The Czar and Volgi were kicking around in the Castle Rumpus room late last week and decided that they’d do some sprucing up of the place. Their first target? The website. After hours and hours of beating their heads against … Continue reading →
Click to embiggen… GorTGorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including … Continue reading →
Today, thanks to time travel, we were able to hold our First Annual Turkey Contest yesterday. And the results were about what you would expect. As you know, all of us Gormogons are superlative cooks in at least one area … Continue reading →
Hi, I’m William Devane. Years ago the Czar told me to invest in land. Well, I did…and I did very well. But now it’s time to buy Gormogon Gold. So much financial craziness in the world today – governments trying … Continue reading →
A classic, written by the Mandarin, in 2010. We had a beautiful Halloween over at the Castle, much like we do every day. The kids came by in good numbers, which we’re happy to see again. We all took turns … Continue reading →
Frequent readers of this site will know that a number of us Gormogons are fans of Thomas Sowell. Well, his brilliance has rubbed off – read his piece here in full (select excerpts below) – and if you go back … Continue reading →
The Gormogons all took the Pew Research “News IQ Quiz” and the results are below. Keeping in mind Winston Churchill’s statement, “The biggest argument against democracy is a 5-minute conversation with the average voter” one wonders if part of the … Continue reading →
This post is to be a surprise for @MbernadetteE, so for goodness’ sake, don’t tell her about it. But the Gormogons have elected to each purchase her a present for her and @BrianGriffiths in celebration of their engagement and, one … Continue reading →
Something special for our 5th anniversary? How about a picture we have not uploaded before? Here you are! This is us on the National Mallsee the Lincoln Memorial?we took back in 1994. From left, theres Sleestak, Ghettoputer F.X. Gormogon, GorTechie … Continue reading →
Dr. J.’s opined in the past regarding realignment. And yet, the NHL saw fit to re-realign their teams. Here are new match-ups: First and foremost, Dr. J. likes that his beloved Flyers are in the same division as the hated … Continue reading →
The friendly staff here at Gormogons.com (which you really should visit) would like to correct some items from previous posts. In a recent post dealing with liberalism, we indicated that Mr. Tuck Pointer, 42, of Deer Lick Falls was a … Continue reading →
Several friends pointed me at this excellent article that differentiates the terms “nerd” and “geek”, as I circulated it among various nerds and geeks, I got this picture in response: Let me first pull a few salient points from the … Continue reading →
The news that the Obama administration seized millions of ordinary Americans’ phone records for some undisclosed reason has everybody stumped. We thought we would each do a reaction to the story and then select the best one to post. We … Continue reading →
An ode to all the Gormogon moms—living, deceased, or otherwise—all over time and space. You know who you are. M is for the Myriad and Manifold ways you taught us world domination.O is for the Onichophagy you beat out of … Continue reading →
So there is a news story going around celebrating today as the 20th anniversary of the first public website: http://info.cern.ch/hypertext/WWW/TheProject.html I’m sure the link is getting slammed (slashdotted for those in the know), but I wouldn’t waste my time. It’s … Continue reading →
Castle Gormogon survived its first softball practice last night, and one would be shocked to learn we weren’t that bad; but not nearly as shocked one would be if we had a second practice. Indeed, if there were indeed any … Continue reading →
In keeping with the holiday theme here at the Castle, your Mandarin has decided to decorate the lab. May you have a wonderful Christmas and a blessed New Year! The MandarinThe Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order … Continue reading →
