Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
Island Dweller with a retrospective on the Death of Detroit; well worth your time and attention so heed: Most illustrious sultan of the steppes: This post is just a couple of observations about Detroit’s demise. I am a native of … Continue reading →
The Czar got an interesting off-the-record email worth putting back on the record. Specifically, it regarded whether we use nicknames or pet names for political figures. For example, Rush Limbaugh can never refer to Sen. Harry Reid except by a … Continue reading →
Interesting polls lately; apparently both Democrats and Republicans alike want to replace every member of Congress. By overwhelming responses. Of course, none of that matters. Most Congressional approval ratings are pure fantasy because you only vote for your Senators and … Continue reading →
This is weird. The Czar received not one but two emails within minutes of each other regarding a claim on the Internet that Sleestak may have shot Trayvon Martin. First, Borepatch wrote in followed a few moments later by Chiefjaybob, … Continue reading →
Something special for our 5th anniversary? How about a picture we have not uploaded before? Here you are! This is us on the National Mallsee the Lincoln Memorial?we took back in 1994. From left, theres Sleestak, Ghettoputer F.X. Gormogon, GorTechie … Continue reading →
The Czar isn’t sure what Island Dweller was ranting about the other day, but obviously Glinda the Good was following it pretty carefully, as she provides her thoughts in response. My Gracious Leader; In reading the contribution of Island Dweller … Continue reading →
THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT PACIFIC RIM IS THAT IT’S LOUD. REALLY LOUD. LIKE THE LOUDEST MOVIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD. Seriously, the Czar has attended rock concerts that had more concern for inner ear sensitivity. Really. … Continue reading →
Island Dweller writes in: Your most noble immenseness: For some strange reason, given all the really important news that’s breaking lately (TMv.Z, IRS excesses, etc) at least one network has run a story on the “hookup” culture prevalent mostly among … Continue reading →
As we celebrate the Fifth Anniversary of this site going public (we used to do it in pencil, it was so long ago!), each of us has been asked to post our individual favorite essay or submission over the years. … Continue reading →
Island Dweller writes a nice letter about the Zimmerman trial on the back of a prescription for Clomipramine. Your omniscience: Esteemed Associate and I were discussing the Martin case last evening. I encapsulate our conversation for you. One has to … Continue reading →
Hard to believe it finally happened, but the Czar is elated that DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano is resigning to go into academia. Ironically, she should have been there the entire time, if for no other reason than her threat assessment … Continue reading →
Well, the governor’s race in Illinois just got interesting yesterday, for those of you who wonder why anyone would bother to live here. The interest arises from a glimpse into the Chicago Political Machine. Illinois is a nutty state politically, … Continue reading →
Island Dweller writes in to clarify an earlier point he made: I was referring to the great Detroit riot of 1967, in which 43 people were shot dead, a few by the DPD; the rest of the shooters were fellow … Continue reading →
Typical mainstream media representative Cenk Uygur stepped in a pile of his own feces yesterday when he tweeted, evidently in response to the acquittal of George Zimmerman—who evidently will not be truly not guilty until 2016—the following: Ok, I give … Continue reading →
Think you have a bad day from time to time? Imagine the morons at KTVU Channel 2 in San Francisco/Oakland, who read on the air the names of the Asiana airline pilots: allow the Czar to quote, “Sum Ting Wong,” … Continue reading →
As you likely have heard, Illinois became the 50th state to join reality and legalize concealed carry. To be fair, implementation of this law will take a little while yet, but already people are watching to see what happens in … Continue reading →
A Pew poll was released that surveyed Americans’ attitudes toward various professions. Journalists in particular are not particularly well liked by Americans. Since 2009, attitudes about journalists have dropped in every polling category: men, women, younger, older, education level, and … Continue reading →
All this and more can be yours for only $19.95! Your imperial majesty: My own царица has fled the aquatic hinterlands and is currently esconsced with the girls in the Big Easy. This leave me with more time on my … Continue reading →
Guess what else you are paying for? The feds have decided that despite raging unemployment, a collapsing foreign policy that has weakened America around the world, a new healthcare law about to tank the economy, and a failure of its … Continue reading →
