↓
 

The Gormogons

Home→Categories Holidays

Category Archives: Holidays

Our Resolutions for 2014

The Gormogons Posted on January 1, 2014 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

What are your revolutions resolutions for the New Year? No, don’t write in with them, because none of us really care. That was our resolution for 2013, which we mostly upheld. The Volgi: He resolves to be less rococo and … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Holidays

Holiday Discussions

The Gormogons Posted on December 27, 2013 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Well as much as President Obama and #PajamaBoy wanted us to talk about Health Care over the holidays, GorT and his friends and family didn’t touch the subject (aside from the brief jokes about how bad the rollout is going … Continue reading →

Posted in Debate, Holidays, Liberals

For All We Have Yet To Lose

The Gormogons Posted on November 28, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Long-time readers know of the Czar’s fondness for Thanksgiving; he is pleased to hear from more and more people—including strangers—echoing the same sentiment for the same reasons: Thanksgiving is the perfect holiday. Don’t these seem like nice people? Your family … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Thanksgiving

Happy Halloween 2010!

The Gormogons Posted on October 31, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

A classic, written by the Mandarin, in 2010. We had a beautiful Halloween over at the Castle, much like we do every day. The kids came by in good numbers, which we’re happy to see again. We all took turns … Continue reading →

Posted in Best of the Gormogons, Castle Gormogon, Gormogons, Halloween, Holidays, The Inscrutable Mandarin

G5 – Best of the Gormogons – The Czar of Muscovy

The Gormogons Posted on July 20, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

As we celebrate the Fifth Anniversary of this site going public (we used to do it in pencil, it was so long ago!), each of us has been asked to post our individual favorite essay or submission over the years. … Continue reading →

Posted in Best of the Gormogons, Disaster, Gormogons Anniversary, History, Holidays, Memorial Day

Flag Day with the Czar

The Gormogons Posted on June 14, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Today, as you know, is Flag Day. Although the Czar was born several centuries ago in the steppes of Russia, he was quick to follow the progress of the American Revolution. We came to this country in 1776 and have … Continue reading →

Posted in american exceptionalism, Holidays, Patriotism, The Czar of Muscovy

Memorial Year

The Gormogons Posted on May 28, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Island Dweller condemns us all to a fiery future with today’s letter, which arrived yesterday but we were too busy being busy: Your majesty: Today is (legally) Memorial Day. I have not as yet seen any postings on your site … Continue reading →

Posted in Borepatch, Holidays, Island Dweller, Mailbag, Memorial Day, U.S. Army, U.S. Navy, United States Air Force, United States Marine Corps

Predictions and Postdictions

The Gormogons Posted on January 1, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

2012 was quite the year, and we certainly hope 2013 is much easier, fruitful, and relaxing for you. It won’t be, by a long shot, but we can hope regardless. Meantime, as we sit between disasters, let us look back … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Predictions

Spend Christmas Eve With the Czar!

The Gormogons Posted on December 24, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

 Greetings. cretins! Today is Рождественский сочельник, or Christmas Eve. This is a big deal for people with Slavic blood; in fact, outsiders might think that Christmas Eve is a bigger deal than Christmas Day for Slavs. This is understandable: Christmas … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Merry Christmas, Mrs. The Czar, The Czar, The Czar of Muscovy

More Mandarin Experiments

The Gormogons Posted on September 17, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

The Mandarin is releasing some more of his weird experiments on animals. Note for the squeamish: this is almost two minutes long, but the minute oughta give you a sense of the whole thing. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію … Continue reading →

Posted in Animal Attacks, Animal Husbandry, Holidays, The Mandarin

Your Independence Day Blessing

The Gormogons Posted on July 4, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014
Continue reading →
Posted in Declaration of Independence, Gormogons, Holidays, Independence Day

Triumph

The Gormogons Posted on April 8, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

It is a beautiful day, probably, where you are, and you should not be loitering about the Castle, regardless of your faith. But if you must read something, please read Borepatch’s essay, “Triumph,” which has one of the best interdenominational … Continue reading →

Posted in Borepatch, Easter, Holidays

2 Truths About Kwanzaa No One Will Admit

The Gormogons Posted on January 4, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

The Czar may be an iconoclast and rainer of parades, but a jerk he is often not. The Czar is not at all opposed to Kwanzaa, which ended a day or two ago, but would suggest that its year is … Continue reading →

Posted in Africa, African Colonialism, Black America, Holidays

Resolving

The Gormogons Posted on January 2, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

With everybody back at the Castle, the Czar thought he would stroll around and see what everyone was doing. And then, just like that, the Czar thought he would poll around about New Year’s resolutions. We wandered down to the … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Dr. J., GorT, Holidays, Personal Responsibility, The Czar of Muscovy, The Mandarin, Volgi, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

Fare Thee Well, 2011; And Get Thee Lost

The Gormogons Posted on January 1, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

The Czar will not laud 2011. For many personal reasons too dark and dank to list on this happy site, it really was a lousy year for him and his family, and nearly all of his friends and relations. Too … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays

Merry Christmas, and We Mean Everyone!

