It’s been a while since GorT has done a mailbag dump (man, that sounds like something ‘Puter would say). Item 1 – maybe shockingly to the Czar, Borepatch writes into the silver robot with the followin: Great writeup. I completely … Continue reading →
The Czar was leafing through the Muscovy Crier the other day, looking for the police blotter so he can see which neighbors’s teens got pinched for public intoxication when he spotted a comment about local voting turnout. The Czar immediately … Continue reading →
A falcon left a dead mouse on our windowsill yesterday. As the Czar went to flick it off the sill down into the guest parking lot, the Czar noticed a small note tied to its leg. Indeed, the note read … Continue reading →
Click to make larger. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia … Continue reading →
Today, thanks to time travel, we were able to hold our First Annual Turkey Contest yesterday. And the results were about what you would expect. As you know, all of us Gormogons are superlative cooks in at least one area … Continue reading →
The boys and the Czar played an interesting little game this morning on the driveway while waiting for the school bus. The weather is quite chilly this morning—44°—so we did not spent much time doing physical activity; rather, we engaged … Continue reading →
Mark Spahn, of West Seneca, NY, writes in to advise us that he has cleverly changed positions. Not politically, but physically: (Actually, I am farther from Lackawanna than from the geospatial center of West Seneca. Adjust your cruise missile targeting … Continue reading →
The other day, we all received one of the best question we have ever received. The Czar makes this claim because all six of us were quite excited by the nature of the question: To the Gracious, Learned, Infallible, and … Continue reading →
The Czar would never have imagined writing the next sentence. We spent an enjoyable and leisurely evening building furniture yesterday. Indeed, we even left a slam-bang wonderful pool party in a well-appointed house with home-cooked Mexican and Puerto Rican food … Continue reading →
He looks nothing like that in real life. Mark Spahn, the Lord Ruler of West Seneca, New York and frequent writer took a deep interest in Dr. J.’s Thought for the Day last week, ( 子曰無欲速無見小利欲速則不達 – for anyone who wanted to … Continue reading →
Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)learned all she needed to know abouteconomic theory selling tax-free boozeand cigarettes on The Rez.Sen. Warren also claims to have watchedaghast as Gen. Whitside slaughtered herpeople at Wounded Knee Creek in 1890. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s your … Continue reading →
That won’t cause nightmares! She’s really nice in person! Gentle Readers, Thank you for celebrating our fifth blogiversary with us. This morning, when we awoke, we found six neatly wrapped presents from the Blogiversary Fairy™. The Blogiversary Fairy is a … Continue reading →
Something special for our 5th anniversary? How about a picture we have not uploaded before? Here you are! This is us on the National Mallsee the Lincoln Memorial?we took back in 1994. From left, theres Sleestak, Ghettoputer F.X. Gormogon, GorTechie … Continue reading →
Gentle Readers: One could misconstrue The Czar’s posting of the magnificent Operative BG’s transmission as him running his own version of PRISM on your other Gormogons, but the reality is that BG’s communication, like many receive is an open letter … Continue reading →
The Czar once cut off the entire left side of a guy’s body, but he’s all right now. There are some things the Czar is good at that most folks might not have expected. These include: —Dishwashing. The Czar enjoys … Continue reading →
The Czar’s first job was, well, Czar. The Czar has been around almost 750 years and in that time has learned many languages, worked on many skills, seen considerable amounts of history, and read many books. But there are some … Continue reading →
Today, as you know, is Flag Day. Although the Czar was born several centuries ago in the steppes of Russia, he was quick to follow the progress of the American Revolution. We came to this country in 1776 and have … Continue reading →
A scene from last year’s birthday celebration. Your own birthday was probably something similar. Today is the Czar’s birthday. He expects nor requires any well wishes from you types, as he is well aware how difficult it is to find … Continue reading →