6:00 Uh-Oh, Billy! Sitcom “Hilarr-ity” continues as Bill and Al try to sneak a girl out of the house while Hillary is home; Hillary, thinking Bill forgot their anniversary, is in no mood for explanations. So how did the girl … Continue reading →
The Czar intends to annoy a hell of a lot of people with this post, but conservatives need to stop sucking at the teat of fantasy about a third party. Unless, of course, they want to suck at the teat … Continue reading →
Imagine how things could work if the free market were to handle student loans. Sorry, Drew. The best interest rate you’re getting will be 18.7 percent. Maybe majoring in Klingon Literature at Case Western was a bad idea. Also, bringing … Continue reading →
The average temperature on Earth may be changing up or down. We honestly don’t know. Some folks say it is going up a degree, and therefore floods and famine may occur. That’s actually possible. Other folks say it is going … Continue reading →
Probably the most surprising news on ObamaCare in years happened yesterday with very little fanfare: the White House has realized and tacitly admitted the whole thing is a freaking travesty. In the unlikely event you missed it—despite its near-total absence … Continue reading →
Island Dweller has his usual pair of related observations: Your majesty, Only a “consummate politician” could do this, after all those quaint little strolls on the beach…ID FoxNews home page6-29-13Associated Press Republicans accused New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie of getting … Continue reading →
As you know, Illinois is the last state to prohibit concealed carrying of firearms in public and, thanks to a series of court decisions, is being forced to allow concealed carry. The Illinois legislature was given a limited time to … Continue reading →
Uh,huh. So this White House Down movie is not doing very well. It opened in fourth place behind two repeat films (it brought in only half as much as Monsters University, now in its second week) and well behind a … Continue reading →
The Czar and the Mandarin went off shooting on Friday, and put rather a lot of rounds down different types of weapons. However, the Czar noted that he has never, somehow, done a review of a rifle. Not sure how … Continue reading →
In the wake of the news, you have been hearing the phrase “identity politics” a lot. Due to the overreach of the present political scene, many folks are being forced to get involved in politics for the first time; it … Continue reading →
Could the Czar be any happier than to have not one but two highly respected epistolarians offer sweet prose on different topics, each of which deserves a response. First, in order of arrival, is Borepatch, who delights us with a … Continue reading →
A popular video is shooting around the Internet in which Natalie Foster—a woman, evidently—is advocating two things: that women need to get into shooting because it’s fun, and that male shooters need to be supportive of women when shooting. The … Continue reading →
Yeah, pretty much everything stops when LTC(R) Dan writes in. The Gormogons, as you well know, enjoy considerable military acquaintanceship, but we probably all give pause when LTC Dan writes in because, as you know, he is as smart as … Continue reading →
There was, back in the early days of the Tea Party, a movement afoot to make incoming Congressional freshman take a half-day seminar on the Constitution. This is probably a very good idea, given how many idiotic comments members of … Continue reading →
For a while there, maybe as long as three weeks ago, some people were compiling lists of Obama-era scandals just to keep track of them. Indeed, it seemed every week another insulting or embarrassing leak was happening that showed what … Continue reading →
The Czar has finished reading Glenn Beck’s latest book Control: Exposing the Truth About Guns and wanted to beat the Mandarin (a) to a book review and (b) with a hockey stick. We shall tackle (a) here today. The book … Continue reading →
All right, it has come down to this so the Czar pretty much is going to come out and say it: Barack Obama is not fooling anyone anymore. Set aside the polls showing his support collapsing (except in the African-hyphen-American … Continue reading →
On the subject of “America the Beautiful,” and whether it would make a good national anthem, Borepatch himself writes in to remind you: Agree 100%. Ray Charles used to do a beautiful rendition of this, and would often open the … Continue reading →
Special secret ghost operative, helpfully named Ghost, writes in from the Mandarin’s Proving Grounds Road Tour: Dread Lord, I was driving through Dallas the other day, and this ad kept replaying on XM radio about a new channel that is … Continue reading →
Long, long-time Operative BG sends this in by home-made satellite transceiver: I keep hearing radio this commercial extolling how tough comprehensive immigration reform will be, telling me I should support it because Marco Rubio and Paul Ryan support it. Big … Continue reading →
