopular children, suggested that Post Office produce a series of stamps intended to frighten children. So horrifying were the images that the USPS elected to destroy them immediately upon seeing them. The … Continue reading →
A short piece to cheer you up today, when nothing seems to look positive. Here are four reasons liberalism is destined to collapse. The money isn’t there. No matter how much its members continue to insist there’s plenty of money … Continue reading →
More polling news today, and the situation is even worse for media reporting. Breitbart.com perfectly sums up the media critique, so check it out. Bottom line is that Obama’s approval rating is now at 37%. The GOP and Democrats, people … Continue reading →
The mysteriously named “Don” writes in to notify the Czar that, like so many other government-related catastrophes, there are free workarounds that make one wonder why the government is doing any of this at all in the first place. Astronomy … Continue reading →
Are you at risk for immediate death? You could be, and you might not even know. Most doctors agree that dying is the single leading cause of fatalities in the US right now. Take our helpful quiz and assess your … Continue reading →
About websites being shutdown for theatrical reasons: Your Czarness: Also shut down are the SEC webpage that allows one to file and to track corporate filings and the USGS webpage that allow one to look up seismic data for a … Continue reading →
It has been just a week now that the government somewhat shut down, and at least one poll is trending as we had foreseen. Republicans are seeing their disapproval numbers increase by 7 points since September 29 to 70% disapproval. … Continue reading →
Word got out yesterday that the Obama administration thought it would be funny to endanger the lives of kidnapped children. There simply is no easier way to describe it. So the next time liberals cry that something is For the … Continue reading →
A hot microphone captured Senator Rand Paul expressing with some incredulity that Republicans might actually triumph in this shutdown nonsense. Why not. You have a president begging Americans not to give up on Obamacare, which is a complete reversal of … Continue reading →
President Obama claims he is willing to negotiate with Republicans, but “We can’t do it with a gun held to the head of the American people.” The President was criticized for using the expression, but Jay Carney said that the … Continue reading →
The shutdown is proving to be utterly disastrous as far as the Main Stream Media can tell by glancing out their Starbucks windows. A quick roundup of the shutdown in pictures. Wild packs of dogs are roving the Mall, and … Continue reading →
From the Doublewide, JAB writes in after too long an absence (but do we not always say that about her?): Dear Your Czarness: Yes, indeedy, some jack-wagon “supervisor” in some office in DC decided the putting up barricades and tape … Continue reading →
Island Dweller plops down next to the Czar at the Castle Lobby Bar and lets the Czar have it about the unfair treatment government employees are getting from the private public. The good news is that the Czar remembered it … Continue reading →
Remember the Leftˆs portrayal of George W. Bush as an intellectual dullard who skated through major schools by the grace of who he was, rather than what he knew? And how he was surrounded by corrupt scoundrels barely smarter than … Continue reading →
Conservatives like you tend to understand little of any substance, and as a result, you may be confused over why this shutdown is such a terrible thing. In your ignorance, you blissfully think that that life goes on without the … Continue reading →
Researchers (and you notice how the exact number is never specified?) have concluded that monkeys can teach us a lot; in fact, monkey’s grooming habits—‘Puter take note—are a form of altruism. Here are other things monkeys want to teach us: … Continue reading →
Some snippets from the Daily Mail obtained just this morning discuss the changed psychiatric guidelines regarding the chronological age of adolescence. It would seem our British cousins believe the timeframe for this period should be extended beyond the age of … Continue reading →
The Czar found a mysterious photograph slipped under his door; the picture was simply of white clouds against a blue sky. Assuming the worst, we ran the picture through GorT and Mandarin’s stegiographic decompiler, and sure enough—a message was encoded … Continue reading →
Ted Cruz is a heckuva smart guy. He managed to convince the entire House to push him into the limelight. The House, as you know, did not overwhelmingly want to support his plan. He managed to rally them around it. … Continue reading →
