The Gormogons are all fans of getting outside and enjoying the fresh air and some healthy exercise. Some of the castle dwellers wanted more variety around the grounds for our enjoyment so our official contracts officer, ‘Puter, put out a … Continue reading →
Just a quick mention that largely through the hard work of the Volgi, we are releasing a Visitor’s Guide to the Castle. Many of you might not be aware of all the references made, the categories/hashtags of the posts, etc. … Continue reading →
‘Puter woke up this morning with a start, immediately realizing two things were very, very wrong. First, ‘Puter was in his own bed and curiously vomit free, and that never happens after all you can drink Courvoisier and Clam Juice … Continue reading →
The Czar and Volgi were kicking around in the Castle Rumpus room late last week and decided that they’d do some sprucing up of the place. Their first target? The website. After hours and hours of beating their heads against … Continue reading →
He may not know how much a pile of .50 caliber rounds like this would cost the military: …but he does know that bag cost twice as much as it should have. Hail Kitty. And thanks to Uncle Jay who … Continue reading →
We have been quite busy, it seems, because so many of you are asking after our various secret projects. Island Dweller, who has yet to complete his many assignments (notably, switching the East and West Magnetic Poles), is suspicious about … Continue reading →
To: The Inscrutible Mandarin From: Dr. J. Re: Operation Snowdome Dear Mandy: The Orbiting Anti-Snow Ray works! New Atlantis remains snow-free! Suck it Atlanta! Best, Dr. J. Dr. J.
Continue reading →‘Puter’s favorite day of the year is rapidly approaching.* Valentine’s Day! ‘Puter’s already picked out cards for the special people in his life, as have the rest of your Gormogons. ‘Puter’s glad to share our selections with you, provided you … Continue reading →
Dr. J. apologizes for the delay in posting this missive addressed to the Czar but forwarded to Dr. J. from the one and only Uncle Jay: Dear Dread & Awful.: A vast smoke screen, wasn’t it? This whole Polar Votrex … Continue reading →
We don’t always make the news, but we did the other day. Here is a review of one of our favorite hangouts, the Leaping Peacock, which is just across the road and down a bit from the Castle Gormogon. This … Continue reading →
What are your revolutions resolutions for the New Year? No, don’t write in with them, because none of us really care. That was our resolution for 2013, which we mostly upheld. The Volgi: He resolves to be less rococo and … Continue reading →
Look, everybody knows the Mandarin is the most popular writer here because he can distill total rage in about three short paragraphs, accompanied by either a funny graphic or some utterly bizarre YouTube video never more than a couple minutes … Continue reading →
Today, thanks to time travel, we were able to hold our First Annual Turkey Contest yesterday. And the results were about what you would expect. As you know, all of us Gormogons are superlative cooks in at least one area … Continue reading →
Introducing Loki J. – Lord of Chaos Gentle Readers, We have a new addition to the J. clan. This weekend, we welcomed into our home Lady J.’s half brother, Loki J. Old Grandad, Eng CH Harana Alfie Boe. Lady and … Continue reading →
The most recent acquisition of the Gallerie Gormogòne at the Castle, commissioned by the Œcumenical Volgi from the Countess von Cséfavlay’s atelier at Withywindles. It is a highly encoded representation of a spell or alchemical process, the details of which … Continue reading →
Mrs. ‘Puter, Big Red and Mrs. TheCzar model the latest in Oktoberfestfashion. Not really, but in ‘Puter’s demented mind, this is how hepictures it. ‘Puter spent Mrs. ‘Puter’s birthday weekend thusly. Friday evening, ‘Puter squired The Missus to dinner at … Continue reading →
Bob Dylan (a/k/a Robert Zimmerman) is one of ‘Puter’s favorite artists. Also, Mr. Dylan, a Minnesotan Jew by birth, would write much better liturgical music than either OCP or the St. Louis Jesuits ‘Puter digs him some music, music of … Continue reading →
Gentle Readers, Dr. J.’s recent post in which he took the ‘Which D&D Character Are You’ was quite popular with the readers. Indeed, two of our operatives and two of Dr. J.’s old gaming mates took the quiz. As a … Continue reading →
Nothing says good tipper like a monolith dedicated to an ancient evil… Operative RKB wrote again to Dr. J. and Borepatch. It seems someone has claimed part of Oklahoma for the Old Gods: Yes, yes, that was us. You see, … Continue reading →