A trio from Island Dweller, who now posts here more frequently than our own Confucius,* now concludes: Your immenseness: It would seem we have our lower-level supervisor who, according to the media, was directly responsible for providing guidance to anti-tea … Continue reading →
And another from Island Dweller worth your time: Your most imperial highness, “Politico,” June 13 2013, reports members of both houses of Congress and their staffers are beginning to leave Capitol Hill en masse as their govt-subsidized health plans will … Continue reading →
Island Dweller could pretty well give the Czar a week off with his submissions! Here is one of three: Your illustrious majesty: A recent string-telephone conversation with Esteemed Associate, still in the bowels of the Federal beast, prompted me to … Continue reading →
The Czar has been remiss, and has much mail to go through. Through which to go? Yeah, probably the latter. Anyhow, erc wrote in a while back: Your Czarness: Your post of June 8th reminded me of the old joke: … Continue reading →
The Czar once cut off the entire left side of a guy’s body, but he’s all right now. There are some things the Czar is good at that most folks might not have expected. These include: —Dishwashing. The Czar enjoys … Continue reading →
The Czar’s first job was, well, Czar. The Czar has been around almost 750 years and in that time has learned many languages, worked on many skills, seen considerable amounts of history, and read many books. But there are some … Continue reading →
Today, as you know, is Flag Day. Although the Czar was born several centuries ago in the steppes of Russia, he was quick to follow the progress of the American Revolution. We came to this country in 1776 and have … Continue reading →
A scene from last year’s birthday celebration. Your own birthday was probably something similar. Today is the Czar’s birthday. He expects nor requires any well wishes from you types, as he is well aware how difficult it is to find … Continue reading →
By now, you all know about little Sally, our sad little dog who is scared of many things. Sally, just the cutest little Shetland Sheepdog We are big proponents of animal rescue. Not just because it saves the lives of … Continue reading →
Today, we get to know the Царевич, our 8-year-old who celebrated his birthday two days ago. The Czar and the Boy catch up with the Okhrana’s latest and woefully inept gossip. These are the stoops who told us Romney would … Continue reading →
Today we will spend a little time with the Czar’s 10-year-old. Serf’s up! Here we are waiting for the borzois to come out while our neighbors watch. As the elder of the two boys, he receives the special title Цесаревич. … Continue reading →
Today, the Czar will tell you all about his beloved Царица, who is better than a queen. A царица is like an empress, but is a much better shot. Here she is, and she is wonderful. The Царица teaches little … Continue reading →
Welcome back. The Czar has, we hope, convinced you that he is a nice enough and ordinary guy like yourself. Or girl. No, the Czar is not a nice and ordinary girl. This introduction is a total failure. All right: … Continue reading →
It gets exhausting trying to list the many ways liberals, Democrats, and progressives annoy the Czar and make life difficult for normal folks. The Czar thought he would perhaps take a break from exposing stupid people and spend some time … Continue reading →
The news that the Obama administration seized millions of ordinary Americans’ phone records for some undisclosed reason has everybody stumped. We thought we would each do a reaction to the story and then select the best one to post. We … Continue reading →
Many of you will remember back in 1999 when the Y2K bug was all the rage. Suddenly, all these retired COBOL programmers were brought back as high-paid consultants to turn -00 into 1900. Reportedly, some programmers made more in 1999 … Continue reading →
Two missives from Island Dweller worth sharing: Most exalted one,It seems the IRS agents who sang so freely about methods employed to harass and stymie conservative tax-exempt organizations in their application or renewal process have declined to identify those high-ranking … Continue reading →
Chicago has had many fine police superintendents over the years, and when the Occupy twits hoped to stage a monster riot in Chicago a while back, Chicago’s Garry McCarthy showed superb organization and an understanding of how riots spread; he … Continue reading →
Still not looking good for our president’s second term. Ah yes, the IRS has finally agreed to eye contact with the typical American voter. Polls are showing a steady erosion of support for him—actually, the good tidings are over—and a … Continue reading →
The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of … Continue reading →
