Our reach is vast. This morning, your Gormogon overlords had their 1.5 millionth hit. This translates to a hit about every thirty seconds since our inception. Over seven thousand and six hundred posts later and the hits keep coming. We … Continue reading →
Created by Chris Kolmar and our new friends at Movoto and also featured at Geeks are Sexy: The nice thing about pocket dimensions is that they’re bigger on the inside… h/t Movoto.com Dr. J.
Continue reading →Dr. J. would like to wish a congratulations to his Philadelphia Eagles for winning the NFC East outright against the hated Dallas Cowboys, and knocking them out of playoff contention in one fell swoop. Come by the Castle for a … Continue reading →
Today, thanks to time travel, we were able to hold our First Annual Turkey Contest yesterday. And the results were about what you would expect. As you know, all of us Gormogons are superlative cooks in at least one area … Continue reading →
A classic, written by the Mandarin, in 2010. We had a beautiful Halloween over at the Castle, much like we do every day. The kids came by in good numbers, which we’re happy to see again. We all took turns … Continue reading →
The most recent acquisition of the Gallerie Gormogòne at the Castle, commissioned by the Œcumenical Volgi from the Countess von Cséfavlay’s atelier at Withywindles. It is a highly encoded representation of a spell or alchemical process, the details of which … Continue reading →
Gentle Readers, Dr. J. saw ‘Puter slinking away from the Castle hanger this morning with a paint brush and palate. Behold what he wrought while we all slept: If you want to charter a flight, here’s how, but we’ll only … Continue reading →
As you recall, because it only just happened, the Gormogons have been ruminating over their memories of the AMC motor company (which stood the American Motor Company motor company, apparently). For you youngsters, AMC was a car company that made … Continue reading →
Sometimes your Gormogon overlords take a break from scheming, plotting and our daily machinations to discuss ephemera around the Castle water cooler… Today’s topic of debate: The Gremlin vs. The Pacer At least we could all agree on the denim … Continue reading →
Not that kind of meat smoking, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Since both Czar and GorT have shared their secrets for smoking ribs with you, our beloved readers, ‘Puter thought he’d share his secrets as well. Czar and … Continue reading →
GorT enjoyed the Czar’s post on smoking ribs but has a few differences in his own method that GorT thought to take a minute during his 2-week vacation to write about it (plus, the rest of the family is sleeping … Continue reading →
He looks nothing like that in real life. Mark Spahn, the Lord Ruler of West Seneca, New York and frequent writer took a deep interest in Dr. J.’s Thought for the Day last week, ( 子曰無欲速無見小利欲速則不達 – for anyone who wanted to … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s super! Thanks forasking! ‘Puter’s fond of this post’s title. It reminds him of an Aesop’s fable, like Androcles and the Lion, but more fabulous and with better clothes. More to the point, ‘Puter found this missive from Operative SMR … Continue reading →
The 2013 All-Castle Pride Parade Male Chorus prepares to sing its a cappella version of U2’s Pride: In the Name of Man on Man Love ‘Puter’s gotten more mail this week than he has in some time, so he’s trying … Continue reading →
Something special for our 5th anniversary? How about a picture we have not uploaded before? Here you are! This is us on the National Mallsee the Lincoln Memorial?we took back in 1994. From left, theres Sleestak, Ghettoputer F.X. Gormogon, GorTechie … Continue reading →
Dr. J. received this inter-castle memo over the weekend from Confucius ( 孔夫子), the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV): To: GorT, Ghettoputer, The Czar of Muscovy, The Inscrutable Mandarin, Dr. J. From :孔夫子, the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV) Re: … Continue reading →
Only Trebek knows the secrets ‘Puterholds deep within his, tiny, shriveled,black heart. And within ‘Puter’sno-no hole, but that’s another story. Wow. ‘Puter gets buried under an avalanche of work for a few days and comes back to find some truly … Continue reading →
Castle Gormogon survived its first softball practice last night, and one would be shocked to learn we weren’t that bad; but not nearly as shocked one would be if we had a second practice. Indeed, if there were indeed any … Continue reading →
To: The Czar, The Mandarin, Confucius, GorT and Puter From: Dr. J. Re: Spring Break Dear Dread Colleagues: Clan J. is headed to the Eastern Palace for some R&R as New Atlantis is enjoying spring break this week. Czar, please … Continue reading →