Like much of America, the Gormogons vacation as well. Sometimes it’s on our own with our own families and a number of us have posted assorted accounts for your amusement and edification. First a little background to orient our dear … Continue reading →
As you recall, because it only just happened, the Gormogons have been ruminating over their memories of the AMC motor company (which stood the American Motor Company motor company, apparently). For you youngsters, AMC was a car company that made … Continue reading →
Sometimes your Gormogon overlords take a break from scheming, plotting and our daily machinations to discuss ephemera around the Castle water cooler… Today’s topic of debate: The Gremlin vs. The Pacer At least we could all agree on the denim … Continue reading →
Ladies, have you dreamed of dating a tall, shiny, time traveling sentient robot? Mr. Abrams, I’m ready for my lens flare! If you do, it may be worth your time learning to speak in his native tongue: GorT, you can … Continue reading →
Letters, telegrams, and Telexes (CASTLEG) of congratulations have been arriving from around the globe. A sample of those from some of our better-known open collaborators follows. Original copies of the telegrams are attached for historical interest. Apologies to future historians … Continue reading →
Something special for our 5th anniversary? How about a picture we have not uploaded before? Here you are! This is us on the National Mallsee the Lincoln Memorial?we took back in 1994. From left, theres Sleestak, Ghettoputer F.X. Gormogon, GorTechie … Continue reading →
Some five years ago, the internal deliberations of the Gormogons were made public on a “blog.” After executing those responsible, we decided to make lemonade of the lemons life handed us. With the blood of the minions responsible. (Dgapo the … Continue reading →
Our Huckleberry, look upon his works and despair! Gentle Readers, July 24th marks the fifth anniversary of your Gormogons blog site. As you know we’ve been working behind the scenes in our worldwide conspiracy since long before that storied day … Continue reading →
The great ScottO writes: O Most Powerful and Wise Dr. J., I read your review of the Yelp Dr. J.
Continue reading →Several friends pointed me at this excellent article that differentiates the terms “nerd” and “geek”, as I circulated it among various nerds and geeks, I got this picture in response: Let me first pull a few salient points from the … Continue reading →
The news that the Obama administration seized millions of ordinary Americans’ phone records for some undisclosed reason has everybody stumped. We thought we would each do a reaction to the story and then select the best one to post. We … Continue reading →
Very few of you likely know that our staid, dependable, eleven-foot, time-travelling robot, GorT, had a brief déclassé film career. Sure, you all know about his headliner role with Michael Rennie and Patricia Neal in The Day the Earth Stood … Continue reading →
An ode to all the Gormogon moms—living, deceased, or otherwise—all over time and space. You know who you are. M is for the Myriad and Manifold ways you taught us world domination.O is for the Onichophagy you beat out of … Continue reading →
Castle Gormogon survived its first softball practice last night, and one would be shocked to learn we weren’t that bad; but not nearly as shocked one would be if we had a second practice. Indeed, if there were indeed any … Continue reading →
To: The Czar, The Mandarin, Confucius, GorT and Puter From: Dr. J. Re: Spring Break Dear Dread Colleagues: Clan J. is headed to the Eastern Palace for some R&R as New Atlantis is enjoying spring break this week. Czar, please … Continue reading →
By now, you have all seen Confucius’* post about the 265th Gormogon Papal Conclave Lottery. The Czar has participated in almost 70 of these, and certainly it can be hard to choose among them. So the Czar has put together … Continue reading →
Cardinal Stan T. Mannot available for selection Hey, kids, it’s that time again! Time for the 265th Gormogon Papal Conclave Lottery. We may be pulling the strings behind world events, but we let you ignorantly guess as to the outcomes … Continue reading →
Dr. J. saw our friends over at IMAO link to this on teh twitterz this morning: New blog post: Pluto’s moons goo.gl/fb/ywlzO— Frank J. Fleming (@IMAO_) February 13, 2013 Apparently we have observed that the flagship Dwarf Planet Pluto (the 9th … Continue reading →
Correspondent Mark Spahn, of West Seneca, New York, writes in with a discovery that is certain to amaze you more than it amazed him…because he is crafty and careful by nature. Hello Czar, Synchronicity! A few minutes ago, I read … Continue reading →