Bore Patch (yes, the very one!) carved the following into a stick of wood and jammed it through the spokes in Dat Ho’s messenger bicycle. While the latter was riding it of course. Dang, you nailed me in the Post-Boomers … Continue reading →
Island Dweller puts this on the table for us to consider: Not far in the recent past some members of our illustrious Senate/HOR (which we shouldn’t knock, since we’ve got the finest Senate/HOR money can buy) seriously defended efforts they … Continue reading →
As if they could not be any more self-centered in their stupidity, the Boomers have declared war on the Millennials, and have finally realized the source of All Their Problems is, once again, Someone Else. Thats right, the Boomers have … Continue reading →
Island Dweller condemns us all to a fiery future with today’s letter, which arrived yesterday but we were too busy being busy: Your majesty: Today is (legally) Memorial Day. I have not as yet seen any postings on your site … Continue reading →
Island Dweller writes: Your majestyI have read with interest your latest screed on the intricacies of dyslexia. Your humble subject has had a brush or two with this slight disorder. One of your subject’s genuine pleasures during his past employment … Continue reading →
One of the reasons the same sex marriage debate is not a debate at all, but more of loggerheads is because two different liberal positions have banged into each other. No, this would not be permitted in a civil union. … Continue reading →
The New York Times’ Blake Charlton writes a typical look-at-me piece on dyslexia, which leads off dramatically listing every insult the author endured as a child. Really? The Czar could list many more than three that he was called, and … Continue reading →
It’s action-packed half-a-load of kung fu adventure today as we dig down deep in the mailbag, brush aside the shrunken heads that teenager in Olympia keeps sending us (people curry favor in different ways, one presumes) and respond to a … Continue reading →
The other day, at a commencement speech, michelle Obama stated: And then there’s this guy Barack Obama. … I could take up a whole afternoon talking about his failures, but he lost his first race for Congress, and now he … Continue reading →
For all the sanctimony that Democrats fly on their recently multi-colored flag, they sure are into theatrics just as much as Republicans. Maybe more so, particularly in matters of good taste. In Illinois, beleagured—and that puts it mildly—governor Pat Quinn … Continue reading →
If the Czar were a Tea Party—and trust us, he would show up with Irish whiskey and call it tea—he would be pretty eager to get up in the morning right about now. This IRS scandal is an untapped gold … Continue reading →
ScottO, distinguished comptroller of time and space, nudges the Czar at the Castle lobby lounge bar and asks: O Dread Czar, I started reading Island Dweller’s missive regarding the subject at hand, and came across the acronym SES. Now, never … Continue reading →
Using an AN/PRC-77 dipped in ink, no less a personage than LTC Dan writes in on the subject of ethics: Granted, I am now a mere contractor. But after 27 years of military service, I have yet to see (a) … Continue reading →
The Czar’s mother hates to visit the dacha because we make her stay in the guest room (хижины где свинья спит когда он болен, as we call it), so Sunday we went to her place. The Czar has a cousin … Continue reading →
The Island Dweller—who cunningly adopts that name because he dwells on an island—writes the Czar to object: O most magnificent Satrap of the Steppes: Fish don’t realize they swim; they think they can fly. I have retired fairly recently after … Continue reading →
As you repeatedly hear, the President is sick and tired of people politicizing everything to make him look bad. On the Fast and Furious Scandal: The Department of Justice orders gun dealers in the Southwest to sell weapons to obviously … Continue reading →
The Czar is taking the latest scandal—or it was the latest at the time of writing; they’ll probably find some new one by the time you read this—involving the Department of Justice and their apparently inappropriate seizing of the Associated … Continue reading →
Waiting so much for this one. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of … Continue reading →
At last we now know what happened on September 11, 2012, in Benghazi. Press secretary Jay Carney explained it like this, if we put his statements in chronological order. A demonstration gathered outside the embassy, that quickly became a terror … Continue reading →
An ode to all the Gormogon moms—living, deceased, or otherwise—all over time and space. You know who you are. M is for the Myriad and Manifold ways you taught us world domination.O is for the Onichophagy you beat out of … Continue reading →
Today, it’s nothing less than a book review: The End Is Near and It’s Going to Be Awesome: How Going Broke Will Leave America Richer, Happier, and More Secure, by Kevin D. Williamson, landed in the Czar’s mailbox a couple … Continue reading →