Operative BG writes in: Dr. J., Is it possible I’ve divined the actual location of Castle Gormogon? Dr. J’s prescription shows the castle’s phone number as 888-867-5309, which is apparently located at 2209 Whitten Road, Memphis, TN 38133. I’m thinking … Continue reading →
Puter’s been known from time to time to go to NYC on business. He mentioned to Dr. J. that while he was there he was going to get his tree. NYC being known for all kinds of shopping but Christmas … Continue reading →
In keeping with the holiday theme here at the Castle, your Mandarin has decided to decorate the lab. May you have a wonderful Christmas and a blessed New Year! The MandarinThe Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order … Continue reading →
Dr. J. isn’t the biggest firearm connoisseur of your Gormogons. Indeed be might be sixth of the six of us in that regard. However, he is rabidly pro-second amendment along with the rest of your Gormogons. That being said, he … Continue reading →
One of the best parts about Castle Gormogon is you never know what anybody is up to individually. So you could, for example, walk through the solarium and find this going on: And your Czar has no idea who is … Continue reading →
Long-time operative BG carefully stacked millions of sugar cubes and left this message spelled out on the Castle driveway before the ants ruined it: The Czar’s post regarding the unfortunate visit from his college roommate struck a chord here; I … Continue reading →
Sometimes things almost take care of themselves. You might remember the Czar complaining yesterday about one of his 46 college roommates showing up for the first time since 1922, trashing the inside and outside of the Castle, demanding to see … Continue reading →
Ever have that one guy you just cannot stand pop back into your life? The Czar has his, all right. Guess who showed up? Our old college roommate, back when we attended the Marine Academy of St. Petersburg together. Figures … Continue reading →
Man, you people get so needy. All right. By popular demand, we have added a second series of MiniFigures for your Castle Gormogon sets! Die-hard fans will be certain to gouge other people’s eyes out in order to get their … Continue reading →
Admit it! Wouldn’t you sometimes rather act out your own Gormogon posts, rather than read the ones we actually put here? Seriously, don’t you just want to go all ‘Puter on NPR once in a while? Or have the Czar … Continue reading →
The Czar wanted it named Hurricane…SQUIRREL! but we felt that was too obvious. Yesterday, our friend Scott O. @gscottoliver from the silver state of Nevada who blogs from his corner office tweeted this in response to concerns about Hurricane Issac … Continue reading →
Researchers tracking the potential crash site for Amelia Earhart’s plane. The popular theory is that she and her navigator, Fred Noonan, ran out of fuel over the Pacific Ocean as they were heading towards Howland Island. A contrary theory is … Continue reading →
Czar has trained a small army of ninjawombats to strike fear into the heartsof his enemies. Secondarily, Czar useshis wombat army to deliver messagesto ‘Puter. Cubical poop? Really? Ouch. When not abusing various mood-altering substances, we denizens of Castle Gormogon … Continue reading →
Fantastic work by GorT on the statistical analysis of our writings. The Czar is bemused when looking at his own word cloud that “DON” appears there in the far right. To wear? A mafia figurehead? A Spanish lord? Ameche? Curious, … Continue reading →
GorT loves him some math and statistics. So I felt it was time to run the numbers on our corner of the internet here. The numbers are based on a snapshot of the blog from a few days ago. I … Continue reading →
Clever lady that Mrs. GorT… ERRATA: In order to augment the satirical nature of this post, Dr. J. did not credit his source for this post, namely Spooky Witchy Facebook Friend. When another Gormo did some digging, and found that … Continue reading →
Two great writers of note take time out to visit the Castle. Down at the lounge, enjoying something called a zombie killer, was Borepatch, who said (among other things): I love the “scienterrific” neologism! I would just point out that … Continue reading →
For the convenience of our guests, and mostly to cut down on our own repair bills, all of the Castle Toilets have been ‘Puterized for safety. A picture is shown to the right of what gets hidden behind the wet … Continue reading →
Uncle Jay returns from Internet purgatory to let us know he has been hanging around the Castle parking lot, wherein the found this: It is not the Czar’s, for verily a motorbike he does not ride. Could be a hotel … Continue reading →
Mrs. Dr. J., the Lil Resident and the Lil Medstudent baked you a cake… …and a pie! Happy Birthday Big Guy! Dr. J.