In keeping with the holiday theme here at the Castle, your Mandarin has decided to decorate the lab. May you have a wonderful Christmas and a blessed New Year! The MandarinThe Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order … Continue reading →
One of the best parts about Castle Gormogon is you never know what anybody is up to individually. So you could, for example, walk through the solarium and find this going on: And your Czar has no idea who is … Continue reading →
Our apologies folks, apparently Dat Ho or Sleestak let ‘Puter roam free past the Leapin’ Peacock and he ended up on a four day bender. Apparently somewhere around the 47th hour, he was on Mars trying to get the rover … Continue reading →
Dunno if it was the holiday or the travels, but the Czar got a little behind in his mail. Not sure whose behind it was, though. It was pretty bloody. First, in order of appearance, is Nightfly, who confesses: O … Continue reading →
No, we didn’t forget. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia … Continue reading →
Alert and poised-for-instant-Kung Fu-action operative MS writes in: Your most illustrious majesty: I watched only the first 10 minutes or so of last night’s debate before I was able to discern its rough course: Dear Leader: “This nation/me (priority frequently … Continue reading →
Long-time operative BG carefully stacked millions of sugar cubes and left this message spelled out on the Castle driveway before the ants ruined it: The Czar’s post regarding the unfortunate visit from his college roommate struck a chord here; I … Continue reading →
The Czar might once in a while feel nostalgic, and indulge himself on some of his favorite essays. Here are three we wrote some time ago, and feel were pretty decently done. Have you read them? Public Service Message about … Continue reading →
GorT, Sr. enjoyed this earlier post and GorT has been busy so I’ve been lax in posting these. First, let’s show how 2 equals 3: and now, -1 equals 1: Witness the mighty power of the Gormogons!!! GorTGorT is an … Continue reading →
Just some administrivia. We get lots of letters, and we try to respond to all of them. Because we do not have a Ron Paul 2012 comments section, an email is the best way to get hold of us. We … Continue reading →
Man, you people get so needy. All right. By popular demand, we have added a second series of MiniFigures for your Castle Gormogon sets! Die-hard fans will be certain to gouge other people’s eyes out in order to get their … Continue reading →
Admit it! Wouldn’t you sometimes rather act out your own Gormogon posts, rather than read the ones we actually put here? Seriously, don’t you just want to go all ‘Puter on NPR once in a while? Or have the Czar … Continue reading →
Behold, the square root of eleventy.Look upon it and despair! Today, The Czar, English major and Castle Grammarian, wrote: 5. There is no square root of eleventy. Now correct Dr. J. if he is wrong (specifically Dr. J. is asking … Continue reading →
Researchers tracking the potential crash site for Amelia Earhart’s plane. The popular theory is that she and her navigator, Fred Noonan, ran out of fuel over the Pacific Ocean as they were heading towards Howland Island. A contrary theory is … Continue reading →
Czar has trained a small army of ninjawombats to strike fear into the heartsof his enemies. Secondarily, Czar useshis wombat army to deliver messagesto ‘Puter. Cubical poop? Really? Ouch. When not abusing various mood-altering substances, we denizens of Castle Gormogon … Continue reading →
Fantastic work by GorT on the statistical analysis of our writings. The Czar is bemused when looking at his own word cloud that “DON” appears there in the far right. To wear? A mafia figurehead? A Spanish lord? Ameche? Curious, … Continue reading →
GorT loves him some math and statistics. So I felt it was time to run the numbers on our corner of the internet here. The numbers are based on a snapshot of the blog from a few days ago. I … Continue reading →
It is sort of inevitable. Don’t say you didn’t roll your eyes a little. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, … Continue reading →
Thank you for your attention. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all … Continue reading →
GorT is taking a break from the six 11 to 15 year olds in the house and retreated to the palacial master bedroom suite (which GorT replicant #3 tried to lay claim to upon arrival) to check up on teh … Continue reading →
This is the closest image ‘Puter could locateto show the true beauty of his first car. In or about 1985, the State of Maryland (“America in Miniature“**) issued ‘Puter his driver’s license. From that fateful day forward, ‘Puter was unleashed … Continue reading →