By now, you all know about little Sally, our sad little dog who is scared of many things. Sally, just the cutest little Shetland Sheepdog We are big proponents of animal rescue. Not just because it saves the lives of … Continue reading →
Today, we get to know the Царевич, our 8-year-old who celebrated his birthday two days ago. The Czar and the Boy catch up with the Okhrana’s latest and woefully inept gossip. These are the stoops who told us Romney would … Continue reading →
Today we will spend a little time with the Czar’s 10-year-old. Serf’s up! Here we are waiting for the borzois to come out while our neighbors watch. As the elder of the two boys, he receives the special title Цесаревич. … Continue reading →
Today, the Czar will tell you all about his beloved Царица, who is better than a queen. A царица is like an empress, but is a much better shot. Here she is, and she is wonderful. The Царица teaches little … Continue reading →
Welcome back. The Czar has, we hope, convinced you that he is a nice enough and ordinary guy like yourself. Or girl. No, the Czar is not a nice and ordinary girl. This introduction is a total failure. All right: … Continue reading →
It gets exhausting trying to list the many ways liberals, Democrats, and progressives annoy the Czar and make life difficult for normal folks. The Czar thought he would perhaps take a break from exposing stupid people and spend some time … Continue reading →
The Czar’s mother hates to visit the dacha because we make her stay in the guest room (хижины где свинья спит когда он болен, as we call it), so Sunday we went to her place. The Czar has a cousin … Continue reading →
When Dr. J. was on the road last week, the latest AHA guidelines were published to great media fanfare. Indeed you, Gentle Reader, probably saw something in the news. Dr. J. decided to review the guidelines and share his reflections on … Continue reading →
A long distance dedication to The Czar. You may recall Dr. J.’s nickname for press secreatary Jay Carney. Well, the Mouth of Sauron™ is now a LEGO mini figure. Callou Callay, oh Frabjous Day! Dr. J.
Continue reading →The Ivory Tower’s a nice place to visit, come by, have a spot of tea. Dr. J. loved The Czar’s thoughtful analysis of Big Skool. He is right in that the tides are slowly turning as the Baby Boomers who … Continue reading →
The middle-aged Sith Lord would retort, “I won’t cut the blanket, simply cover my feet when its cold and my head when its bright. .” Dr. J. actually likes Daylight Savings Time. Your Gormogons don’t always agree with each other, … Continue reading →
‘Puter nailed this article to the Czar’s locked bedroom door, in hopes we saw it. We had not, and indeed we are creeped out a little by it…only because it was nailed to the inside of our locked door. Most … Continue reading →
As you know, the Czar was born halfway through the 13th Century and has seen much. So have his parents, who are ridiculously ancient. Anyway, his sainted parents are looking to move to a retirement community, which they should have … Continue reading →
We’re not saying where Amelia is… As far as dynasties go, the Plantagenets were certainly style over substance. Henry II contributed to codifying the law, but got away with murder. Yes, yes, we know all he said was, “I’m so … Continue reading →
Have you read Governor Bobby Jindal’s kick-in-the-pants speech from Charlotte? Read the whole thing, especially if you want to have a really good day. In the speech, Gov. Jindal lists seven things that Republicans need to do to win elections. … Continue reading →
It would have been much like this. VERY much like this: The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated … Continue reading →
Greetings. cretins! Today is Рождественский сочельник, or Christmas Eve. This is a big deal for people with Slavic blood; in fact, outsiders might think that Christmas Eve is a bigger deal than Christmas Day for Slavs. This is understandable: Christmas … Continue reading →
Our friend Fred Woodbridge (@fwoodbridge) inquired as to if your Gormogons could recommend a first aid kit. Before Dr. J. could get cracking, The Czar penned this interoffice memo: Here is what the Czar does. He goes to Wal-Mart or … Continue reading →
Dr. J. would like to follow up on The Czar’s outstanding commentaries about Europe and Syria. Regarding Europe, the ‘One World Government Utopians’ would be the first to tell you that we are destined to be a united world with … Continue reading →
Volgi’s…maybe… Dr. J.