Many minions write to the Czar in an overtly supplicating tone, apparently terrified that the Czar will unleash some horrific punishment onto them. Ridiculous! The Czar encourages and welcomes all manners of correspondence with his minions, for he truly respects … Continue reading →
From the mailbag: First up, NSW writes: There’s another unintended consequence to raising the minimum wage in California. Minimum wage employees are not those paying to keep California running. Their small business employers probably pay a not insignificant portion of … Continue reading →
California is raising its minimum wage to $10 an hour. Presently, it is $8 an hour. If a store owner has three part-time employees who are paid minimum wage, and let us say each worker shows up 24 hours a … Continue reading →
Well, the gun control arguments have been disarmed, and we can pretty well bet that gun control will never happen at this point. The US Senate won’t even entertain new legislation concerning firearms. Done. Dead. Finished. Also, forget about global … Continue reading →
Four versions, ranked in the order the Czar favors them. Your own order may vary. Note-for-note perfect, a minimalist blend of spooky and sweet, Schuberts Ave Maria is one of those rare pieces that works whether it is played on … Continue reading →
Against quite long odds, the House GOP has decided to stick it to the Obama administration and will fund a continuing resolution minus the required Obamacare portion. This, despite condemnation from the President and Senate, as well as a great … Continue reading →
Republicans are pretty annoyed with each other over the Obamacare funding deadline. Many Republicans want to defund Obamacare by passing a continuing resolution that funds everything budgeted for the government except Obamacare. The problem is that while this will pass … Continue reading →
Borepatch, who watches this sort of thing for us, wants you to know that if you are one of the handful of people who still use Internet Explorer, you may be in trouble. This is a much more serious issue … Continue reading →
There is unusually good news—seemingly—in the hell of Illinois politics. As you may recall, there were three leading Democrats competing for the 2014 gubernatorial election. Pat Quinn is the current governor of Illinois, and polls seem to indicate that Illinois … Continue reading →
Mailbag, when the Czar can take it a smidge easier and see what others have to say. First up, we have The Big Guy himself, Uncle Jay, who has an interesting observation about why alpacas spit when threatened: O most … Continue reading →
Catholics have no shortage of saints in the stable, and not all of them are equal in stature. In fact, many of the saints Catholics take for granted were de-sainted by Pope Paul VI in his famous pronouncement Iocā́tis Quin. … Continue reading →
This post is to be a surprise for @MbernadetteE, so for goodness’ sake, don’t tell her about it. But the Gormogons have elected to each purchase her a present for her and @BrianGriffiths in celebration of their engagement and, one … Continue reading →
You know, it’s difficult to dislike Rand Paul. He’s a charming, well-spoken, thoughtful Senator who has more than a little of the country gentleman about him. He is very strict in his reading of the Constitution, extremely limited in his … Continue reading →
There is not much left to say about President Obama on this Syria affair, but it is interesting to see parties on the Left and Right come together at long last and excoriate his inept bungling of what seemed a … Continue reading →
This annoys us. AP has written a gripping, inspiring story of an Uruguayan man who survived four months of brutal winter conditions in the Andes. Remarkable human endurance, the story goes, with quotes about the 58-year-old man being a “good, … Continue reading →
The Czar and his family had the rare luck to dine with a bishop Saturday evening, watch some football, and generally chat about anything we wanted. We did not invite him to join our table at a local Church fundraiser; … Continue reading →
The semper paratus Island Dweller puts charcoal to the cave wall to write in: Most August Majesty: There is a phrase being bandied about by both sides on the Syria issue, to wit: “Boots on the ground.” Everyone using this … Continue reading →
How can one begin to count up the number of times someone has said “This has been a bad week for President Obama.” This observation is not there to gloat—it is there to make us realize how bad a job … Continue reading →
The most intentionally under-reported aspect of the Syrian crisis is the severity with which the Obama administration is now revealed to the world. We have learned that if a President shoots his mouth off an a cutey-pie way of trying … Continue reading →