The Gormogons Posted on December 25, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Merry Christmas. It is a beautiful morning, no matter what. The Gormogons are very excited, and you can see us all gathered around the tree opening our gifts. Your Œcumenical Volgi, or 孔夫子, for those who came in late, or … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Friend of Gormogons, Gormogon Operatives, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Holidays, Merry Christmas, Minions

Christmas Is Coming

The Gormogons Posted on December 24, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Uncle Jay finds this gem. A Terry Gilliam salute to Christmas cards. Surprisingly fun for the whole family. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes … Continue reading →

Posted in Cartoons, Holidays, Merry Christmas

Happy Thanksgiving to All

The Gormogons Posted on November 24, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

A very happy and most wonderful Thanksgiving from all of us at the Castle (well, maybe not the Tcho-Tchos). As many of you know, Thanksgiving is the Czar’s favorite holiday; even better than the Feast of Zdravgul, which we celebrated … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Castle Gormogon, Dr. J., Gormogons, GorT, Holidays, Thanksgiving, The Czar of Muscovy, The Mandarin, Volgi

Be Up To The Task, America

The Gormogons Posted on July 4, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Today is often called America’s birthday, which is correct on so many levels, but yet not enough—because it is our birthday as well: yours, ours, the guy next door, the kid dribbling the soccer ball in the field, and the … Continue reading →

Posted in Americans, Holidays, Hooray, Independence Day

Flag Day: Know Your Flag

The Gormogons Posted on June 15, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Today is Flag Day, and like many of us at the Big G, the Czar ensures that on nearly every day of the year, his flag is up and flying. When the flag really begins to fray and fall apart, … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays

Why We Remember

The Gormogons Posted on May 30, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

No possible additional comment. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Memorial Day

Memorial Day Grilling

The Gormogons Posted on May 29, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Ordinarily, on a holiday like Memorial Day, you get a lecture about how good you have it, and how you should be remembering all those lost lives rather than going out and partying. Not this year, though. Instead, with this … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, The Czar of Muscovy, Volgi, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

Happy Easter! חג פסח שמח Too!

The Gormogons Posted on April 24, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

From your pals at the Castle. Our plans for world oppression and domination will pause, briefly, today out of respect. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in … Continue reading →

Posted in Easter, Holidays, Passover

Happy Purim, a little belatedly, from the Gormogons.

The Gormogons Posted on March 21, 2011 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.April 7, 2014

Hope it was a good time. Cute song: Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. www.gormogons.com

Continue reading →
Posted in Club Gormogon, Holidays, Humor, Jews

Two-Thousand and Eleven

The Gormogons Posted on January 1, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

The Big G wishes you, your friends, and your family a very happy and prosperous new year. We should start the day off right with a list of predictions for 2011. Anyone interested in betting against these? The President will … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Predictions

Happy Thanksgiving 2010

The Gormogons Posted on November 25, 2010 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

…from the Gormogons! (from left to right, the Mandarin, GorTechie, the Œcumenical Volgi (id est, 孔夫子, The Notorious ŒV), the Czar of Muscovy, and Ghettoputer Gormogon. Taking the photo, and not in the picture, is Sleestak (one of the few … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Holidays, Thanks

Guest Post: MS on Veterans Day

The Gormogons Posted on November 11, 2010 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

From Gormogon reader MS: Today is a special day indeed for those of us who have worn our nation’s uniform and were blessed enough to survive doing so. Many of our compatriots were not so blessed and today we honor … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Mailbag

Rimshot.

