Did you catch the State of the Union last night? We didn’t! The truth is that your Gormogons found far better things to do with our Tuesday evening. The Volgi: I watched the Caps-Sabres game. ’Puter considers nothing sweeter than … Continue reading →
Dr. J. apologizes for the delay in posting this missive addressed to the Czar but forwarded to Dr. J. from the one and only Uncle Jay: Dear Dread & Awful.: A vast smoke screen, wasn’t it? This whole Polar Votrex … Continue reading →
Nothing strikes fear into the undead heart of a zombie like the sound of chainsaw revving up. Nothing, that is, except a chainsaw revving up prominently displaying the visage of She Who Has No Mouth, Yet She Must Scream.** If … Continue reading →
Like much of America, the Gormogons vacation as well. Sometimes it’s on our own with our own families and a number of us have posted assorted accounts for your amusement and edification. First a little background to orient our dear … Continue reading →
The Czar, Mandy and the Volgi enjoy the life prolonging balance of pork fat, beef fat and chicken fat at Portillo’s. Dr. J. hopes you’ve enjoyed your fill of smoked pork with The Czar, GorT and ‘Puter. You can get … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin put one of these on ‘Puter’s desk this morning.We haven’t seen ‘Puter all day. This thing has him totally preoccupied. Courtesy Uncle Jay. The MandarinThe Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order in 1309, and introduced … Continue reading →
Happy Fathers Day to all of our readers who are fathers or who have fathers! Let’s take a look around Castle Gormogon to see what the Fathers Day Fairy brought your Gormogon Overlords, Fathers to All, muah ha ha ha … Continue reading →
From time to time, a number of the Gormogons get together for various efforts. Here is what happens when you combine the Volgi’s penchant for yeti, Mandy’s orbiting satellite control systems, and GorT’s robots: I guess we need to find … Continue reading →
Essential Update at the end Well, now that Americans have forgotten about Sandy Hook and are all excited excited excited for the President’s inauguration tomorrow (Obama 2.0? More like Obama 1.1), okay, well, now the story is getting out that … Continue reading →
Island Dweller writes in: Your immenseness: A carrier piegon from my esteemed associate currently in the Belly of the Beast has just landed bearing a message expressing wonderment at COMCENTCOM Allen’s prowess with a keyboard (and possibly another instrument). My … Continue reading →
Long-time operative BG carefully stacked millions of sugar cubes and left this message spelled out on the Castle driveway before the ants ruined it: The Czar’s post regarding the unfortunate visit from his college roommate struck a chord here; I … Continue reading →
Unfortunately, your Mandarin has not been able to contribute to the Gormogons’ site for some time. Your Mandarin would just like to say that sometimes experiments don’t exactly go the way your Mandarin would have expected them to go. But … Continue reading →
The Czar must say he is quite confused by the media on this election. Okay, there are so many stories “correcting” the polls that there is no point in providing a link to one of them. By and large, you … Continue reading →
The Mandarin is releasing some more of his weird experiments on animals. Note for the squeamish: this is almost two minutes long, but the minute oughta give you a sense of the whole thing. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію … Continue reading →
Man, you people get so needy. All right. By popular demand, we have added a second series of MiniFigures for your Castle Gormogon sets! Die-hard fans will be certain to gouge other people’s eyes out in order to get their … Continue reading →
Admit it! Wouldn’t you sometimes rather act out your own Gormogon posts, rather than read the ones we actually put here? Seriously, don’t you just want to go all ‘Puter on NPR once in a while? Or have the Czar … Continue reading →
The Czar wanted it named Hurricane…SQUIRREL! but we felt that was too obvious. Yesterday, our friend Scott O. @gscottoliver from the silver state of Nevada who blogs from his corner office tweeted this in response to concerns about Hurricane Issac … Continue reading →
Researchers tracking the potential crash site for Amelia Earhart’s plane. The popular theory is that she and her navigator, Fred Noonan, ran out of fuel over the Pacific Ocean as they were heading towards Howland Island. A contrary theory is … Continue reading →
Fantastic work by GorT on the statistical analysis of our writings. The Czar is bemused when looking at his own word cloud that “DON” appears there in the far right. To wear? A mafia figurehead? A Spanish lord? Ameche? Curious, … Continue reading →
GorT loves him some math and statistics. So I felt it was time to run the numbers on our corner of the internet here. The numbers are based on a snapshot of the blog from a few days ago. I … Continue reading →
It is sort of inevitable. Don’t say you didn’t roll your eyes a little. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, … Continue reading →