At the Leaping Peacock the other night, BG and the Czar were discussing the political affiliation of a white supremacist when Borepatch walked up and sat down. Borepatch nodded to BG, turned to the Czar, and said, “Nice post the … Continue reading →
Island Dweller writes in, and the Czar will comment along. Dread and Awful Majesty: Your humble subject has mentioned in the past the possible consequences of incompetence in foreign policy. He has also mentioned how the US government at the … Continue reading →
An asshat up in North Dakota is trying to establish a White Suprmacist “enclave” for any like-minded salamanders who are looking for a blackless and Jewless place to live. Some news reports are saying that he is spectacularly unsuccessful; more … Continue reading →
One of the things the Czar—and probably a few of you—finds quite frustrating about Barack Obama is not his ridiculously inept progressivism, his shoddy work ethic, and his lazy understanding of politics and history. Rather, it is how he has … Continue reading →
Island Dweller has a guest post today: It seems the highlights of the Ft Hood trial are over, with the perp being found so richly guilty of the misery he inflicted. We can now wait for years as this case … Continue reading →
The pageant of incompetence continues at the Obama White House. Remember when we said this? Let us see if we have this mapped out. The United States backed protesters in Egypt, demanded Ḥusnī Mubārak resign immediately, got chummy with the … Continue reading →
Not all the news out of Detroit is depressing. A man there stole his father’s encoffined corpse from the cemetery, brought it home in the family van, and pulled the body into the basement with the hope of resurrecting it. … Continue reading →
Ah, hippies. They just can’t let it go. When you’re a loser who was never forced to hear anything sensible, and you experience a long period lacking in self-discipline and with zero social consequences—say the years 1966-1977—you tend to pine … Continue reading →
Well, it turns out that Russia had been in contact with breakaway republic Eddie Snowden all along, and that Snowden’s flight to Russia, hiding out in the airport, threatened deportation, and ultimate asylum may not have been as spontaneous as … Continue reading →
The Czar would never have imagined writing the next sentence. We spent an enjoyable and leisurely evening building furniture yesterday. Indeed, we even left a slam-bang wonderful pool party in a well-appointed house with home-cooked Mexican and Puerto Rican food … Continue reading →
Some thoughts on this Ben Affleck casting of Batman. Rocket Raccoon. Come on, even though the idea is preposterous, you have to admit…this is a badass-looking raccon. And he has a machine gun. Imagine if he had a great voice … Continue reading →
The Czar and the Mandarin went for dinner the other evening with two gentlemen to discuss all manners of things. The Mandarin picked a steak place that tends to cater to a lot of older, professional types looking to score … Continue reading →
The Czar tends to be the optimist; he leaves cynicism for 孔夫子, the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV) as the latter is far more experienced in matters of Что делать. But what is to be done seems to be the … Continue reading →
30 out of the 50 US governors are Republican, quite a few in states long ruled by Democrats. If you look at historical trends, the number of Republican governors has been steadily ticking up; so much so that if trends … Continue reading →
Either President Obama or his many followers are the most petty, thin-skinned, and ill-tempered man-children in politics. Of course, the Czar is referring to this ridiculous rodeo clown incident. This was never a problem before, when the rodeo clowns dressed … Continue reading →
It takes a few to make a patten. By our reckoning, Barack Obama is the fifth liberal progressive president, and like the other four, he has no coherent foreign policy outside of brute force. Here is our thinking: Woodrow Wilson … Continue reading →
Secretary of the Interior Sally Jewell—probably the last of Obama’s secretaries not involved in something mind-bogglingly stupid—just got herself involved in something mind-bogglingly stupid. In a Department-wide address to Interior employees, she warned them that loyalty tests shall be given … Continue reading →
The Czar steps aside to let Island Dweller have a post today. Enjoy! Surfing the web a day or so ago (no pun intended, in light of the story that follows), I came across a story that appeared on the … Continue reading →
We received an interesting appendix on World War II by SW, who writes in with some historical sobriety—just how much we fought prior to Pearl Harbor: The US suffered combat casualties long before Pearl Harbor. The earliest was the USS … Continue reading →