Continue reading →Happy Thanksgiving from your Gormogon Overlords! Rather than gather in the castle feast hall, we travel to points hither and yon to break bread with family. Nevertheless, it is wondered It is often wondered what the Gormogons make for Thanksgiving Dinner: Volgi: … Continue reading →
Island Dweller writes in: Your immenseness: A carrier piegon from my esteemed associate currently in the Belly of the Beast has just landed bearing a message expressing wonderment at COMCENTCOM Allen’s prowess with a keyboard (and possibly another instrument). My … Continue reading →
Well, reader CC writes in: Hi Czar, Or is it theczar? I have been reading your blog for a couple of months now, and only just today, saw your picture. I have one question. Over your lower lip, is that … Continue reading →
Minions fighting. DT writes in: Your Magnificence, I write to you in outrage at the Island Dweller’s latest missive to Your Furriness, specifically, he refers to you as, “Your August Majesty”. I have airborne ballet-trained Myrmidons on the way to … Continue reading →
A decent Saturday afternoon. Four-and-a-half acres of wooded, private property. Decent beer. Hot dogs cooked over a five-foot fire pit. We taught a group of kids how to display and fold a flag correctly; Царевич and his buddy did the … Continue reading →
The Czar loves puppies…Dr. J. is sure he’s coveting… Dr. J. has been up to his eyeballs this week. On Sunday, we added a new member to the J. Clan. Namely Lady J. Lady J. is a Cavalier King Charles … Continue reading →
Gentle Readers, Your Gormogons are gearing up for tonight’s Halloween Party at the Castle. Dr. J. only felt it appropriate to share with you, our readers and fans, how we will be dressing for the festivities. Dr. J. your Royal … Continue reading →
Alert and poised-for-instant-Kung Fu-action operative MS writes in: Your most illustrious majesty: I watched only the first 10 minutes or so of last night’s debate before I was able to discern its rough course: Dear Leader: “This nation/me (priority frequently … Continue reading →
Long-time operative BG carefully stacked millions of sugar cubes and left this message spelled out on the Castle driveway before the ants ruined it: The Czar’s post regarding the unfortunate visit from his college roommate struck a chord here; I … Continue reading →
The Czar might once in a while feel nostalgic, and indulge himself on some of his favorite essays. Here are three we wrote some time ago, and feel were pretty decently done. Have you read them? Public Service Message about … Continue reading →
Sometimes things almost take care of themselves. You might remember the Czar complaining yesterday about one of his 46 college roommates showing up for the first time since 1922, trashing the inside and outside of the Castle, demanding to see … Continue reading →
Ever have that one guy you just cannot stand pop back into your life? The Czar has his, all right. Guess who showed up? Our old college roommate, back when we attended the Marine Academy of St. Petersburg together. Figures … Continue reading →
See, Biden was such a compelling clown last night that even Dr. J. is leading off with a Biden picture. Unlike The Czar and ‘Puter, Dr. J.’s approach to the debate was more like Joe Sixpack’s. The debate was background … Continue reading →
This reminds Dr. J. of a boutonniere he wore at his junior prom. Per The Czar’s request, Dr. J. is entering the fray regarding the Aspergillus meningitis outbreak of 2012. The Czar accurately breaks down the numbers regarding the … Continue reading →
Sometimes it is not good to be the Czar. For example, he is helping his sainted mother translate some paperwork from her father, and needless to say, penmanship was pretty bad in that century. One can hardly tell a ѣ … Continue reading →
Muscovy announced a contest some weeks ago asking every kid to write in why his or her dog is the best dog in Muscovy. Winners would receive a special prize. Sally still prefers to hide under anything she can. To … Continue reading →
Man, you people get so needy. All right. By popular demand, we have added a second series of MiniFigures for your Castle Gormogon sets! Die-hard fans will be certain to gouge other people’s eyes out in order to get their … Continue reading →
Admit it! Wouldn’t you sometimes rather act out your own Gormogon posts, rather than read the ones we actually put here? Seriously, don’t you just want to go all ‘Puter on NPR once in a while? Or have the Czar … Continue reading →