One of the best parts about Castle Gormogon is you never know what anybody is up to individually. So you could, for example, walk through the solarium and find this going on: And your Czar has no idea who is … Continue reading →
Four more years…of the same old crap. Fox News just called Ohio for President Obama, and with it, the 2012 campaign. What we saw tonight was an incumbent President re-elected, albeit with less support from the electorate. Furthermore, it appears … Continue reading →
Alert and poised-for-instant-Kung Fu-action operative MS writes in: Your most illustrious majesty: I watched only the first 10 minutes or so of last night’s debate before I was able to discern its rough course: Dear Leader: “This nation/me (priority frequently … Continue reading →
Man, you people get so needy. All right. By popular demand, we have added a second series of MiniFigures for your Castle Gormogon sets! Die-hard fans will be certain to gouge other people’s eyes out in order to get their … Continue reading →
Admit it! Wouldn’t you sometimes rather act out your own Gormogon posts, rather than read the ones we actually put here? Seriously, don’t you just want to go all ‘Puter on NPR once in a while? Or have the Czar … Continue reading →
It is sort of inevitable. Don’t say you didn’t roll your eyes a little. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, … Continue reading →
The Gormogon influences are felt wide and far. We’ve demonstrated such in various ages and cultures. For those disbelievers, witness two pieces of evidence: First, coming out of the second Tron movie, Disney has created a Tron cartoon. I have … Continue reading →
Hey, lucky readers! Know what can be even more fun than reading the Czar? Hearing a faithful reading of one his posts! Check out, and continue to check in with, the folks at Own the Narrative, in which they read … Continue reading →
Well, here is a total surprise. Most of us thought Uncle Jay walked off the edge of the world, but here he is, writing us this message: Most Dread & Awful, I’ve been quite busy of late, and due to … Continue reading →
The always engaging Borepatch writes this on a bullet which he fired through one of our windows last night. And this morning, he showed up at the Castle asking for his bullet back. Times being what they are, etc. Dread … Continue reading →
To: The CzarFrom: Dr. J.Re: Your recent post on Primary VotingDear The Czar: Thank you very much for your primer on how to vote in the primaries in the post-incumbency era. I would like to add one point. When you … Continue reading →
Operative MC etches this secret message into a single oatmeal flake and slipped it into the Czar’s breakfast. It turned up the following morning. A STFU gun!Yeah, the “Japanese” invented it, wink wink nudge nudge, say no more. I love … Continue reading →
Just more evidence of the clobbering weight of our influence. Someone here puts out a grammatically incorrect poll (“Whom do you like?”), and most of you all indicate you would like a different candidate than the three and a half … Continue reading →
Merry Christmas. It is a beautiful morning, no matter what. The Gormogons are very excited, and you can see us all gathered around the tree opening our gifts. Your Œcumenical Volgi, or 孔夫子, for those who came in late, or … Continue reading →
So how popular is this site? More importantly, how cool are you for reading it? The answer is very cool. In fact, take the day off, and never be afraid to tell someone off because you read this site, and … Continue reading →
As you know, the Castle welcomes hundreds of visitors a year. Many of them make it back home safely. Internet boulevardier Uncle Jay mentioned that his Golden Horde (well, we think he said “hordes”) was going to lay seige at … Continue reading →
A very happy and most wonderful Thanksgiving from all of us at the Castle (well, maybe not the Tcho-Tchos). As many of you know, Thanksgiving is the Czar’s favorite holiday; even better than the Feast of Zdravgul, which we celebrated … Continue reading →
A schoolmate posted this on his Facebook page: …and because Dr. J. can’t get this song out of his head, you must suffer with him. Dr. J.