Hey, lucky readers! Know what can be even more fun than reading the Czar? Hearing a faithful reading of one his posts! Check out, and continue to check in with, the folks at Own the Narrative, in which they read … Continue reading →
Well, here is a total surprise. Most of us thought Uncle Jay walked off the edge of the world, but here he is, writing us this message: Most Dread & Awful, I’ve been quite busy of late, and due to … Continue reading →
As is well known (indeed, advertised at left), the Gormogons are working tirelessly—though obviously none too effectively—for the imprisonment of Esperanto speakers, for reasons that are largely above you minions’ security clearance. The Czar suggests one here, but is he … Continue reading →
The Czar knows what hundreds of you are thinking. “Hey Dread, we love that you print full letters and emails and communiques from some really smart people. Well, I’m smart too, and once in a while, I wish several hundred … Continue reading →
…to jump in on inter-Gormogon activities. However, Reader SO decided to test the waters so to speak regarding this post with the following: Dear GorTechie, I noticed that the attachment on the latest Interoffice Memo was in the Excel 97-2003 … Continue reading →
To: ‘PuterFrom: GorTCc: MandyRe: Grenade Fishing and Solar Activity Dear ‘Puter: You’ll be glad to know that the Mandarin and I have been able to heat up the moat so you can begin your grenade fishing activities. The moat seems … Continue reading →
Operative MC etches this secret message into a single oatmeal flake and slipped it into the Czar’s breakfast. It turned up the following morning. A STFU gun!Yeah, the “Japanese” invented it, wink wink nudge nudge, say no more. I love … Continue reading →
Czar, you ask. Any videos from around the Castle? Absolutely. Here is the Czar’s very own Auntie Gruesome entertaining the kids at a birthday party, circa 1961. Castle décor has not changed much. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, … Continue reading →
How you document your donut eating says even more about you than your choice of donut… h/t – Some friend of a friend on Facebook. Dr. J.
Continue reading →This missive arrived by bicycle courier from Operative JS regarding yesterday’s required reading assignment: Dear Dr. J, I don’t think you’ve been there long enough to tell us what to read. YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD!!!1! God Bless, J S … Continue reading →
Welcome 2012! The Gormogons are looking forward to an exciting and brand new year. While I remain generally unimpressed by any of our leaders or potential leaders – something, as I’ve stated in the past, that I believe to be … Continue reading →
Merry Christmas. It is a beautiful morning, no matter what. The Gormogons are very excited, and you can see us all gathered around the tree opening our gifts. Your Œcumenical Volgi, or 孔夫子, for those who came in late, or … Continue reading →
The final day of our calendar brings up the door to these charities: The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (one of ‘Puter’s picks)The Christian Foundation for Children and Aging (GorT frequents this charity)The Holy Land Christian Ecumenical Foundation (also a pick … Continue reading →
Continuing our advent calendar charity doors, today’s door is to the following charities: The Military Order of the Purple Heart (one of the Czar’s picks)Paralyzed Veterans of America (favored by the Mandarin) For those who like contributing to other charities … Continue reading →
We’re in the final stretch of the advent season and it is a time to be generous. Generous with your spirit, your hospitality and your charity. So today’s advent door is a door into some of the charities that your … Continue reading →
Rounding out the third pass through the castle of the advent calendar is Dat Ho – who has been enjoying his mini-hibachi grill down in the basement. He opened his door and unfolded a small shirt and held it up. … Continue reading →
Today was GorT’s turn to open a door on the advent calendar and while the treat was more along the lines of the traditional advent calendars, I still seem to feel like someone in the castle is snickering. GorTGorT is … Continue reading →
The Gormogons love us some grilled meat. A number of us like showing off our grill skills. The Czar got really excited when he saw the day 19 gift. He’s already fully assembled it and started making dinner for all … Continue reading →
The Gormogons aren’t into flashy jewelry. However, when it’s a piece of functional jewelry, eyebrows get raised. So the Mandarin had to immediately try on his new ring and give it a whirl. I think Dat Ho will be ok, … Continue reading →