Ask and ye shall receive! The Royal Mathematician spake (speaks? spoke? spokes? Spokane?) regarding the Great Square Root of Eleventy Schism of 2012: O Bringer of the Force-Lightning: Here’s the real mathematical scoop on the square root of eleventy: Pretty … Continue reading →
Czar has trained a small army of ninjawombats to strike fear into the heartsof his enemies. Secondarily, Czar useshis wombat army to deliver messagesto ‘Puter. Cubical poop? Really? Ouch. When not abusing various mood-altering substances, we denizens of Castle Gormogon … Continue reading →
Fantastic work by GorT on the statistical analysis of our writings. The Czar is bemused when looking at his own word cloud that “DON” appears there in the far right. To wear? A mafia figurehead? A Spanish lord? Ameche? Curious, … Continue reading →
GorT loves him some math and statistics. So I felt it was time to run the numbers on our corner of the internet here. The numbers are based on a snapshot of the blog from a few days ago. I … Continue reading →
The Czar, family, and retinue has returned from a myriad purpose trip to Washington, DC, where the weather was superb (no rain while there). The Czar has been to DC innumerable times, but still has the odd spot of trouble … Continue reading →
The Czar is departing for a lengthy fact-finding trip with the whole Czar family (Царица, Царевич, and Цесаревич, too!) to Washington, DC, in hopes to discover what GorT does all day. As a result, it will indeed be a while … Continue reading →
Dr. J. took in the Amazing Spider-Man with Clan J. and the Lil Med-Student’s wacky sidekick who, unbeknown to us took in the movie a few days prior and proceeded to inform Dr. J. and the Lil MedStudent about everything … Continue reading →
It is wrong to gloat over the misfortune of another’s tragedies, but to be clear, the Czar can do anything he wants. And he is sated that Jerry Sandusky was found guilty on 45 counts. And we have some controversial … Continue reading →
This scary clown picture has nothingto do with ‘Puter’s post. Clowns justfreak ‘Puter right the heck out, so‘Puter thought he’d share. ‘Puter’s had a medical personnel filled day today as he transported ‘Puter, Jr. hither and yon to get his face … Continue reading →
The Obama Administration has clearly come to us through the looking glass. The Czar brings up, as usual, an excellent point in that when the media sees blood in the water, they, like sharks, find it hard to resist. Typically … Continue reading →
This is Jack MacRae, who is one of the coolest guys around. In addition to his skills at animal care, he teaches some superb survival courses and tells some pretty funny stories. Today is the Царевич’s seventh birthday, and he … Continue reading →
DT has found an amazing way to create a sustainable energy source using water and lawn trimmings, but that is not nearly as interesting as the message he sends the Czar: Your Czariness, This has every indication of being a … Continue reading →
The Czar was surprised when paying bills last night. Not by the amount of a bill, nor by the services rendered heretofore. Rather, the Czar’s ever-tense eyes were caught by the return envelope. The return envelope—and we still hold our … Continue reading →
Does anyone recall last year when the Czar wrote about the Цесаревич’s spectacular and politically (un)popular baseball adventure, in which his plucky band of die-hard teammates took on the well-funded and well-organized baseball team of a Very Wealthy Suburb called … Continue reading →
When Dr. J. saw this post by Kevin D. Williamson, he immediately thought of the Castle Grammarian, Torturer and Executioner, The Czar. He was quite pleased that The Czar penned something on the subject before Dr. J. awoke this morning. … Continue reading →
Dr. J., Mrs. Dr. J., the Lil Resident and Lil Med Student took in the Avengers at the local theatre on Sunday after mass. Dr. J. was looking forward to this movie for quite some time. He was not disappointed. … Continue reading →
Well, the Czar concedes that he was hoping either Dr. J. or the Mandarin would write a review for The Avengers first. Clearly, they are waiting for us to do it. First, some generalizations: Well done. Go see it. Very … Continue reading →
Actually other languages break into English’s house and leave their mark, and in the case of the Scandanavian Barbarians, twice…truth be told. Dr. J.