In April 1980, President Carter had reached a point he could no longer tolerate—52 Americans were still being held hostage in Tehran, Iran. He ordered a rescue mission. Contrary to popular right-wing culture, Carter did not do this as an … Continue reading →
Michael Shermer usually does pretty good analysis, but one of his lesser-effort essays is being circulated around the Facebook these days: *#147;The Science of Guns Proves Arming Untrained Citizens Is a Bad Idea.” Dr. J. forwarded the Czar this essay, … Continue reading →
Be thankful the right-wing media is pushing this story out, because God know the rest of the media are hiding this story. An interesting analysis by Pew Research correlated two critical pieces of data: gun homicide rates are down by … Continue reading →
The following quote is pretty much the consensus of anybody who knows anything about the Benghazi scandal: We are witnessing the beginning of the end of the Obama administration, and the cause is Benghazi. One cannot underestimate the severity of … Continue reading →
Look at poll numbers for pretty much conceivable policy position of the President, and the approval numbers are embarrassing. No one likes his foreign policy, Obamacare, employment outlook, immigration stance, position on gun control, or a couple dozen other things. … Continue reading →
“Is this a dagger which I see before me, The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee. I have thee not, and yet I see thee still. Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible To feeling as to sight? … Continue reading →
Dread and Awful Czar, It would seem the illustrious sheriff of Palm Beach (FL) County, one Ric Bradshaw, has stolen a page from the playbook of the Okhrana and seems to want to institute what at first blush (and many … Continue reading →
Over at Commentary, the great Jonathan Tobin suspects that an acquitted Kermit Gosnell will be a serious blow to women’s health: If Gosnell’s attorneys manage to convince a jury not to convict him, you can forget about any expectations that … Continue reading →
ScottO, whom you would recognize immediately as the awesome and intrepid @gscottoliver on Twitter if you were one of the 800 few followers of us on Twitter, strolled over to our table at the Leaping Peacock, carefully stepping over the … Continue reading →
Have you noticed how much the Presidency has changed Barack Obama? Sure, you see those before and after pictures of Lincoln and Roosevelt, and so on, but the last five years have been pretty rough on the President physically: Obama … Continue reading →
The Czar has always had a less-than-scientific interest in the Chicago Cubs, and has watched their ups and downs over the decades. You know, there was a time when the Cubs were basically the Yankees—you just knew they would make … Continue reading →
Have you heard that NBA player Jason Collins is gay? Of course, you have. Did you hear that non-Obama administration figures have indeed solved the Benghazi murders of four Americans and know exactly who did it and where they can … Continue reading →
Long before most of you remember, the Czar predicted that the Next Big Thing to blow up on the Left will be academia. Stiff competition from online schools, skyrocketing tuitions, zero-guarantee job placement, and repeated exposure about how stupid the … Continue reading →
After more than four full years in office, the Obama administration is still acting like amateurs. Perhaps a more accurate tag would be the Obama Pathetic Hour. This time, it’s Syria. Watching his State Department deal with a problem is … Continue reading →
After a too-long absence, the great and wise The Big Guy, Uncle Jay, himself, writes in: Dread, Awful, etc-Y’all need to institute some serious quality control procedures…You can’t go leaving stuff like this laying around.It will eventually get noticed. TBG … Continue reading →
Does this bother any of you as much as it does the Czar? Items: MSM Stories: Some charges inexplicably dropped in Gosnell murder trial FAA deliberately screws with air traffic at behest of President Tsarnaev: did he have help? What … Continue reading →
Castle Gormogon survived its first softball practice last night, and one would be shocked to learn we weren’t that bad; but not nearly as shocked one would be if we had a second practice. Indeed, if there were indeed any … Continue reading →
Imagine the surprise at the Washington Post when they conducted a poll with equally fawning ABC News and discovered that President Obama is tied with or slipping below George W. Bush on a variety of factors. Bush is up on … Continue reading →
Indeed one of Dr. J.’s IT professional chums has his home network hardwired and uses a ‘dumb phone’ in order to minimize his grid footprint because he’s that paranoid. Doc, are you referring to Ron Muskee, of 1118 Market Street, … Continue reading →