Continue reading →Hah hah! Well, the funny thing about science is that sometimes it’s supposed to go wrong. Otherwise you don’t learn anything. Why, even us Gormogons learn from our mistakes. Anyway, this is very likely going to go away without a … Continue reading →
So now the Germans are getting into the satellite crashing business. Many people are wondering what on earth is bringing down all these satellites? Our readers, of course, are not wondering at all. And many of you have sent emails … Continue reading →
Operative JT sends in proof of the Gormogons’s insidious plan to slowly assimilate your dessert foodstuffs. See how the remaining cupcakes cower in fear from the onslaught of our avatar, Hello Kitty! There is no place, in any dimension or … Continue reading →
Today marks the first anniversary of ‘Puter’s L4-L5 microdiscetomy. ‘Puter would like to take a moment from his usual ranty snark to give sincere thanks for the skill of his surgeon and his entire medical team. ‘Puter would also like … Continue reading →
Special Operative Extraordinary (sorry, that should read extra-ordinary) MC has been stationed up on the Mandarin’s orbiting mind control satellite changing the oil, and notified us that the webcam we put on there has been compromised. Suppose ‘Puter let Dat … Continue reading →
Today was a special day. While ‘Puter and Dr. J are running the Castle, the Czar was happy to host GorT, the Mandarin, and the 孔夫子, the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV) here at the Czar’s dacha in Muscovy. Actually, … Continue reading →
And in the dark corners of the Castle dungeons, whispers and hissing did slip through the dank air. Faces, barely lit by flickering candlelight, would lean in from the gloom only to fade back into shadow. Antient and eldritch words, … Continue reading →
A typical email, but one we chose because it seems really flattering: Do my eyes deceive me, or is there new wallpaper in the background on the blog? What is it, and who picked it out? It looks very nice … Continue reading →
Gormogon art director BL just sent the Czar a picture he found in an antique shop not far from our castle. The Czar has elected not to print it, not merely because it is borderline NSFW, as the hipsters say, … Continue reading →
Don’t forget, friends, to follow us on Twitter! It’s free. And easy. Remember: If all you do is read us here, you’re missing out on half the jokes. Or at least, most of the jokes that are 140 characters or … Continue reading →
Well, the Gormogons decided to take a quick day trip (and thanks to GorT, that covers a couple weeks) and visit the Big Apple. Manhattan had quite a lot of snow, but nothing we are not very used to. In … Continue reading →
For those of you awake around 1:33am tomorrow morning (21st), there is a lunar eclipse. Eh, so what, you might say. Well, it is the first time in 372 years that the lunar eclipse falls on the winter solstice. Plus … Continue reading →
Sssh. Do not tell. The Czar has completed his Christmas shopping for the others. Fortunately, as you know, they do not actually read the Czar’s posts, so we can be quite safe here. For GorT, the Czar got him one … Continue reading →
Hey, the Gormogons are very happy you are here visiting with us today. You all come here literally by the thousands. And many of you probably wonder how real the emails are that we get (see numerous examples below). Actually, … Continue reading →
…from the Gormogons! (from left to right, the Mandarin, GorTechie, the Œcumenical Volgi (id est, 孔夫子, The Notorious ŒV), the Czar of Muscovy, and Ghettoputer Gormogon. Taking the photo, and not in the picture, is Sleestak (one of the few … Continue reading →
We received this email in regards to airport screening: Here’s a solution to all of the controversy over the full-body scanners now being introduced at major airports. What is needed is a reinforced booth that you can step into that … Continue reading →
BG, as a reward for his hard work on our subatomic miniaturizer project, was given Election Day off; he writes in with some election coverage thoughts: Dread Gormogons – I’m planning to watch MSNBC’s election night coverage because I want … Continue reading →
From the upcoming Gormogon Book of Riddles, in which we each try to compile our favorite riddles and share them with the readers. Yes, you know you will be telling these to your co-minions at the water cooler tomorrow, even … Continue reading →
Dread lords, I stumbled on this today and spit out my elixir vitae… http://dowlingduncan.com/dowling-duncan-redesign-us-bank-notes/ and then linked to http://richardsmith.posterous.com/tag/dollarredeign The idea of redesigning our money to look like Euro-monopoly money, and putting the face of SAT reading comprehension section favorite … Continue reading →
GorT is on a special mission to the Pacific Northwest. Had to take care of the faux vampires here and investigate the weather patterns. Finally, I might catch a bit of this. More reports coming soon. Of course, I have … Continue reading →
Dearest readers: The Gormogons are pleased to announce that we are mere days away from GCon MMX. As you ticket holders know, we will be meeting at the Plateau of Leng this year. Festivities begin today (Thursday) at 0900 and … Continue reading →