Continue reading →When Dr. J. saw this post by Kevin D. Williamson, he immediately thought of the Castle Grammarian, Torturer and Executioner, The Czar. He was quite pleased that The Czar penned something on the subject before Dr. J. awoke this morning. … Continue reading →
It is interesting, is it not, what amuses us at the Castle? Put here to annoy the crap out of you all day. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar … Continue reading →
Actually other languages break into English’s house and leave their mark, and in the case of the Scandanavian Barbarians, twice…truth be told. Dr. J.
Continue reading →Volgi has a cat, does he not? Also, you should know that Mandarin actually smiled at this. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of … Continue reading →
Well, here is a total surprise. Most of us thought Uncle Jay walked off the edge of the world, but here he is, writing us this message: Most Dread & Awful, I’ve been quite busy of late, and due to … Continue reading →
DT writes in: Oh Wise and Mighty Czar, Thank you for the explanation of the Castle Doctrine. I initially found the story confusing, as I confused the generic “castle” with the Castle Gormogon. That doctrine is a bit more … … Continue reading →
Czar, you ask. Any videos from around the Castle? Absolutely. Here is the Czar’s very own Auntie Gruesome entertaining the kids at a birthday party, circa 1961. Castle décor has not changed much. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, … Continue reading →
Merry Christmas. It is a beautiful morning, no matter what. The Gormogons are very excited, and you can see us all gathered around the tree opening our gifts. Your Œcumenical Volgi, or 孔夫子, for those who came in late, or … Continue reading →
Given how infected with the Christmas spirit your Gormogons are this year, with GorT’s Advent Calendar, Dr. J.’s Christmas singles, Volgi’s Christmas albums, and other various and sundry Chrismassy posts past, present, and yet to come…Dr. J. doubts you could … Continue reading →
In a police lineup, it would not be hard to pick out ‘Puter’s Christmas Tree. Our little, lovable Luddite went with a Hello Kitty theme. Here you can see his tree, with Mrs. ‘Puter modeling the latest in Hello Kitty … Continue reading →
Confucius, our Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV) is kicking his Christmas tree old school style. He is sporting a traditional Cantonese money tree. This tree is typically brought out by single Chinese individuals for the Chinese Spring Festival. Red envelopes are … Continue reading →
Now, the Czar has been our Minister of Substantive Posts™ of late, with ‘Puter hideously busy dealing with all things reality based, and GorT, Volgi, and Dr. J. being all Christmassy with our content, and Mandy, well, being Mandy. But … Continue reading →
Pac Man turned 11111 (Eleventy-eleven) this year, and Gort chose to recognize his binary buddy with his Christmas Tree this year! For all of our global warming fanatic friends, be reassured that GorT is only using cold fusion to power … Continue reading →
For a look at the Inscrutable Mandarin’s Christmas Tree, you have to go to the proving grounds behind the Castle proper. In true Mandarin fashion, Mandy wanted to kill two birds with one stone. His MO has always been to weaponize … Continue reading →
Much like at the White House, we at the Castle have taken to decorating our own Christmas Trees. Dr. J. has decided to be so kind as to share a glimpse of the one adorning his corner of the Castle. … Continue reading →
The vast right wing conspiracy is a popular meme with the mainstream media. Amusingly, they portray ‘Establishment Republicans’ a cabal of puppetmasters, which is laughable because they can’t even untangle their own strings… Even Dr. Krauthammer chimed in humorously on … Continue reading →
As you know, the Castle welcomes hundreds of visitors a year. Many of them make it back home safely. Internet boulevardier Uncle Jay mentioned that his Golden Horde (well, we think he said “hordes”) was going to lay seige at … Continue reading →
Borepatch, whom we read every day, writes your Czar: Man, I don’t know where you find those [Help Wanted ads] (must be a local Alt-Weekly that’s not on the ‘Net), but they were filled with win. BTW, Uncle Jay says … Continue reading →
A very happy and most wonderful Thanksgiving from all of us at the Castle (well, maybe not the Tcho-Tchos). As many of you know, Thanksgiving is the Czar’s favorite holiday; even better than the Feast of Zdravgul, which we celebrated … Continue reading →
“Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican,” Ronald Wilson Reagan, 1966. The Gardasil Non-troversy has been rearing its ugly head in the Republican debates, and it is not helping the Republicans to have this discussion. As the Czar, … Continue reading →
And so the Czar was lucky to have no less a personage than Uncle Jay over to the Castle for a brief lunch. You do read Uncle Jay every day, no? Anyway, with a rare-enough trip to Chicago in his … Continue reading →
Let us see. Volgi is hiding up in his quarters with that goofy Yeti of his, watching another Sonny Chiba movie on Beta. Yeah, he sits there with his iPad now, Twittering all day. Averages about 800 tweets a day, … Continue reading →
Today was a special day. While ‘Puter and Dr. J are running the Castle, the Czar was happy to host GorT, the Mandarin, and the 孔夫子, the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV) here at the Czar’s dacha in Muscovy. Actually, … Continue reading →
And in the dark corners of the Castle dungeons, whispers and hissing did slip through the dank air. Faces, barely lit by flickering candlelight, would lean in from the gloom only to fade back into shadow. Antient and eldritch words, … Continue reading →
Guys, I found this when I came in last night after a few pops at the Leapin’ Peacock. Which one of you two does it belong to? GorTGorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to … Continue reading →
Dear readers: please ignore this post. This is intended for Volgi, Mandarin, ‘Puter, or GorT. Would one of you geniuses mind revealing who was so freaking hung-over-tired this morning that he left a bowl of Kix cereal, with milk and … Continue reading →
The Czar was just wondering where the hell his colleagues have been lately. Here we are getting all this extra traffic, plus all the attention we got on Twitter, and the Czar is like the only guy working at the … Continue reading →
[The Czar made the mistake of drinking a few pints of mead and Fanta with Ghettoputer at the Castle lobby lounge bar, and initially we asked ‘Puter what his actual name is. He replied that the story is fairly interesting, … Continue reading →
Yes, the party at the Castle was pretty good…at least until the Volgi started chugging the queso by the tankard-full. We all have our opinions about last night so let me share a few: First, during my college years, I … Continue reading →
Uncle Jay sends us this, written in charcoal on the back of a corrugated PVC lawn sign: O Cruel and Vicious Czar, By the Grace of God, Emperor and Autocrat of All the Russias, of Moscow, Kiev, Vladimir, Novgorod, yadda … Continue reading →
…from the Gormogons! (from left to right, the Mandarin, GorTechie, the Œcumenical Volgi (id est, 孔夫子, The Notorious ŒV), the Czar of Muscovy, and Ghettoputer Gormogon. Taking the photo, and not in the picture, is Sleestak (one of the few … Continue reading →
Dealing another blow to the Big Environment crowd, the Chicago Climate Exchange will shutdown next month. Citing issues with this administration being able to put any regulation requiring carbon trading. “The bulk of the users have said to us that … Continue reading →
We had a beautiful Halloween over at the Castle, much like we do every day. The kids came by in good numbers, which we’re happy to see again. We all took turns manning the door (or, in GorT’s case, monitoring). … Continue reading →
A researcher in Slovenia is conducting an experiment aimed at identifying and controlling robot-human pain thresholds. How hard can a robot poke, grab, etc. a human? It’s a worthwhile experiment as more and more interaction is liekly in our future. … Continue reading →
Dearest readers: The Gormogons are pleased to announce that we are mere days away from GCon MMX. As you ticket holders know, we will be meeting at the Plateau of Leng this year. Festivities begin today (Thursday) at 0900 and … Continue reading →
The Czar is not suggesting anything here. But the Mandarin was making strawberry shortbread for everyone at the Castle tonight. GorT cancelled at the last minute, and went to his real home for a Charles in Charge marathon on television; … Continue reading →
Don’t forget that the Castle can be used for wedding receptions. We had a whole ceremony here on Saturday, actually. Not sure, but that might be Sean Connery as the bride. So you see, we have all types of people … Continue reading →
Evidently, not all of you realize that you can actually come tour our Castle! There is so much to do and see here that you might not want to leave! And if you go wandering through our basement, frankly, you … Continue reading →
Dr. J writes in after reading the latest Castle insider scoop that our prepublication review board approved earlier this week: Why is it that only The Czar and ‘Puter have the privilege of having sidekicks?Surely the Notorious OEV, the devious … Continue reading →