The Gormogons Posted on October 31, 2010 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.April 7, 2014

Happy Halloween. (Yeah, it’s not new…) Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. www.gormogons.com

Continue reading →
Posted in Bob Hope, Halloween, Holidays

Happy Halloween…

The Gormogons Posted on October 31, 2010 by The MandarinApril 7, 2014

We had a beautiful Halloween over at the Castle, much like we do every day. The kids came by in good numbers, which we’re happy to see again. We all took turns manning the door (or, in GorT’s case, monitoring). … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Halloween, Holidays, Nancy Pelosi

JR Writes In…

The Gormogons Posted on August 10, 2010 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Far be it from me to criticize your wiseness-ness, but dude, at least fact check against wikipedia or something before you post howlers like this: “And note the timing of Abernathy’s book. 1989 was a point in time when folk … Continue reading →

Posted in Dr. King, Holidays, Mea Culpa

Christmas Lights

The Gormogons Posted on November 22, 2009 by GorTNovember 22, 2009

Given the good weather here in the DC area, GorT and family decided it was time to hang up the Christmas lights.  Mind you, we’re not turning them on until after Thanksgiving (a family rule – 1 holiday at a … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Merry Christmas

!גמר חתימה טובה

The Gormogons Posted on September 27, 2009 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.September 27, 2009

To all our Jewish readers. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. www.gormogons.com

Continue reading →
Posted in Book of Life, Holidays, Judaism

RE: ’Scuse me, 官 [Updated]

The Gormogons Posted on September 8, 2009 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.September 8, 2009

Ah sō des’ ne, as those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders say. Silly me, I was still calling it “September Eleventh.” I had no idea it had been Day-ified. Update: Ok, so I’ve been thinking about this for way too long. Shouldn’t … Continue reading →

Posted in 9/11, Holidays

Happy Mother’s Day

The Gormogons Posted on May 10, 2009 by The Czar of MuscovyMay 10, 2009

From all Gormogons to all our readers around the world. Happy Mother’s Day. To all our moms, grandmoms, step-moms, foster moms, mothers-in-law, godmothers, and all those, living or gone, who took care of us. Where would we be without you … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Mother's Day

Really Bad Parking Lots

The Gormogons Posted on November 27, 2008 by GorTNovember 27, 2008

Ah, Thanksgiving. The time for gorging ourselves*, bantering with relatives, watching and maybe playing football, and shopping (unless one can avoid it). In preparation for the upcoming holiday (we need to bring the pumpkin pie) and the pending move-in to … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Insanity, Parking Lots

Sleestak’s Letter To His Mommy

The Gormogons Posted on May 13, 1990 by The Czar of MuscovyMay 13, 1990

Well, as you know, Sleestak mostly communicates by hissing noises, and it was years before ‘Puter even realized he had an accent. But over time, we learned to communicate a fair bit with him, and today, on this Mother’s Day, … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Holidays, Mother's Day, Sleestak

Happy 200th, America!

The Gormogons Posted on July 4, 1976 by The Czar of MuscovyJuly 4, 1976

The Czar wandered about the Castle and asked how each of us would be celebrating the Bicenennial of our first Independence Day. Ghettoputer was planning on throwing hand grenades into the fishing pond. There is evidently a bass of significant … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Independence Day

Visitor’s Guide

About Us

A secret society dedicated to the restoration of the Kingdom of Poland-Lithuania, the imprisonment of Esperanto speakers, and furthering the eschatological doctrine of the Return from Occultation of the Thirteenth Imam, Val Kilmer. Seriously, what happened to that guy? He was awesome in Tombstone. ایمام سیزدهم

Scribble, scribble…

To contact your hosts and pledge your undying obedience, e-mail dr.j, gort, puter, theczar, themandarin or thenotoriousoev followed by the at sign, gormogons, then a ., and finally, com.

De Gormogonorum Mysteriis

Archives

  • July 2024
  • July 2023
  • February 2023
  • August 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • March 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • May 2010
  • April 2010
  • March 2010
  • February 2010
  • January 2010
  • December 2009
  • November 2009
  • October 2009
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • June 2009
  • May 2009
  • April 2009
  • March 2009
  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • January 2000
  • September 1999
  • July 1998
  • May 1998
  • September 1997
  • August 1997
  • July 1997
  • February 1997
  • September 1996
  • August 1996
  • September 1995
  • May 1995
  • July 1994
  • April 1994
  • March 1994
  • February 1994
  • October 1993
  • March 1992
  • May 1990
  • September 1988
  • December 1986
  • September 1981
  • September 1979
  • May 1977
  • July 1976
  • May 1972
  • December 1970
  • August 1970
©2025 - The Gormogons - Weaver Xtreme Theme
↑
Manage Cookie Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}