Behold! Hello Kitty motor oil! ‘Puter suggested marketing slogan: “It’s the only lube her kitty will ever need.” And yes, it’s a real product. Courtesy of Boing Boing. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims … Continue reading →
In this post below, ‘Puter, in his inimitable fashion, returns to his comfort zone: public sector union bashing. Sweet, sweet union bashing. Can there be anything better? Anyhoo. Last night’s mail delivered a thoughtful challenge to ‘Puter’s position from Sam … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s been a bit miffed lately at the striking inability of supposedly well-educated individuals to form a quality argument. Here’s a few rules of thumb ‘Puter uses when arguing a point. Take these as you will. 1. Don’t present opinion … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s got some typically politically incorrect thoughts for your perusal today. Feel free to use them as discussion starters (or, as Czar calls them, “fighting words”) with people you meet on the street today. 1. It is not wrong (read … Continue reading →
‘Puter apologizes to his scads of loyal readers (all three of you) for being invisible around these parts lately. Not literally, like Mandarin did to those horseshoe crabs he set on Dat Ho and Sleestak to mess with their minds, … Continue reading →
Know who else was over at the Castle Gormogon today? Patrick from Popehat! He came by to borrow the Volgi’s Etruscan For Business Travelers and mentioned to us that your Czar is the best candidate for Czar: What Democratic and … Continue reading →
GorT – Remember that financial institutions are also exempt from the Do Not Call registry. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in … Continue reading →
Czar – Ah, but congress now owns General Motors and a stake in some banks and therefore I’m considering it a solicitation from either the banking industry (clearly covered by the Do Not Call list) or the automotive industry (ditto). … Continue reading →
We have successfully infiltrated mainstream media outlets such as CNN as evidenced here (note that the final push was the post here – please note the title, our mind controlling satellites are really working well) and the Washington Post as … Continue reading →
Welcome to the one year anniversary of the Gormogons. Was it really only a year ago that the brilliant and insightful posts from the characters you’ve learned (maybe painfully) to love started? As part of the one-year celebration, we’ve compiled … Continue reading →
Every ultra-secret society needs an easy-to-find website. And it is the one-year anniversary of this one! As a way of celebrating, here’s a simple user guide to most things Gormogon. Learn More About Us Although the Gormogons claim roughly five … Continue reading →
The Czar has decided, as the Mandarin says, to fire up the way-back machine. In looking over the last 12 months, we have picked up a lot of readers. For those newest readers, you can find some of our best … Continue reading →
Spotted at the Schaumburg LegoLand and intercepted by the Czar’s men who hang out there. A lot, actually. What’s that about? Anyway, look carefully at the sign and you will see how deep our influence runs. The Czar of MuscovyБожію … Continue reading →
The Mandarin journeys to the West today, allegedly due to some scrutables rumored to exist there—and if so, he shall surely inscrutalize them for us—to which end he shall not post today. Meanwhile, 孔夫子, otherwise known as your Œcumenical Volgi … Continue reading →
All right, patient friends! Tickets are now on sale for GormogoniCon 2009, and are available from any of the five of us. Fire off an email to the Gormogon of your choice (ideally one of us, as our numbers are … Continue reading →
Most of the Gomorgons are out enjoying a long holiday weekend, and the Czar came in this afternoon to discover he was in charge. Nice, because the place was left a total mess. That said, let us do a bit … Continue reading →
An update on the Czar’ picks. Nearly all the pieces are in place. Click to enlarge. Do it. Do it! The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in … Continue reading →
It pays to read all of the posts here. Why, you may ask? Because we’re right. Case in point: The Obama Administration with help from their friends in Hollywood, decided that a gift appropriate for his first meeting with the … Continue reading →
No, not the T-1000 (pictured). This post marks the Gormogons’ 1000th post. I’m a big math guy and numbers can mean (or used to mean) so many different things. We’re averaging 4.44 posts per day (all quality, no fluff). I’ll … Continue reading →
The Gormogons have said it before, but it bears repeating. We wish soon to be President Obama the best. We support him because he is the duly elected leader of our country. We hope he can effectively address the many … Continue reading →
While cleaning out the dungeon — er, basement — ‘Puter came upon this picture of the Gormogons during their formative years together at the High School That Shall Not Be Named. The other two met with unfortunate accidents. ‘Puter’s the … Continue reading →