The Volgi is old….school. Well, old too. So, he was happy opening today’s door on the calendar and getting his gift: It is nostalgic for him while functional as it has a 3-CD loader. He has already loaded up all … Continue reading →
Sometimes the items behind the advent calendar doors are just random and defy explanation. Maybe Dr. J will actually make use of his gift today: Then again, he’ll have to keep Mandy’s hands off them. GorTGorT is an eight-foot-tall robot … Continue reading →
Traditionally, advent calendars are small and have tiny candies behind each door – usually chocolates. ‘Puter might have been disappointed at first that these were not real but rather chocolate, he got over it quickly and actually found a way … Continue reading →
Dat Ho has been on his best behavior: cleaning up the carcasses on the shores of the moat after ‘Puter’s grenade fishing, helping the Mandy and Czar back to their respective rooms after late nights at the Leaping Peacock, dusting … Continue reading →
Lucky me! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! Day 13 is GorT’s second turn at opening an advent calendar door. A number of the Gormogons are early birds (and we get plenty of worms), particularly GorT and ‘Puter whose body clocks … Continue reading →
So how popular is this site? More importantly, how cool are you for reading it? The answer is very cool. In fact, take the day off, and never be afraid to tell someone off because you read this site, and … Continue reading →
The Czar camped out all night watching the calendar just to make sure that a repeat of day 5 didn’t occur. So, a ragged-looking, spear-carrying Czar slowly opened the door on day 12 of the advent calendar to reveal: He … Continue reading →
Like many of you, the Gormogons get busy this time of year. Office parties, tree trimming, cookie exchanges (one of ‘Puter’s favorites)…etc. So it wasn’t until late tonight when all of us could watch Mandy pry open the doors for … Continue reading →
Mandy finally got the Volgi to stop pushing those huge blocks about the castle. Periodically, you’d hear: thuuuump. Thuuump. Thuuuump. And you’d look out your door and the Volgi had lined up several blocks to spell some message in 2′ … Continue reading →
As you know, the Castle welcomes hundreds of visitors a year. Many of them make it back home safely. Internet boulevardier Uncle Jay mentioned that his Golden Horde (well, we think he said “hordes”) was going to lay seige at … Continue reading →
Our resident doctor had to get up early for rounds today, so when we made it to the common room, he left a kind note saying that he’s very excited to try out his new gift today as he started … Continue reading →
So it’s back to the top of the rotation and ‘Puter is all a twitter (seriously, go follow us on twitter…he is all a-twitter) with opening the next door. He was a little disappointed that the door was substantially smaller … Continue reading →
As ‘Puter may have mentioned once or twice before, he’s an attorney working in house at a boutique financial company. Some have referred to ‘Puter’s company’s niche as a vulture fund, but that’s for another day. More to the point … Continue reading →
Better late than never. All was quiet for there was one more denizen of the castle to open a door before we head back to the top of the rotation – Dat Ho. Well, he’s been lying low since the … Continue reading →
Well, yes, it’s rolled around to you-know-who – GorT. I’m never in much of a rush. Heck, when you can time-travel, why does it matter, right? So I’m a bit later in the day today posting about my token advent … Continue reading →
Each morning the Czar sits patiently in the corner of the group as others open their advent calendar, but the look on his face tells the tale – he wants it to be his turn so bad that someone’s going … Continue reading →
The Mandy has been patiently waiting for his turn to open a door and sure enough, he drew day 4 of advent. They were a bit smaller than what he expected after a car and huge Chinese toy blocks but … Continue reading →
The Volgi drew Day 3 on the advent calendar. He’s not one to get up early so the rest of us waited for him to come down to the Castle common room. He excitedly opened the four-foot doors on the … Continue reading →
Dr. J was the next lucky draw to open the next door on our 30-story advent calendar (I told you, we like gifts and small chocolates just ain’t gonna cut it). He was dancing around like a little schoolkid. So … Continue reading →
The advent calendar started with German Lutherans who would physically count down the days to Christmas starting on December 1st. It has morphed into the modern ones which are traditionally cardboard/plastic frames with small doors that are opened on each … Continue reading →