Your most inscrutable Mandarin is on a wonderful vacation with his family at Walt Disney World. Your Mandarin is really enjoying this vacation. Whether it’s adding a little more realism to the Haunted Mansion, offering park staff suggestions on improving … Continue reading →
Dr. J., Mrs. Dr. J., the Lil Resident and Lil Med Student took in the Avengers at the local theatre on Sunday after mass. Dr. J. was looking forward to this movie for quite some time. He was not disappointed. … Continue reading →
Volgi has a cat, does he not? Also, you should know that Mandarin actually smiled at this. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of … Continue reading →
The Czar and Mandarin spent a fair amount of time last week traveling through the United States visiting our many fans and readers, which you would have known about if you follow us on Twitter. By the way, if you … Continue reading →
This is the Czar’s favoritest commercial going right now. We just showed it to the Mandarin, who stared and wanted to know what the deal with the seagull is. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и … Continue reading →
The Czar and Mandarin were very careful to leave their mark at their alma mater decades ago. If you look closely, you can still see evidence: The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin watched a portion of President Obama’s State of the Union address. One portion of the address that struck your Mandarin as disturbing was when the President, after stating that he wanted Congress to put a bill on his … Continue reading →
Mandy’s subconscious mind-control ray is now firing on all pistons, as you can see by this small field test on Garry B. Trudeau, the author or Doonesbury: Hello Kitty today, GOP talking points tomorrow…muah…ha…ha…ha… Dr. J.
Continue reading →Dr. J. was inspired by Kevin Williamson’s Friday column at National Review Online. He posits that Republicans are divided into two camps. Those that believe that Obama is incompetent, and those that believe that he is evil. It his his … Continue reading →
As we may have mentioned before, your Gormogons have divided the nation into spheres of influence, so that we may prepare the population for the imminent return of The Thirteenth Imam (PBUH (peace be upon Huckleberry)) in our own special … Continue reading →
With everybody back at the Castle, the Czar thought he would stroll around and see what everyone was doing. And then, just like that, the Czar thought he would poll around about New Year’s resolutions. We wandered down to the … Continue reading →
Continuing our advent calendar charity doors, today’s door is to the following charities: The Military Order of the Purple Heart (one of the Czar’s picks)Paralyzed Veterans of America (favored by the Mandarin) For those who like contributing to other charities … Continue reading →
Now, the Czar has been our Minister of Substantive Posts™ of late, with ‘Puter hideously busy dealing with all things reality based, and GorT, Volgi, and Dr. J. being all Christmassy with our content, and Mandy, well, being Mandy. But … Continue reading →
For a look at the Inscrutable Mandarin’s Christmas Tree, you have to go to the proving grounds behind the Castle proper. In true Mandarin fashion, Mandy wanted to kill two birds with one stone. His MO has always been to weaponize … Continue reading →
The Gormogons aren’t into flashy jewelry. However, when it’s a piece of functional jewelry, eyebrows get raised. So the Mandarin had to immediately try on his new ring and give it a whirl. I think Dat Ho will be ok, … Continue reading →
It’s okay, you can admit it. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of … Continue reading →
Like many of you, the Gormogons get busy this time of year. Office parties, tree trimming, cookie exchanges (one of ‘Puter’s favorites)…etc. So it wasn’t until late tonight when all of us could watch Mandy pry open the doors for … Continue reading →
A very happy and most wonderful Thanksgiving from all of us at the Castle (well, maybe not the Tcho-Tchos). As many of you know, Thanksgiving is the Czar’s favorite holiday; even better than the Feast of Zdravgul, which we celebrated … Continue reading →
Hah hah! Well, the funny thing about science is that sometimes it’s supposed to go wrong. Otherwise you don’t learn anything. Why, even us Gormogons learn from our mistakes. Anyway, this is very likely going to go away without a … Continue reading →
This news item has many of the reasons why President Obama needs to be a One Term President™(h/t Drudge). The Obama Administration is levying a 15¢ fee (tax) on live Christmas trees. This levy is was not voted upon by the … Continue reading →
One of your Mandarin’s orbital satellites intercepted the follow message: O Fearsome and Fashionable Mandarin, I read Confucius’s article about the informal Presidential preference poll. When I read that you had created the T.E.D. and were trying to sell it, … Continue reading →
Dr. J. is wondering when the Founding Gormos will be returning to the castle. The Czar’s mail is piling up. The machine that goes ping in Mandy’s lab stopped going ping. We’re out of yeti Food for Volgi’s pet, and … Continue reading →