Island Dweller writes in to reference our exploration of FDR’s military aims. As usual, ID has some very interesting information: Most dread and awful majesty: I have read with great interest of your find of the newspaper you uncovered during … Continue reading →
One of the largest conceits of American history is the mythology still surrounding Franklin Roosevelt. While it has become fashionable on the Right to implicate Roosevelt for all sorts of anti-American nastiness—and mind you, often with good reason—quite a lot … Continue reading →
Any excuse to blame Americans, eh? Okay, so some American broke off a finger from the Vergine e all’Angelo Annunciatore statue in Italy. Europeans are all pissed off at American tourists again. Oh, like Italians never broke off a finger? … Continue reading →
As you recall, because it only just happened, the Gormogons have been ruminating over their memories of the AMC motor company (which stood the American Motor Company motor company, apparently). For you youngsters, AMC was a car company that made … Continue reading →
As you know by now, Obamacare is not just failing, it is basically collapsing in on itselfand most of the law has not even been implemented yet. The Czar used to hold town hall meetings in his day. Guess how we … Continue reading →
Well, thanks, Puter, for what the heck that was. Turns out this smoking conversation has inspired a lot of conversation, both in the Castle and even down at the Doublewide. JAB, after a too-long absence writes in: Your Czarness: As … Continue reading →
Early last week, the Czar and the Цесаревич were discussing ribs, and we both agreed that it was time to smoke up some babybacks. Sunday, August 4th, would be a good day as we had nothing scheduled and ribs, done … Continue reading →
Island Dweller carefully wrote this onto a stick of gum, chewed it to get it past security, and placed this on a Castle window for us to find and reconstruct. Unless we are wrong in how we deciphered the squiggles … Continue reading →
Lots of email has arrived. Better start getting through it. First up today, Mark Spahn, Lord Ruler of West Seneca, New York, has been discussing our site with others—as you are surely doing, if you know what is good for … Continue reading →
So Island Dweller is a bit hot under the collar. And why not? Your immenseness The news just keeps rolling in, providing more information that should be dissected – and disseminated – via your site. I humbly refer to a … Continue reading →
Urgent communique flashed in using Morse code from a weather balloon results in this followup. However, because Island Dweller flashed the Morse code in equally-timed one-second pulses to rub our face in it, the message took a while to decode. … Continue reading →
Mark Spahn, ersatz ruler of West Seneca, poses some questions to test the Czar’s acuity this early Saturday morning. The video is introduced by the irritating voice and now-jowly visage of sometime U.S. presidential candidate Pat Robertson, but stick with … Continue reading →
Okay, see, this should have been posted yesterday, but the Czar only got around to it today. Sorry, ID. Most illustrious majesty: “An iconic photograph of ‘The Sandman’ taken during the height of the attack that illustrates the conditions under … Continue reading →
Some videos are making the rounds on the internet that purport to show UFOs, taken in various places in the United States. Within each, clusters of lights drift across the sky…changing colors, flashing, and so on. The Czar naturally looked … Continue reading →
Island Dweller revisits us but brings a new topic, a well-groomed cocker spaniel, and a rare eight-pack of Zima. Does he know how to visit the Castle, or what? O Most Supreme Ruler: I have received a missive from Esteemed … Continue reading →
And so it begins. If you were unaware, the Mainstream Media is beginning its process to transform the shrill, petty, dangerously vindictive and manipulatively toxic Hillary Rodham Clinton into the awesome Hillary Clinton: glamorous former first lady, brave and powerful … Continue reading →
Just a quick couple of thoughts on the whole Pope Francis surge in the news lately. You can get the genuine religious angle here, but allow the Czar to take some potshots at the Main Stream Media. Because he loves … Continue reading →
As the Mandarin once wrote, “racism stinks no matter who the victim is” Unfortunately for the reality-based community, an ugly myth remains rampant—exacerbated by the George Zimmerman verdict—that racism is limited only to white people. Here’s a racist. He doesn’t … Continue reading →
The Czar regrets to inform Dr. J. that using cookies for smores is not an innovation, but in fact has been around for quite a while. Quite a while, indeed. These desserts might be called s’lesses. In fact, the Czar—known … Continue reading →