Operative TB writes in with the following question (oddly drafted in motor oil on eelskin) concerning ‘Puter’s post yesterday: Hey wait one minute! Last time I looked Kitty was up against Putin. Hagar isn’t even in the brackytte. Where did … Continue reading →
As we’ve mentioned, treacherous Frenchman (do we repeat ourself?) and Gormogon buddy, Luc Besson, took a bunch of “home movies” around Castle Gormogon and is now using them in his new movie, La Femme Indiana Jones or something. Here’s the … Continue reading →
Every once in a while we get some traveling salesmen arrive at the Castle. We know they’re coming, trust us. So we watch as they approach when we’re bored. They pause before the moat, gather themselves and strut across the … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative BR, crawling to the surface of a dark, Scottish loch, submits the following proposed ending to ‘Puter’s unfinished paean to BATFE: Betting the ponies and tall supermodelsDark beers and stouts in glasses and bottlesWild geese that die when … Continue reading →
On Thursday evenings, the denizens of Castle Gormogon retire to the conservatory after dinner for a relaxing evening of instrumental and vocal music. Your Volgi busts out his Fender Stratocaster, Mandarin plays the pan flute, GorT plays an 27th century … Continue reading →
The holidays draw near, and our gift shop is overflowing with imminent cease and desist letters! You know your kids would rather play video games than go to church, right? Well, why not reward that behavior by purchasing the latest … Continue reading →
The fifth and final set has arrived from the weirdos at LEGORMOGON, and it’s GorT’s Quantum Lair! GorT lives up near the top of the Castle (just in case he blows the roof off, being up high limits the damage), … Continue reading →
Yep, the latest one just arrived this morning. LEGORMOGON is pleased to present The Volgi’s Inner Sanctum. You can click to make it larger. Slight bit of continuity correction, here: at the actual Castle, the Volgi’s sanctum occupies all of … Continue reading →
The latest from the weird folks at LEGORMOGON has arrived! It’s ‘Puter’s Playroom! Now your kids can access a blog from the toilet, and write just like Ghettoputer does! Click to enlarge. Note: vial of red liquid used to make … Continue reading →
The second LEGORMOGON set is out in our gift shop. Beware! It’s the Mandarin’s Laboratory! Click to enlarge it. Well, what about it? What do you think the Mandarin and GorT are working on? A time displacement nullifier? A trans-polarity … Continue reading →
Yes, it is true! We were not expecting these until next week, but our marketing department got the goods just in time for the holidays. Come on by the Gomorgon gift shop, in the lobby of the Castle (you sort … Continue reading →
Somewhere in the distant past, the breakfast committee decided they needed a way to make breakfast sausage more dangerous. Someone in the back nervously coughed, and a tentative hand rose. “Yes?” Another cough. “Well…we could crumble up the sausage into … Continue reading →
The Federal Trade Commission now expects blogs to reveal any endorsements they get or receive to reveal potential conflicts of interests. Very well. 孔夫子, the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV) receives free catalogs from Obscurity Press, in return for positive … Continue reading →
Our thanks to GorT. He really is the coolest robot, provided he doesn’t rip your head off for one of his “upgrades,” Puny humans. “We apologize in advance if we kill one of your favorite tags (send an email and … Continue reading →
This might be pulling back the curtain when our regular readers don’t really care, but apparently we’ve hit a limit on the number of unique tags (see the bottom of the posts) for our site. The Czar dismissively waved his … Continue reading →
There’s nothing better than someone tying a note to a brick and hurling it through the front window of the Castle Gormogon. Unless of course it goes through an open bedroom window and wallops ‘Puter smack in the head. God, … Continue reading →
So the Czar just got a letter from the Superintendent of the Muscovy School Board, SD 474F5254, that said: “By the Grace of God, et cetera [lots of nice things omitted], we respectfully wish to inform your Czarness that henceforth, … Continue reading →
The Czar has just realized that there hasn’t been a post today. We apologize. Not sure where everyone is… there’s lots of activity in and around the Castle, so I supposed it slipped everyone’s mind. Any way, plenty of conspiracies … Continue reading →