So now the Germans are getting into the satellite crashing business. Many people are wondering what on earth is bringing down all these satellites? Our readers, of course, are not wondering at all. And many of you have sent emails … Continue reading →
Special Operative Extraordinary (sorry, that should read extra-ordinary) MC has been stationed up on the Mandarin’s orbiting mind control satellite changing the oil, and notified us that the webcam we put on there has been compromised. Suppose ‘Puter let Dat … Continue reading →
Our apologies to the various residents around the Plateau of Leng, on which resides our Castle. Those of you in the area around 10pm last night saw something that was either really cool or horribly frightening. If you were scared … Continue reading →
Let us see. Volgi is hiding up in his quarters with that goofy Yeti of his, watching another Sonny Chiba movie on Beta. Yeah, he sits there with his iPad now, Twittering all day. Averages about 800 tweets a day, … Continue reading →
Czar, the depths of depravity and cruelty to which the Mandarin descends when experimenting on dogs is abominable. Please tell me he does something to cats, too. Indeed. He once put a kitten in a boot amplification module, with horrifying … Continue reading →
Czar, we were horrified to learn of Mandarin’s gratuitous experimentation on animals. Is there any more? Please say yes. Here is an experiment in which a dog was introduced to a ball in a trash can. The Czar of MuscovyБожію … Continue reading →
Czar, is it true that the Mandarin engages in bizarre experiments on animals? Yes, sad to say it is true. Here’s a typical one. Shocking. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. … Continue reading →
Here is an interesting tidbit you wouldn’t read anywhere else. Did you know that the film Journey to the Far Side of the Sun was based on a true story? Word. In fact, the Mandarin told us, we discovered through … Continue reading →
We have not had a good gun post in a while. Today, the Czar and Mandarin took the families shooting. The Inscrutable Mandarin brought the Lady Pêng of Hsüeh and Young Master MiGo, and the Czar brought the Царица and … Continue reading →
A typical email, but one we chose because it seems really flattering: Do my eyes deceive me, or is there new wallpaper in the background on the blog? What is it, and who picked it out? It looks very nice … Continue reading →
The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of … Continue reading →
[The Czar made the mistake of drinking a few pints of mead and Fanta with Ghettoputer at the Castle lobby lounge bar, and initially we asked ‘Puter what his actual name is. He replied that the story is fairly interesting, … Continue reading →
Uncle Jay sends us this, written in charcoal on the back of a corrugated PVC lawn sign: O Cruel and Vicious Czar, By the Grace of God, Emperor and Autocrat of All the Russias, of Moscow, Kiev, Vladimir, Novgorod, yadda … Continue reading →
If only ‘Puter smoked, this would be his place. As you head down Interstate 65 through Louisville, Kentucky, you pass by the tobacco shop owned by a real Mr. Cox. Yes, the photo is real: it does say Cox’s Smokers … Continue reading →
Big F*@&ing Deal Alert! The Mandarin’s Orbital Laser Mind-switching Weapon (TM) is a rousing success. The Gormogons have successfully swapped the mind of gaffetastic Vice President Biden with that of Dr. J’s mancrush, economist Arthur Laffer. Dr. J has relocated … Continue reading →
So a lot of sites have these discussion topic diagrams, in which some software analyzes your writing and draws up a diagram based on word frequency and topic count. The Mandarin, who has been working feverishly on an alternative to … Continue reading →
So look what the Volgi dug up in the basement. It’s from a 1954 issue of Collier’s magazine. Yep, before all the global cooling… wait, global warming… heck, now it’s cooling again… began. Do your Gormogons believe in man-made climate … Continue reading →
The Volgi just let me know that actor Leslie Nielsen has passed away at the age of 84. For once, don’t you know, the Czar is truly shocked. His money was on Gene Hackman. And let it be said, our … Continue reading →
Well, the Mandarin is too humble to say so himself, but this weekend another one of his projects came to a great success. He installed rockets on Saturn’s moon Enceladus. And why not? It will be available for a minimal … Continue reading →
Largely forgotten, the Soviets landed a robot on the surface of the moon in 1970, where it operated for months doing various exploratory tests. Then it stopped functioning. Here is a picture of the robot then. Here is a picture … Continue reading →
I know you’re excited about your Crimes Against Nature® experiments, but for 正名’s sake, keep them off the internet. Otherwise, how the hell are the Freemasons going to be surprised when we hit them with your army of Bōjutsu Bears? … Continue reading →
Prodded by this post from Friend of the Gormogons J.V. Last and this post on Gamma Squad, we feel it necessary to discuss the Antikythera* Device (pictured at right). “What’s the Antikythera Device,” you ask, “and will it keep the … Continue reading →