Continue reading →The Obama Campaign and its cyber-surrogates had a couple more twitter #fail s. Dr. J. and the Czar have both talked about how the twitter sphere is the domain of the right, while Facebook is more of a home to the left. Now … Continue reading →
Gentle Readers, Dr. J. has received a pair of missives related to his recent post on Dolores Umbridge as the fictional figurehead of the Progressive Movement. The Czar sent this interoffice memo via owl: To: Dr. J. From: The Czar … Continue reading →
Dr. J. felt inspired to add to The Czar’s ode to the pencil this morning. Dr. J. doesn’t use pencils much anymore given that most of his documentation is in the electronic medical record, or require the permanence of ink. … Continue reading →
Some years ago, after a long hiatus, the Czar got back into pencils. The Czar did not have pencils as a child, because in those days we generally used peasants’s blood for ink, and the Czar did not know how … Continue reading →
Your Gormogons, being the global puppetmasters we are, like to give you the heads up on events or items of interest before they become interesting to the main-stream media or even much of the conservative blogosphere. Indeed The Czar likened … Continue reading →
One of the more intellectually sound guys (and someone with whom you would never want to debate) is of course I’m Not Herzog. The Czar says this chiefly because he said some very nice things. Dear Czar, Normally I would … Continue reading →
The Czar and Mandarin spent a fair amount of time last week traveling through the United States visiting our many fans and readers, which you would have known about if you follow us on Twitter. By the way, if you … Continue reading →
The Czar and Mandarin were very careful to leave their mark at their alma mater decades ago. If you look closely, you can still see evidence: The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь … Continue reading →
Time for a true story about the Czar’s sainted mother? The year is about 1994. Some acquaintances of hers begin speaking in non sequiturs and laughing hysterically, much to her annoyance. She demanded an explanation, naturally, and her friends asked … Continue reading →
Well, the Czar found a superb way to waste an entire evening, which did not involve being further demoralized by the Black Hawks at all. The Czar’s television set is wired to the Internet. Dunno why, really, but every so … Continue reading →
To: The Czar From: Dr. J. Re: The Czar is not one of those high-school-spent-in-the-locker types like Dr. J, and generally loathes science fiction… Dear The Czar: Dr. J. will have you know he was considered quite cool in high … Continue reading →
To: The Dread and Awful Czar From: Dr. J., aka Darth Medicus, Sith Lord and Royal Surgeon Re: Delayed Receipt of Mallort Flavored Preggie Pops Dear The Czar: As you know, the Flyers defeated the Blackhawks two nights ago. Dr. … Continue reading →
With everybody back at the Castle, the Czar thought he would stroll around and see what everyone was doing. And then, just like that, the Czar thought he would poll around about New Year’s resolutions. We wandered down to the … Continue reading →
Continuing our advent calendar charity doors, today’s door is to the following charities: The Military Order of the Purple Heart (one of the Czar’s picks)Paralyzed Veterans of America (favored by the Mandarin) For those who like contributing to other charities … Continue reading →
Now, the Czar has been our Minister of Substantive Posts™ of late, with ‘Puter hideously busy dealing with all things reality based, and GorT, Volgi, and Dr. J. being all Christmassy with our content, and Mandy, well, being Mandy. But … Continue reading →
The Gormogons love us some grilled meat. A number of us like showing off our grill skills. The Czar got really excited when he saw the day 19 gift. He’s already fully assembled it and started making dinner for all … Continue reading →
The Czar camped out all night watching the calendar just to make sure that a repeat of day 5 didn’t occur. So, a ragged-looking, spear-carrying Czar slowly opened the door on day 12 of the advent calendar to reveal: He … Continue reading →
Thank you all for hanging in there during Dr. J.’s Christmas present to himself this season, an indulgent walk down memory lane where he could reflect on the glories of Christmases long long ago, to copy a phrase. So here … Continue reading →
You put your peanut butter in my chocolate! No, you put your chocolate in my peanut butter! Wait, they’re two great tastes that taste great together. Just like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, your next selection is a pretty nifty duet. … Continue reading →
Each morning the Czar sits patiently in the corner of the group as others open their advent calendar, but the look on his face tells the tale – he wants it to be his turn so bad that someone’s going … Continue reading →
Operative MS writes in: A college or high-school marching band typically plays raucous, low-brow music. But there is no reason why this has to be. For a more highbrow half-time entertainment at you football games, switch from pop music to … Continue reading →
Christmas music is an important and pervasive aspect of the season. The music at mass thankfully goes up a notch, and Mrs. Dr. J. and the lil resident’s favorite radio station (the maudlin love song station, you know, the one … Continue reading →
A very happy and most wonderful Thanksgiving from all of us at the Castle (well, maybe not the Tcho-Tchos). As many of you know, Thanksgiving is the Czar’s favorite holiday; even better than the Feast of Zdravgul, which we celebrated … Continue reading →
Today, Muscovy is trimming the Village Christmas trees. This event is always accompanied by a craft show. The Czar does not understand craft shows: they seem to be filled with desperate, frustrated people with equal mixes of time and talent … Continue reading →