Well, as you can see, the Mandarin is back to work. And he had great news for the Czar: the, um, experiment is totally ready. Tests concluded that the Mandarin was able to land his product in the exact center … Continue reading →
The Mandarin is away on business, standing in the middle of a desert, covered in white dust, with a silver coat on and huge goggles, holding a clipboard while watching a large fiery red cloud mushroom upwards while muttering approvals … Continue reading →
The Mandarin and the Czar wonder what would happen if the City of Chicago had won the 2016 Olympics? One week before the opening ceremonies, the CTA would announce a funding crisis and cut all bus and train routes to … Continue reading →
Confucius* sagely wrote: Alas, Lane failed to ask the Mandarin if he could borrow his helicopter to shoot the crowd from above… Lane should know the Mandarin would not only loan him the helicopter, but several BMG .50s to shoot … Continue reading →
The key to discrediting a non-rationally held belief system is with equally a-rational emotions. Like ridicule. Laughter. Given that Globalwarmingism is effectively a cult impervious to evidence (no warming? Call it “climate change” and proceed without blinking), the Gormogons have … Continue reading →
Anyway, whatever that nonsense up there is, that’s what you get when you try to hack into GorT’s brain. Here’s how it went down. So the Czar is strolling through the basement of the Castle Gormogon (motto of our basement: … Continue reading →
Every ultra-secret society needs an easy-to-find website. And it is the one-year anniversary of this one! As a way of celebrating, here’s a simple user guide to most things Gormogon. Learn More About Us Although the Gormogons claim roughly five … Continue reading →
’Puter, whom rumor has it is always right, has hit the mot juste in describing Mark Sanford as a “colossal ass.” Moreover, he’s obviously a narcissist of the first water. (Sanford. Not ’Puter. Necessarily.) As Mark Steyn pointed out, Narcissism … Continue reading →
Your Czar and the Mandarin spent a gloriously sunny day in not unscenic Bonfield, Illinois, taking in the Illinois State Rifle Association’s open house. Nice event: everything from handguns to rifles to shotguns to muzzle loaders to archery…if it shoots, … Continue reading →
Moments after the Czar pre-apologized to all of you that the Mandarin and your Volgi would be unable to post for a day, the two of them elected to mess with the Czar and put up some substantive posts. It … Continue reading →
The Mandarin journeys to the West today, allegedly due to some scrutables rumored to exist there—and if so, he shall surely inscrutalize them for us—to which end he shall not post today. Meanwhile, 孔夫子, otherwise known as your Œcumenical Volgi … Continue reading →
The Gormogons are more than pleased to announce the Mandarin’s choosing to join forces with us. A wise choice on his part, we nevertheless appreciate the analytical rigor, wide reading, and vast reserves of spleen the Mandarin brings to the … Continue reading →
The Czar read read this story twice just to make sure it wasn’t the Mandarin. ‘Cuz it sure sounds like him. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born … Continue reading →
The Czar and the Mandarin are both traveling today to the Western Edges of their respective empires, and regret they cannot post today. Until we return on Tuesday, please enjoy this classic Gomorgon post from November 22, 1898. As you … Continue reading →
And Your Mandarin Spots This… It seems just like yesterday that POTUS Obama was vilifying executives for taking trips to Vegas. It’s okay. You’re very lucky—my brother Fredo operates this place, he was called before anyone. If this had happened … Continue reading →
(Your Mandarin writes in.) When I turned 30 back in 1999, I wondered if I would have enough money saved in my various investments (401k, IRAs, annuities, etc.) to retire comfortably. When I turned 40 back in April, I still … Continue reading →
In describing the hard left’s enthusiasm for stifling dissent from their tenets. As usual, he’s very good. So supporting “internationalism,” “multilateralism,” abortion and racial quotas means you’re “moderate” and “nonideological”? And anyone who feels differently is an extreme ideologue? Absolutely. … Continue reading →
Has it come to this pass that we have to specifically single out and praise a First Lady for acting like all 44 of her predecessors? Or that silence about a person of the opposite party implies contempt? If so, … Continue reading →
(Note: the following is by the inscrutable Mandarin, but posted by the Czar until that damn Volgi gets him his own account.)British Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has decided to ban radio talk-show host Michael Savage from entering the United Kingdom. … Continue reading →
From TownHall. Would that they were only joking. Another post from the inscrutable Mandarin. Enjoy — The Czar The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes … Continue reading →
Please note: the following is submitted, via the Czar, by The Mandarin, an inscrutable character from the shadows of Gormogonica. While having lunch with Czar the other day in his royal dining hall, the conversation turned to a discussion of … Continue reading →
